Allll rightie, since all of you have been so WONDERFUL! I shall now put up this next chapter. I Once Again Commande Ye To Review!
StringynKel : I'm SO glad that you are enjoying this story! Thank you so much for all your wonderful reviews!
Authoresshiding : Thanks for reviewing, I hoped someone would get the stuff about Jane Austen's novels! There were a couple of Star Wars quotes in there too...
Disclaimer: Fine, I don't own LOTR, OK? Satisfied?
Chapter 5: Boromir and the Sneaks, Uh-oh!
That night Aragorn was reading a book on how to thwart the plans developed by mean wizards and evil Elvish Lords who just happened to rule Rivendell, when Boromir came walking by, whistling a tune.
"Through shadow," Boromir sang, not seeing Aragorn, "to the edge of night, until the stars are all alight... Mist and shad-"
"Would you please shut up?" Aragorn asked, very annoyed at being disturbed. "I'm trying to read my book, and anyway, Pippin is supposed to sing that in the last movie in Denethor's palace. He is such a creep. I'm sure glad to be bootin' him outta office." He chuckled evilly.
Boromir was livid. "That creep is my father, and how could you boot him out of office? Who are you?"
"I am a friend, well, not exactly a friend, not really a friend, actually, not a friend at all, we're enemies, to Gandalf the Grey," answered Aragorn. "You know him?"
"As much as I ever wish to," Boromir said. Suddenly Gandalf and Elrond came running up to Boromir.
"Do you like Pride and Prejudice, too?" they both asked. Boromir was very puzzled. "What?" he said.
"Don't bother, fellas," Aragorn said, "He didn't know that he was copying the movie. Leave him alone."
"You thief, you filthy little thief!" shrieked Sam, bounding up, "You stole it, you stole it from us! Curse them!" he tackled Aragorn.
"EEekkk!" cried Aragorn, trying to get Sam off him. "Where's Jim Dandy when you need him?"
"Who?" asked a puzzled Boromir.
"You know," said Aragorn, finally throwing Sam off himself, "'Jim Dandy to the Rescue'? That thing in Friendly's?"
"Ooohh, I love Friendly's!" shouted Sam. "Especially their chicken tender baskets. Yum!"
"Yum nothing!" replied Boromir, "I prefer their double bacon cheese burger with extra bacon."
"You IDIOTS!" shrieked Elrond, "Friendly's part in this tale is over! You two go back to your homes!"
"STUPID, SLEEZY SIMPLETON!" Merry yelled, running up to Elrond with his fists balled. "THAT WAS TREEBEARD'S LINE!"
"Yeah, yeah, who cares; you over react, Mr. Hobbit," Elrond said, obviously not shaken by the name-calling. He then left with Gandalf, turning up his nose at Aragorn, who thought, "Sheesh, Elrond is one eccentric Elf. Hey, Eccentric Elrond the Elf! That's pretty good, if I do say so myself."
Elrond poked his head in the room and screeched, "I heard that, you bonehead! I have telepathy, you know! Don't ever let me catch you thinking like that again!"
"Yes, they catch you, they catch you!" screamed Sam, waving his arms around in the air.
"CALM down, dude," said Merry, "It's not like nobody stole anybody's lines."
"ANYBODY!" shrieked Frodo, popping in to the room.
"I feel cool, calm, and collected," sang Boromir.
"Gimme a break, Boree," said Aragorn, "And yes, you mischievous Merry, Sam just took Gollum's lines! I think you need a hearing aid."
"A what?" asked Boromir.
"A hearing aid," replied Aragorn.
"Can you hear with it?" asked Boromir.
"Of course you can hear with it, it's a hearing aid," said Aragorn.
"Okay, I'll buy a hearing aid," said Boromir. "Hey Sam, do you want to buy a ring?"
"A what?"
"A ring."
"Does it make you disappear?"
"Of course it makes you disappear, it's a ring."
"Okay, I'll buy a ring," said Sam. "Hey Mr. Frodo, do you want to buy a-"
"SHADDAP, YOU IDIOTS!" yelled Merry.
"Why?" asked Sam.
"Because it's NOT IN THE MOVIE!" shrieked Merry at the top of his lungs.
"Uh, yeah, um, like, whatever," said Arwen, grabbing Aragorn's hand and dragging him away.
"Lucky duck," muttered Boromir.
Arwen took Aragorn to a bridge in the valley, and they joined their hands together.
"Um, I think I only wanna be with youu!" sang Arwen.
"What?" asked Aragorn.
"Never mind, you bonehead," said Arwen, "Now, as I was saying, I want to be queen, so you go out there with that Frumbo, that little guy with the big ears? And you go on your quest, defeat Sauron, and then marry me. Sound like a good plan?"
"Who's Frumbo?" asked Aragorn.
"The hobbit, stupid!" yelled Arwen.
"Actually, Frodo doesn't have big ears, he has big eyes. I think you're getting him mixed up with Dumbo," said Aragorn.
"And I think I'm not," contradicted Arwen.
"And I think you are," said Aragorn.
"And I think I'm not," replied Arwen angrily.
"And I think you are," retorted Aragorn.
"Are you saying that you think that I'm wrong?" shouted Arwen.
"Now, honey," started Aragorn.
"Don't you 'honey' me, you nitwit, I'm not wrong!" screamed Arwen.
"Ok, ok, you're not wrong," Aragorn said.
"Good," replied Arwen, "Because you're going to need this," she handed him the Evenstar.
"You cannot give me this," refused Aragorn.
"Yes, I can," replied Arwen.
"No you can't."
"Yes I can."
"No you can't."
"Fine, then," said Arwen, taking it back, "I didn't want to give it away, anyways."
"No, wait, hold it. I want it," said Aragorn, holding out his hand.
"Well, now that it comes to it, I don't feel like parting with it, it's mine, I found it, it came to me!" yelled Arwen.
"There's no need to get angry," said Aragorn.
"Well, if I'm angry, it's your fault," snapped Arwen. "It's mine, my own, my Precious." She cradled it in her hand.
"OH, great," groaned Aragorn. "A perfect date ruined. Anyway, Arwen-baby, I'd love to chat, but I've gotta run. There's a cute Rohan chick that likes me, and I haven't got much time left. After all, I am eighty-seven years old. Oh, my poor back," he groaned, rubbing his back.
"No, wait," Arwen said, holding out the Evenstar. "You can have it, but you must promise not to marry that girl. She is only a mortal, after all."
Aragorn thought it over for a minute. "Weelll, ok," he said, "Zounds like a plan to me." He threw the jewel around his neck.
"Be careful, you moron!" Arwen shrieked.
"Oh, right, sorry," Aragorn said, nervously laughing. "I promise to be more careful with it."
"There is no promise you can make that I can trust," huffed Arwen.
"WHAT? WHAT?" screamed Aragorn.
"Nothing, my dear," said Arwen, smooching Aragorn on the lips.
"HEY, I SAW THAT!" yelled Elrond, who had been watching the entire thing. Arwen and Aragorn were very startled.
"Let's beat it," said Aragorn, pulling Arwen out of sight.
"Indeedee," replied Arwen, running off.
"Come back here RIGHT NOW, YOUNG LADY, you're going to get a time out!" cried Elrond, banging his fist on the railing. "Ouch," he said, rubbing his hand.
"I am NOT young, you atrocious father!" shouted Arwen, popping out from behind the bushes. She then whisked away again.
"Stupid daughters," Elrond mumbled, shaking his head. "If I had only been able to have sons," he said, his eyes filling up with tears.
Elladan, Elrohir, and some other sons appeared "Dude, we, like, ARE your sons!" Elladan said, frantically jumping up and down.
"QUIT acting like an energetic clown!" shouted Elrond. "Could you help me find my daughter?"
"NO, FOR GOSH SAKES!" cried Elrohir, "She can marry that bum for all I care; I'm going to bed. Anyway, who CARES if she marries him so long as she's happy? I can't talk to you anymore. Adios, mi padre." He bowed and left with the other sons.
As they were leaving, Sam came up to them and started drilling them on their Spanish. Frodo grabbed Sam away and dragged him off to bed, and finally saved the poor Elves from torture.
"Hey," protested Sam, "They said 'tampoco' wrong. I have to go correct their fiendish mistake." He tried to run back to the Elves, but Frodo yanked him back to their room.
"Do you want to make a bad impression with the Elves the first day that we're here? I would rather not be killed, thank you," Frodo said. Sam finally agreed to not bother the Elves, and they both went to bed.
Well, WELL, what d'ya think, mates? Is it a befittin' chappie for ya?