All rights to the characters and the story of FSoG belong to E. L. James

Machiavellian: Part One

Friday, April 10th, 2015

Gstaad, Switzerland

Christian Grey is staring at the Bernese Alps from a window in The Presidential Suite at the Gstaad Palace. Nursing his second glass of bourbon, Christian Grey is going over the past week with meticulous detail. The events of last Friday night are still freshly uncomfortable in his mind and feeling unsettled. That was the night his wife was so ill and she had sent him downstairs to retrieve her purse and cell phone and as usual Christian began to read her text messages. Christian found one that Katherine had sent Anastasia two weeks earlier that said, 'I know how hard this day is for you, but remember you're no longer a ten-year-old girl. You're a strong and brilliant woman'. His first thought was that Kate was referring to the day Anastasia had been physically abused by one of Carla's boyfriends, but the more he ruminated on Kate's words, they began to shape into something more significant. Christian went straight to his office and ordered Welch to dig into Anastasia's past medical records and that he wanted them yesterday. Thirty minutes later, Christian was scrolling through the detailed report Welch had emailed him and he experiences a rare feeling of regret that the night he used the paddle on Anastasia that he had not looked into the incident further. Christian was confounded that he felt this way and sat behind his desk trying to determine where it was coming from. Anastasia had finally explained where her horror of experiencing physical pain came from while Christian was bathing her after taking that paddle to her as he fucked her from behind. It was also the moment Christian realized Anastasia had officially slammed the door to ever fulfilling his deepest need and that realization inflamed him with such fury that Christian hadn't cared that his wife had been abused and as he sat there remembering how that had made him feel he saw what a hypocrite he had been. Christian was also abused as a child and it still affected him in ways that Anastasia always helped him through his troubles.

Christian kept his eyes on the report Welch had emailed him and admitted to himself the reason he never delved into the matter was the unadulterated truth that he only cared about himself. He knew that not giving a fuck that his wife had been traumatized firmly established what he always knew, that he was an irredeemable monster. The only reason Christian kept going over the horrific information was to solidify the truth of what an evil bastard he would always be.

Yes, Grey, the very night the sadist in you emerged to punish Anastasia and not give a fuck about the pain and panic you caused her, you had Miss Garner on the side. A nice brunette sub.

Last Friday night Christian had shut off his computer and sat there contemplating whether he should do something about his new-found knowledge. Realizing that Anastasia had never confided that she had been sexually molested as a child, he knew that if he were to tell her he had found out would be cruel. Christian scoffed at this thought… Cruel. As if he had not spent the better part of their entire marriage being cruel to her even if she would never know, but he was now considering Anastasia's feelings.

Christian scoffed at his thought…Cruel. You are the man who had spent the better part of your marriage being cruel to your wife even though she did not know it. Now you are considering Anastasia's feelings now.

Christian genuinely cared about his wife's feelings, but who could not? She was a woman who cared deeply for others and often sacrificed her own wants and desires to make others happy. Anastasia was an honest and a good human being and blindly gave herself to him, a man without a heart. Perhaps this was why Christian felt as though he was obligated to her. He had given Anastasia full ownership of Grey Publishing and their home because he felt obligated due to his betrayal and the lie-filled path he allowed her to walk along once he had resumed his previous lifestyle. However, Christian also gave her those things because he realized there would come a day when Anastasia would uncover the truth and it would kill her. He felt her absolute devotion for him and he wanted her to have something tangible, other than the money that he would give her, so that would eventually heal and be happy. However skewed and ridiculous that train of thought was, in Christian's mind it made perfect sense and after finding out someone had nearly destroyed her life already, Christian's fucked up head told him that he now owed her even more since he would ultimately be the one that would destroy her. Pondering what that something might be, Christian thought about that one thing Anastasia had asked him for a long while. She wanted to have his baby, to carry and raise a child that would have the DNA of the son of a drug-addicted prostitute who had killed herself in front of her four-year-old son. Christian knew he would never, could never, and never wanted to be a father. A child had no place in his lifestyle and he would surely destroy the child and turn it into another Christian Grey. Nevertheless, he had successfully evaded Anastasia and his family when the subject of becoming parents came up. With Elliot already a father and expecting another child, Christian lived on bated breath that Anastasia would once again broach the subject of having a baby and he would have to pull out his usual excuses for putting a child on hold. But now, after watching Anastasia physically ill and in intractable pain from her chronic migraines and now knowing and understanding the inner pain she surely struggled with for her past, Christian's warped thinking made him feel obligated to Anastasia and the pain she's been living with. Christian knew the most significant thing he could offer Anastasia was what he denied her for so long and that was a child. No, he did not want one and knew he would never find a way to love a child of his the way Anastasia would, but Christian did know a child would make Anastasia happy after their doomed marriage would eventually end. Christian would never be a part of the child's life, but he would always provide for it and he knew that between Anastasia and his family the child would always be loved. Gazing blindly at the beautiful mountains before him, Christian suddenly realized that for him to be such a brilliant executive, he was a complete idiot for even thinking of such a stupid scenario.

However, last week in his office, he noticed how long it had been since going to get Anastasia's purse and cell phone and made his way into their bedroom and sat beside her, concentrating on a way to appear as if the words about to pass his lips were true. Once Anastasia realized what he said, she stared at him in shock for several minutes.

Please let there be a God and have her say no

When Anastasia did say those two magical words, Christian felt as if he had been given a reprieve from a death sentence. Christian had offered her something to assuage her pain and she let him off the hook and left him forever grateful.

Fuck, he deserved to be shot in the street for being such a disgusting human being and a complete waste of air. Who was he to play with people's lives and their emotion's?

Nearly throwing his glass of bourbon into the nearest wall, Christian thought about one of the reasons he had been drawn to Anastasia in the first place. She was exactly like his mother, Grace. Kind, loving, nurturing and gentle. Traits that Christian was void of but were the reasons that his wife and mother were the two women he never wanted to hurt.

Keep lying to yourself Grey. You never want to hurt Anastasia? That is laughable.

Nearly six thousand miles away from his wife, Christian felt indebted to Anastasia was that she patched the holes in the fractured relationship he had had with his family and although he did not deserve their love, he selfishly took it anyway. The unconditional love his family poured upon him brought him alien emotions of happiness and contentment that Christian knew would disappear as soon as his marriage was over and he once again took to hiding himself in the sky above Seattle. Christian imagined seeing the disappointment in Anastasia and Grace's eyes and could not deny that if just an ash of human decency remained somewhere in his body, their disappointment would snuff it out for good. In addition, that very thought stirred up a fear that was nearly obsolete in Christian's being. That same fear that kept him away from his family since the week after his fifteenth birthday. The week he gave Elena Lincoln his life. Christian knew his distant past called out to him and he continued to live there since it was like fighting the battle of Shiloh and he knew there wasn't relief for the kind of evil he was.

However, Anastasia was supposed to be that relief wasn't she? She was the woman who was supposed to rid you of this evil.

Christian threw back the remaining bourbon and poured himself another as he sat down in front of his laptop. This extended business trip to Switzerland came out of nowhere on Monday morning and he had been forced to tell Anastasia of the trip via email and to tell her he would not be able to see her before he left Seattle. Unable to reach her by phone, he called Sawyer, who told him she was in several back-to-back meetings. Looking back, he realized they had not laid eyes on one another since last Friday. When he returned from his fishing trip with his dad and Elliot that Sunday evening, Anastasia had already fallen asleep and left for work the next morning before he even woke up. When she found out later in the day about his trip abroad, she was not pleased and told him she already missed him. He was there with Ros and it was beginning to look like they would possibly have to stay another week. Sipping at his drink, he read the email Anastasia sent him around noon Seattle time informing him she was headed to Washington, D.C. for a week-long publishing conference and would be leaving Sunday afternoon with Sawyer. Christian had put Taylor in charge of checking out her story and some background checks on the people that she would be spending the majority of her time with.

Still a control freak when it came to Anastasia even if I don't understand why.

Without even considering that he should reply to his wife's email, he instead wrote his latest sub, Miss Sams and informed her not to expect to see him for a while, and reiterated that although he was half way around the world, he still had eyes on her if she thought she could slip around with another man. He also threatened her of what would happen if any member of his family were to dine at Canlis and she remotely acknowledged knowing him. Miss Haley Sams had only been his submissive for two months and he was already bored with her. Despite that she was twenty-three and had been a sub since the age of nineteen, their scenes were increasingly tedious, and the only thing Christian looked forward to was punishing her for the slightest infractions. Last Friday he caned her thirty times for wearing red shoes, despite the fact that he had never told her she couldn't wear red shoes. For one who felt ultimate control in his playroom, last Friday afternoon Christian lost all control with Miss Sams and the playroom was left in shambles. After he had punished her so harshly and in numerous ways, Miss Sams was no longer enjoying the scene and this incensed Christian further. The last three times Christian fucked her, she was dry as the desert and despite her cries were from pain, she never used a safe word. Christian eventually pulled his cock out of her before he even came and threw the used condom on her and left the playroom while Miss Sams remained face down on the bed's mattress as he snarled at her to be gone by the time he had showered and was ready to head back to GEH. Christian planned on seeing her one more time and then ending their contract. When he first met her at the club, she had been just like all his previous subs, petite brown-haired women that he used for self-gratification. However, Miss Sams was the sub that made Christian realize that his last four subs had all morphed into his birth mother and his wife, not only in appearance, but also from his vicious urge to physically hurt them both.

Anastasia forced me back into this hellish existence by failing to rescue me and that's why she's turning into Ella.

Christian continued reading and responding to hundreds of work related emails and thinking of strategies to use with this latest deal for GEH. No matter how much work he did or amount of bourbon he had drunk, his mind kept wandering off to the woman that was his wife. A gorgeous woman he had not bothered to reply to her email or to call her. Although he knew what a decent husband would do, for some reason tonight, he just could not make himself do the right thing. Christian knew who he really was, but he also knew who he really tried to be and how he truly believed he had changed for Anastasia. He had craved the normalcy and happiness he saw in his family and in the marriage of his parents from the age of four and he thought he had found it in a pair of ocean blue eyes. For a short while, Christian had that feeling of normalcy, as uneasy as that feeling might have been, Anastasia made it easy. While he now cared for Anastasia's safety and well-being, there had been a time where he was in love with her, although now he had come to believe it had been the passing illusion that she was his savior.

The savior who would let me down and failed to do her job of fixing me.

Christian's alcohol infused brain silently consented that he had been in love with her and that even but for a short time, his love for her had been deathless.

Honesty. Truthfulness. Sincerity.

Each a simple word that has a significant meaning. If these meanings are ignored or forgotten, they become a situation a person cannot easily get out of. My dishonesty is based on the fact I do not want people to know what a complete and sick fuck up I am. Dishonesty is my way of getting whatever I want and is high on my list of sins. Dishonesty is what set my sights on Miss Anastasia Steele. From the second I saw her at The Fairmont, I knew she had to be mine. She was undoubtedly and still is, the most beautiful woman Christian had ever laid eyes on. Christian's cock had been hard as a rock during that entire photo shoot and all he remembered of that day was that he had to know her name so he could get her background check. Her perfect alabaster skin was the sort of perfection that a cane was meant for and it all but consumed him. Christian remembered how he obsessed over Miss Anastasia Steele and imagined her face while he fucked one of his subs, even going so far as to buy the company she worked for and putting her under his security surveillance, all of this before "accidentally" running into her at his club. The fact that she had injured herself that night was as if fate was handing her to Christian on a silver platter and he spent the next three weeks doing whatever he could to gain her to trust him enough that she would agree to dinner at Escala. Once Christian was able to get Anastasia into his penthouse the night soured quickly. From her strong-willed hostility over signing an NDA, disgust with his playroom and her outrage that he had taken the liberty to draw up a contract between the two of them, Anastasia had poked that beast Christian had successfully been hiding from her. Christian may be nearly six-thousand miles from Seattle, but he vividly remembers how Anastasia's behavior sent that beast over the edge with one question about his family. That was when Christian's temper erupted like an atom bomb and he destroyed his entire office, causing Anastasia to cower behind a chair. As sudden as the beast within Christian emerged, Anastasia did something no other person had ever dared to. She tentatively approached him and softly kissed his lips and left him reeling in a tornado of confusion.

While Anastasia's intent was to calm Christian and to show him that she cared and wanted to comfort him, that conniving part of Christian's mind took this as a perfect opportunity. He already knew that Anastasia wanted him and he abused that knowledge by turning that kiss of comfort into one of lust that quickly led to Christian using his highly honed sexual skills on her in hopes it would prove to Anastasia how good they would be together. Then the situation turned on him when Anastasia expected Christian to fuck her. His mind completely shut down and he felt as though reality as he knew it was being split apart as he was positioned between her legs with his cock hard as a rock. He wanted nothing more than to fuck her, but Christian had no clue how to do it without having her in his playroom and tied to the bed spread eagle. Christian could hear the woman under him saying the hold on her wrists was hurting her, but he was paralyzed with fear and had no idea what he should do. His cock was touching her opening and Anastasia was using all her strength to lower herself onto him, yet here he was contemplating whether he could have vanilla sex with her. Gazing down on her confused face, his own confusion began to tell him that if anyone could help turn him into a normal man, one void of depravity, it was Anastasia.

Nevertheless, you couldn't do it, could you?

Before another thought passed in Christian's mind, he had plunged himself deep within Anastasia and experienced the best sex of his life, especially when he realized that this beautiful woman was not only taking his hard fuck, she was enjoying it. Once Christian began taking chances inflicting slight amounts of pain as they fucked, he was thrilled the way they turned Anastasia on. There was hope for her yet and along with their mind-blowing fuck and Anastasia's pure genuine goodness, Christian fell in love. Or did he?

Christian and Anastasia spent the next three months glued together at the hip and he saw his life being filled with a warm light he'd never felt before. This woman's gentle heart comforted him in the middle of the night as he screamed in terror and assuaged his tortured soul. Anastasia's shy yet strong personality won the heart of his entire family and she taught him how to accept the love they had for him. Every brick that Anastasia Rose Steele removed from the wall surrounding Christian's heart was all the proof he needed to know that he'd changed and she was the catalyst for it all. Soon they were planning a wedding and were living a life that Christian Grey never imagined he was capable of.

However, you were not capable and Anastasia could not do her job and make you capable. Elena was right. Love is for fools.

The only dark shadow that loomed over Christian and Anastasia was Elena Lincoln. Christian had lied to his fiancé when she finally asked him how he was introduced into BDSM, he could not afford the risk of his family finding out, and Christian was nearly 100% positive that Anastasia told Katherine everything and if Kate were to find out then disaster would surely occur. Red warning sirens went off the first time Anastasia laid eyes on Elena Lincoln and left Christian in misery. No matter how many ways he danced around the topic of Elena, Anastasia never believed his explanations and told him it was completely nonsensical that a businessman of his stature would have an interest in being co-owner of three 'beauty shops' as she insultingly called them. Every time Christian had lunch or dinner with Elena, it sent Anastasia into a petulant mood that Christian could not tolerate. He had spent his entire life doing as he pleased and having Anastasia question him or express her wish for him to end this strange business entanglement that sometimes kept him out past eleven at night did not bode well with him. As Christian sat in the opulent Presidential Suite of a five-star hotel overlooking the Swiss Alps, he looked back at his behavior when Elena was brought up and realized he was wrong when he carelessly threw his wife's feelings aside. Christian could place that blame on Elena since she spent most of the time they spent together running Anastasia in the ground and he believed she was just looking out for him as his dear friend. Pouring himself yet another drink and already on his way to being drunk, Christian remembered every time Anastasia's beautiful blue eyes looked up at him showing him how he was hurting her and how easily he dismissed her feelings. Perhaps it was his increasingly intoxicated state of mind, but Christian felt a deep sense of regret that he was not able to rid his mind no matter how much bourbon he consumed.

Why was he so fucking stupid?

Elena amazed Christian over the fact he had left their lifestyle and became involved with Anastasia. The one and only time she had scoffed at him and his new life was during a phone call after Grace informed Elena about Christian's girlfriend. Elena reminded Christian that he was not capable of loving anyone and that this 'mousy' Anastasia was just a passing fancy that he would eventually break since he was a natural Dominant and the urges he had his entire life would never leave him. Elena wished him luck on 'ruining' his life as master of his universe and that she could not wait to lay her eyes on the 'pitiful' girl that Christian would one day destroy. Elena further shocked Christian by never bringing up those urges for his previous lifestyle or offered to procure him with new submissives. The night of the infamous dinner that nearly cost him Anastasia, Christian was well aware that Elena's horrendous behavior toward Anastasia was her blatant way to plant doubt and insecurity into Anastasia's mind. Unfortunately for Christian, not only did it work, but he was also uncomfortably aware that Katherine Kavanagh was watching Elena's behavior as well. Christian then spent an entire week making mistake after mistake as he attempted to save his own ass and the only way he knew how to do that was to revert to his old ways of assigning blame to the person he had wronged and planting doubt in their head. This time, however, it had not worked with Anastasia, but for some reason he did not understand, she just let it go.

She wanted to see the best in me.

Whatever seeds of doubt that Elena had planted in Christian's mind eventually began to sprout and they grew into the way Christian treated Anastasia. He had never been gentle with her in bed, and as disgusting as it is, he knew that he had only been fucking her for these past three years. Christian knew that Anastasia desperately wanted him to make love to her, but he just could not lose the need of Anastasia submitting her body to his will. Christian recognized the pleasure Anastasia was feeling when he subtly inflicted pain on her body as they fucked. The more he manipulated both her mind and body, she started going into his playroom where he was beginning to introduce her to the pleasurable side of BDSM and watched as her natural curiosity started wanting to try more but remained steadfast in her refusal to allow pain to be involved. Christian used many of his twisted ways trying to drag Anastasia into the dark thirst that was slowly emerging in his soul. That dark thirst that increasingly demanded to be quenched, and although Anastasia was finally giving Christian small sips to satisfy that thirst, they were never enough.

Why couldn't they have been enough? If they had been enough, we would not be caught up in an impending shit storm.

It had not taken Christian very long to manipulate his wife into thinking that a harder flick of his flogger, a harsh spanking with his hand and even a rough, hard fuck in the ass were any different from the other experiences of pleasurable pain that he had given to her before. Even now, sitting in a chair in front of a raging fire and drunk off his ass, Christian closes his eyes and savors the word painful and recalls all the times he'd said the word to Anastasia and promise her that yes, it might be a little painful, but never unbearable. Long past Christian's fateful decision to return to his previous lifestyle, when it came to Anastasia and his desperate want to punish her, he continued to be perfidious in his ways to break her. To do what Christian enjoyed, what gave him indescribable pleasure, and what made him who he was.

Why did you want to break the best thing to ever pass your way? Because she wasn't able to erase the black off your soul?

Even after one sub became two and two became three, Christian was still fucking his wife with motives he pursued in duplicitous ways. Yet Christian could never fuck her into complete submission and she would not allow him to punish her. Christian felt his control slipping and decided to punish her sexually, pressuring her to do things he knew she was not comfortable with. Just as Elena had done to him while he was chained to a ceiling, Christian would humiliate her. Anastasia would kneel in front of her husband while he fucked her mouth so deep and fast that she would sometimes choke; all the while Christian would be yanking her braided hair so hard it would feel as though he was trying to tear out her hair. Christian would cum and hold Anastasia's head forcefully into place so she could not move away as he blew his load down her throat. Alternatively, he would perform his favorite act of ass fucking her and when he started to cum, Christian would quickly flip Anastasia over and cum in her mouth. Once he had considered her weak, he would take sadistic pleasure coming home after fucking his sub in the ass without using a condom or washing off his cock, Christian would have Anastasia give him head. Whatever perverted and twisted monster Christian thought he was before Anastasia Steele came into his world, he readily admitted he was now such a sick and disgusting human being that did not deserve to live and even contemplated killing himself on several occasions. Even those thoughts did nothing to stop Christian from pulling every trick in the book to get Anastasia to be who he needed to be even if he had a sub that was.

Grey, own your shit. Those useless whore subs of yours were not the reason you would befoul your own wife.

Christian drunkenly staggers to his laptop after deciding to reply to Anastasia's email. His eyesight so blurry he could barely see the keyboard. When Christian typed out Anastasia's name, he felt sicker than he did while drinking the entire bottle of bourbon and recalling how disgusting he was. Christian told her that he had already sent the GEH jet back to Seattle so she would not have to fly commercial to D.C. Closing the email by telling her that he loved her, Christian laughed at his own audacity. How could he be so cruel and demented to keep this beautiful and brilliant woman as his wife only for his sick enjoyment?

You keep her for more than that, Grey.

He knew she deserved a man who was decent and kind and would give her a family, something Christian could never do. Surely if he had ever had an ounce of actual love for Anastasia, the night he brought out the paddle would have never occurred. For two entire days, Christian sat at his desk at Grey House thinking about what a good girl his latest sub had been by taking thirty blows with his cane and another thirty with one of his favorite belts. What flummoxed Christian was why he always pictured his sub as his wife as each blow struck their body. It was in those two days that Christian made a conscious decision to do that one thing he had kept himself from ever doing to Anastasia. He made his mind up that when he got home; he was going to break her hard limit.

That was the moment you hit rock bottom, Grey.

Christian knew that if he was not rough with Anastasia that she enjoyed anal sex and that is why he had bought her the anal beads. They were a calculated way to distract her as he fucked her face down with her arms behind her back and tied at her wrists. At first, Christian decided to try to convince Anastasia to play around and let him spank her with the paddle while he fucked her, but as usual, she turned him down. Christian drunkenly remembers that after she refused to allow him to use it on her that he reinforced his conscious decision of breaking her hard limit by telling himself that he seemingly needed this from Anastasia despite the fact he was already getting it elsewhere. Anastasia was not capable of giving it to him and Christian could not decide if it was from her sheer stubbornness or Anastasia just being defiant.

Would you have done anything differently had you known the truth? If she had only confided in you from the very beginning?

However, on that particular night in their bedroom, Christian had a miserable soul and a selfish mind and did not pick up that paddle and begin to lay those vicious blows on his wife trying to show her how pleasure and pain went hand in hand. Christian's decision of breaking her hard limit was a conscious desire to hurt and inflict pain on her. He wanted to punish her for not being his submissive at home and for not leaving his mind in the playroom while he fucked his actual subs.

I should have never expected Anastasia to give in to me if it was going to kill her. I will regret that night for the rest of my miserable life and I can only hope when I am dead that I can attend my own funeral and spit on my hell bound corpse.

A/N

Christian's POV had to be written in two chapters. I immediately saw that his POV about Ana did not mesh as I was writing his POV about his return to his previous lifestyle as well as the subs. It looked like and also read like I was just cramming it all in one place to get it out of the way. It didn't flow correctly, I had someone read it, and they agreed. I promised I would post both chapters of Christian's POV at the same time, but my youngest child has caught what I had last week and we spent 3 hours at the doctor. It will be up tomorrow.