Heree's the next chappie, people! I ONCE AGAIN COMMANDE YE TO READ AND REVIEW!
To: Jousting Elf with a Sabre : Hope you had a good time with those cookies! And thank you SOOO much for your AWESOME reviews!
Authoresshiding : Thanks for your review,I'm glad you liked the 'Prince Caspian' part. I decided to make Aragorn the idiot instead of Legolas. I'm sorry that you feel annoyed, i just wanted to try something different.
Blackladder35 : Um, thanks... I guess. If you don't like the story then you don't have to keep reading it.
Chapter 4: Rivendell and the Ringwraith, Eeek!
"But to have come so far, still bearing the Ring, the Hobbit has shown extraordinary resilience to its stub," Elrond said, talking to Gandalf about Frodo's toe.
"It is a burden he should never have had to bear," protested Gandalf, "We can ask no more of Frodo."
"And why not?" Elrond replied. "Who else should lay out money but her own Uncle?"
"What in the heck are you talking about?" Gandalf yelled.
"Sorry," Elrond answered, "I just love Pride and Prejudice."
"Focus, Elrond, focus!" Gandalf said, "For God's sake, let's hear no more of his partners, would he have sprained his ankle in the first dance. Oh, I just love a good romance," he sighed, wiping a tear with his grey hankie.
"Me, too," sobbed Elrond, leaning on Gandalf, who put his arm around Elrond. They both cried together until Arwen came walking by. She stopped and stared at them. They both stopped crying and looked at her. She gave a freaked-out look, and then said, "Whoa." She then slowly sauntered past, and the two old geezers glanced at each other.
"And now back to business," Elrond said, "You will be delighted to hear that we are on schedule. Two hundred thousand units are ready, with a million more well on the way."
"That's... good news," replied Gandalf.
Arwen came by again and said, "Ada, maybe you should stop obsessing about Star Wars."
"Thank you for your concern, Daughter," Elrond replied, "But I think I can take care of myself."
Arwen did not look so sure. "Yeah, right. Really." She walked past with a disgusted look on her face. She was now sure about staying with Aragorn. Who needs overprotective and insane fathers who obsess about "Star Wars"? Sheesh.
"Anyway," continued Elrond, "that bum Aragorn is here, and he wants to marry my daughter. Who would think of such a thing?"
"Search me," Gandalf replied, "but he is the rightful king of Gondor, and he is entitled to it. Maybe you should let him go off and fight Sauron for you, then that saves you the trouble. Then he can become king, sit on his throne, and wish he had Arwen." The two burst into evil laughter.
"We can run her off to the Grey Havens before the coronation," Elrond chuckled.
"And he'll never figure it out," cackled Gandalf. Aragorn, who had heard the entire thing, now strode in sight of them, and was very exasperated.
"You morons!" he yelled, "That isn't in the book or the movie, and that plan won't work, anyway."
Elrond and Gandalf looked nervous. "Well, we were talking about you getting that nice sword of yours put back together," Elrond lied.
"For that is why you have come, is it not?" Gandalf asked, "My old friend."
"Saruman said that, and you're not my friend, Miffrandeer," Aragorn answered, turning his back and walking off.
"It's MITHRANDIR!" Gandalf shouted.
"Will he ever change?" Elrond asked.
"Oh no," Gandalf said, getting all teary-eyed again, "It is an ever fixed mark that looks on tempests. Oh Willoughby!" Elrond and Gandalf started to cry again.
Meanwhile, the hobbits were reunited, and Frodo talked with Bilbo.
"It's wonderful to see you, Bilbo!" Frodo shouted, trying to jump into Bilbo's arms.
"Ugg," groaned Bilbo, "I'm old, Frodo my lad, and you said the wrong line which you supposed to say in the beginning of the movie. What do they teach them at these schools?"
"Drinking songs and how to deal with foreign rings of power," Frodo answered, showing his ring to Bilbo.
Bilbo suddenly tackled Frodo to the ground and tried to grab the Ring from him. "You thief!" he shouted reaching for the Ring, "It could have been mine, it should have been mine! Give it to me!"
"Noooo!" yelled Frodo, putting the Ring on.
Gandalf shouted, "Never put it on, for the agents of the Dark Lord will be drawn to its power, you stupid hobbit! You never listen!"
"I do too listen!" Frodo snapped, pulling it off and running away from Bilbo.
The other Hobbits watched Frodo being chased by Bilbo.
"Ahh," sighed Merry, "I just love family reunions. Everyone always is so emotional." Sam slapped him on the head. "Now wait just a minute," Sam said, "don't make fun, I was being serious."
"So was I," retorted Merry, giving Sam a shove, pushing him to the ground.
Sam jumped up, drawing his sword. A fight started, and they had to be pulled apart.
"You jerk!" Merry said, "You're supposed to say that later! But no, you had to go and say it now, didn't you! Fat hobbit is always so polite It does not care if we be hungry, it does not care if we should die!"
"Oh, I'm the one who's wrong?" Sam yelled, "Well, you're the one who had to be pushin' me to the ground, and then stealing that little rat's lines! Not that I don't care if you steal his lines, but still!"
"You stupid idiot!" shrieked Merry.
"Nincompoop!" returned Sam.
"Double moron!" shouted Merry.
Sam broke free from Pippin's hold, and drew his sword. "You fool," he hissed at Merry, "No man can kill me. Die now!" he shrieked, pouncing on Merry.
"All right, all right," Pippin interfered, trying to stop the conflict. "Let's not get too wound up. We still have a council to go to."
Sam and Merry both looked at each other and consented to stop. Pippin was very proud of himself. "I knew you needed people of intelligence on this sort of mission...quest...thing," he said, puffing out his chest, which Merry poked.
Just then, they all heard the shriek of the Nazgul. They saw a Black Rider on a fell beast.
"Wraiths on wings!" Sam shouted, "Would ya look at the size of that thing!"
"Nazgul!" Gandalf shouted, running for his staff.
"Don't bother, Grey Fool," the wraith said, "I only came to tell the fat hobbit that he'sss in big trouble with Angmar for sssaying his line."
"I am not fat!" Sam retorted. "I think I'm a size 37."
"Well, I am a sssize zero," the wraith replied.
"What diet do you use?" Sam asked, "The South Beach or Weight Watchers?"
"I prefer the Atkins diet," said the wraith, "Because I get to have Sssubway sssandwiches."
"Yum," Sam replied.
"Hold it!" Elrond shouted, "There are no diets or Subway in this movie, and the Nazgul isn't supposed to be here."
"Riiiight," the Nazgul said. "Sssee ya!" And he swooped off.
Gandalf came back with his staff, ready to face the Nazgul.
"Where is it?" he asked, quite out of breath, "Where is the Nazgul on the fell beast?"
"He's gone," sighed Merry, quite relieved.
"Um, Merry," Pippin pointed out, "You were supposed to say that when we were being chased by an orc into Fangorn Forest in the next movie. Now why would you say it now?"
Merry slowly turned toward Pippin with an evil look on his face. "Maybe it's because I FELT like it, you stupid fool of a Took!"
"You Buckhead!" snarled Gandalf, "That was my line, and I said it to this clueless piece of shortbread in Moria! You take one more step, mister, and it'll be the farthest away from home you've ever been!"
Merry and Pippin were very befuddled. Sam, however, was furious at Gandalf for taking his line.
"You old geezer!" Sam shrieked, turning his fists into balls.
"I like shortbread," Pippin said, wondering if he was going to be able to have some.
I ONCE AGAIN DOTH COMMANDE YE TO REVIEW! THANK YE!