Ok, here's the next chappie!

To StringynKel and Jousting Elf with a Sabre : You guys are AWESOME! I NOW DOTH COMMAND THIS CHAPTER TO BE JUST FOR YOU TWO! Thanks so much!

Chapter 3: The Spanish of the Ringwraiths and Arwen (Dedicated to the two reviewers listed above)

One day Aragorn led them to a ruined watchtower called Weathertop. It was about two stories tall, with no roof and broken down walls. They stayed there while it was growing dark, and at nightfall, Aragorn gave them swords.

"You might need these," he said, handing them out to the hobbits.

"Why?" Pippin asked, taking his out of its sheath.

"For a good reason," Aragorn replied. "I'm going to have a look around," he said, getting up and walking away.

"A look around what?" Sam muttered, "This stupid tower has nothing interesting about it." he pulled out a frying pan and took out some bacon and tomatoes.

"Yuck," Frodo said, feeling the squished and rotten tomatoes, then throwing one of them away.

"Hey," Merry said, "I like tomatoes."

"Too bad for you pal," Pippin said, starting a fire. It had grown dark and windy, so he had a little trouble starting it.

"Need any help?" Merry asked, after Pippin had not started anything for about three minutes.

"No, I don't need any of your help, Merry," said Pippin, furiously scratching at his tinder box.

"But-"

"Do not blame him for not getting the fire started, Merry," Frodo said, "Pippin needs to finish this task alone."

"That was Gandalf's line!" Sam said. "You're a line thief!"

"Whatever," answered Frodo.

"Anyways, it's nighttime already," Merry said, "you can't take forever!"

"That comes later, stupid!" Pippin yelled, scratching the box with such force, that a huge flame burst out.

"Yipes!" the hobbit shouted, jumping away.

"Well, at least it started," Pippin said, laughing nervously.

"Hey, listen!" Sam said, "I think I hear the Black Riders!"

"But we're still six days from Rivendell," Merry cried, "he'll never make it!"

"We have time," Pippin said, "every day Frodo moves closer to Mordor."

"I said, stop stealing my lines!" the hobbits heard from below. Sam glared at Merry. "Yeah, don't take my lines."

"Why are you talking about me as if I'm not even here?" Frodo asked, quite bewildered, "I haven't even gotten stabbed yet!" Then he gasped a girly gasp, and being Frodo, he fell down, his sword dropping to the ground. "I can't do this, Sam," he said.

"That also comes later!" Sam shrieked, "But quick, by river, we might have a chance of outrunning the enemy to the Fords of Rauros."

"That is Celeborn's line!" yelled Frodo.

"Who?" asked Pippin.

"Oh, never mind, he only has a couple of lines in the movie anyway," Frodo said. Just then they heard the screams of the dark and devious devildoers (it would be evildoers, but that wouldn't sound right). The Hobbs quickly darted up to the top of the Titanic Tower. Ooops, wrong movie. Actually, wrong TV show. Anyway, as they looked around for the Black fellows, Frodo, looking very cute, saw them approach out of the darkness.

"EEEKKKKK!" he screamed, dropping his sword again.

"It's all right, Mr. Frodo," Sam said, "It's only the Black RRIIDDEERRS!" he hollered, "RRRUUUNNNN FOR YOUR LIVES!" All the hobbits tried to run, but they all bumped into each other.

"We'll just have to face the coming darkness, my friends!" Merry shouted above all the commotion. Everyone smarted up immediately. Sam stood in the very front as the wraiths approached, while Merry and Pippin stood in front of Frodo, who was repeating, "I don't have a ring, I don't have ring, I don't have a ring." Pretty pathetic, if you ask me.

Sam took out his frying pan and yelled, "You cannot pass, I am a servant of the Secret Fire, Wielder of the Flame of Arnor. The Dark flame will not avail you, Wraiths of Udun! Go back to the shadow of Minas Morgul. You shall not pass!" The four wraiths looked befuddled. "Wasssn't the Wizzzard sssupposssed to ssay that, Angmar?" said one of the wraiths. "Yessss, Precioussss," the king hissed, "But thisss tricksssy, ssneaky little hobbit sstole hisss line, not to mention my Precioussss," he copied Gollum.

"You stole Stinker's line, Angge-marre," Sam said, "so don't go tellin' me what not to say." He then gave a yell and started to hit the Darkened Devils with his frying pan. "EEekkk!" they all screeched, backing away from him.
"I've got a frying pan, and I'm not afraid to use it!" Sam yelled, waving his pan in utter rage.

"Don't be ssssoo ssenssitive, SShireling, we haven't even done anything yet," said one of the wraiths.

"No es matters," Sam retorted, brandishing his sword.

"What in sssam hill issss the Hobbitsss sssaying?" asked one of the riders.

"Don't asssk me," replied another.

"It's Spanish, ya numbskull!" Sam shouted.

"Sssspanissshh?" Angmar asked.

"Yeah, you know, parlez vous Francais?" Sam said.

"Uh, Sam, that's French. Spain isn't even in this world, anyway, so you'll never use it," Frodo said, being sensible.

"You never know," Sam replied.

"Ssssstuppid Hobbitsss, that comessss later in the movie," Angmar shrieked, coming closer.

"Oh, that's nice," Frodo said, "you just had to get them mad, didn't you? And I was so close to not being stabbed. Oh well, I'll just have to take it like a man. Aaaaaa!" He yelled, backing away from the wraiths. Sam had gotten pushed to the side, and Merry and Pippin were thrown aside to leave Frodo unguarded on the ground. As the wraiths got closer, Frodo got very tense. Suddenly, a thought hit him. "Ouch!" Well, not literally hit him. Anyway, he thought that if he tried speaking in the tongues of Mordor then they would let him go.

"Um, habla Espanol?" he tried. The wraiths stopped.

"Ssssheessshh," one wraith said, "Este Hobbit es extrano."

Frodo thought there might be some chance to win them over, but then Angmar dicho. "Si, mi amigo, el es extrano, pero el es tambien un line-stealer." This is what that meant for all you people who don't know Spanish.
Angmar spoke. "Yes, my friend, he is strange, but he is also a line-stealer."

"Whaddya mean, line-stealer? I haven't stole one line in a long time; you're outta your mind, Blackbeard," Frodo squawked.

"Now there you're wrong, Mr. Frodo," Sam said, "Mr. Angmar's right. You stole Took's line just a few minutes ago."

"He did? I didn't hear nothin," Pippin answered.

"I didn't hear anything," Frodo again corrected.

"Shaddup," Pippin barked, who was now very confused.

"The point is," Sam said, "We have to get out of here, these guys are gettin' pretty mad." And he was right. The wraiths suddenly stormed upon poor Frodo, trapping him against an old wall. Frodo took out the Ring and put it on. He saw instead of black wraiths not so scary looking white kings with swords.

"Wow," he said, "Am I in some sort of after-life?" The wraiths looked at each other, and then Angmar slowly reached out for the Ring.

"Oh, no you don't!" Frodo yelled, pulling the Ring to safety. "This is mine, my own Ring, and none of you, um, person thingies can have it. Es mi ring." The wraith king stabbed him for an answer, and Frodo screamed a girly scream.

"Don't take it personally!" he squeaked, gasping for breath, "It's just I have to destroy it for both our sakes." He took the ring off with some difficulty. When it was off, he heard Strider battling with the wraiths, and Sam shouting in his face, "It's all right, Mr. Frodo, everyone makes mistakes." Frodo was puzzled.

"What mistake did I make?" he asked, barely being able to talk.

"You were supposed to say what you said a minute ago in the last movie," Sam replied.

"The LAST MOVIE?" Frodo shrieked at the top of his lungs, suddenly able to speak, "I JUST GOT STABBED WITH A MORGUL BLADE BY SOME FREAKO WHACKJOBS, AND YOU'RE TELLING ME I SAID SOMETHING I WASN'T SUPPOSED TO SAY? SOME PAL YOU ARE, SAMNOT-SO-WISE GAMGEE! FREEZE A LOU!"

"Um, actually, it's geeze a lou," Sam said. Frodo fainted with anger and frustration.

Strider, who had set fire to the wraiths, now turned to Frodo. "He's been stabbed with a Morgul blade," he said, picking up the sword. It turned to ashes in his hands, and with a disgusted look, he dropped it. "Yuck, that's the last time I ever touch one of those swords, it got my beautiful hands all dirty," he complained. "Oh my baby!" he screeched, looking at his ring, "My baby Barahir! It's all covered in icky ash! Oh, what do I do?"

The Hobbs looked in disgust at each other, and then Sam said, "My friend is dying here, do ya think you could get him to safety?"

"Well..." Aragorn said, deciding whether he should wash his hands.

"Ahora, you slime ball!" Sam spat out.

"Huh? What does 'ahora' mean?" Aragorn asked.

"It means 'now', you perverted person!" Sam yelled.

"Okay, okay, I'm coming," Aragorn whimpered. He picked Frodo up, who was looking pretty bleak, and took him off the tower and into the forest where the stone trolls were.

"Gentlemen, we do not stop till nightfall," Aragorn said, running through the forest.

"Um, well... it is nightfall, Strider," Pippin said.

"Oh yeah," Aragorn answered. "Never mind."

Frodo woke up to see a troll pointing at him. He gave a disapproving frown, and said, "Didn't your mother teach you any manners? You're not supposed to point at people, you know." The troll never moved. "No pointing at people, you stupid, overweight pumpkin-head!" Frodo shrieked, trying to slap the troll's hand away. Sam appeared. "Uh, Mr. Frodo, that's just one of Mr. Bilbo's trolls. It's stone." Frodo became white with anger and went cold. Sam felt his forehead.

"He's growing a fever!" Sam said to Aragorn. "We need some antibiotics, quickly!"

Aragorn stared at him. "Um, Sam, there are no antibiotics in this story! Only kingsfoil! Go and fetch some, now, before your precious little Frodo shrivels away into dust! Mwah, hah, hah, hah!" Aragorn cackled. The Hobbits stared at him in pure terror. "Oops, um, sorry, I just got carried away with all those Scooby-doo movies. Forgive me, I was wrong to despair."

"There is nothing to forgive, Legolas," Merry said.

"Those are not your lines, you bumheads!" Sam screamed at the top of his lungs.

"Uh, yeah, like, whatever," Pippin shrugged.

"Here I come to save the daaayyy!" Arwen called, galloping on her horse.

"Sweetie! You're here!" Aragorn squealed, grabbing her hand.

"Don't touch me," Arwen snapped, slapping his hand away.

"Heeyyy, Frodo says that," Aragorn whined, rubbing his hand.

"Oh, right. Sorry, honey," Arwen said, giving Aragorn a smooch. Aragorn gave a dreamy look at Arwen.

"Who is she?" asked Pippin.

"Search me," replied Sam.

"Hey, you're supposed to know she's an Elf. You never say the right lines, Sam. What ever shall we do with you?" said Merry.

"It's a pity the wraiths didn't kill him when they had the chance," glared Pippin, feeling his sword.

"I heard it from his own mouth," Sam yelled, "He means to murder us!"

"Never, Pippin wouldn't hurt a fly!" screamed Pippin, "He's a horrid, fat hobbit who hates Pippin and who makes up nasty lies!"

"All three of you, SHUDDUP, NOW!" Arwen hollered, putting Frodo on her horse and climbing onto it. "Noro lim, Asfasloth, noro lim!" Arwen cried. The horse never moved. "Get on now!" she said, digging her heels into the horse's flanks. "Move it, you maggot of a horse!" she yelled. Nothing happened. "Is there some kind of emergency brake on this thing that I need to lift?" she asked, looking around her.

"Um, Arwen, you called him Asfasloth. I don't think any horse likes to be called a sloth," Aragorn said.

"Oh, yeah, right. Noro lim, Asfaloth, noro lim!" Arwen said. The horse immediately took off at a speed of 180 M.P.H. "Yipers!" Arwen cried, trying to pull the horse back. "This isn't the Kentucky Derby, you know!" But the horse kept going. "What in the heck is the sudden rush?" Arwen asked the next day, still going fast. "Is it you want to prove that you are better than any of the mareas, or is it those Black Riders on really fast horses?" Arwen froze. Well, not really froze, her heart just stopped beating. She looked around her and saw all of the wraiths coming after her. "Creeps!" Arwen shouted, feeling very frightened. "Can't you go any faster, Lothi?" The horse sped up to a nice smooth pace of about 200 miles per hour. "Wheeeee!" Arwen said, dodging wraiths. She then was lashed with a branch that made her bleed. "You stupid horse, this will take days to get rid of! And I have to look my best for my date, Aragorn, who will be arriving shortly!" She gave a big pout, still riding away from the wraiths, which were coming closer. The Witch-king put out his hand to grab Frodo in his clunky armor. Arwen looked behind her and saw him reach for Frodo. "Noooooooooo!" She shouted, making the horse go even faster.

"Sssshoot!" the king said, trying to match the speed of the other horse. "I almosst had him."

"Nevver!" Arwen cried, going into the river and wading to the other side, leaving the wraiths on the opposite bank. "Tee, hee, hee," she giggled with a smug look on her face. "Let's see you guys do that." One of the wraiths looked at his captain. "You're not going to let a girl beat us, are you?" he said. Angmar just sat on his horse in silence. Arwen drew out her sword.

"This is my sword, Rhindon, and with it I killed the wolf," she said.

"High queen Arwen, it is good to make your acquaintance again," said a wraith.

"You fools!" Angmar shrieked, drawing his sword, "That's not Rhindon, that's Hadhafang, and we are not in Narnia!"

"Oh, right," Arwen replied, feeling rather foolish. "Never mind."

The wraiths started to wade to the other side of the river. Arwen said some Elvis words, and the wraiths were all drowned. "Oh, yeah, baby, I'm all shook up!" Arwen sang. "Wait, that's Elvis. It should be Elvish. Oh well, time to go to Rivendell, Frodo!" she said. Frodo just moaned. "Now, whatever is the matter with you, Frodo?" she asked, laying him down on the ground.

"My pinkie toe hurts," he whined.

"Wait a minute; you're not supposed to be able to talk! Liar, liar!" Arwen accused. But in any case, she got him to her father, who healed his wound and his toe.

I Shall Once Again Commande You All To Review!