All rights to Fifty Shades of Grey belong to E.L. James.
All Lies
March 2012
Grace was already beaming at the woman in black even before they did the usual rich women air kiss stupidity. At least that is what Ana and Kate had always referred to it as.
"Elena, I'm so glad you were able to make it. I have got two wonderful young women for you to meet. This beautiful blonde woman is Katherine Kavanagh and the beautiful woman beside her is Anastasia Steele. Kate, Ana, this is my dearest friend, Elena Lincoln. Elena, we'll have to ensure these lovely young women become your newest clients,"
Mrs. Lincoln glanced around the room, her eyes taking in both Ana and Kate, obviously assessing them. Ana watched this Mrs. Lincoln politely smile at them both - is that a look of superiority Ana can see in her piercing blue eyes? Neither woman returned the smile. Ana felt Kate nudge her foot, as they remained sitting. This was Kate's way of telling her she saw it as well. Elliot and Christian, ever the gentlemen, remained standing.
"Hello, it's a pleasure to meet you both. I am Elena Lincoln, Grace's best friend and a long time family friend. Grace is right, you must visit one of my salons, and each is named Esclava. We offer every wonderful treatment a woman desires," This woman's voice is soft but full of arrogance. Ana's initial thought was right - What a bitch. Ana continued to stare at the woman, but it was Kate who answered her in a strong and confident voice.
"We will certainly consider it. Thank you,"
To let this bitch know she was dismissing her, Kate turned back to Ana, eyes a bit opened widened and leaned into her.
"Now, that's a cunt."
Mrs. Lincoln began working the room, saying polite, but hollow greetings to Carrick, Elliot, and Mia. But then Ana and Kate watched in fascination as Morticia Adams' entire demeanor transformed, as a dazzling and warm smile appeared on her face as she approached Christian, who grins back at her widely. Unlike the impersonal greetings she gave the other Grey's, Mrs. Lincoln kisses both of Christian's cheeks and rests her hands on his upper arms, and he does not as much flinch from her touch. Ana felt like she had been punched in the kidney and let out a small gasp. Kate's head turned to Ana in question and mouthed, "What?"
Ana subtly shook her head and whispered she would tell her later. Watching the man she'd been sharing a bed with for over three weeks, having to sleep with her back to him in case she accidentally touched his chest, upper arms, or back, along with having her arms pinned over her head during sex, Ana could not quit staring as Christian not only allowed, but was unfazed that this Lincoln woman had a hold of his upper arms as they stood smiling at one another and talking animatedly together. Whatever this meant, Ana knew it was not good and that her face must have been giving her feelings away since she could feel Kate's steady gaze on her.
Grace announces dinner and the family make their way to the formal dining room. Christian must have suddenly remembered Ana's presence because he finally stopped and turned in an attempt to take her hand. Having not missed a second of Christian's inappropriate behavior that has visibly upset Ana, Kate takes her hand and stares at him in defiance. Ana makes no effort to remove her hand, her blue eyes, truculent and explicative, boring into Christian's gray orbs that offer no explanation, or acquiescing to any wrongdoing. Tugging on Ana's hand, both women walk past him while Elliot calls out for Kate to wait on him.
The ride from Bellevue to downtown Seattle was as long and uncomfortable as dinner had been. Taylor ushered Ana into the backseat of the SUV. Buckling her seatbelt, Christian slid in alongside her and stared at her profile in the dark. Ana was upset, confused, furious, but above all she was hurt. Knowing that Christian was watching her and probably trying to read her thoughts, Ana turned and stared out the window, thinking that he should have showed her some attention at dinner.
"Are you speaking to me, Ana?"
Ana does not bother answering him; her head is running through too many unexplained scenarios. Let us see, Ana thinks, let me make a list of this strange, and fucked up situation and see if I can find an answer.
1. They were too affectionate with one another; oddly enough his family paid no heed. I take this to mean their behavior is not out of the norm.
2. Christian allowed this Cruella de Ville creature kiss him on his face twice, upon arriving and when she left.
3. Christian allowed the same Cruella de Ville creature to touch and repeatedly rub his upper arms, a no go area where Ana is concerned.
4. Christian seemingly forgot he'd brought his live in girlfriend to dinner since he started making his way to the dining room without ever looking back to escort Ana.
5. Christian and the Cruella de Ville creature sat beside one another at the table, mainly speaking to one another the entire dinner.
6. Ana was not quite sure Christian had ever smiled so happily at her or even held a conversation as long with her as he had with Cruella de Ville. Again, the Grey's never appeared as if such behavior was strange. At least Kate watched it all happen too and had the same shocked realization.
7. Christian barely glanced at Ana and when their eyes did meet, he averted them quickly. A few times, Ana thought she recognized shame. Hmm.
8. During the entire meal, Christian barely took part in any of the conversation involving Ana, nor did he appear to show any interest in doing so. This was when Ana noticed Grace finally looking between Christian, Ana, and Cruella de Ville, who blatantly acted as if Ana did not exist.
9. Conclusion? Nothing definitive, but clearly fucked up.
Ana's process of deduction was interrupted by Christian's voice. His words with terse and exhibited an attempt to keep a controlled calm.
Ana absolutely did not give a fuck.
"Anastasia, Do I need to ask you again?"
Turning her head in a deliberately slow and bored fashion, Ana still did not answer Christian, but refused to break the stare down they were currently having. Christian was running both hands in his hair and looked away, leaning back on the headrest. Without hesitation and feeling zero intimidation from the king of intimidation himself, Ana wet her dry lips before speaking in a quiet but steadfast voice.
"I am not going to ask anything. You can fess up if you feel the need, but I refuse to ask,"
Christian sat up very quickly frowning. Despite that they were shrouded in darkness, Christian anxiously looks in Ana's face. If he could see her face clearly he would be looking at a blank canvas waiting to be painted upon with his answers, explanations, and apologies.
"You aren't going to ask what? I do not understand riddles or attempt to figure out people who speak in code."
Whatever anxiety Ana might have thought Christian was feeling dissipated with the frost on his tongue. At this point in the weeks they had spent together, Ana had the tones and voices in which Christian spoke to people, practically figured out. She was totally aware his words were meant to inflict a form of hurt and to cause doubt in Ana's mind. Yes, his words did hurt her-but they also told her something; to try and plant doubt in her head, meant Christian knew exactly what Ana was wondering, but refused to ask.
"Good for you, Mr. Grey, Taylor?"
"Yes, ma'am,"
"Take me to my apartment, please."
See, Ana. You can sound pleasant even if you are in the backseat with a man who is now so fucking pissed off you can physically feel it. Taylor did not answer her straightway and Ana caught his eyes in the rear view mirror, she knew it was his way of asking Christian to do so.
Ana was not having any of that.
"Don't look at your boss for him to approve if you can take me home. If you don't drive me to my apartment, I'll jump out of this vehicle at the next stop sign,"
Christian expressed his anger with a whistle he blew between his teeth. Ana had already gotten her cell phone out and was texting Kate.
"What the fuck, Anastasia! What is your goddamn problem?"
Christian's voice roared inside the SUV causing Ana to jump, but not causing her to back down.
"Mr. Grey, I've told you numerous times to call me Ana, not Anastasia. So as of this moment your confusion over my request shall be my problem,"
"Taylor, it's late and I do have work in the morning. Kate is waiting up for me and she has to get up early as well. If you would not mind, hurry up, please."
Ana watched Taylor. Beside her, Christian was slouched in the backseat looking out the window. Ana was floored by the silent message Christian was sending by refusing to acknowledge what occurred at his parent's home. For the rest of the drive to her apartment, complete silence filled the vehicle, only to be broken once Taylor pulled in front of the apartment she shared with Kate. Taylor was helping Ana from the backseat when Christian finally spoke.
"Are you seriously doing this, Ana?"
Ana only answered Christian once she was out of the vehicle. Her face was illuminated by a streetlight.
"Well, you seriously don't want to fess up. Right, Christian?"
Once again, Christian did not utter a solitary syllable, he only sighed.
"Just as I thought. Goodnight, Taylor,"
Ana walked to the building and let herself in, where Kate was waiting for her, looking concerned, but her information radar was up and running. Ana kicked off her shoes and tossed her purse on the table.
"Where is Elliot?"
Ana whispered and looked around the room. Kate walked over to her and grabbed both her hands.
"He's passed out drunk in my bedroom. Seems like him and Carrick enjoy bourbon a bit too much. I didn't mention a word of this to him, I swear,"
"I know that you wouldn't."
Kate closed the distance between them, until the tips of their toes were touching. She was still holding Ana's hands.
"Ana. You are okay, aren't you? You seem…different. Look, if something is wrong, tell me. You know I won't judge, even if I don't understand. We both know that tonight was fucked up and so wrong. Do you have any idea…"
Wiping away her tears, Ana shook her head no.
"Did he have an explanation?"
"No. In fact, he pretended to be oblivious to it all, and when I looked him right in the eye and offered him the opportunity to explain that fucked up shit – he tried to make me seem stupid or paranoid,"
Kate knowingly raised her eyebrows.
"You have no clue as to who she is? Never heard him mention her?"
"No,"
"Ana, they appeared…"
"I know. Let's go talk in my bedroom,"
Kate's face was nothing but trepidation.
Kate locks the front door and they make their way to Ana's bedroom.
"Are you sure Elliot's down for the count?"
"Yup. The big lug is in la-la land,"
"Shut the door and lock it."
Kate stares out Ana, her green eyes knowing this is going to be bad.
The next day at work is hectic and Martha has given Ana five books that need a first chapter summary. It will make a long day for Ana but she knows that least it will keep her busy. Around ten o'clock that morning, Ana receives an email from the CEO billionaire himself. Just seeing his name pisses her off, but it is her natural curiosity to read it. Perhaps, Mr. I love creepy women in black will offer up the truth.
From: Christian Grey
Subject: Lunch
Date: March 10 2012 09:58
To: Anastasia Steele
Anastasia,
I would like to take you out for lunch. Sawyer will bring you at noon.
We can discuss your behavior last night.
Do you intend on spending another night with Katherine?
Christian Grey
CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc.
Ana is gaping at her computer screen. How fucking dare he?
From: Anastasia Steele
Subject: WTF?
Date: March 10 2012 10:17
To: Christian Grey
Mr. Grey,
My responses to your email are the following:
No. I do not want to eat a meal with you. You might forget my presence.
I did nothing wrong last night, thus I have nothing to discuss.
Yes, I am staying at my apartment.
Anastasia Steele
Assistant to Martha Gant, Editor, Grey Publishing
From: Christian Grey
Subject: Unacceptable
Date: March 10 2012 10:20
To: Anastasia Steele
Anastasia,
Luke will be following his orders, which are to bring you to lunch.
End of discussion.
Christian Grey
CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc.
From: Anastasia Steele
Subject: The hell he will
Date: March 10 2012 10:22
To: Christian Grey
If Luke Sawyer comes near me, someone will end up hurt.
Go have lunch with your blonde and uber creepy Cruella de Ville.
I noticed how much you enjoyed her company. And touch.
Anastasia Steele
Assistant to Martha Grant, Editor, Grey Publishing
From: Christian Grey
Subject: Cruella, eh?
Date: March 10 2012 10:25
To: Anastasia Steele
Elena Lincoln is a dear family friend and business partner.
Jealousy does not suit you.
Christian Grey,
CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc.
From: Anastasia Steele
Subject: Discount Suits
Date: March 10 2012 10:35
To: Christian Grey
Jealousy?
No, it is called witnessing fucked up behavior.
Elena Lincoln was wearing you like a cheap suit.
You behaved inappropriately and intimately with her.
Kate also noticed and was shocked at your abhorrent disregard of my presence.
Business partners and old friends?
OLD being the perfect word to describe her.
Anastasia Steele
Assistant to Martha Gant, Editor, Grey Publishing
From: Christian Grey
Subject: RE:Discount Suits
Date: March 10 2012 10:38
To: Anastasia Steele
A cheap suit?
None of my suits are cheap.
I did not behave in such a matter.
We were merely catching up on our business ventures.
Christian Grey
CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc.
Ana could not believe the shit Christian was saying to her. Is he lying to himself or to her? Oh, definitely lying to her. Whatever the truth really is, it always comes out in the wash. Or at least that is what Ray always told her. Noon rapidly approached, and Ana refused to have lunch with Mr. Christian Grey and it did not matter how many hulks he had ordered to hog tie her and drag her behind them. Knowing all their phones had a tracer installed in them; Ana grabbed her sack lunch, placed her cell phone in the center of her desk, and left Grey Publishing through the back door.
April 2012
Christian and Ana were lying on the large bed inside the cabin of his huge catamaran, The Grace. Naked and wrapped in only a sheet, the couple laid in their usual position, Christian behind her holding onto her tightly, his face buried in her hair.
Ana had given up trying to find out anything about Elena Lincoln. The mantra remained the same, family friend, business partner. She still could not get a satisfactory answer as to why a businessman such as Christian would be part owner of a chain of beauty salons. Too many questions-no answers.
Ana had spent two months in silence when it came to asking Christian about his previous life. When was he introduced to it, why he chose to live a life of secrecy, and one without actual love and affection, why had he only been interested in contracted relationships that consisted of simple fucking and inflicting "punishments" on women? Did he enjoy hurting women?
So, with a month until they married, Ana knew it was time for answers and that time was now.
"Christian, how were you introduced to BDSM?"
Ana asked him in a very casual way, as if she had just asked him what his favorite color was. The second she asked, Christian's entire body tensed and he did not reply for several minutes.
"When I was at Harvard my roommate took me to a BDSM club,"
"And you liked it?"
"That's obvious, is it not?"
"Well, yes. Did you just jump into it immediately?
"I suppose you could say that. Why are you bringing this up, Ana?"
Christian sounded guarded and defensive and Ana could not believe he was incredulous of her questions. Had he expected her to never bring up that locked room?
Ana turned over so she could see his face, her head resting on his elbow. Christian was looking at her warily.
"Did you actually believe this topic would never come up? That I would want explanations about certain things? Are you telling me that you've never considered the fact I have been longing for you to share this with me?"
Christian rolled onto his back, causing Ana's head to fall off his elbow and back on her pillow, but her eyes never left his face. He sighed deeply and looked up at the ceiling.
"What do you want to know?"
"How many subs have you been with?"
Christian looked at her warily.
"I've had 15 contracted subs, but I have no idea how many there were when I was in training,"
Ana's stomach fell to the floor.
"What does one of your contracted subs get from you? Other than fucked senseless and beaten with canes."
Her jealousy comes out as angry bile, taking them both by surprise. Christian shakes his head no.
"Tell me,"
"Anastasia, this is just going to upset you and you should just drop it."
"Why is it such a big secret?"
Now Christian is angry, and is glaring at Ana ominously.
"They usually sign a three month contract that I extended with some. I bought them clothes and other gifts,"
Ana squints her eyes, studying his face that she knows so well.
"What else?"
Sighing in resignation, Christian finally answers her.
"Cars. All Audi A 3's. Safest cars in its class and they were always red,"
"I bet the Audi dealership loved to see you coming in the doors."
"I didn't order them for fucks sake, Taylor did. Do I look like a dumb fuck to you? FUCK! Why are you doing this now? Of all the god damn times!"
"Of course Taylor would do your bidding. What else?"
"I would help them out financially. I supported a few even after our contract had ended,"
Ana was flabbergasted and had to look anywhere but at him.
"Are you doing that now?" Ana gasps.
"No."
"What did they look like? Did you have a type?" Her words are nothing but a snarl.
Christian is silent for a very, very long time before he answers.
"Brunette and petite with very fair skin,"
This brutal truth is as if he has doused her with cold water and realization it brings hits her hard. Perhaps not knowing had been better.
"Like me? That's why you pursued me?"
"Yes." Christian has the grace to look contrite.
A long and insufferable silence ensues. But Ana wants to know more, everything under every rock. She loves him unconditionally, will soon be his way and knowing all this will not change her mind, but she has to know.
"Why did you do it? Why prefer a lifestyle such as that one that you kept a secret from everyone? Is that why you don't have any friends?"
Christian covered his eyes with his arm and when Ana tried to lower it so she could see his eyes, Christian will not let her.
"I enjoy the control it gives me and I'm not one to love or be loved."
Ana's heart rate increased at his words.
"You just said all of that in the present tense. Is that the way you still feel?
The panicked alarm in Ana's voice had Christian turn and softly stroke her face.
"Fuck no, Ana. You know I lo…"
Wait a minute; Ana is screaming in her head - he isn't one to love? Ana's mind swirled from what he said, what she had seemed to overlook, and she jumped up to her knees, covering herself with the sheet.
"You aren't one to love? What does that mean, Christian? You have told me that you love me but now you are saying that you do not love? WHAT THE FUCK, CHRISTIAN!"
Ana lifts her left hand and practically shoves it into his face.
"If that's the way you feel, then why the hell am I wearing this? Why are we getting married in a god damn month?"
Ana is screaming at him, tears pouring from her eyes and practically hyperventilating. Christian's face is etched with alarm and he grabs her in an attempt to pull her to him.
"I didn't mean for it to come out that way, Ana. I do love you! I cannot even think straight when I am with you and I am lost when we are not together. Can't you feel the depth of my feelings for you?"
Ana is vehemently shaking her head no and is attempting to get out of his grasp.
"At this moment, no, I do not! Have you been lying to me these past two months, Christian? Do you still want to do that shit? That shit you did because you can't love?
"Ana, fuck no! Are you blind? Are you deaf? Not feeling capable of being able to love or deserving to be loved stems from my child hood. Can't you see that? You know how that fucked me up. I didn't mean it to sound that I felt that way about us,"
Ana stared at him for a long time while her crying ceased. Yes, the first four years of his life were horrifying and she could understand the trauma they would leave behind, causing you to doubt being worthy of love, or causing you to fear being touched during intimacy. Christian no longer held Ana's arms together while they had sex, but she still could not touch him.
But why had Christian not confided these feelings to her?
"Why haven't you told me you carried those feelings with you? I don't understand, Christian."
"I was afraid of your reaction. The very one you are having now,"
"Everyone is worthy of love, Christian. I can understand you felt that way when you were a child, but your parents have loved you unconditionally for twenty-eight years. I love you, unconditionally."
Christian suddenly pulls Ana to him and wraps her tightly in his arms and kisses her deeply, softly.
"Oh, Ana, and I love you. So, so much," he murmurs onto her lips.
And then they are lost in one another and the cabin is slowly rocked by the waves as they touch the sides of The Grace.