Sometimes I feel like screaming
(Hey everyone. So, the song is by Deep Purple, just in case you didn't know. I was trying to think of a song that would explain just how Leyon can dip, emotionally, in this place. When something tragic happens to you, that rocks you at your very foundations, shakes your core, sometimes you can experience that kind of emotional dip. And having friends and family around you is nice, it can help improve your mood. But the moment you're alone, you could dip again. Someone I loved, very dearly, died last year. She was one of the most incredible people I've ever had the pleasure of knowing. That's 99% of the reason why I picked this song. The other 1% is just because I wanted to pick a cool classic rock song that my parents listened to a lot, while I was growing up. I still love this song, and if you haven't heard it, I hope you'll love it, too. Enjoy this chapter.)
"Sayori?" I ask. Honestly, what was that just now? Is she sentient, like Monika? Wait, it's all coming back to me. Sayori did become president once the game had finished. But becoming President drove her crazy which could mean that… Oh no. "Are you okay?"
To my surprise, Sayori seems to be smiling at the ground. "So, you don't deny it, then? Who are you?" She asks, not looking up at me, but still smiling. I can't tell if Sayori's being genuine or not, as I can't see her eyes. Regardless, I explain what Monika and I had deduced, earlier.
"And so that's how it is. I hope I haven't upset you, in any way Sayori?" She looks at me with the saddest eyes I've ever seen and practically leaps at me, hugging me tightly. I can hear her sobbing, feel her tears on my cheek.
"I'm so sorry, Leyon." She murmured between sobs. "I wanted to say something this morning, I really did. But I didn't know how to." She adds. Honestly, I understand where she's coming from. What do you say to someone who's freaking out about being alive one moment, then comatose, possibly dead, and waking up in a video game? I'm still having a little trouble processing it if I'm being honest with myself.
The very least I can do is give Sayori a hug and let her know what's on my mind. I slowly and gently wrap my arms around her. "It's okay, Sayori. What would you say to someone in my position? What would anyone say?" She looks up at me with sad, almost puppy dog-like eyes, still filled with tears. "What's important here is you care. And I thank you for that. And I'll do my best to return the favour in kind, I promise."
Sayori smiles and nods at me. For the rest of the walk home, we talk about classes, the weather, mostly mundane stuff. As I get to my house, I say my goodbyes to Sayori and shut my door. Then come the tears. It's good to know that Monika and Sayori know that I'm… Well, in a dire situation, to put it mildly. I adopt a foetal position and cry some more. I may never wake up and see my family again. Even if I do, what happened to them? They were in the car with me. Are they okay? "God… Fucking… Damn it." I manage to force out, breathlessly.
After a while, I try and straighten myself out and remain calm. Calm… That's a laugh. I run a warm shower and try to process everything. What Monika said is true. If I were dead, there's no way any of this would happen. Afterall, the brain must be functional, to process senses like sight and touch. That makes sense, to me. What doesn't make sense is how this is all possible, in the first place.
As I dry myself with a towel and get changed into something more casual, a Deep Purple t-shirt and jeans, I hear a knock at my door. It's not exactly late, but it's getting dark round abut now. Who could that be? I gently open the door.
"S-Sayori?!" This is a surprise. And it looks like she's brought a large pizza, snacks, and a couple of bottles of Pepsi with her. "Come in! Come in! I'm sorry." I can't quite believe it. She came over, unprompted by anyone or anything. I close the door and sit on the opposite sofa. "What's this all about?"
"Silly Leyon. I'm doing what I can to make you feel welcome and comfortable." She said to me with that usual smile that could light up a room. I can't say I don't appreciate the effort. It's a nice surprise. But it looks like Sayori has something else in mind.
"Penny for your thoughts, Sayori." I say and take a slice of pizza. She blushes a little bit as she's pouring drinks, even giggling nervously. Has she developed a Crush? No, Leyon, don't let yourself think like that. I shake get out of my head, or as much as I can any way, and come back to the room. Sayori's passed me over a drink.
"Well…" She started, nervously. "I figured that I should get to know you better. If we're going to be friends, and all that." She takes a quick gulp of her drink and puts it down. "Afterall, you've played this game, and know everything about me. But I've never actually met a player before." She adds, getting more enthusiastic and excited by the second. It's kind of cute, honestly.
"I see." I respond, taking another bite of my pizza. I look in the mirror and, sure enough, my avatar looks exactly the way I do: Six foot three, slim, blue eyes, upside down egg shaped face, according to that one friend of mine, and brown hair that comes down to my broad shoulders. "Well, as a starting point, the ugly visage in front of you is exactly how I look in the real world." I say with a little laughter. Self-depreciating humour is the best. "On top of that… Well, most of the things you see around the house are all things I'm into."
You know, I didn't notice until just now, but all my stuff is here. My pc and games consoles, plushies, replica weapons, books… It makes sense, as it's all stuff I know I own and it's all in my head, but I had no idea that it would manifest so easily into this mod of the gam-wait.
"Sayori, I have a question." She looks at me, giving me a small smile. "You said that you're sentient too, right? Can you manipulate the code? Monika couldn't, she had no control."
She shakes her head. "I have to admit, I'm a little confused. Who has control of the game?" She asks me. That's something I worry I share with Sayori. I hope the person in control isn't going to turn this into a horror game, anytime soon. I doubt it, very much, on the account that this has been set up, obviously, for my benefit. "Leyon?" I hear, softly. I look up, not even realising that I was looking down, in the first place.
"Oh, sorry, Sayori. I was just in thought." I say to her, taking another slice of pizza. "I was just considering our case and I don't think we have anything to worry about." I then explain my thought process. I don't know if she's convinced by what I was saying, but she's smiling at least. So that's a good sign.
An hour passes, the pizza was devoured between the two of us, along with the crisps. The conversation turns to interests. I'm not sure if I'm even a remotely interesting person, in Sayori's mind, after speaking about Tabletop Role Playing Games and my collection of replica weapons. The fact that she's even listening is enough of a comfort, though. That is of course, until we both realise the street lights are on and the sun's gone down.
"Crud! I haven't written a poem for tomorrow!" She said with a panicked tone. To be fair, neither have I. Part of me thinks Monika would just let us off, if we told her the truth. That said, I should come up with a backup plan. Got it!
I walk out to the gate with her, giving her a quick and gentle hug "Thank you for coming over, Sayori. I really appreciate it." I say to her with a small smile. "And leave the plan for tomorrow with me. I have something in mind" I add, calmly. "I'll see you in the morning." I say to her with a small smile and a nod. She waves and nods as she walks away. I know she only lives three or four doors away, but I keep an eye on things. Maybe it's because of my old neighbourhood, where anyone could jump out of a shadow and attack you? Or maybe it's out of a brotherly sense of protection? In any case, I stand outside until I hear Sayori's gate close, wait another minute or two, and then head back inside, boiling a kettle to make a cup of tea, while I clean up.
Now comes the tricky part. Here I am, sitting in an empty house. Two things pop into my head. The first being that Sayori's probably writing a poem now. It's dark, but it's not late, per se. Secondly, if I have a small breakdown, how will I explain it to Yuri and Natsuki? As far as I'm aware, neither of them are sentient. And lastly, Should I write a poem? Yes. I know I have an idea for a club activity to suggest to the President, but… Yeah, sod it. I'll write a poem, before I call it a night. I should try and bring some humour into it. Comedy has always been something I enjoy reading and listening to.
"Hah… Yea, I like that." I say out loud, to myself, reading back my own line to myself. I had one of those moments where I read something back to myself and didn't believe I wrote it. Sounds a little arrogant, when you stop and think about it, but I am genuinely surprised by it.
I finish the poem, happy with what I wrote, and pack it into a book that I plan on showing the club, shove it in my bag and sip my tea at my desk. Normally, I'd quickly check a social media page to see what my friends are up to, but that would be difficult, given this… I was thinking of calling it a shitty circumstance, but considering how things have been going so far, I suppose it could be worse.
A few more hours and I have my homework and a poem for the club meeting done. I am shattered. "Finally, time to sleep." I say to myself, mid-yawn, and quickly change into some pajamas. I contemplate texting Sayori to see how she feels about tomorrow, before two thoughts enter my head. The first, and most important, is that there is a good chance that she's asleep, right now. So, she wouldn't get my message until the morning.
The second being that, even if she was awake, I don't have any way of contacting her. I'll have to change that in the morning. And then make a point of keeping in touch with Natsuki, Yuri and Monika when I get to the club later that day. I hope my plan for another new club activity goes well. Thinking about it will only keep me awake. And right now, I need to sleep.
I wake up sitting bolt upright, terrified. "What the hell?!" I think out loud, covered in sweat. I guess I had a nightmare, but I don't remember anything about it. I guess I can count that as a blessing in disguise? Yeah, sure. It's six thirty in the morning, according to the flashing, screeching alarm clock by my bed. Which I slam my closed fist down onto, in an almost cartoonish manner, to shut it up. I take a moment to catch my breath and settle before I get ready for school.
I wolf down the two slices of toast I have and head out, locking the door behind me. "I could get used to not having a script not determining my every action. It means I can beat you out here every morning!" A familiar voice calls out from behind me. I turn to see a giggling Sayori at the other side of the gate. I can't help, really, but laugh with her. Her giggle is a little infectious.
"Yeah, yeah, laugh it up." I say, still laughing as I close the gate and we start walking to school. "I didn't keep you waiting too long, I trust?" I ask her. I hate to keep anyone waiting, really. Much in the same way that I hate waiting, truth be told.
Sayori shakes her head at me. "No, no, I just got there, honestly." She responds, smiling away, like a ray of sunshine. I must admit, spending time with Sayori this morning really helped me take my mind off things. I would be lying if I said whatever woke me up wasn't still in the back of my mind, so having someone to speak with about the upcoming day. Mathematics and P.E. are my weakest subjects. I'm not great with numbers, and the only sport I'm halfway decent at is swimming.
"At least we have the club to look forward to." I quickly mention to Sayori, before splitting from her to head to my own class. "I'll see you there, alright?"