I shivered involuntary when the rain hit me in my face soaking me even more than it had already. Sitting outside during a thunderstorm was probably not one of the brightest things I've done on this trip, but I needed to clear my head. To be honest; seeing Larry getting hurt made me feel guilty and that only added to the misery I already felt.
My stomach was still terribly uneasy and even though I doubt I had anything left inside me it was best to stay outside in case the heaves turned out to be productive. Besides I didn't want to ruin yet another sleeping bag.
I had no idea how long I had been sitting on the ground when Don called out to me, "Charlie!"
Turning around I was met with his concerned eyes looking at me. "What are you doing out here in the rain?"
"So..sorry," I mumbled. "I just needed some space."
"Space?" He frowned. "Charlie you're sick and you shouldn't be out here in your condition." He put his hand on my shoulder. "Come on, Buddy, I'll help you inside."
Ignoring his words as well as the helping hand he reached out to me I asked, "How's Larry?"
"Better. I think he just sprained his ankle rather badly but he'll live. It's you that I'm concerned about."
"I'm fine." The stubborn side of me was coming to life again. "Is he in a lot of pain?" Guilt washed over me again because I felt like it was my fault that my best friend was laying inside the tent with a bad sprain or possibly even a fracture.
Don stopped trying to get me to stand up and instead hunched down beside me. "So this is what it's all about Charlie; you feeling guilty; thinking that it's your fault that Larry hurt himself?"
Shrugging I mumbled, "Well if I hadn't dragged him out here in the middle of the night and in this storm then it wouldn't have happened."
"It wouldn't have happened if you hadn't been bitten by some poisonous spider and became sick to your stomach either." He looked at me with sad eyes, "Charlie, Buddy listen to me; this is NOT your fault. You can't take everything on your shoulders. Besides with Larry it was an accident. If there is anyone who should shoulder the blame it's me."
"You?" This was not something I expected my older brother to say.
"Yes, I'm the one that forgot my hiking boots and if you hadn't gone down in the basement then you wouldn't have been bitten and…"
"Don." I cut my brother short. Listening to him torturing himself gave me an uneasy feeling. "It was an accident…all right?"
"Exactly," Don looked up at me and too late I noticed I had fallen in the trap. "That's what I've been saying. Larry hurting himself, you getting bitten; it's all an accident and no one can be blamed for it." With that he placed his arm gently around my now shivering shoulders. "So, Buddy, if you're done moping then we'd better get inside. It's cold, I'm wet and with the fever that you're running this is no place for you."
Another shiver ran down my spine and I closed my eyes. Don was right. This was definitely not the best time to be moping. My arm had started to ache so badly and the headache I had made me feel like my skull was going to explode into thousands of pieces. Once we were back inside the tent I actually cursed my own stupidity at sitting out in the rain. I was soaked to the bone and no matter how hard I tried to get warm I couldn't. After putting on some dry clothes I crawled back into the sleeping bag again.
Larry had already fallen asleep, his foot propped up on his backpack and even though it didn't look all that comfortable he snored loudly.
Don shook his head at the noise. "I swear if I have to live through one more night with him snoring then I'm going to take a sock and pop it in his mouth."
That comment made me giggle. My brother was right. Larry's snoring was loud enough to wake the dead, but I have been friends with him for a long time. We have gone hiking together before as well as sharing hotel rooms at out of town conferences. I have had to endure this nocturnal irritation on so many occasions that I find myself not really bothered by it anymore.
"Charlie," Don said as he sat down beside me on the tent floor. "Let me take one more look at your arm, okay?"
I groaned. Why did he want to look at something as disgusting as pus oozing out from a sore? I most certainly didn't.
"No, leave it for now. I'm tired." Yawning widely I tried to state my point but with Don it didn't work and soon he had talked me into looking at the "bite."
As utterly disgusted as I felt over the graphic injury I was frightened too. I have always hated spiders and the fact that something as nasty as a Brown Recluse could be the reason for me feeling this sick sent chills down my spine that had nothing to do with my fever. I had never seen those spiders in real life but I have heard about what their bites can do to people. I have heard several stories about people dying from these bites or having to have the effected limbs amputated. These thoughts only amplified my fear.
When Don took the bandage off, I saw that the yellow green and now almost black pus was seeping out of the soar in some areas. As Don wiped it clean again I could see that a small crater had developed where the bite had been. It had grown larger at a frightening rate and even though I did my best to remain calm I could feel tears burning in my eyes.
Don must have spotted it too since I felt his arm around me. "Charlie, come on, Buddy…you'll see that everything will work out just fine."
I have no idea if it was the words he had spoken that led to the dam bursting or not, but all of the sudden I couldn't hold back my tears anymore. I soon found myself sobbing into my brother's arms, just like I had done many times when I was younger. Don said nothing. He just sat there, patiently, stroking my hair. I guess he thought it was the fever talking but I knew better; it was all becoming too much; even for me.
Luckily through this whole ordeal Larry remained fast asleep. When the tears finally slowed then stopped all together I felt drained and the fatigue that I had been fighting took a sudden and weary toll on my body. As my emotions were rocketed around I felt very embarrassed for the sudden outburst. These strong and manifest emotions were not akin to my nature, at least not since I became an adult.
"I'm sorry," I whispered as I wiped the tears away with the back of my hand.
"Charlie, it's okay." Don said nothing while I cried like a child in his arms and as always he handled things with calm resolve and confidence. "You're tired. You're sick. You can't help it if your emotions become a bit too much." His tone was gentle. "Buddy, you lay down. I'm just going to clean and wrap up your wound and then I'm going to bed too. You just try and relax." At that moment Don's word sounded so much like something Dad would've said that I felt the tension that had held me in its unyielding clutches begin to loosen.
"You sound just like Dad!"
All I got back was a snort, but to be honest Don is a lot like Dad sometimes. He wouldn't agree if I told him but he has that same gentle caress that Dad has and they both have the same calm approach when it came to difficult situations.
This analogous behaviour has not always been so apparent. When Don was younger he could be very hot headed and ended up getting in trouble because of his temper. This is a side of my brother that I do not often see these days. Okay, there are times when his temper spills over but then it's more often about something I've done or because he is stressed out at work and needs to blow off some steam.
Looking at Don as he finished carefully applying a new bandage to my arm I suddenly felt the need to tell him how much he means to me.
"Thanks Don," I whisper gratefully.
"For what?" he mutters as he fastens the safety pin.
"For being there for me." I know it sounded all sappy but it was the truth. What would I have done if I didn't have my brother there to protect me?
"You're tired," he mumbled as if that would explain everything. "Okay it's all done," he continued. "Now I'm coming to bed too."
I open my mouth to clarify my words when I saw a grin on his face. Relieved that he had understood the meaning of my words and I didn't need to continue to explain I sagged back in the sleeping bag again only to move over seconds later when Don pressed his body down beside me.
He must've felt the heat I knew was radiating from my body because I felt a hand on my forehead.
"Man, Charlie, you're really burning up."
All I could do was nod. Everything else hurts too much and lying there next to my big brother made me feel very vulnerable.
Suddenly he sat up and started searching through the backpack with a flashlight.
"What're you looking for?" I asked weakly. For some strange reason it was getting harder and harder to talk. I assumed that it was the fever doing a number on my body.
"To see if Dad packed any Tylenol. We really need to get that fever down." He kept on searching for a while until he came up with a white pill bottle. "Yep. Here it is." Without wasting any time he shook out two pills and handed them to me. "Here; take these."
I nodded as I took them as well as a gulp from the bottle of water I had next to my side of the sleeping bag. Afterwards I felt like a balloon that has lost all its air as I laid back down, exhausted.
Don on the other hand kept sitting there beside me almost as if he was guarding me. Once again I had the urge to tell him how much he means to me and as I opened my mouth to do so I felt a hand on my forehead, stroking the hair away from my face.
"Shhh…" He hushes me. "Try and get some sleep now."
Annoyed over not being able to tell him how I felt I made another attempt to tell him what I had on my mind when he said to me. "Buddy, you know I like you too."
Those words are the closest Don gets to telling someone that he loves them and there was a warm and satisfied feeling spreading all over my body. I know I must've looked stupid lying there with a large grin on my face but I couldn't help it. Despite feeling absolutely miserable; the warm glow of brotherly love made me feel very happy.