All characters and rights to the story of FsoG belong to E. L. James

Yes, I know. Now I know. Yes, I know. I know.

April 4th, 2015

I am having a meltdown.

The kind you have in your head that no one else knows about.

I have to smile and act normal to my husband while the inside of my head is nothing but my sanity melting.

I'm forced to feel adequate and sure, like I did when I was a small girl, but trying to appear positive and optimistic as my body shakes from a spirit breaking crisis.

My internal struggle goes straight to the basics of my fuckedupness.

My deep seeded dislike of self, my doubts, and fears.

There is a battle inside my mind to do what I want and refusing to do what he wants me to.

All of these feelings and thoughts are the deepest and strongest weeds in the garden that is my soul.

I realize this, but avoid looking at it, avoiding its every angle.

If I do look at those thoughts and feelings, they will consume me and leave me wanting like an unrequited love.

Admitting this to myself makes me ashamed because it is extremely hard to hear my inner and true self say the words that proclaim the reality of everything I hide every day.

The universe usually gives me what I need to make it through and carry on.

It reminds me where to go whenever I need strength to carry on, which is where I learned how to be me.

It has to prompt me to dust off the good parts of myself and throw away the rest.

Sometimes I have to be reminded to pick life's flowers and to leave the weeds behind.

That is when I remember verbatim something my father wrote to me when I was ten-years-old.

"Your optimism shows courage. This courage will keep you afloat your entire life. Remember that courage is not a random fluke, but a gift from a power higher than yourself that loves you and blesses you with an opportunity to become an even better version of yourself. This higher power of love has allowed you to stay the same compassionate and open-minded little girl you have always been. Ana, you have accepted everyone else in the world and it is now time to accept yourself."

I consider Ray's words as a flower in my life.

A flower that I am placing in a vase so that I can see it every day.

Ana's body suddenly jolted her awake from a sleep that she had not intended to take. Looking at the clock on her bedside table, she saw it was barely two in the morning. Whatever it was that she'd been dreaming lingered in the back of her mind, but the precise words evaded her. Looking over at her sleeping husband, Anastasia remembered what the day would bring.

Jason Taylor had given Sawyer the entire weekend off since the Greys plans had changed and Ana would not require a CPO. Taylor was bringing Reynolds and Ryan along to be CPO's for Carrick and Elliot Grey, a decision that Luke Sawyer realized weighed heavily in his favor. Both men, just like Taylor, had been a part of Grey's security team since day one, and if they were away from the Grey home, Sawyer's job had just been made a hell of a lot easier. It was not until Sawyer was informed that the newest member to the security team, a female named Prescott would be minding the home's CCTV cameras that Sawyer knew God was on Ana Grey's side. On top of all that, Gail Taylor was off on the weekend. If this medley of good fortune was not proof of Christ Almighty, Sawyer had no clue what else it could be.

Ana quietly crept out of the bed, headed straight to the bathroom sometime around three a.m., and sent the text Sawyer had been expecting for hours. Anastasia Grey was not famous for her patience.

~They've given us perfect opportunity & Gail is off. Tomorrow after they leave. ~

~R U expecting Dr. Trevelyan to drop by and check on U? ~

~No-Christian said that after our plans had changed she made a spa day with her evil best friend, Mrs. Lincoln~

~I'll let T. know you're spending the day with Mrs. Grey since you still don't feel well & don't want to be alone & that I'll b with you~

~K. I'll let Kate know in am. Plans 4 tomorrow? ~

~I'll handle that. Immediately after they leave b ready. Delete these texts & any others between us~

Sawyer was used to making concise and detailed plans on very little sleep and went straight to working out his options for executing this scheme Ana Grey demanded they take care of. Since Taylor would inform Grey about Ana heading out to Kate Grey's, they wouldn't have to worry about having the CCTV cameras catching them leave the house. Sawyer had no qualms on how to handle the CCTV at the penthouse, so that was the least of his worries. Right after Taylor gave him the weekend off, Sawyer went straight to his iPad to the app Barney downloaded o the iPads of each security team member. It was a way to cut off, rewind, and then restart any security cameras and devices, and then stamping the footage with the appropriate date and time, whatever that should be. Taking out a blank Memorex CD/DVD disk, he downloaded the app that he would use tomorrow at Escala, thinking how ironic it was that Grey had asked Barney to come up with something like this and now it was being used against him.

Getting rid of the biggest problem he was going to have to deal with, Sawyer became concerned of an unlikely, but still bad turn of events in which Taylor and Grey would head over to Escala, and in return, see the SUV Sawyer drove parked in the garage. That would not work at all, so Sawyer went straight to the website of Enterprise and reserved a car to drive to Escala. That would ensure that if the worst were to occur, that neither Taylor nor Grey would have a heads up.

Sawyer was also going to keep the elevator CCTV camera on live feed that he could watch while Ana was off doing whatever it was Ana was hell-bent on doing. Sawyer knew watching the elevator camera gave him the advantage of time. If anyone else punched in the code to the penthouse, he would immediately see them and would have enough time to get to Ana and have her put everything back in order, even if she was not finished with her quest, and lead her out via the service elevator. He wanted them in and out within thirty minutes, so he hoped Ana Grey was adept and quick getting whatever it is that she wanted. Sawyer's plan was to have Ana at Katherine Grey's home within 2 hours of leaving the house on the Sound, with all the shit she wanted.

Sawyer was dressed and ready to go at five o'clock in the morning. Despite that his in-house apartment was on the home's third floor, Sawyer could hear Grey's movements on the floor below, and knew it would not be too long until they left. Once he heard Ryan and Reynolds leave their respective quarters, Sawyer placed his Glock into the back of his blue jeans. Sawyer knew he had to dress casually in jeans and a button down so he would not stand out at Escala in his usual formal attire that Grey made the security members wear. If anyone saw him dressed that way, they would automatically recognize him, which was the last thing he needed.

By five-thirty, Sawyer saw two vehicles leaving through the front gate and before he could text Ana to ask if she was ready, his cell alerted him to an incoming text from her. He was already laughing at her before he read the text.

~I'm sitting in the bedroom WAITING on your ass! ~ That was SO Ana.

~Well keep sitting on UR ass. I have to go talk to Prescott 1st. ~

Sawyer made his way down to the security office to find that it was empty. There was no sign of Prescott anywhere and Luke Sawyer saw this as both incompetence and a break in security protocol, but also as another sign of divine intervention. He was not going to have to explain why Ana Grey had to go see Kate Grey when it was not even six in the morning. Before texting Ana to bring her ass downstairs, he looked around for Prescott in a few more places. Sawyer could only think she was in the bathroom, which irritated him thoroughly knowing that someone was supposed to be watching the cameras at all times. However, he decided to just get Ana and get the hell out of there. As Sawyer was pulling out his cell to text Ana to head downstairs, he heard a noise and turning to his left, he saw Ana staring at him with her hands on her hips, head cocked to the side and holding a rather large black bag. He assumed that's where she was going to throw all of the shit she wanted into. Sawyer nearly laughed at her as he led her toward the front door and whispered for her to be quiet and walk quickly. Ana jumped in the SUV's back seat, pumped up on the adrenaline of fear and excitement. Her excitement puzzled her and had left her awake most of the night. Why would she be excited to find damning evidence against her husband? Ana had feigned sleep all night looking at her husband's handsome face and taking in the scent of his body. She loved him, deeply and completely, but was bitterly aware that she loved another man, not the one he had proven himself to be. This man was a stranger to her, a complex and confounding man who had taken her stupid and blind hand and led her into hell. Well into the morning, Ana watched Christian sleep with a hand over her mouth to quiet the sound of her tears.

Ana had a visceral fear of what all she would discover and have to endure at Escala. It was a cold and freezing fear, akin to sitting in a bathtub until the water has gone chillingly cold, but you have failed to notice. A fear that was rattling in her bones and causing her body to tremble. A fear that screams for you to run like hell, yet you remain toe to toe with the one that is causing your fear. But that fear had to be pushed away for now, Ana had set her mind on completing this task, no matter what Kate or Sawyer may think about it. She refused to be that ten-year-old child who was helpless and watched the guilty man who had terribly hurt her walk away without a scratch on him. If all of this proved to be exactly the way it looked, Christian was not going to walk away without a scratch on him.

Ana decided to keep mum about Christian's moment of temporary insanity that he'd had last night. Thankfully, Christian took the utter disgust in her eyes as an emotion of unexpected surprise. Well, true she was surprised, but not in a good way. She was outraged and nearly came off the bed swinging. Ana knew it was a game; she just could not put together what kind of game he was playing. At first, Ana was afraid that she had thrown too much out about Grey Publishing or maybe sounded a bit too giddy over the fact that she was throwing a wrench in his double life, but after going over their conversation for the tenth time, she decided that she had not given anything away. Ana pretended to feeling too poorly to act overly happy by his words, but then shot him down the same way he had been doing her for a long time. Too busy. CEO. Too young. Want to do and see so much. Maybe in the future. Ana immediately noticed how relief flooded into Christian's eyes, but it was fleeting and it was nauseating to watch as he struggled to morph his expression into one of disappointment. Whatever he was trying to pull over on her with that little stunt would probably be forever unknown. But honestly, Ana did not give a fuck. All of her attention was centered on the task before her.

While she looked out the window wondering what Kate and Sawyer would say if she told them about Christian and his made up story of wanting a child, Ana noticed that Sawyer wasn't headed in the direction of downtown Seattle and she moved in between the two front seats. "Where are we going? Don't tell me you've pussed out on me, Sawyer?"

Scowling at her, Luke nodded his head to the passenger seat where he had printed out the rental car's reservation.

"We're renting a car? Should I ask why?"

"Yes and no."

Ana rolled her eyes and flopped into her seat in the back. Looking down at her phone to check on the time, she saw it was much too early to let Kate know what they were doing and that they would be at her place afterward. Then she did what she had done more than a dozen times, pulled out the scrap of paper with the safe's combination where Christian kept his "insurance photos" as well as the one for the file cabinet. Ana was praying to God that her husband had not moved those fucking files. She had no idea what she would do if that was the case, other than stand in his old office and scream bloody murder.

In a matter of minutes, Sawyer was inside Enterprise taking care of the rental car business. He came out carrying the keys to an older model red Camry. This time Ana sat up front with him and once they drove off Ana could not help but giggle at him.

"I'm sure a car like this must be slumming it for you, Sawyer."

"Not quite, Ana. My first car was my father's first car. So you can imagine how fucking fun it was picking up your date in that piece of shit." His sardonic reply caused Ana to laugh loudly and even Sawyer had a smile on his face.

"My first car was one my dad got me, a Beetle. Naturally, Mr. Control Freak took one look at it and just took it away from me and sold it."

"Why'd you let him?"

Such a simple question that threw Ana into deep contemplation. Why had she let Christian do that?

Ana sighed deeply, shaking her head. "I honestly can't say why."

Sawyer made no reply and the two sat in a comfortable silence as he drove them into the heart of the city. Ana was quietly going over everything she wanted, information she believed that she deserved to possess. No matter what it meant or how it could possibly break her, she deserved to know.

"So tell me something, Sawyer. What are we going to do once we get in the penthouse?"

"Well, I left my poster board at home, Ana, so I can't draw you a picture. But this is very simple; I'm going to do what I need to and you're going to go do whatever it is you feel like you have to."

"Draw it out for me? Funny...ha...ha...So I don't need to do anything to help you?"

Sawyer knew that Ana was truly sincere when she asked him that and that is what made him laugh all the louder.

"Are you fucking kidding me? I have the most important job to do; all you have to do is pray you don't end up with a paper jam. But what I am about to tell you isn't anything to be fucked around with. We are not going to spend more than thirty minutes in there. So hurry up and do what you need and do it very fast. All right, Ana? I am so not fucking around when I say that."

Rolling her eyes at him since he is speaking to her as if she is a child, Ana tartly replies, "Sawyer, has anyone ever told you how sexy you are when you're being so bossy?"

Sawyer's eyes slid sideways to her., knowing she is being a stubborn little bitch. "No."

Ana laughed loudly. "That's because you're NOT!"

"Whatever, smart ass. We are going to the elevator in the garage. Just please, Ana, please. Do not take your sweet ass time, just find the shit you are dying to get and shove it in your little black bag. Anything else will only impede the process and I'm not in the mood to have a code Red security blow up as I watch Taylor, Grey, or any other security team member enter that god damn elevator!"

"Okay, Jesus. Take a fucking Valium. I am so fucking nervous, Luke. What if my fingers don't want to cooperate once I am in there? All I can imagine is every worst scenario that could happen and what it..."

"Well, Ana, aren't you the optimist of 2015? Now take some deep fucking breaths or shit because we're one red light away."

A shiver ran all the way down her spine and Ana could not believe how calm and relaxed Sawyer sounded and looked. In addition, hell, why was she so nervous? What if they got caught? She could still get a divorce and take half of everything Christian Grey ever thought of owning. To hell with being nervous, she could walk into Escala and go up to the penthouse without giving a fuck who saw her, after all she had lived there and was Mrs. Christian Grey. It is not as if anyone would wonder why some strange woman entered the elevator and put in the code to go to the penthouse.

As they entered the building's underground garage Sawyer looked at Ana sympathetically. He was 99.9% positive they were not going to have a happy fun time in that apartment and he felt for Ana. He also sure as fuck did not want her to go bat shit hysterical on him again leaving him to carry her out of there. Now, that would draw unwanted attention. Sawyer parked far away from Grey's assigned spaces in a darkened corner. He heard Ana let out a deep sigh.

"Are you sure you want to do this?"

Ana looked at him as if he were nuts. "Are you serious? Jesus Christ, Sawyer. Let me get my phone and bag."

"Your phone?"

"Duh. In case, I see something that I want to take a picture of, dumb ass. Now, grab your balls and let's go."

Sawyer was still laughing as they walked through the garage and straight to the elevator. When the door opened, the two looked at one another for an instant and Ana stepped in first.

"Just do what I said. Do not worry about fucking cameras or being caught. Just do a smash, grab, and we will get the hell out of dodge. And, Ana, everything is going to be alright." Sawyer's voice had softened, and while Ana heard the sympathy in his words, they were absent of pity and it made her want to cry.

"Life comes at you like a freight train doesn't it, Luke?" Ana watched as he simply nodded and she had a sudden need to be in his arms or to wrap her arms around him. At that very moment, Ana needed something, although she was not sure what it was.

Before she knew it, they had reached the penthouse and after what seemed like an eternity, the doors slid open. Ana slowly took in her surroundings and then quickly realized that Sawyer had disappeared. Despite the fact that he had told her to head her ass straight into the office, Ana's feet were frozen in the foyer as memories overwhelmed her. Suddenly her reverie was broken when she heard Sawyer's loud and booming voice.

"Hurry the fuck up!"

Ana snapped to reality and made a mad dash for Christian's office. Swinging the door open, Ana was hit by the room's familiar smell and looked at how everything had remained the same since the last time she was in here. Hurriedly, Ana made her way to the silver filing cabinet where her husband had once led her too and showed her where he kept his files on each of his subs. Pulling the piece of paper with the combination to that particular drawer, Ana punched it in with steady and adept fingers. Pulling back on the drawers handle, it opened immediately and Ana felt quite pleased with herself. Digging all the way to the back of the drawer, her eyes landed on what she had come for; those familiar folders with a last name typed on each tab. Ana reached in and grabbed them all, which, of course, were in numerical order. Laying the stack on Christian's desk, Ana grabbed the very last folder labeled Sams, which happened to be the last name on her proscribed visitors list. Ana's knees buckled from underneath her and she nearly vomited on the floor. There was no longer a reason to doubt anything now and as her hands began to shake, Ana inhaled a deep breath.

Ana had intended on making copies of these fucked up files, but her mind suddenly disassociated itself from her body and she started doing things mechanically. Picking up the bag she had brought, she tossed all of Christian's files into it, kicked the cabinet drawer shut, and then wiped the handle down to remove her fingerprints. Fuck copies, she was taking it all. Striding over to the safe, she pulled out its combination and once it opened, Ana reached in and grabbed every single "insurance photo" inside of it. While she had initially planned to scan a copy of each picture, Ana no longer gave a fuck as she threw every original into her bag, and as she did before, closed the safe and used her shirt to wipe off her fingerprints. Ana walked out of Christian's office without looking back and shut the door behind her. Halfway across the massive living room area, Ana's eyes caught the staircase and she thought about the red room that was up there. Her thoughts were scattered and her body was moving on instinct since her mind had seemingly left the building, but Ana was aware that Christian had just been here yesterday, which had been a Friday, and with it being the weekend there was no way the cleaning crew he had hired had been here yet.

Ana ran toward the stairs, dashed up to the second floor, and hauled ass to the door of Christian's den of iniquity. Grasping onto the doorknob she turned it despite assuming it would be locked. By some miracle,

it wasn't. Ana slowly opened the door and reached in with her hand to turn on the light before she went in the room. Ana was three steps inside the room and gasped loudly. Evidence from yesterday's debauchery was everywhere. Christian had left every little toy and implement of pain lying all over the floor. The bed's read leather covering was off and in a heap in a corner. When her eyes landed on a discarded condom, Ana bent over in agony and began to weep. Standing upright by the grace of God, she went to the trashcan and found four used condoms inside of it. It was at this point that her mind slammed back into place and she gathered control of her senses. Sardonically, Ana thought that Christian had done some hardcore fucking yesterday in only two hours and from out of the blue, the otherwise kind and considerate Anastasia Steele Grey wished her husband would die. Reaching into her back pocket, she grabbed her phone, opened up the camera, and started taking pictures of everything in sight. After she had a shitload of damning photos, she turned the phone's video recorder on and walked around filming the room as well. Her despairing nausea slammed into her in waves and she knew she could not hold it any longer. Rushing to the trashcan that was filled to the brim with her husband's DNA, Ana threw up repeatedly until she had nothing left inside; she realized she had also thrown up her soul. Bent over with her hands on her knees, Ana never heard Sawyer enter the room and was not aware of his presence until she heard someone whisper, "Holy fuck!"

Luke Sawyer had seen many things in his life but when he walked into the room in search of Ana, he froze in his tracks. Not because it was a room built for BDSM, but for the arrogant way Christian Grey had left it. It was indisputable proof that the fucking bastard actually did not give a fuck who discovered this and realized what Grey was really about. It took Sawyer several seconds before he took notice of Ana who was hunched over a trash can full of her vomit and her husband's used condoms. He gently took Ana by the shoulders, led her out of the room, and shut the door behind them without uttering a syllable. Halfway down the stairs, Ana laid her head on his arm and Sawyer had an overwhelming desire to beat the ever-loving fuck out of Christian Grey. He had no logical understanding why Grey had been doing this knowing what a wonderful and loving woman his wife is and was taking the chance that she'd walk into this apartment and discover that room in that state. Ana was strong but fragile, intelligent but naive and not a single malevolent bone resided in her body. How Grey could even contemplate cheating on her was an unbelievable concept to him, and now, even more so than before, Luke Sawyer was dedicated to protecting and standing by Ana.

Sawyer grabbed the bag Ana brought along and led her by the hand to the elevator in total silence. To be honest, what was there to say? To waste his breath and tell Ana everything would be okay? He was not going to insult her intelligence by doing so. Sawyer was sure of three things; He would go to any lengths to pay Grey back in spades, that he was going to do everything to help Ana through this, and the last being that he needed to get to Katherine Grey's house ASAP. Sawyer held Ana's hand as the elevator descended and for the first time he realized how small it felt in his large one. He'd always been aware of what a small and petite woman Ana was compared to his near six-foot-four frame, but standing this close to her now, she felt like a delicate fairy that he needed to shield from the world and as Sawyer read her body language, Ana seemed to want that kind of protection. Her head remained on his upper arm and she was using his body to hold her up.

The pair made their way through the parking garage and Sawyer helped Ana in the car and tossed the black bag in the back of the car. Before he started the Camry, Ana handed him her cell phone with a shaking hand. Sawyer just took it without needing to ask why she wanted him to have it. He had seen it in her hand inside that room and knew what she was using it for. Yesterday he felt and even told her she was only torturing herself by doing this, but now he admitted how wrong he had been. Sawyer knew without a doubt he would do anything for her, as well as use whatever it was that Ana had collected in her husband's office, never resting until someone was made to pay for hurting her in such a destructive manner.

Once again, they drove in silence, this time to return the Camry and get the Audi. As Sawyer walked back to the SUV he noticed that Ana was up front in the passenger seat. He supposed she might feel alone in the back and needed to be near another person, she certainly looked as though she needed another person. Luke Sawyer was completely out of his depth here and had no point of reference concerning what he should do. He had not been in a relationship in so long that he could not remember how to communicate with a woman and never had a platonic relationship with a woman who was going through something like this. But then again, did anyone on the planet know someone who was going through this kind of fucked up shit? Most assuredly not. Still not addressing Ana, Sawyer knew it was time to call Taylor with the invented story of Ana feeling so poorly that she did not want to be alone and he was taking her to Katherine Grey's home.

"T, can you hear me? Shit, you do have some shitty ass service out there, where did you guys go? Fuck, all the way out there? All right. I am letting you know Mrs. Grey asked me to take her to the other Mrs. Grey's home. Yes. Mrs. Grey told me she feels too unwell to be alone and wanted to be with her sister-in-law. No, T, she didn't say. She isn't talking much so she probably won't want to talk to Mr. Grey, but I guess he can call his own wife if he wants to. Yup. Later."

"Is he going to call me?" Ana had pulled her legs up on the seat and wrapped her arms around them, her voice sounded tentative and even scared at the prospect of Grey calling her.

"I really can't say, but you know how he can be and I wouldn't rule it out. But they are in an area with bad cell service, so hopefully he won't have a signal to make the call. Do you want me to call Mrs. Grey and let her know we're coming?"

"Shit, I forgot all about doing that. Yeah, if you don't mind I'd appreciate it if you would." Ana replies in a whisper.

"Not a problem. Just lay your head back and close your eyes. We'll be there in no time."

For once, in a very long time, Ana followed Sawyer's advice without having to be told twice and tried her best to turn off her brain and its very vivid and colorful memory but it was futile. Anastasia felt that her life and sanity were in a downward spiral. She had faked strength and endurance since yesterday afternoon and now she was not even sure of whom she really was at this point. She felt disorganized and fractured, broken into tiny bits that the wind scattered years ago. She admitted she was afraid and felt lost and alone without hope or faith. Ana had never been without hope or faith in her ability to survive. Not until now. It terrified Ana, mostly because it was an alien feeling and it was causing her to question whether she could make it. Or if she even wanted to.

The next thing that Ana heard was the dinging noise that is made when a car door is open. Looking around, she noticed that Sawyer was holding her door open and was reaching for her hand. She then realized they were at Kate's.

"Thank you, Luke. Would you mind grabbing my bag? We really have to... go through it." Ana sounds resigned to the task before her.

"I've got it, just go inside. Mrs. Grey is waiting for you at the door."

Katherine hugged Ana as tightly as she could considering her big belly bump getting in their way. Kate kissed her on the cheek and pulled back to examine Ana's face. "You okay?"

"No, not all. But I have everything I needed." Ana looks so sad and vulnerable that Kate looks at Sawyer, her face displaying obvious concern.

Sawyer follows the women inside the home, shutting and locking the front door. Kate's eyes land on the bag he is holding and recognizes it as one that Ana used to carry manuscripts in. Kate probes Sawyer's face for an explanation, but he has kept his expression impassive. Ana answers Kate's unspoken question.

"It has the files and his pictures in it."

"Pictures?" Kate sounds both outraged and disgusted.

"Yes...Is Ava here?"

"No, my parents came and got her last night. Are we going to look at that shit?" Katherine is pointing at the bag that Sawyer is still holding.

"Absolutely. I only care about the last five. After all, we have both gone through the others and know what to expect. Can we take it to the dining room table?

"Sure, sweetie. Come on, Sawyer. Do you guys want anything to drink or eat?" Kate is going through the motions of a pleasant hostess when all she really wants to do is dump that bag out and go through Christian's double life.

Ana declines and takes the bag from Sawyer and begins to empty the bags contents on the dining room table, her best friend's eyes never wavering off her.

"Mrs. Grey, if you have any coffee I'd love to have a cup. But that's only if you've already made some."

"Do you want cream or sugar?" Kate asks but is still watching Ana who is separating folders and then places a stack of pictures beside them.

"Just black, thank you." Kate disappears into the kitchen and Sawyer takes a seat beside Ana looking at everything she has laid out before them.

"Ana, may I take a look at one these folders? I know you and Mrs. Grey described this shit yesterday, but I'd like to read it myself." He keeps a calm and gentle tone to his question. Sawyer does not want it to appear as though he simply wants to pry.

"Go ahead. Then help yourself to the stack... of pictures that have names on them that will match each woman's folder. He took pictures of them in case he needed leverage over them or to enforce their NDA." The bitterness her words indicated that Ana has snapped out of hurt and is now feeling quite angry. When Sawyer does not reply, Ana looks at him speculatively before speaking.

"I don't waste a lot of time pausing between hurt and anger. It is a non-stop pass from that first pang of hurt to my full-blown rage. I'm not proud of it, don't like to admit it, but I'd also never deny it." Her big blue eyes are boring a hole into Sawyer's head in a way to explain herself to him. To allow him a peek inside of whom she really is and what's she made of.

Getting her message, Sawyer does not reply as he reaches for one of the folders, which happens to be of Grey's first contracted sub. It is from the year Grey would have been 21. The contract was straightforward, meaning Grey meticulously detailed what he wanted and expected from these women and screamed he was the same control freak back then as he is now... The file contained a standard NDA and a detailed background check that had a photograph stapled to it. He could not help but notice that this woman could have been Ana Grey's twin sister. The next papers became more interesting. Some were documents that listed things that Grey liked to do along with things he was not interested in. The next set of papers was what the woman was willing or not willing to do. While Luke Sawyer wasn't easily shocked, he knew of every sexual act, and toys Grey had included, what did surprise him were the extreme punishment that this particular woman had agreed to let Grey do to her. Also inside were numerous receipts of the outrageously expensive gifts Grey had given the woman, details of the car and all other paperwork that documented all financial aid Grey had provided this woman. Sawyer then searched through the photographs until he found hers and honest to God, he could not believe what he saw. He knew he couldn't understand why Grey got off on doing that shit since he didn't see it appealing at all, but what he really wondered was the mindset of this woman. Why would she want to be treated in such a manner and was she even aware that Grey had taken this picture of her.

Sawyer had been so engrossed in his reading that he had missed Katherine bringing him the cup of coffee until he heard her muttering something about what a twisted fuck up her brother-in-law was. He glanced up and saw that she was sitting beside him looking through another file herself.

"Thanks for the coffee, Mrs. Grey."

"You're welcome, but it was no biggie. If you want more, there's half a pot in there and please just call me Kate. Mrs. Grey is my mother-in-law. Ana, whose going to open up those 5 folders you're holding onto?" Her concern evident.

"I am. Whichever one of you is the least squeamish should get the picture of these five. I want to put them in their file." Ana was so matter of fact. All Sawyer could think of was that this was nothing more than a fucking nightmare.

"I'll go through them, a picture of a tied up and blinded woman with a dildo shoved up her ass doesn't bother me. So you just took the actual files themselves? I thought you were going to make copies. And why did you decide to take his pictures?"

"I think I must have snapped or something and just grabbed all of them. Even if he does notice, it will not be enough to stop the snowball effect he has caused. And I grabbed the pictures for the same reason." Turning her attention to Sawyer, Ana added, "I did remember to wipe my fingerprints off of everything I touched."

"Well, for a wife that is clutching the proof that not only is her husband a cheating bastard whose been doing it their entire marriage, but that's he still a sick fuck, you sure are talking about all of this nonchalantly. Are you all right? I mean, are you really okay?"

"Hell, no, I'm not alright. However, this isn't something that is optional is it? I have to open these up and read this shit. Fuck, I want to know what they look like!" Ana's cheeks were burning hot with her increasing anger, not at her friend, but at this pile of shit before her that signified the end of several wasted years of her life.

"Honey, we already know what they look like," Kate's said her words kindly, but in a matter of fact tone, and Sawyer did not miss the fact that what Kate just said was significant. He looked at the picture of a smiling brown-haired woman that could be Ana Grey.

"Hang on a minute and explain something to me. You both alluded to it yesterday and now I have noticed it and Mrs. Grey has just pretty much confirmed what I am thinking. What do you mean you both already know what they look like? I'm no use to anyone here if I don't have full disclosure." Sawyer sounded irritated at both women and their evasive way of communicating with each other.

Ana knew they were all past the point of no return and there was no reason to keep anything from Sawyer. Telling him the complete and ugly truth would end the hell Ana had discovered she had been living in. She looked at Kate and shrugged who looked at Sawyer and without batting an eyelash told him something he had never imagined in his life.

"Luke, if you were to go through every one of these sickening "insurance" pictures Grey took or any of those folders he keeps on his subs, you will notice that your employer has a "type" when it comes to women. They are all fair skinned, very small and petite brown-haired women. In other words, they all look like Anastasia."

Sawyer was rubbing his chin in deep thought as he looked back at the women who had been in his life. Most did fit a certain "type". He liked a woman that was petite, or a woman who had great legs. It had never really mattered if they were all blondes or brunettes though, so what Kate just told him intrigued him.

"He doesn't vary at all in his preference? I know I like women with great legs, but she doesn't have to look just like every other woman I've been with."

Kate scoffed at this idea and rolled her eyes at him. Then she looked at Ana who obviously recognized that the look was not only a question, but was a certain question.

"Go ahead. Tell him. Let him know how fucked up my life is."

"Anastasia Rose Steele! How many times have I told you this is NOT your fucked up shit? It is Greys! When you found out this bullshit, you were at the beginning of being drug down into his pit of fuckedupness and his claws were already too deeply burrowed inside you. When he admitted his twisted Oedipal complex, you were what, days from marrying the bastard? You were torn in half and did not fully understand shit about his lifestyle and you were making decisions based on love! Stop saying 'your' fucked up life. He fucked you over and hell, he has fooled all of us. He is the one who is fucked up, not you!" Kate was yelling at Ana who just stared at her as if she had heard this lecture before.

Sawyer was staring at both women as though he was watching a soap opera, or perhaps an actual opera, maybe even a Shakespearean play. Had he heard Kate right? Did she say Oedipal complex?

"Whoa….Grey fucks petite brunettes because he has an Oedipal complex?" He sounds stunned and Kate is nodding furiously.

"Ab-so-fucking-lutely! You know the whole BDSM shit, submitting, dominating, tying them up, beating the fuck out of them and then fucking the shit out of them for hours on end. Yeah, that is what Christian does and the reason he does it is that his birth mother was a petite, fair-skinned, brunette. He tried to explain it to Anastasia that he did it due to her abuse for the first four years of his life. She was a drug addict and prostitute who allowed her pimps to abuse him in terrible ways. In other words, he takes out his hatred of his birth mother on these women who enjoy it when he beats them half to death and then he gets so turned on he fucks them. So the sum total of what a horrific person Christian Grey is, is the fact that he is imagining these rent-a-whores are his birth mother and his lovely Oedipal complex is what drives him to want to fuck and beat them."

Katherine gives Luke Sawyer a minute to soak in that bit of information as they stare at one another, his face impassive, hers in total relief that she has finally been able to share her knowledge with someone other than Ana.

"That certainly wasn't what I expected to find out and honestly, I don't know how to respond to that."

"Luke, before I married Christian he never offered up any information on the specifics of how or why he got into a lifestyle of BDSM. Getting it out of him was like pulling teeth; he told me a friend took him to some sex club while he was attending Harvard. Then weeks later, and Kate's right, it was days before we got married, I found a picture of his birth mother in his childhood bedroom and asked who she was. Well, Christian and Elliot had gotten shit faced, so I got lucky in the fact that he told me all about the connection of his birth mother's appearance and all of these submissives he had had. Of course, I felt horrible since I knew I looked just like all of them, but he convinced me that I was nothing like her, and my dumb ass zoned out the glaring truth and believed him. Instead of marrying him I should have rushed him to the nearest psychiatrist."

Kate looks livid and her nostrils are actually flaring. "Have you told him how he did everything in his power after your marriage to entrap you into this sick shit? Have you shared the fact that he beat you with a paddle even after you had repeatedly told him you refused for him to hurt you? Did you tell Sawyer about that and how you still stayed with that freak?"

Luke Sawyer's face is nearly black with anger by Kate's revelation. He slowly looked at Ana, who looked defeated and ashamed. So ashamed.

"No, Kate. That is the first I have heard of that story. Ana, did he hurt you?"

Silence enveloped the room until Kate could not take it any longer. "Yes, of course, he did. It did not fucking tickle. Are you aware of why Anastasia cannot take pain Sawyer? Are you aware of what happened to her as a child?" Ana jumped from chair, rushing to her best friend and screaming. "SHUT UP, KATE! Shut the fuck up!"

Had Sawyer not scrambled to his feet and gotten in between the two, he wasn't so sure that Ana wouldn't have physically attacked her best friend, whose body was shaking in fury and not about to back down.

"Alright, ladies, calm the fuck down. Kate, if Ana doesn't want me to know something then you shouldn't tell me." Ana and Kate continued staring one another down, but it was Kate who looked away first, her expression contrite.

"I'm so sorry Anastasia. I am just so hurt that you have been hurt and I lost my mind. You know I'd never break my promise."

Ana folded her arms and looked to Sawyer. After studying his face for a moment, she decided it was time to stop being ashamed of what someone had done to her, not something she had done to another. The only way to walk away from the past was to walk through it, and Ana decided to take that walk with Luke.

"Luke, when I was ten-years-old one of Carla's' boyfriend molested me and beat me so badly I ended up in the hospital. It was then that Ray got full custody of me and is the reason I have nothing to do with Carla. You are now the only person I've told beside Ray and Katherine." Squaring her shoulders bravely, Anastasia spoke in a tremulous but strong voice.

If he had not been so well trained to not show his emotions, Sawyer would have torn Katherine Grey's home apart. This was the secret he had heard Kate and Ana indirectly talk about all these years. He had always despised a pedophile and believed the only justice for one was for them to be shot in the middle of the street. What he could not understand was how Ana, who had been sexually abused as a child ended up with someone like Christian Grey.

"Ana, I have no words to adequately express how I feel about this. I am truly sorry you went through that. I cannot imagine what that must have been like, or how you managed to come out of the experience as such a wonderful and caring person. Always remember that I'm here for you if you ever need to talk about this." Sawyer felt as if he was barely choking out the words, but he was hiding his emotions well. He could not afford to show any weakness, no matter how dire the situation.

"Thank you, Luke. Do not apologize to me. It was not your fault and I have gotten past it. I am just not one that wants to go around telling everyone because I do not want to look like a victim. I don't want anyone's pity."

"You've never had anyone's pity, Ana." Kate murmured.

Clearly wanting to change the subject and exhaling a deep breath, Ana took three of the five folders she was holding and passed one to Kate and Sawyer. "Less with the chit chat and more with reading. We are burning daylight. Whoever wants the fucking fourth one can have it but I'm saving the last one for myself."

"I suppose I'm the lucky lady who has sub number one, Hillary Wilkins, age 21 and a graduate of Sarah Lawrence. Impressive. Oh, wait a minute...says he met her at some club in New York City, where her background check shows her address listed as Brooklyn, New York. It appears he contracted her in October 2012 and moved her out here and bought her a condominium that cost nearly three hundred thousand dollars. Son of a bitch. He also paid off her student loans and over the course of three months deposited another three hundred thousand dollars into her private bank account. The rest is the usual; clothes, cars, insurance, blah, blah, blah. She went back East in February of 2013, but the condo out here is still in her name." Kate looked up at Ana whose face was a lovely shade of green. "Are you sure you want to really read all this shit?"

"Oh, yeah. Ray always told me that information is the key to everything. Let us see...Well, look here. I have sub number two. Little Miss Leigh Kennedy from Gig Harbor, Washington. Christian noted he met her at a club in Portland..."

Kate interrupted her. "Wait a second. How in the hell would The Christian Grey just walk into a BDSM club in Portland and not be immediately recognized? He wouldn't take that risk."

Ana rolled her eyes in exasperation. "Some, well actually, most wear masks. Kate. Especially if it is a high-end place and I am, sure Mr. Grey only trolled a high-end club. I wonder why he has documented on these background checks where he met these subs. Hmm...All right, back to business. Miss Kennedy was contracted in March of 2013 until July of 2013. She is a dental hygienist at a pediatric dentist's office here in Seattle and is twenty-three years old. Paid her rent even after the contract was over and stopped paying it in September of 2013. He also deposited nearly three hundred grand into her bank account. Must be nice to be a billionaire and keep your sex slaves well compensated. Your turn, Sawyer. And stop looking so grim about reading it."

"This is some fucked up shit; you both do realize that, right?"

"Sawyer, like Ana said. Just read it."

"Here goes nothing. Grey met a one Molly Garner at a Portland club, probably the same as the other one. The contract started in November of 2013 and lasted until May of 2014..."

Kate had to jump in with that tidbit. "Well, well. He kept her a while. Interesting."

"Can I continue, Mrs. Grey? Garner is a twenty-six, from Seattle and a graduate of the University of Washington. She works as a registered nurse at the University of Washington Medical Center. Looks like he paid her mortgage up until November of 2014, received the same shit as you both described, and liked the others, he gave her nearly three hundred grand."

Anastasia threw her head back. "What a mother fucker. Do you realize how dearly that man needs to suffer? Huh? Do you both see that? What an evil fuck. God, I am going to enjoy pushing him off his almighty pedestal. Here Kate, read the fourth one." Ana hands it to Kate across the table.

"Alrighty...Oh, another interesting find. Here we have a native of Los Angeles named Jennifer Lawson. My dear brother-in-law met her there in August of 2014 and moved her up to Seattle. She was his sub until that November. Holy fuck. That sick bastard rented her an apartment in Escala that was two floors down from the penthouse! The nerve of that son of a bitch! She is twenty-two and worked various blue-collar jobs, was a waitress when he met her at a BDSM club. She got all the usual shit, and he gave her two hundred thousand that he put in her bank account. He moved her back to LA when the contract ended and bought her a condo down there in a suburb of LA called Brentwood."

Sawyer's mind was in operation overload and he was rubbing his temples. This was all too much shit to listen to. He knew Grey was a fucking jerk off to work for, but he was generous with his pay and benefits. Sawyer had no clue that he was such an incredible fucked up bastard. He notices that Kate has reached across the table to hold Ana's left hand.

"And now someone give me a drum roll...here comes the latest and greatest who Christian really gave it too hard yesterday afternoon. Anyway, she is Haley Sams a twenty-three year-old graduate of the University of Washington here in Seattle. Has lived here her entire life. He met her at a club in Portland, contracted her in February of this year and is obviously still under contract with Christian. He has paid off all her student loans, pays her rent, she has all the same sub bullshit and so far he's deposited seventy-five grand into her personal checking account. Oh, fuuuuuck. Look what we have here. She must be looking for a job that she can use that degree with because guess what she does for a living and even better yet, guess where she works at."

Kate's practically across the table trying to read the file upside down. "Where? Where?"

Ana glanced at her and Sawyer with a devious smirk on her face. "Kate, she's a hostess at one of our very own favorite upscale restaurants, Canlis."

Kate's eyes became enormous. "You're fucking with me! Would Christian take that big of a risk? Having a sub who works in a restaurant that not only you dine at regularly, but his entire family does as well? He's lost his god damn mind."

"Mrs. Grey, if you had seen the condition that Mr. Grey left the penthouse in, you'd realize that it's obvious he no longer cares what anyone suspects or finds out."

"Luke Sawyer, you know for a fact that Christian Grey would die if any member of his family found out who he was really is. But it still makes no sense why he would take that chance knowing every time one of us has gone in there while she is working she is bound to hear our name is Grey and will know who we are. That's just too fucked up."

Ana has taken this Haley Sams' picture off her background check and is staring at it intently. If this young woman has been in Canlis anytime that Ana has, she does not remember seeing her, but she can see that this Haley resembles her to a point that is almost creepy. Ana hands the picture to Sawyer. "Look how much she looks like me." He studies the face and looks at Ana, amazed that she has not broken down by now. Before he knows it, Kate has jerked the picture from his hand. "Holy fuck, Ana. She could be your twin. Even more so than all those others. That shit is fucking sick, Christian loving to beat and fuck whores who look like his mommy. What a god damn freak."

Sawyer raises his hand up and looks a bit confused. "Back to this Oedipal shit I've been mulling over. Grey admitted why all these women look alike?" In a typical Katherine Grey manner, she takes over the conversation and answers for Ana who looks like she has been put through the ringer.

"Yep. He told Ana that he liked to whip and fuck little brown haired girls 'like you' because you all remind me of my birth mother. In addition, he added a cherry to that shit pie by telling Ana he was really a sadist and not a dominant he told her the first night she was at Escala. We were all spending the night at Carrick and Grace's and I was already in bed in Elliot's old bedroom when a frantic Anastasia came bounding into the room and locking the door behind her. Just as she has always done, she told me exactly what happened and what he had said, so I did my best to try to figure out how to get her the fuck away from him. We were actually planning on sneaking out of the house in the middle of the night, but when it came down..."

"Go ahead and make me look like a fucking idiot, Kate. I know that you are dying to. You're going to tell Luke that when it came time for me to high tail it away from Christian I just couldn't do it, that I said that I loved him and he had changed. I also started babbling on about Freud and his fucked up theories and understanding why Christian would want to take his anger out on a woman who reminded him of his birth mother. Continue with your story, Kate. Make yourself look like the smart woman and me like a naive little bitch." Ana was sneering at Katherine from across the table only this time Kate actually looked shocked.

"That's not what I was trying to do, Ana. I was simply telling Sawyer what happened that night. Do you really believe I would ever have a motive or desire to hurt or upset you? To put you in a bad light? As I said earlier, you thought the fucker had changed and he made the rest of us believe it as well. I'm not faulting you with any of that and you implying such actually hurt me." Despite her face showing her desperate sincerity and hurt, Kate's words had done nothing to appease Ana, who just sat there looking out the window.

"Let me get this shit straight. A drunken Grey tells Ana all this messed up shit and she comes and tells you. Were you also aware of Grey's BDSM lifestyle prior to their marriage? So, now along with the two of you, I not only know about Greys preferred sexual lifestyle, but that he's a sadist who beats and fucks brunettes who look like his mother? Besides Grey, we are the only other people who know this?" Sawyer's head is pounding and he really wishes he had reenlisted in the Corps rather than joining Greys security team.

"Yes, Luke. We are the only three people that know. I don't even know if Christian is aware what he confessed when he was so trashed, but we have never talked about it." Kate throws her head back and begins to yell at Ana from not only anger but frustration as well.

"Shit! I don't fucking believe that. Those little subs have that little weekly meeting we uncovered when I found out about a little brunette Elliot had fucked when he was single. Sawyer, my insane ass found out where the slut lived and practically had to drag Ana to come with me to check her out. Imagine our surprise that I had picked the lucky day when all of Christian's subs were headed into the slut's apartment. We recognized those whores from their pictures in the folders we had gotten into, not to mention they all pulled up in red Audi's. You have no idea how badly I wanted to tell Christian and Elliot that they'd fucked the same slut."

"Kate, just because we stumbled across that doesn't mean they know that they..."

"What the fuck, Ana? Do you think they are all blind? They know they look alike and you are in the press enough that they damn well know you look just like them! They don't know WHY they all look alike but don't think anyone is stupid enough to be blind to that shit."

"Jesus Christ. I've been living in a Peyton Place of BDSM." Sawyer sounds like he has had enough of the subject as well as these two bickering women. Now, Kate will not drop the bone she is holding between her teeth.

"And staying on the subject of creepy, sick, BDSM fucks, I have NO doubt that Grace's freaky best friend Elena Lincoln is into this BDSM bullshit too and you know exactly why I believe that!"

"Kate! How many times have I told you we do not know that? How in the world would Grace associate herself with someone like that? We both know she wouldn't go near that type of person, much less be best friends with one."

Just the name Elena Lincoln made the hairs on the back of Luke Sawyer's neck stand up and he watched as the argument between Ana and Kate began to escalate.

"Whatever! You may roll your eyes when I say this, but my career requires me to observe behavior and after knowing what I now know about BDSM, I would bet Elliot's right nut that scary black widow is into BDSM. In addition, explain to Sawyer and me why she is Christian's only friend? Did you know that, Luke? Well, of fucking course you do. Why are they in business together? A multi-billionaire is a partner with a pathetic chain of salons, and that is if you consider three a chain. Then explain to me why they constantly have lunch AND dinners together ALONE? EXPLAIN that shit to me Ana! Yet you do NOTHING! Well, other than find the fucking credit card receipts. And tell Sawyer what a drunken Grey said about her to you? How hot and stunning he found her and that she was the only person who knew the REAL Christian Grey! What do you fucking think he meant when he said the word 'real'? You know exactly what he meant!"

Halfway through Kate's screaming tirade Ana started sobbing uncontrollably, but Kate was on a roll and she could not make herself stop. She loved Ana so much and she had spent too much time watching her be treated like a moron, and watching as Ana ignored facts that were as obvious as the nose on her face. Hell, even their family were clueless to whatever it was with Christian and Elena Lincoln. Kate had never been able to get any information out of Elliot except that she gave him the creeps and as long as he had remembered Mrs. Lincoln had been around his family.

Kate knew she had just stepped over a line with Ana, but she was a firm advocate of tough love and she had tiptoed through the daisies about all of this shit for long enough. "Ana, I'm sorry for how I just spoke to you. It was out of line and I did not mean to hurt you. I apologize."

Ana was sniffling and using the back of her shirtsleeve to wipe her nose. "Where's the 'but'?"

"Ana, I don't have to throw in a 'but' or point out anything else. Especially since you know it and I have been aware that you know it for a long time. I see it in your eyes and body language every time we are at Carrick and Grace's and she is there. I've heard it in your voice over the phone while you're home alone and your husband is at a 'business' meeting with her until eleven o'clock at night."

The silent tension in the room is insufferable and while unhappy with the way Kate spoke to Ana and that she had upset her so much, Sawyer understood why Kate chose to behave this way.

Sometimes you have to hold a mirror up to someone's face to remind them of what they look like.

A/N

If this chapter is full of typos, don't think I didn't edit it. I've been sick and haven't checked it over as much as I usually do.

Next chapter is "the" chapter you're all wanting.