All characters and the story of FSoG belong to E. L. James
The Truth About A Puzzle
April 3rd, 2015
Katherine Grey and Luke Sawyer are staring at Anastasia Grey as if she has lost her mind due to the words she has just spoken. Kate, in typical fashion, was the first one to close her gaping mouth to only pop it back open and loudly barrage Ana with questions, as if she's determining whether her friend needs to be admitted to the nearest mental facility or not.
"Plans? You had better start making plans for what? They had best be plans of Sawyer driving you to Home Depot to buy a chainsaw to slice off Christian Grey's dick and balls,"
Kate's comment was not meant to be a joke but Sawyer chuckled anyway. Ana was still staring at nothing in particular, while an aching of agony was tearing her apart. The fact that she still had all of her limbs shocked her. She was sure this searing pain had burned them off her body, and all that remained must have been blackened flesh. The pain was visceral, a white-hot anger mixed with bone crushing heartbreak, and a bitter tasting betrayal. A betrayal that covered Ana in bile and a betrayal that she knew she would never be able to wash off.
"No, Kate. I have no intention to purchase a chainsaw and could you imagine the media's reaction to The Mrs. Christian Grey shopping at Home Depot?"
Ana still would not look at Kate or Sawyer and her sarcastic reply was bored, monotone, and flat.
"Well, enlighten me then. I'm all fucking ears,"
Ana could feel what remained of her soul beginning to crack and she wasn't positive how much longer she was going to be able to handle interacting with another human being. Her heart had been cut out, her body had left her, and all she had left was a semblance of her mind, which although was now set on autopilot, it was running smoothly.
"All we know is that there is a red Audi that appears Jason Taylor so kindly wrapped up in a pretty little bow to present to some whore. We also know my husband has been having two-hour lunches on the very days and at the exact times that I hold my department meetings. How convenient for the son of a bitch...What I meant by making a plan is that we all know there's more information to be found and I plan on finding every bit of that information."
Kate looks to Sawyer with one eyebrow raised and he knows what she is going to ask before the words are out of her mouth and all he wants to tell Kate is to shut the fuck up.
"How can we find more information, Sawyer? You're the secret agent man, so fill us in and don't bullshit us either,"
"Mrs. Grey...Ana, what does information mean to you? What do you want to find out?"
Sawyer has lost his usual stoic and impassive attitude and has knelt beside Ana in order to hold her hand. He feels how cold and clammy it is, how pale she is even her lips are pale. Ana clears her throat and cocks her head to one side, gazing in Sawyer's eyes. If she had found pity in them she surely would have shot him.
"To me, information means everything about a person. Name. Age. Address. Phone number. When they took their last shit. When I said information, I meant I want to know everything there is to know,"
Looking at Ana's face up close, Sawyer sees a broken twenty-four year old woman who wants to know something, anything about the woman, or submissive, whatever the fuck the whore is called, and unfortunately for Sawyer, he can give Ana a part of that information right now. That one very important part will lead them to the rest of what Ana needs to know. Sighing with resignation, Sawyer lets go of Ana's hand and stands up. He does not want to do this, he does not want Ana to believe for one second that he was aware of anything, and was not hiding something from her. But he is fully cognizant of what this looks like and imagines what Ana's reaction will be, but Sawyer realizes he has to do it because he has no other choice.
"I'll be right back. I've got to get something from the SUV."
Kate springs up from her chair effectively blocking his way, suspicion written all over her beautiful face.
"For what? To call Taylor or Grey and give them a heads up?"
If this is the way Kate Grey usually behaves, Sawyer wonders how Elliot has kept from choking her since he is one breath away from doing it himself.
"No, Mrs. Grey. I would not do that and I will leave my phone in here to prove that to you,"
"Well, I'll accompany you anyway since I still don't fully trust where your loyalty lies."
Sawyer does not respond to Kate Grey's hostile voice and aggressive attitude; he merely uses his arm to indicate for her to lead the way.
"What are you getting, Luke?"
"Something I need to show Ana, and I suppose you as well. Just be ready if we have to scrape her off the floor,"
The second Sawyer sees his fucking iPad he feels nauseous and once Kate realizes what he has in his hands, she immediately tries to pry it away from him.
"Please, Mrs. Grey. If you break this, I can't show something to Ana,"
Kate pays no heed to his words because she has started sweating from panic, her blood pressure must surely be through the roof. There is no fucking way he is going to hurt Anastasia and despite the fact that she is heavily pregnant, Kate continues to wrestle Sawyers iPad from his hands. Although she is approaching full-blown hysteria Kate is able to keep her voice low.
"What's on this? Pictures? Pictures of Grey fucking his whore? Fucking tell me before you go in there and finish killing my best friend!"
"There are no pictures, Mrs. Grey and for your own sake, please calm down. I realize you are trying to protect Mrs. Grey but you are pregnant and it is not good for you or your baby to get so upset. I promise you will see what I need to show and explain to Ana, but for the love of Christ almighty, let's go inside in and approach her in a calm manner. I know you can tell that your best friend is nearing the point of destruction. Let's make this easier on her. Agreed?"
"What in the holy fuck are you about to do to her, Sawyer? I need a heads up before I follow you back in there and allow you to finish off what Grey has started,"
Now Luke Sawyer is angry. Does Kate Grey really think he would purposely do something to hurt Ana? She knows damn well how his relationship with Ana is like and you would assume Kate would realize he would not hurt her. Suddenly not giving a flying fuck that she is about to squirt out a baby, his urge to choke the shit out of her has returned with a vengeance.
"Just trust me. This is a small amount of information that I can give Ana. I never knew what it..."
Kate starts turning in circles with her hands on top of her head and cannot believe any of this has happened and knows there is not a damn thing she can do to protect her best friend. Her hands are tied, she is helpless, and all she wants is Christian Grey's blood. Fucking Christian Grey, her husband's goddamn brother. Oh, my God. Elliot. If Kate's large, pregnant stomach was not preventing her from doing it; she would be bent over in agony as she has suddenly remembered her husband. Her husband, Elliot who loves his brother so goddamn much.
"Sawyer…What about Elliot? What are we going to do about Elliot? Oh, hell. This is all a colossal disaster. Oh, shit,"
"What do you mean? Is he due home soon?"
Now Luke Sawyer is getting as anxious as Kate is. He'd fucking forgot all about Elliot Grey. Kate is shaking her head no but is still walking around in circles and it is beginning to make Sawyer dizzy by just watching her.
"No, not until very late tonight, he is at a site in Olympia. What I mean is what are we going to say to him? What are we going to tell him? Oh, Ana is out of her mind in our guest room because your brother is a sexual deviant that beats willing women with canes? Holy, God!"
"Mrs. Grey, don't worry about Mr. Grey then. We don't even know that Ana will be here then since we have no idea what she's going to do,"
"Yeah, you're right we don't know. And Luke, I'm not going to scream again but does that iPad prove you've been aware of something and have kept it from Ana because of your boss?"
"No,"
He is done with this interrogation and what he would consider as ridiculous drama if he was not aware that Kate is only behaving this way because of her deep abiding love for Ana.
Still looking at him with skeptical green eyes, Kate walks back in the house with Sawyer behind her, and they both blow out a long and fearful breath. They find Ana in the same spot, staring at the same nothingness and wearing the same expression-which isn't one. If Kate knew a psychiatrist she would have already called one.
"Ana, let's all go sit at the dining room table. I need to show you something that I am not even sure you know exists, and I am not exactly sure of what it means. And I am so sorry if it does imply what I'm beginning to suspect it does."
Knowing Kate is nearly incapable of keeping her mouth shut; Sawyer shoots her a stare that denotes her to.
Sawyer is helping Ana get off the sofa by her elbow and leads her to the dining room table. Kate is eyeing him with distrust and mouths, "What the fuck?" Sawyer does not acknowledge her; he only pulls his chair closer to Ana's, still holding onto an electronic device that could possibly contain more force than a hurricane.
Fuck, he does not want to do this.
"Like I just said Ana, I have no idea if you're aware of this or not, but I have a list..."
Before Sawyer can finish, Kate has jumped up from her seat like a rocket being sent into space and she slams both her hands on the table.
"Hang onto your balls, Sawyer! What kind of goddamn list? What do you really know? Ana, I told you..."
Ana already felt like an overflowing gas tank and she could not take any more arguing or Kate's rash outbursts, no matter how much she loved her and knew the loving place Kate was coming from. But despite all that, Ana interrupted Kate in a raised voice, loud enough to shut her up, but not enough to wake up Ava.
"Shut it up, Kate! We would fucking know what he is telling us if you would let him. For fuck's sake, let the man speak,"
Katherine knew this side of Ana quite well and sat back down, blowing out the breath of air that she'd been holding. Anastasia was sweet, caring, and compassionate and everything wonderful that a person could be, she could also be harsh, straight to the point, and when pushed, Ana would not back down from a fight.
"As I was saying, Ana, when I was hired as your CPO in 2012, I was given a proscribed list of people...well; they were all women. It contained names of women who are never to be allowed near you, to approach you, to call you, or send you mail. I was to keep them away from you at all times."
Sawyer pauses to examine Ana's reaction before he decides to continue, but her face is still blank and unreadable. Pale and blank. He then continues, still speaking in a low and sincere voice.
"Each member of the security team has the same list, as does Andrea and Olivia over at Grey House, because these same women are to never have access to Grey either. They are also to never approach any Grey family member or step one foot on anything that Grey owns. Were you aware of any of this, Ana?"
She simply shakes her head no, that blank expression hanging off of her face. Kate on the other hand looks livid, but does manage to keep her mouth shut while Sawyer continues.
"When I was first hired and Barney loaded it on the iPad they assigned me, I assumed these women were ex girlfriends of Mr. Grey's. I had no prior knowledge of his past lifestyle, other than a few crude comments from the older members of Grey's security team, but I never delved further into it, or considered that these women were anything other than an ex of your husband,"
Ana finally turns to look at Sawyer wearing that same blank expression but her eyes are telling him of her hurt, her rage. Despite this perfect storm that has brewed itself inside of her, Ana's voice is eerily calm.
"No, I had no knowledge of any of this, but it doesn't shock me considering what a control freak Christian is. And you're going to have to forgive me for asking this, especially since I'm not trying to be a complete bitch, but what in the fuck aren't you telling me?"
Luke Sawyer feels the spotlight of Ana and Kate's burning gazes on his skin. It is as if he is a performer on a stage and they are the only two in the audience. If these women could see inside of Sawyer, they would watch a man's heart turn inside out from what he knows he's about to do to his friend.
"It's always Barney who downloads any new or pertinent information onto our iPads. There are also instances when he updates older information we already have. I will be honest when I say that I never pay attention to half of his dumb shit or check every fucking update unless it involves a new threat or such. But security team members know if a woman makes an appointment with you or approaches you in public, we are ordered to find out whom they are. I know you have seen me do that on several occasions.
Sawyer stops to take a breath, but looking at Ana he realizes he needs to give her a minute. She still looks deathly pale, practically anemic, like a person on their deathbed who is receiving a blood transfusion. It is then Sawyer finally notices that Ana never had the chance to change her soiled white blouse.
"Kate, can you get Ana another shirt? I can't believe we haven't thought of getting her out of this one."
"Oh fuck, you're right. I'm sorry Ana Banana. I just completely forgot. I'll go grab one,"
"No, Kate. Don't get up, you are about to pop out a baby and just because I have lost half of my mind, I haven't missed how swollen your ankles are. Plus, I want to keep this shirt on. This very expensive silk blouse that although it is ruined and covered in bright orange salad dressing, it has actually been ruined and covered in my own blood. Or at least that is how I feel. Gutted and soaked in my own blood."
Ana has completely silenced both Sawyer and Kate, who cannot even bare to look at one another.
Katherine Grey's heart breaks from Ana's words and her obvious devastation. Unable to keep herself together a second longer, Kate buries her head in her hands and weeps, for this deathblow that Ana is feeling, for looking back in time and insisting that Ana accompany her to that opening night of The Mile High Club. If she had never pushed that on Ana, Ana would not have ever fallen into the path of one Christian Grey. Kate is overwhelmed with guilt thinking that this is somehow her fault and the only thing she can think of is that worthless phrase, "What if?"
Sawyer glances at his watch and silently curses to himself. They've been here quite awhile but since he's heard no word from Taylor, all appears good for now, but he knows that they have to figure out what to do, or at least Ana does, and they need to decide before Grey remembers he has a wife and tries to contact her. Sawyer also knows he has got to finish what he has started, and then suffer its probable ramifications.
Sawyer is torn from his thoughts and dread by Kate talking to him through her sniffles. Fuck, he thinks looking between Ana and Kate, each one looking weary, one deathly pale, the other wearing swollen, and blood shot eyes.
"Ana wants you to finish, Sawyer,"
Kate is speaking in a soft and kind voice that Sawyer has never heard come out of her mouth. Her hard and tenacious personality, those slingshot questions, and sharp tongue have disappeared. The only thing he recognizes now is a woman's deep love of her best friend, whose hand she is now gripping tightly. Between the ticking of a grandfather clock, the only other noise in this vast home is the quiet stirrings of Ava who is beginning to awake from her nap.
But then Ana gazes at Sawyer with blue eyes that have started to clear up slightly and asks him a question he doesn't understand and that leaves him suspiciously puzzled.
"Were you ever informed of a specific physical resemblance when you were given this proscribed list of names?"
That dead flat voice Ana had been speaking with just minutes ago appears to be trying to revive itself, but as soon as that thought enters Sawyer's mind, he catches the sly glance Kate shoots at Ana. Whatever Ana is talking about is something Kate is already aware of.
"No, never. I've only been ordered to follow protocol concerning your proscribed list of those who cannot come into contact with you,"
Very reluctantly, Luke Sawyer passes his white iPad toward Ana and places it directly in front of her at the table. He has already brought up the files, so with one swipe of the screen, Sawyer is going to point out something that may end his friendship with Anastasia Grey forever, or more importantly, damage Ana even further.
"Before you open this up, I want to finish explaining something to you, to pick up what I was saying a minute ago. I told you I do check out a few updates but not the very second Barney the geek downloads them. A long while ago, I did get an update on the proscribed list of names I am expected to protect you from."
"Luke Sawyer, as the woman you have spent three years with, please define 'a long while ago'."
Sawyer's shame is evident with look in his eyes and dragging this out is killing them both and he decides to push that answer aside for now.
"With each new name…"
Ana now knows what Sawyer is telling her and drops her face into her hands waiting for him to finish, but once he said the word 'new,' Kate begins screeching at him.
"New names as in new women? I fucking knew that you were all too aware of this. God damn you, Sawyer! Just fuck you straight to hell!"
"Let him finish, Kate. Then I want to see it for myself," Ana's voice is barely a whisper drifting from her mouth that is buried deeply in her hands.
"Ana, with each new… name, I asked who they were and why they were added. Every time I asked T, he told me the same story; she was another ex that was bothering Grey in one way or another, usually concerning money. I mistakenly took Taylor and Barney's word for it and did not question them further. I saw that you and Mr. Grey appeared happy with one another and in a million years I would not have ever doubted Grey's fidelity to you. For that, you will never know how sorry I am or how much of a fucking bastard I feel like right now."
"As you should, Sawyer. You are just like the rest of Greys overpriced goon squad. You'll be fucking lucky if you leave here with your nads still intact. Just, fuck you Luke!"
"Kate, please lose telling Luke to fuck off! Please, just hush for now. Luke, I'm done with explanations and hearing what an asshole you think you are,"
It is then, as Ana finishes her sentence that she takes her right index finger and swipes the iPad open. Sawyer and Kate shoot each other a flashing glance across the table and he nods at Kate to scoot her chair closer to Ana, whose expression has not changed even as she is looking down at an app listed under 'A's proscribed.' Inside Ana is thinking it is pretty fucking ironic how this app is so pathetically and simply named considering what she has just read and the horrific truth she has just been made aware about. Barney should have named it "Let's destroy Ana and laugh behind her back." What a fucking fool they must all think she is.
If Ana could have her way she would walk into Grey House right this minute carrying either an M16 or an AR-15 and methodically work her way around the 20th floor, blowing away limbs and heads off. Starting with Welch, then onto Barney, Andrea would be next before she made it to the big boys, Taylor, and his cocksucker, Reynolds. Last but not least, as she sits at Kate's dining room table, Ana is imagining in vivid technicolor lights, the way she would begin shooting Christian Grey's body apart, starting at his ankles and working her way up. Only using one shot until she aimed at his heart where she would unload her entire clip, albeit for one last round that she would blast his head off with. Ana watched herself then descend in an elevator, covered in the blood of traitors and wearing her brightest beaming smile.
When Ana looks up, Sawyer is shocked her eyes do not meet his; instead they lock onto Kate's wide and fearful ones. They are both internally rattled at the fact that Ana is not crying or reacting as they expected, or even as she probably should be. Kate wonders if perhaps the color coming back to Ana's cheek is from an impending explosion of rage and is holding her breath waiting for it to go off. It never comes. Instead Ana asks Kate a question in her usual tone of voice. It sounds quite normal, scarily normal. Sawyer realizes that Kate probably does not know that Ana is on autopilot now, trying desperately to regain a sense of control that she has lost. He knows she is reaching for something to hang onto because she is actually falling into a pit; a place she has never been that is dark and haunted. Sawyer would much rather be back in that SUV watching her beat the shit out of that passengers seat than to be witnessing this.
"Kate, do you remember how many there were?"
Blinking rapidly and swallowing so hard that you would think she was choking on a piece of steak, Kate nods her head. Sawyer knows what she is asking her friend and is dreading what Ana will soon say next.
"Yes, Ana. I remember. You told me fifteen. That there had been fifteen submissives not counting the ones he fucked before he began to contract these women. Why are you asking me this?"
Kate's panic is not hidden and then tentatively moves the iPad a bit toward her so she can read it. The gasp she makes is barely noticeable, but it is enough to make Sawyer divert his eyes. This all just seems too fucking personal, too god damn real. He only looks back at the women because of Kate's vicious sneer that is directed squarely at him as she's picked up his iPad and is waving it around in the air.
"You honestly think we fucking believe that you didn't know what THIS meant? You are all nothing but a vat of poison that you allowed Ana to marinate in! Do you see this, Sawyer? Are you going to look Ana in the eyes and tell her to believe you when you say you never put two plus two together and ended up with four?"
Sawyer does not reply, because he does not know what to say. Was he just too lazy to question it? Did he just think it was not his place to do so; it was not a job requirement to find out if Grey was dipping his cock somewhere else, but it was his job to protect Ana, but he had failed her miserably. He deserves every spiteful word Kate has thrown at him for the past two hours.
"Luke, when Kate was explaining all of Christian's fucked up shit did she explain about the length of his typical contract?"
"No, Ana,"
"No?"
"Ana, I'll fucking fill him in."
"No, you won't. I am. Luke, your boss usually kept his whore for three months. If she particularly pleased him he would extend the length, it seems like he told me the longest one had lasted eighteen months. And are you telling me you don't remember or weren't given a specific date as each name appeared?"
"I promise that I don't recall the specific date that it changed, and I'm sorrier than fuck to god damn tell you I do remember that it wasn't very long after Grey hired me,"
"After we got married in 2012?"
He can only nod yes, and the simultaneous intakes of air that Ana and Kate suck into their lungs leave Sawyer without oxygen, but he realized he probably did not deserve any. Ana stood up so quickly that her chair fell backward and at that exact moment her niece began to cry. Kate went to get Ava and brought her back into the living room where Ana was staring out the window.
"Let me get her a sippy cup of apple juice and then we're going to look up these names and see if we can find out something, anything, even if it's just a phone number. Just stay calm for a minute."
"Ana, if that's what you decide you need to have, I can access it in a heartbeat. But do not do this now and hurt yourself anymore. Please,"
Sawyer watches helplessly at the back of Ana's head as she holds up her hand for him to shut up and begins to speak in a voice full of confession.
"If I had to describe how I feel right now, I'd have to say I feel like a puzzle piece. You know the kind, those giant puzzles of some obscure landscape where each piece is the same fucking color and it is nearly impossible to discern what goes where. I feel as if I'm a rectangular puzzle piece and someone is trying to shove a circular piece where I should be. That's not describing I'm attempting to find a way to piece this shit with Christian back together, it means that I feel lost and I'm not sure how I'm going to piece myself back together. Does that make sense?"
Ana just irrevocably broke Luke Sawyer's heart.
"Yes, Ana. That makes perfect sense,"
"I know you're telling me the truth, Luke. Christian would never put out any information or indication as to what those names actually referred to and Jason would protect Christian until the very end. And I understand why you never questioned what you were told. So don't feel as if I don't trust you or am angry with you, because I'm not."
Katherine comes back in holding Ava and places her in front of her dollhouse to play, Kate has brought in her iPad and tells Sawyer to get his and to start throwing out names she can look up and try to find out something about them. Before they begin, Both Kate and Sawyer tell Ana to turn around and ask if she is sure she wants to do this now.
"Fuck yes, I do. I want to hear each name so that I remember them every time I ever have to look at Christian Grey. Sawyers, please start, and do me a favor. Me and Kate know when Christian first met me he had just ended a contract with sub number fifteen, and I'm not asking this to be a masochist, but just as more of a reminder of what Christian really is, before you tell Kate the name of each whore, say the number they were, starting after number fifteen,"
"Ana, you're only hurting yourself. Kate explain that to her. She isn't hurting him by this, she's hurting herself god damn it."
"Sawyer, at this point, do you really believe that Ana is unaware she has nothing left to lose? Now do what she's asked of you or I will,"
Sawyer grits his teeth and would actually prefer to stick his own Glock in his mouth than say this shit out loud which is only rubbing salt into Ana's open flesh. She is forcing him to kick her while she is down. He does not understand why she is doing this to herself, she is too kind to everyone, too giving, too loving to others. Then he realizes that Ana is only like that to other people, just never to herself.
"God damn you, Sawyer! Stop fucking around and do what I said!"
The vehemence in Ana's voice finally breaks his silence and he's about to begin but she interrupts him.
"You know that since we have these names that you're obligated to me to find out dates, exact dates. And after that there is so much more to find out. Now begin,"
Glancing at Kate to see if she is ready to type in the first name, Sawyer sees her nod at him. He exhales deeply, imagining the bullets he wants to blow into Grey and Taylor's brain stems.
"Number sixteen is named Hillary Wilkins."
Ana has turned back around and is watching Kate pecking away on her fucking iPad, perhaps for a phone number or whatever else she may find. Kate shakes her head no and Sawyer reads again.
"Number seventeen is named Leigh Kennedy,"
Minutes go by. Ana is grinning as she watches a white haired Ava making two of her dolls kiss. Kate shakes her head again and looks to Ana who appears to have disentangled her mind from her body. What they are doing is so wrong and Katherine understands why Ana is doing this to herself. Why a ten-year old Anastasia Steele is doing this to herself. Kate has just realized she should have called Ray.
"Fuck! Number eighteen is Molly Garner."
More moments of silence until a weeping Kate shakes her head once more.
"Number nineteen is Jennifer Lawson,"
Sawyer cannot believe Ana is standing there so nonchalantly, smiling down on Ava. Her arms are crossed in front of her and he can see normal Ana standing there.
"Nothing, Sawyer."
"The last one, number twenty is Haley Sams,"
Now he watches as Ana gets down on the floor and begins playing dolls with her niece.
"Again, it's negative,"
Kate flops backward on the sofa while Ana continues playing with Ava and Sawyer feels as if he is in an episode of the Twilight Zone. After several long and quiet minutes Ana finally speaks.
"Luke, you said you could access anything I wanted to know but you can't. You see, Christian keeps files on them. Background checks, NDA's, the contract, and then those agreements over shit like vaginal and anal fisting."
"Where are they located at?"
"Kate tell him,"
Kate sighs deeply but remains on the sofa and for some reason she waves an arm in the air, never bothering to turn and look at Sawyer.
"In a file cabinet in his office at Escala. Or at least he did."
Sawyer can see it coming from a mile away and dreads its impending doom. He is praying that he loses his hearing before Ana says it, already wanting to shake his head no. Not just no, but hell fucking no.
Ana stands up and looks Sawyer defiantly in the eyes.
"This means we have to get into Escala and get to that file cabinet which I have the combination to. So you are going to have to do your job and cut off the CCTV cameras so Taylor and Christian will never know we have been there or what we are going to do. And another thing-we're doing it tomorrow,"
"Ana..."
Before Sawyer can finish his sentence Ana's iPhone rings.
It is Christian's ring tone.