You forgot to take your Potion tonight
This vignette isn't part of the seven part series that starts with "Why Snape never eats here" – but people asked for the story, and I found that I couldn't say no to an opportunity to roast Remus Lupin over a slow fire. However, if you read the series you will get a better feel for the particular version of the Potterverse in which this story is set.
Chapter 1: Peter Pettigrew
When he was a rat, he mostly thought rat-like thoughts and did rat-like things - he ate, he slept, he gnawed ... but he always kept a sharp ear out for talk of the Dark Lord, and when the kids had been fed and bathed and packed off to bed, he often crept around the house - and he didn't hesitate to snoop into the parents' bedroom, either. He snooped into their room to listen to what Arthur and Molly Weasley said to each other when it was dark and quiet, when they were alone in bed together and there were no listening ears – and before Weasley started groping his wife, the dirty dog, and who would have thought that a weedy little balding guy like Weasley had it in him? Hell, they'd been married for years and had seven kids, you'd think the romance would have gone out of their marriage by now!
Sirius' escape from Azkaban had really rattled him - it had been splashed all over the Daily Prophet and it had scared him shitless, because if Sirius can escape, maybe the others can ... and then he'd have both of them after him – Sirius and his cousin Bella, the crazy bitch. The crazy, crazy bitch – somehow she'd managed to talk her way out of Azkaban, and then she and her little gang had gone after the Longbottoms and wound up back in prison again, how fucking insane was that? Bellatrix Lestrange had been mad enough before she went to Azkaban, but after twelve years in that place ... and she'd blame him, which was so bloody unfair, he had no idea what had happened, why everything had gone so totally pear-shaped! It should have been easy, the Dark Lord had powers other wizards couldn't even imagine ... terrible powers. Even now, a bodiless wreck, the Dark Lord was dangerous – Quirrell had somehow been under his thrall, and the Dark Lord's diary alone had the power to work his will, to open the Chamber of Secrets and loose a Basilisk in the school - and he was still caught between the devil and the deep blue sea.
The Dark Lord had terrible powers, and there was no one who could protect him, the Ministry was useless and Dumbledore was a Muggle-loving old fool. The Headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry was powerful, yes, and the only wizard the Dark Lord ever feared – but Dumbledore was still an old fool, and he'd known that he was making the right decision in taking the Dark Mark when the Dark Lord told him that he had a spy at Hogwarts. No, not even Hogwarts was a refuge, not when the Dark Lord had an agent there, on the inside. He'd thought at the time, is Dumbledore going senile, not to realise what side Snape is on? Sure, Snape's a master of Occlumency, but you'd only have to look at the slimy Slytherin sod to see who he belongs to! And Dumbledore thinks that Snape is working for him!
And then he'd felt a bit squeamish, knowing what the Dark Lord planned for Lily – he wouldn't kill her unless he had to, she was to be kept for Snape, his little reward for bringing the news of the prophecy. Yep, Lily was to be Snape's toy, and honestly it was better for her the way that things had turned out, she was better off dead than having that ugly greasy vicious bastard pawing at her. Come to think of it, Snape had probably fancied Lily when they were all still at school together, because those pure-blood Slytherin boys were all the same - they sneered at the Muggle-born and half-blood girls in the other Houses, but they couldn't keep their eyes off them on the Hogwarts Express, before they changed out of their Muggle skirts and jeans into school robes. They thought Muggle girls were tramps, just because they wore short skirts and tight jeans – big mistake, from what he knew of Muggle females, they were no easier to get into bed than witches, not unless you used a Confundus Charm ...
Poor sweet pretty Muggle-born Lily, she'd actually been friendly with Snape at school, they'd been old Slughorn's pet NEWT students, she'd kept saying that he wasn't as bad as people made out - but she had no idea, no idea at all, of what he was really like. Snape was one of the Dark Lord's killers, and he'd do anything for the Dark Lord – he'd executed his mate Regulus Black on the Dark Lord's orders, and he certainly wouldn't hesitate to kill him if he was ordered to, no, he'd enjoy it, because James and Sirius had pranked him a bit at school ... yes, Snape would relish the job of killing him, even though he hadn't done anything, he'd only watched ...
Poor bloody Regulus, Sirius' little brother, he'd disappointed the Dark Lord and he'd been killed – and that was proof that no one was safe if they lost the Dark Lord's favour, because the Blacks were pure-blood wizarding royalty and Regulus' cousin Bellatrix was one of the Dark Lord's most trusted Death Eaters. And it was ironic, really, that Sirius had ended up in Azkaban, in the cell next to Bellatrix, and he was sorry about that, he really was ... and he hadn't wanted to hurt James and Lily, he hadn't wanted to get them killed, if he could have done something to save them, he would have, but what could he do? Dumbledore himself had offered to be their Secret-Keeper, why hadn't they accepted the offer? They'd practically committed suicide ... but Sirius wasn't likely to see it that way.
Snooping in the Weasleys' bedroom, that's how he'd heard the story that was going the rounds of the Ministry – Sirius had been talking in his sleep for weeks before he escaped, always the same words, he's at Hogwarts ... he's at Hogwarts. And it hadn't been hard to work out what that meant, Sirius didn't mean Harry, or even Snape - Sirius was after him, though how Sirius knew that he spent most of his time at Hogwarts, Merlin only knew. Perhaps he'd seen that damn newspaper article, seen that damn photograph, seen him perched on Ron's shoulder, playing the part of the faithful familiar – and he'd known that was a mistake, he should have hidden in Ron's pocket - didn't Fudge say that Sirius had asked for the paper, wanted to do the crossword?
He'd trembled when he heard those words, thought of running away ... but he's lived as a wild rat, and it's a hard life. He'd thought of hiding, of only coming out after the kids had left for Hogwarts, but that was dangerous, too. He wasn't scared of the kids, they weren't yet sufficiently knowledgeable about magic to spot an Animagus, but the parents might. Yes, they might spot something odd about him, if they were the ones feeding him, paying attention to him ... that's one of the reasons he'd chosen the Weasleys, the number of kids and pets in that house pretty much guaranteed that he'd never get more than a passing glance from an adult. He'd started off hiding in the garden, dodging gnomes, stealing chicken food, reading the Daily Prophet when it was chucked out, listening at windows ... but when Charlie found him, he'd taken the risk of becoming a pet. And it hadn't been a bad life, Charlie had passed him onto Percy, and Percy had passed him onto Ron, and that was OK – after all, he'd skipped the twins, who were, frankly, bad news.
No, it wasn't a bad life, except for the fact that he might as well have been neutered, he might be a rat Animagus but that didn't mean that he wanted to hump female rats, urgh. It wasn't a bad life, except that he lived like a monk, he hardly ever even saw an attractive female for close to ten months of the year – Hogwarts might be teeming with gorgeous teenage witches, but they didn't frequent the Gryffindor boys' dormitories, even if there was no enchantment to prevent them, and he didn't wander the corridors – not with Mrs Norris on the loose, and the ever-present risk of running into McGonagall, she was an Animagus herself and she'd recognise him in both his human and animal forms. Well, maybe it wasn't a great life, living as a rat, but at least he was safe – and Ron never did anything much to him, he'd tried to turn him yellow on the Hogwarts Express in first year, but that was about it.
It had given him a nasty turn, seeing Harry on the train, Merlin's beard but he was the living image of James at the same age! He'd been pretending to be asleep in Ron's pocket, but he'd heard every word, I remember a lot of green light, but nothing else, and that had given him a twinge, because he had nothing against the kid - he had nothing against James and Lily, either. And he'd thought, me and the kid, we're both victims of the Dark Lord, and of the prophecy. And if the Dark Lord ever comes back, he'll be after both of us ...
And they were victims, both him and Harry, they'd both been doomed once the Dark Lord decided that Harry was the child that the prophecy pointed to - the Dark Lord had found out from Snape who the Potters' friends were, and then the Dark Lord had come after him. The Dark Lord had given him convincing demonstrations of his power, the Dark Lord had shown him some of the things that he could do, and he'd nearly wet himself with fear ... and the Dark Lord had been gathering power, gathering followers, it was only a question of time before the Dark Lord overthrew the Ministry. So he'd taken the Dark Mark, but he hadn't wanted to hurt anybody, he'd just been trying to save himself.
Hell, he wasn't really cut out to be a Death Eater, he didn't hate Muggles or want to kill people for fun, not like the others - the sick bastards. And not all of them were in Azkaban, not by a long shot, he'd heard all about the trials that followed the fall of the Dark Lord – Lucius Malfoy had got off scot free, cleared of all charges on the grounds of bewitchment under the Imperius Curse, and that was a load of crap; Karkaroff had bought his way out of Azkaban by naming names; and Snape ... he'd suckered Dumbledore completely, what had Dumbledore said, Severus Snape is now no more a Death Eater than I am. A lot of Death Eaters had walked free, and if they knew what he'd done, they'd blame him, too – and they'd probably kill him, revenge for the fall of their precious Dark Lord ...
He'd only been trying to save himself, and with the benefit of hindsight he'd made a dreadful mistake – he'd ended up spending twelve years living as a rat, and this year it had looked as even that miserable existence was going to be taken away from him, because on top of Sirius' escape from Azkaban, he'd found out that Remus was teaching at Hogwarts. His heart had nearly stopped when he saw Remus on the train - Remus had seen him transform a thousand times, Remus would know him at once, if Remus got so much as a glimpse of him ...
But he'd been glad enough of Remus' presence when Remus drove the Dementor away, even in his Animagus form the thing had affected him, made him re-live the worst experience of his life – his branding with the Dark Mark. Bellatrix had laughed at him, told him, it will sting a bit – and that had been the understatement of the century! And when it was over, he realised that he'd made a terrible, terrible mistake – he belonged to the Dark Lord now, he couldn't dodge, he couldn't run, he couldn't hide ... and there was no way back, no escape, it was a lifetime of service or death.
The Hogwarts Express had been an ordeal this year – between Crookshanks, Remus, and the Dementor, he'd had a hell of a time, and he'd been a wreck by the time they'd got to the school - and then things hadn't got any better. He'd kept out of sight, he'd virtually lived in Ron's pocket, he'd dodged Hermione's hideous orange cat-monster, but he could hardly eat, he could hardly sleep – how could he eat or sleep when not even Gryffindor Tower was safe? The last straw was when he found out that Harry had the Marauders Map, the Map that showed the location of every person in Hogwarts, the Map that could betray him – so he'd bolted, he'd got out of the castle, and just in time, too, because Sirius had come back, and this time he'd got through the portrait hole.
But it had been out of the frying pan and into the fire, really, in Hagrid's hut - Fang was harmless enough but that bloody Hippogriff wasn't, and what kind of wizard lets a Hippogriff sleep on his bed? But he couldn't disappear into the Forbidden Forest, that wasn't safe, either, it was crawling with Acromantula and other deadly things – and he needed to know what was going on. He needed to know if Sirius had been caught, if it might be safe to come out of hiding – not safe to go back to Hogwarts, it wouldn't be safe while the Map still existed, but perhaps he could find another home, with another wizard family ... and that had been another disastrous miscalculation, because now he's facing his worst nightmare. Well, maybe it's not his worst nightmare, because the Dark Lord is his worst nightmare, but he's trapped in a room with no less than three wizards who will kill him if they can - a Death Eater, a werewolf and a madman who's been in Azkaban for twelve years – so how could things possibly get worse?
He's struggling in Ron's hands, and the stupid boy won't let go of him, he'd bite the kid but Ron is holding him in a grip of iron, and he can't reach around far enough to sink his teeth into the boy's hand ... but there's hope, it looks like Snape doesn't know anything about him, Snape thinks that Remus was helping Sirius to get into the castle! Snape isn't listening to Remus, he's pointing his wand at Remus' chest, there's a murderous gleam in those black eyes and Snape is saying something about two more for Azkaban tonight ... but Remus has still got his wand, if they duel, there's a chance that he can get away in the confusion.
He thinks, why doesn't Remus draw his wand, why doesn't he fight with Snape? Bloody Remus, he never does anything, it's all talk, he's taunting Snape about that business back in sixth year that nearly got Sirius expelled instead of reaching for his wand! And now it's too late, Remus is entangled with cords ... Snape is turning on Sirius now, his wand is pointed straight between Sirius' eyes – it'll be the Avada Kedavra, a direct hit, straight between the eyes - Snape might be a loyal Death Eater, he might think that Sirius betrayed the Potters to the Dark Lord, but he's not going to try to help Sirius, he's going to kill him!
He braces himself for the flash of green light, this will be his chance to wriggle free, to slip away between the cracks - but Snape isn't doing anything, his face is twisted with hatred, but he isn't doing anything.
Hermione is babbling something about Snape making a mistake, and Snape starts shrieking at her, he looks quite deranged – Merlin, he must really hate Sirius – and Sirius is saying he'll come quietly provided that Ron brings his rat up the castle. His stomach turns inside out at these words, but hope floods back when he hears Snape speak again, using that smooth, malevolent voice he always used when he was being threatening, back in school ... "Up to the castle? I don't think we need to go that far. All I have to do is call the Dementors once we get out of the Willow. They'll be very pleased to see you, Black ... pleased enough to give you a little kiss, I daresay ... I'll drag the werewolf. Perhaps the Dementors will have a kiss for him, too ..."
He could almost whimper with relief, with Sirius and Remus out of the way, he'll be safe, there'll be no one to accuse him, though it still might be best to slip away at the first opportunity he gets ...
But Harry is striding across the room, blocking the door, looking grim and determined and more like James at the age of thirteen than ever, and he's speaking up for Remus, asking why, if Remus was helping Sirius, he hadn't attacked Harry when he got the chance? And now Harry and Snape are shouting at each other, they're both livid with anger, it's just like that day in third year when James and Snape got into a Muggle duel and James punched Snape and broke his nose - Snape snivelled like a girl that day, that's how he got the nick-name "Snivellus". He can't remember what the fight was about - there never needed to be a reason, did there, for James and Sirius to have a little fun with Snape? And he can't help feeling a bit scared for Harry, because Snape isn't a stringy undersized thirteen year old boy any more, he's a grown wizard now, and he looks completely insane with rage – Merlin knows what he might do if he loses his grip, forgets that if he gives himself away and does serious damage to the Boy Who Lived, he'll end up in Azkaban, too.
Then three voices yell Expelliarmus!, there's a tremendous blast, and Snape is knocked against the wall, knocked unconscious – but Ron is still clutching him to his chest, he still can't get free ... and Sirius is reaching his claw-like hands out for him, he wriggles frantically ... but Ron won't give him up, he's a good kid, really, he won't let anyone hurt his dear old Scabbers ...
Sirius is pulling a crumpled piece of paper out of his filthy, tattered robes ... it was that blasted newspaper article that gave him away ... Sirius is telling the whole story, telling them how he'd cut off the finger on his left hand - shit, he's completely rooted now, all they have to do is look at his left paw ...
But what else could he do? When he'd heard that the Dark Lord had fallen, when he'd realised the mistake that he'd made, he'd known that it was only a matter of time before they came after him, all of them, the Aurors, the Order and the Death Eaters - he'd had to frame Sirius and disappear, it was his only chance!
Ron and Harry aren't convinced, Harry is shouting at Sirius – but Sirius is telling them how James and Lily switched Secret-Keepers, and now the crunch is coming, Remus is asking Ron to hand him over ... Ron is hesitating ... Ron is holding him out, he squeaks desperately, he twists and turns, writhing and twisting in Remus' hand, but Sirius has Snape's wand, and they're going to do it together on the count of three, they're going to cast the Homorphus Charm and force him to assume his human form.
There's a flash of blue-white light, another blinding flash of light, and he can't stop it, he can't help it ... he's standing in front of them, cringing and wringing his hands, glancing towards the door and back again, he'd make a run for it but they'd stun him, they've got wands in their hands - his only chance is to persuade Remus that Sirius is a Death Eater, that Sirius is lying.
He pleads with Remus, pleads with Remus to help him ... tells him that he'd known that Sirius would be after him, that he's lived in fear for twelve years.
Remus furrows his brow, asks how he knew that Sirius was going to break out of Azkaban - well of course he hadn't known that, he still doesn't know how Sirius got out of Azkaban.
He remembers that only Death Eaters call the Dark Lord by that title, he mustn't call him the Dark Lord ... shrilly, he shouts, "He's got dark powers the rest of us can only dream of! How else did he get out of there? I suppose He Who Must Not Be Named taught him a few tricks!"
Sirius laughs, a horrible, mirthless, laugh. "Voldemort, teach me tricks?" he says.
He flinches, it is forbidden to use that name, the Dark Lord forbids it, and the Dark Mark used to hurt if that name was used, a little reminder from the Dark Lord of his power.
Sirius is speaking again, taunting him, confirming his fears, saying, "You haven't been hiding from me for twelve years. You've been hiding from Voldemort's old supporters. I heard things in Azkaban, Peter ... they think you're dead, or you'd have to answer to them ... I've heard them screaming all sorts of things in their sleep. Sounds like they think the double-crosser double-crossed them. Voldemort went to the Potters' on your information ... and Voldemort met his downfall there. And not all Voldemort's supporters ended up in Azkaban, did they? There are still plenty out here, biding their time, pretending they've seen the error of their ways ... If they ever got wind that you were still alive, Peter - "
His head is spinning at the sound of the dreaded name, he squeaks and protests - Remus is asking why an innocent man would want to spend twelve years living as a rat – and he must use the name, he must be brave, he must convince Remus ...
He squeals, "Innocent but scared! If Voldemort's supporters were after me, it's because I put one of their best men into Azkaban – the spy, Sirius Black!"
Sirius is growling at him, accusing him, saying that it must have been the finest moment of his life, telling the Dark Lord that he could hand James and Lily to him ... doesn't Sirius understand? He hadn't wanted to do it, he'd hated doing it – but James and Sirius and Remus couldn't protect him from the Dark Lord! The real world wasn't like Hogwarts, where it had always been four against one, it wasn't just hexes in the corridors, detentions and House points – it wasn't a game, it was deadly serious, it was war, and his life was on the line.
Hermione, the sweet sensible girl, is asking why, if he belongs to the Dark Lord, he's never tried to hurt Harry. Well of course he's never tried to hurt Harry, why would he do that? Harry's never tried to hurt him, Harry's been nice to him – fed him Fudge Flies ...
Sirius is sneering at him, laughing at him, saying that he wouldn't do anything for a wreck of a wizard who'd lost all his powers ... saying that he wouldn't go back to the Dark Lord unless he was sure that it was safe to rejoin him, but Sirius doesn't know what he's saying, Sirius doesn't know what it's like to have the Dark Mark burned into your arm! If the Dark Lord ever comes back, if the Dark Lord is ever restored to power, if he ever feels the Dark Mark burn again, what else can he do but answer the summons? Because the Dark Lord's anger will be terrible, and his only hope will be to beg and to grovel and to crawl ...
But Hermione is still asking questions, asking how Sirius broke out of Azkaban ... Sirius is telling them that he'd survived in Azkaban in his Animagus form, as a dog - and now Sirius is saying terrible things about him, saying that he'd schemed to be at Hogwarts with Harry, ready to deliver the last Potter to the Dark Lord if he ever rose again!
He stares at Sirius, hypnotised with horror, because nothing has been further from his mind, he's just been trying to stay safe, stay out of sight - and he fervently hopes that the Dark Lord never does rise again. But that must be why Snape has stayed at Hogwarts, he's always wondered why Snape stayed at the school when he seemed to hate teaching so much ... Snape would be cunning enough to come up with that plan, buying his way back into the Dark Lord's favour by bringing Harry to him!
Sirius is looking at Harry, and his eyes are fixed on Harry, too, because Harry is the key - if Harry believes Sirus, he's a lost cause. Sirius is saying that he's seen Harry play Quidditch, that Harry flies a broom as well as James ... Sirius is saying he would have rather died than betray James and Lily, and Harry is nodding, he believes Sirius!
He falls to his knees, grovelling, but Sirius is kicking out at him, calling him filth ... he turns to Remus, Remus was the prefect, the fair-minded one, Remus will give him a chance, Remus will listen to him ...
He writhes imploringly, squeaks, "Remus! You don't believe this ... wouldn't Sirius have told you if they'd changed the plan?"
Remus replies, "Not if he thought I was the spy, Peter. I assume that's why you didn't tell me, Sirius?"
He thinks, distractedly, it's not my fault if everyone thought Remus was the spy! Remus is a werewolf, a Dark creature, and all the werewolves were going over to the Dark Lord!
And now Sirius and Remus are rolling up their sleeves, they're going to kill him on the spot, together, without even a trial, they're going to execute him ... Sirius was always cruel, and Remus always followed his lead ...
He scrambles around to Ron, pleading to him, he's been a good pet to Ron, a good rat, but Ron is shrinking from him, wrenching his leg away from him.
He turns to Hermione, she's a kind girl, soft-hearted, she won't let them hurt him - he clutches at her robes, but she backs away.
There's only Harry left, his last chance, and Harry is like James, James grew up a lot once he started going out with Lily, and he was an Auror, a Ministry wizard, trained to bring prisoners in alive if he could - he wasn't just one of Dumbledore's crazy vigilantes. He kneels and trembles and begs, "Harry ... Harry ...you look just like your father ... just like him ..."
Sirius is shouting at him, but he ignores him, shuffles towards Harry, begging for mercy – Sirius and Remus are seizing him, throwing him onto the floor, Sirius is saying that he sold James and Lily to the Dark Lord, and he can't deny it, but Sirius doesn't understand, Sirius doesn't know what the Dark Lord is really like, Sirius has never been in his presence, never felt the fear that the Dark Lord inspires.
He whimpers, he never meant it to happen, the Dark Lord forced him, but Sirius isn't listening, he's shouting, and there's a look of awful anger on his face.
Lupin is saying goodbye, they're raising their wands ... and he knows that it's all over, he's going to die.
"NO!" yells Harry, running forward, facing the drawn wands. "You can't kill him. You can't."
Remus looks amazed, Sirius is snarling, but Harry is determined, Harry is saying that they'll take him up to the castle – it will be Azkaban, but he's not going to die ...
He wraps his arms around Harry's legs, spluttering his gratitude - Harry throws his hands off him in disgust, but Sirius and Remus are lowering their wands, it will be Azkaban and they say it's a living death in Azkaban, but while there's life there's hope ...
And now they're blundering along the tunnel to the Whomping Willow, he's manacled between Remus and Ron, and Remus and Sirius will kill him if he transforms, but it's a long way up to the castle, and anything might happen, he might still have a chance to escape. Snape is still unconscious, but he might come to before they reach the castle, and if he does, there's bound to be a brawl, because Snape is going to be really savage when he finds out what's happened. When he realises that Sirius is using his wand, Snape will go wild - another man handling his wand, that's pretty much the biggest insult, the biggest humiliation for a wizard - and he only needs a moment when Sirius and Remus are distracted, the kids aren't a real threat, he can transform in an instant, escape the manacles, and get away.
They've emerged from the hole, they're tramping through the grounds, the castle is getting closer and closer, he's running out of time, he's really starting to panic – and then he realises that behind those heavy clouds, there's a full moon, and as soon as the moon breaks through the clouds, Remus is going to transform, and he'll get his chance ...
A cloud shifts, they're bathed in moonlight, and it starts, exactly as he anticipated - Remus goes rigid, shakes and snarls ... he knows what's happening, and so does Sirius, they've seen Remus transform a dozen times ... Sirius assumes his Animagus form, struggles with the werewolf ... he spots Remus' wand lying on the ground, he dives for it, Ron is in the way and that god-awful cat is trying to stick its claws into him ... he knocks them out of the way with stunning spells, but then Harry yells Expelliarmus! and Remus' wand flies out of his hand, and he bolts - he transforms, and scuttles away into the grass.
He doesn't stop scurrying until he's well inside the Forbidden Forest, and then he creeps under a bush, ears pricked and nose twitching for danger, and mulls over his situation. He thinks, I've got to get out of here, get out of Britain, because the kids will back Sirius and Remus up, McGonagall might even be able to recognise me from that bloody photo - and how many ordinary rats live for twelve years? Dumbledore will believe them ... and he's got influence with Fudge. They'll sic the Auror Corps on to me now, every man's hand and every man's wand will be against me – the Ministry, the Order and the Death Eaters – and how long before one of them catches up with me? How long have I got to live?
And then he thinks of his last resort, if I can find the Dark Lord, help him, restore him to a body - he'll be grateful, he'll forgive me, he'll protect me ...
His stomach churns with fear, he'd be sick just at the thought of it but a rat can't vomit - that's why the Muggles use rats for their nasty experiments - but there's no avoiding it, only the Dark Lord can protect him against this many enemies, and there's nothing else that he can do, nowhere else that he can go - he's got no other choices, no other options.