Ok, thanks for ALL your FABULOUS reviews! You guys are da BOMBS! Thanks so much!
Authoresshiding : Yeah, the 'oh diapers' thing is weird. But then 'o course... I'm weird too... so there might be a wee wittle bit of a connection, there...
Jousting Elf with a Sabre : Thanks for reviewing, I'm so glad you like my story! Here's the next chapter!
The Fellowship and the Geezers Part Dos (two)
Merry shook his head and went back to watching his cousin, who had finished the pushups. "Whee hoo, looks like you did it, buddy boy," he said, patting him on the back.
"Thanks," replied Pippin, shaking his head, which was covered in sweat. Merry made a face. " Whoa, you need a shower, dude. You smell really bad."
Pippin smelled himself. "I don't think so, I just took a bath a couple months ago. Or was it a year? But moving on, do you by any chance know where we're headed off to next? Gondor? Rohan? San Francisco?"
"I don't know," replied Merry, "I don't know what's going to happen." He walked away, starting to cry.
Pippin was very confused. "What's his problem?" he thought, "maybe too much Longbottom Leaf. Oh well." He started to walk off.
Suddenly Merry came bounding back, calling his name. Pippin was very annoyed, and thought that it was Sam asking him if he could listen to some cooking lessons. When Merry was right behind him, Pippin whisked around and snapped, "Look, I don't WANT any cooking... oh, it's you Merry. Never mind."
Merry was exasperated. "Who'd ya think it was, the Easter Bunny?" he asked, insulted.
"Well, now that you mention it, I was wondering if Easter was coming up soon," replied Pippin foolishly; "Because I was very much in the mood for some candy and a chocolate bunny. Does the Easter Bunny come to you while you're on a mission to destroy the Ring, Merry?"
Merry stared at him in utter annoyance. Pippin looked at him expectantly for an answer. "Well?" Pippin axed. "What say you?"
Aragorn suddenly rushed over and grabbed Pippin's shirt. "How dare you take my line, you overgrown gardener!" he yelled, the fresh scent of smoke still on his breath.
Pippin choked and hacked, but finally managed to get out, "My...name...is...Pi, ahem, ppin, you...mor...on," he said, trying to get his breath back.
Merry came up behind Aragorn and punched him in the back, making him drop Pippin. "My cousin is NOT the gardener, and he certainly is not overweight! If you want a fat botanist, then go find Sam, you brain dead BUM!"
"What did you say about me?" shrieked Sam, who was studying to see if impatiens would grow in the rocks.
"Erm, nothing sir!" called Merry nervously.
Aragorn staggered back up and ran away from Merry and Pippin. He then reflected on his past and present life. Why should a future king of Gondor (especially a handsome, tall, and not to mention bulked to perfection, I mean, look at those muscles, one) be talking to lesser small people? Sheesh.
With this in mind, he went off to go sharpen his knife, but when he banged it against the rock, it crashed into microscopic pieces. He felt very shattered at the loss of his only knife. He thought of all the times he had spent with it, of how he had first accidentally stabbed himself with it, and when he tried to cut a tree down with it. Why did it suddenly betray him when he needed it most?
"Oh, my knife, oh my knife, why hast thou betrayed me?" he sang (sung to the tune of 'silver bells') sadly, shlumping down on the ground.
Pippin, meanwhile, had been helped up by Merry, and asked him why he had called his name earlier.
"It's just something that Gandalf said," Merry replied earnestly.
"What did he say?" questioned Pippin.
"'Don't you lose him, Meriadoc Brandybuck.' And I don't mean to," answered Merry seriously.
"Merry, we're still in the wild," said Pippin, "What could possibly happen?"
At that moment, a huge flock of crows flew right over his head, cawing as they went. Their mission was completed successfully. They had found the source of the whistle, while also discovering that crummy loser Gandalf leading a bunch of freaks into the wilderness for nothing. When will these stupid wizards make any sense? Sheesh.
They reported back to Saruman, who was overseeing the makings of his New and Improved Uruk-Hai. "Too long have these wizards and men stood against you, milord Sauron," he thought, "But no more." He hobbled up to Orthanc and grabbed a big old book he had found in his antique collection earlier. It was covered in dust, and as he turned it over, a huge spider was lying on top of the cover.
"Eeek, a spider!" he shrieked, slamming the book and banging down on the table. He slowly turned it over to see if it was dead, but looked closer at it and realized that someone had drawn the spider on to the book. "What? Who did this?" he growled. Underneath the spider he saw the initials: G.G.W. He looked up and wondered who that could be. "Grouse, Granby, Goober..." he pondered, trying to think of names. Suddenly he had a thought. "Grima!" he shouted, banging his fist on the table.
A short ugly man with black hair and a black robe came slowly in. "What orders from Mordor, Milord? What does the eye command?" he said, bowing low to Saruman. Saruman was annoyed. "You are not supposed to say those words, you idiot! And why did you draw a spider on my book?"
Grima was puzzled. "I did not draw a spider on your book. I hate spiders."
"Oh yeah?" snarled Saruman, snatching the book and shoving it in Grima's face, "Then whose initials are those? I know of no one else whose initials are 'Gross Grima Wants'! The only part you forgot was 'E' for Eowyn!"
Grima inspected them closely. "I believe those letters stand for 'Gandalf Greyhame, Wizard', milord. He must have done that while he was here to play a trick on you. After all, you did imprison him for a long time."
"Gandalf? Gandalf?" said Saruman, obviously not remembering him. Grima looked at him in anticipation. "Ohh, yes, I remember. Elderly chap, big grey beard. Not seen 'em for six months," ended Saruman thoughtfully.
Grima slapped his hand to his forehead. "Duuhh, of course you haven't seen him for months! He's bringing a company of peoples to Gondor or somethin' so that they can destroy the Ring and get Sauron out of power and so that you will also be destroyed and-"
Saruman grabbed his robe. "Now you listen to me, and you listen good and proper," he said. "We can't have Gandalf goin' and destroying our only hope. We have to get that ring! Am I understood?" he shouted. Grima nodded fearfully. Saruman released Grima, sending him falling to the hard floor.
"Good," answered Saruman, going back over to the table and opening the book. "Now, we must come up with a brilliant strategy to foil Gandalf and his evil plan," said Saruman, flipping through the pages. Suddenly he came upon the chapter, "How to foil Gandalf and his Evil plan."
"Yeeeehaaa!" shouted Saruman, jumping up and down, "I've found the solution!"
"You know how to blow Gandalf to kingdom come?" said Grima hopefully, slowly getting up.
"No," replied Saruman, "I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to Geico."
Mwa ha ha eee he he he! Vhat vill Grima dooooo? Well, I shall only tell you if you review. So dere!