There are very few moments in one's life, especially a Gilmore's considering that shutting up didn't play a part in their vocabulary, where they're stunned to the point of subconscious speechlessness. But this, without a doubt, qualified as one of those moments. And he had done it. Jess Mariano had achieved the unimaginable. He shut up a Gilmore.

Now if he had stuck around afterwards, maybe there would've even been a little award ceremony to follow. But alas, he had escaped out the window, or as best as you could escape with a gash on your side and a disproportioned foot.

Which went unnoticed by Rory considering she was, at the very moment, in a state skimming the brink of paralysis.

She got… kissed?

By Jess?

There was really only one conclusion she could draw from this. Well, two. But she'd really rather not think that Howard Stern was God. Take out those iron bodysuits folks, 'cause the acropolyse is arriving any day now.

Her shock soon gave way to panic however. Was it bad? Did she scare him away with her atrocious kissing skills? Damn it why hadn't she become a whore and made out with Chuck Presby in the second grade when she had the chance? For a split second she even considered going after Jess and asking him how good or bad of a kisser she was. But just as she poised herself to jump out the window, she realized that it might look a tad bit desperate if shewent off chasingafter him demanding to know why the hell he felt obliged smack into her lips with his mouth. Deciding finally, to weasel it out of him the next day at school.

So you could imagine her annoyance when Jess decided not to show up at school that day. Of course, being Jess, he decides not to go to school a lot. But that didn't stop the gripping fear that it had something to do with the fact she was such a horrible kisser that he fell over and died from the aftershock on the way home forever to be buried in the ground beneath Babbette's garden gnomes.

Highly unlikely, she decided, but she made a mental note to check the gardening grounds on her way home. Just to be sure.

Lorelai, that morning, hadn't been too conspicuous. She had, at one moment much to Rory's panic, mentioned something about seeing 'a certain something in the street last night.' Which in the end, had turned out just to be her bag of colored marshmallows.

Rory frowned, making her way from the bus stop and pushing into the diner, glancing nonchalantly around the bustling room. No Jess in sight.

She looked over at Luke, who was red in the face trying to convince Kirk that yes, the yellow runny stuff in his eggs was called yolk and yes, it was supposed to be there. With that, she ducked into the curtain, starting up towards the apartment.

She slowly, ever so slightly turned the doorknob and pushed the door open just a crack. Squinting into the light and—

"Jeez, come in already. Your Nancy Drew impersonation is in need of work there."

"Jess," she greeted weakly.

He was lying on the couch, foot propped up, crutches at his side, and book in hand. The Life of Pi, she noted with approval. A big step up from Hemmingway

"You gonna come in?" he questioned, slightly amused.

She sheepishly stepped into the apartment, fiddling with her backpack. The silence was smothering, "So, uh, how's your foot?"

"Broken."

There you have it. Jess Mariano, king of monosyllabicism.

"So…" Rory replied slowly, tugging nervously at her sleeves, "Uh, that why you weren't in school today?"

"Yup," and, as if reading into her disappointment, he added, "That, and hospitals are filled with big dumbass time wasters all stuffed together under one roof."

"Oh. Well this is just a possibility but maybe they were trying to fix your foot?"

"You don't need ten different guys in a room armed with twenty different kinds of tweezers to fix a single broken limb."

"Uh, hello Sherlock. Did you see your foot last night? I'm surprised it was only twenty and not four hundred."

He seemed to not have heard her, "Huh."

More silence.

She twisted the sleeves of her shirt awkwardly, "So… what happened to your foot?"

Jess slammed the book shut, "You don't shut up do you?"

"Not unless threatened with hedge clippers … do you have hedge clippers?"

"No."

"Then I don't shut up. So what happened to your foot?"

"A dog ate it."

"We have animal control."

"You know what happened."

"Uh, actually, no. I found you on the street, asked what happened, nothing. I took you home, asked what happened, nothing. I cleaned you up… was about to ask what happened, didn't get around to it, but no matter. Because I'm sure you'd still say nothing."

"I got in a little fight. It's no big deal."

"When you're foot looks like it's about to fall off, I actually find it a just a tad past no big deal."

Maybe she'd pushed a little too far. Because Jess was starting look pretty pissed off, "What are you, my mother?"

She scoffed, "Let's hope not. You don't kiss your mother like that do you?"

"So is this that what you're here about?"

"As a matter of fact, yes. Because in my very, very limited experience with kissing I tend to find it exceptionally unnerving when a guy, or in this case a cross between a monster and a jackass, decides to kiss you straight out the blue and run away. No 'thank you.' No 'I'm sorry.' No 'Oh gee that was so bad I think I'll roll out the window.'"

He stared at her in disbelief, "Is that what you wanted me to say? 'That was so bad I think I'll roll out the window?'"

"It would have cleared a few things up!"

"Okay. Fine," he threw his book down and jumped off the couch, balancing on his good foot and grabbing her face in his hands, forcing their mouths together in a hard deep kiss before pulling away, "Thank you, I'm sorry, and oh gee that was so bad I think I'll roll out the window! You happy!"

"Very!"

"Then get out!"

"I can't do that!"

"Why?"

"Because my face is being held captive in your evil clutches."

It was then he noticed he still had his hands on her face, where he quickly let go, glaring, "Get out, I have things to do."

"Obviously not homework, huh? Another gangbanging maybe? Because really, who needs two legs anyway? And hey, once walking's out of the way, maybe they could get to work on knocking your mouth off your face, it would save me, and the entire female population from Stars Hollow to New York for that matter, a lot of trouble! "

He stared daggers in her direction, "What I do doesn't concern you. So stay out of my life."

"Stay out of mine!"

"Fine!" there was a pause before he continued, "Normally this would be the point where I leave, slamming the door in a last dramatic finality, but unfortunately, ten out of ten doctors have said I'm in no shape to be rolling down a flight of stairs." Another pause, "So…"

Rory rolled her eyes, "Fine!" she growled, stomping and slamming the door behind her for good riddance.

OOO

The next day at school was hell. A regular burning pit. Complete with devil horns.

Jess, much to everyone's surprise (and dismay), was actually in school that day. Spending the majority of his time making out with Shany… Sherrie… gah, whatever her name was. At several times through that ordeal, Rory found herself going from disgusted, to curious, to awed as to whether or not they could actually breath with all that… suckage.

It didn't help matters at all he had somehow insisted on sitting right in front of her.

So she forced herself to fix her gaze on the board, concentrating entirely on the low hypnotizing lecture of the monotonal nasal-congested history teacher, amusing herself by counting how many times the loose skin hanging on his neck bobbed every time he drawled out the word 'fascinatingg…'

She'd just hit 37 when a very disturbingly tall boy walked in. A nervous smile on his face. Like a puppy dog, Rory thought.

Jess, having noticed a slight shift in the direction of Rory's interest, broke off his kissing with… whatever her name was, to glance coolly at the nervous looking… tall… guy at the door. The guy's eyes were skimming the crowd of students like a sheep surveying a pack of hungry wolves, before finally landing on Rory. Where she offered him a reassuring smile and in which he broke into a goofy grin in response.

Jess almost laughed at the pathetic giddiness in the boy's eyes, you would've thought the guy had never touched a girl in his entire hormonal driven teenage life. Dean, the teacher had called the kid. Dean. What kind of name was that?

But Jess soon found the amused smirk on his face fading as Dean, goofy grin and all, plopped down in the seat right next to Rory.

Rory turned her attention to the guy. He seemed nice, she mused, A little tall, but really, who could control their genetically-inherited glands?

"I'm Dean," he said, grin still intact.

"Rory," she replied. A beat, "Short for Lorelai. Courtesy of my mother in her delirious stage of post-delivery room vanity. "

Jess chose that moment to turn around in his seat, glancing briefly at Rory before focusing his attention entirely on Dean, "Hey, haven't I seen you around before?"

"Yeah," still grinning, "I work at Doose's."

"Right, right. And let me say, those beans around looking good. Stacked to perfection. But let me just say, whatever they're paying you to wear your hair like that, I think I speak for everyone when I say it's not worth it."

The grin disappeared. Rory glared, "Leave him alone Jess."

Still to Dean, "What's wrong bagboy? You need to Mary St. James defend you? The asparagus not up to par on their banter?"

The grin on Dean's face, having long since vanished, was replaced by a look that could be best described as what Frankenstein would look like if he was red and had floppy hair, "You'd better take that back."

"Or what? You'll batter me with celery?"

Rory, frustrated by the complete and utter stubbornness of the male specimen, shot Jess a dirty look, "God, just get back to sucking Shane's face off will you?"

He squinted at her, "Who?"

Rory looked at him exasperated, gesturing wildly towards a very bored looking Shane in the next seat, "Sha—The girl you've been mauling for the past… argh! Never mind. Your pig-headedness deludes me."

"And your's to me."

"Why don't you leave us alone," Dean cut in, glaring at Jess.

"I wasn't talking to you, ignoramus."

"What?"

"Ignor—my point is proven."

"Oh god," Rory slammed her hand on the desk in disgruntlement for blockheaded boys everywhere, "You're both ignoramus!"

The history teacher chose that moment to interject, "Miss Gilmore! Mr. Mariano… the other boy whose name I can't remember right now. How does detention sound to you?" he didn't wait for an answer, "Good? Good. So I'll be expecting you three after school… and Mr. Mariano, the windows will be tightly secured this time around, so I expect you won't be pulling that stunt again, hm?"

If it had been any different situation, Rory would've taken this time to amusedly imagine Jess climbing and falling out the open window, being 6-7 feet off the ground. Unfortunately, this was not a different situation; so instead, she was flooding herself with images of clown college and juvie halls.

And after school let out and a call to inform her mother of her misfortune, in which Lorelai had responded with a pleased congratulations and plans to go out and celebrate her daughter's first step to rebellion, Rory found herself sitting in a desk. Somewhere next to Dean, who'd taken a strange liking to following her wherever she went. She'd finally drawn the line when he attempted to trail her into the girl's bathroom.

Jess and Chuck Presby (yes the very same Chuck Presby who'd been Jess' partner in crime in elementary, where Chuck had chased her around in the second grade with a glue gun attempting to slobber her with kisses) sat in the back, identical scowls fixed on their faces. Occasionally shooting each other dirty glares.

And there you had it. All of Rory Gilmore's potential… admirers, you could say, stuck together in one classroom with barricaded windows.

My head has driven right into another ditch so I can't think of anything right now. Thanks for all the reviews though.