Anatomy of the Human Body. The one thing Rory decided wouldn't be worth taking as a class. But as she sat there, adhesive bandaid in hand, second thoughts began to emerge.
Remaining completely oblivious to the fact that Jess was now lying shirtless on her bed, she briefly contemplated how he would look with his entire side removed, seeing there was no way in all her years of sticking bandaids she would be able to close a five inch gash oozing with blood and puss and… strange foamy… white stuff that she didn't even want to know was. But that was a fleeting thought, seeing that Jess was beginning to grow impatient.
"God, will you stop staring and operate already?"
She shushed him, her eyes fixed in a mix of disgust and awe at the wound on his side, "I'm concentrating."
"You're not even doing anything!"
"To your average, dolting eyes, yes. But see, there are these extra special people in the world called bloodstoppers who stop blood from pouring with a mere glare of their enchanted eyeballs."
Jess wasn't too amused. The fact that he was in current excruciating pain might have had something to do with it though, "Bloodstoppers are born as the seventh son of seven sons. And in case you haven't noticed, you don't have any siblings—
"That I know of," Rory finished, gingerly poking at the gash on his side, "Does this hurt?"
"No."
She poked harder, "How about this?"
"No."
She poked even harder, "This?"
"What the hell are you doing!"
"That's a yes."
"That is not a yes."
"Says the blind pride of the male ego."
"You're such a feminist."
"And you're a bipolor deluder who's fate of their stomach is in my hands, so I suggest you keep your mouth shut before I become fed up with your ludicrousness and decide it'd be easier just to cut your entire side out altogether."
That must have hit a nerve because he shut up after that. For the most part anyway. A few obscenities were muttered under his breath, but nothing so critical she would feel an urge to stick a fork through his festering wound. And as she started to carefully work on the gouge on his side, he stopped muttering altogether.
Little did she know Jess' thoughts were in a completely different direction. He forced himself to push away a brief, very rated R image in his mind involving Rory and something that would no doubt, cause her to kick his contorted ass all the way to England and back. All attempts were made in vain however, when he felt her hand accidentally brush against the skin at the top of his jeans. Forget England. Try Pluto. But on a different note, she was being… nice to him. Or as nice as you could be to a guy who used to flush your backpack down the toilet. He liked this-- maybe even a little too much.
Unfortunately, his thoughts (as well as his debauched envisions) were unpleasantly cut off when the true extent of her limited experience in doctoring came into play as a sudden searing pain interrupted any Good Girls Gone Wild worthy fantasies he'd have been having.
He let out a yell, "Holy Mary mother of—
She hastily dived across the bed and clamped her hand over his mouth. The thought that Lorelai was still awaiting for her colored marshmallows hit her like a ton of bricks. And her fears were confirmed when her mother's excessively blatant voice came ringing through the halls.
"Rory is that you?"
Jess, who had been secretly appreciating how she had herself obliviously sprawled on top of him, suddenly found himself being shoved him off the bed. Afterwhich Rory crawled over to dip her head down in level with his, "Don't. Make. A sound. You do and I'll never see you again."
"Is that a promise?" He questioned, taking slight amusement into seeing her so worked up.
"Yes because by then your head would be on it's way to the dumpster after my mother unceremoniously hacks it off with a sledgehammer. Now shush and get under my bed."
"If you insist."
And just as Jess flattened himself onto the ground under her bed, Lorelai burst into the door, pointing an accusing finger at her daughter, "Aha! You! Where are my marshmallows?"
"I… um," A nervous whimper involuntarily escaped her throat as Rory remembered the forgotten Doose's bag containing Lorelai's beloved colored marshmallows lying miserably on the driveway, "Funny story. See, uh, I was going to get your marshmallows. But then there was a robber."
"A… robber?" Lorelai questioned skeptically, "A robber in Stars Hollow?"
"Well I couldn't tell. But he looked like a robber. He- uh, had the whole Jack Black thing pulled off pretty well. And he saw the marshmallows and threatened to kill me if I didn't hand it over. So I did and he kind of… disappeared. Into the trees." And seeing the disbelieving look on her mother's face, she added, "They were really big trees."
"Uh huh…" Lorelai said slowly, and gingerly picked Jess' shirt from the ground, "That wouldn't be why there's a Motley Crue shirt lying on your floor, would it?"
"Oh that's uh," Rory struggled to formulate the words one would use to explain why there was a guy's, appearingly a guy that would be involved in a biker gang, shirt lying on the ground, "That's… mine."
"You… have a Motley Crue shirt?" Lorelai's eyes scanned the room, settling on the unmade bed where an apprehensive Rory was sitting, "Okay missy, either you've been sleeping with deluded bikers, which will get you into trouble, or you've been hiding this Crue shirt, refraining from letting me borrow it, which will get you into even bigger trouble."
Rory opened her mouth to respond, but was cut off by Lorelai, "And seeing I had just ransacked your entire closet looking for your blue shirt to wear this morning, my intuition and motherly instincts are very strongly advising me to go with the second option."
And still not waiting for a response, Lorelai started towards her desk.
"He's outside the window isn't he?" Lorelai denounced, already in the process of pushing open the window and sticking her head through as Rory mentally patted herself on the back for not going forth her original plan of shoving Jess out the window.
Frowning, Lorelai pulled back and studied her daughter. In which Rory attempted (and failed) to appear perplexed.
"I will find out what's going on. And when I do…" Lorelai trailed off as she started halfway out the door, sticking her head in and uttering melodramatically, "You. Will. Be. Sorry." And slammed the door as a last, theatric action.
Three… two… one…
Lorelai threw the door open again in one swift kick and looked triumphantly into the room. Where Rory appeared this time, genuinely bewildered. Then seeing there was still nothing out of place inside, Lorelai let out a defeated sigh and closed the door yet again, muttering under her breath, "I should have counted to five…" as she walked away.
Rory managed to let out a long breath she'd been holding and turned to Jess, who was in the process of getting up off the ground, "Good thing she didn't see you, because I don't think we have enough space to fit your dismantled body under the floorboards."
"Yup," Jess muttered half-heartedly, lifting himself into a reclined position beside her on the bed.
"Now I would normally on a regular basis, belittle you with antagonizing remarks. But seeing your foot looks like the equivalent to Mason Verger's face, and your entire side has run out of blood to ooze and is in the process of developing disgusting white gunk to gross us out with, I'll let it slide."
She glanced obliviously over at Jess, who was staring at her with an off look on his face, "You know, a hospital would be a good thing to have around here. Granted there's always the ever-lingering fear of angry souls haunting the place and locking everyone in where they'll suck all the nurse's brains out and castigate all of the doc—
No more words left her mouth as Jess had abruptly reached over to cup her face and press his lips onto hers.