Okie day, people, heeere is de next chapster! Thank you so much for all your VONDERFUL reviews!
Authoresshiding: Well, I'll just have to check some of your stories out. Thanks for reviewing!
Jousting Elf with a Sabre: Yeah, I liked that part about Geico, too! Thank you for reviewing, as always!
Dun, dun dun DUUUUNNN! The conclusion to: Vhat Vill Grima DOOOOOO? Thank you very much.
"Oh," answered Grima, "never mind." He looked over Saruman's shoulder to see what the book said.
Saruman whipped out his cool dude spectacles and read the part about defeating Gandalf. "Let's see... it says I have to cut down some big trees surrounding my tower, and I have to align myself with a red eye and I have to get me some Uruk Hai.." He turned to Grima and peered at him through his spectacles. "You know where we can buy some Uruk Hai?"
Grima thought for a minute. "I dunno. I guess you could try Amazon," he suggested. "They usually have everything... except for an Eowyn barbie doll!" he hissed to himself.
"Perfecto!" cried Saruman, slamming the book and pushing away, obviously not hearing the part about the Eowyn barbie. Maybe it was because he didn't hear Grima because of his old and terrible hearing ( Grima knew that he should've listened to the doc's orders and gotten a hearing aid, but NOOO, Saruman was too prideful and stupid), or maybe it was simply because he DIDN'T CARE.
Ahem, anyways, Saruman opened a door and took out his Dell laptop, opened it, and turned it on. The screen told him to give his password. "A little privacy here?" He said to Grima.
Grima grumbled and turned away. When they got to the internet, and went to Amazon. com, they found, alas! That the last Uruks had just been sold out. So they tried The Black Side Collectibles. com, but they had none either. Then they went to Evil Wizards of Middle Earth. org, but they were all out of stock as well.
"Oh, porta-potties," muttered Saruman, typing super fast to another site. After they had tried about 4,000 web sites, Saruman was about ready to give up. "I give up," he sobbed, clunking his head on the laptop.
"Hey, try the 'I love Eowyn' fansite at Eowyn is the hottest Middle Earth Chick. com," recommended Grima, who was pining away for his "love".
Saruman slowly brought his head back up and stared fiercely at him. "Leave me alone, snake!" he shouted, thumping the laptop down.
"That hurts, that really hurts," bleated Grima.
Saruman stood up, and suddenly a brilliant idea came into his mind. "I am a GENUIS!" he all of a sudden cried, hugging Grima.
"Uh, Saruman, you okay? Do you need some fresh air or something?" asked a very worried Grima.
Saruman shook his head. "I have it, Grima, I have it!" he cried.
"Have what?" replied Grima, "A bad cold? A brain toomer? The hiccups? A fatal and uncurable disease that will kill you in mere hours so that I can have your tower, your money, and not to mention your good clothes and better food as well?"
"No, cur, an idea!" snapped Saruman. "We can make our own Uruk-Hai! Just think of it, Grima," he said, putting his arm around Grima's shoulder, "'Saruman's Uruk-Hai., Made personally from the ditches of Isengard." Doesn't that wanna make you sigh and think, 'How great is life?'" He said dreamily.
Grima slowly backed away from him. "Yeahh, that's really nice, Saruman, but you've already have started to make some Uruk-Hai. You just oversaw them this morning, remember?" He had forgotten that teeny tiny miniscule unimportant and not really worth remebering detail before.
Saruman's dream disappeared in a puff of smoke. "Oh yeahh," he sighed, slowly plopping back into his seat. Apparantly he ALSO had forgotten to remeber that teeny tiny miniscule - I think you get the general idea.
Now Saruman had a bad habit of making puns, but his memory was ten times worse. I mean, the poor guy had trouble even with finding the bathroom. More than once he embarrassingly had to ask the Orcs to show him the bathroom, and more than once he was forced to kill that Orc so he would not be laughed at and made fun of for the rest of his life (which all of his staff knew, was not going to be that much longer, he ate WAY too many double chocolate cream pudding cakes with oodles of whipped cream and double chocolate frosting). Finally his Orc supply began to diminish, so he had to write to Mordor and ask for more. But then Grima came along and put up signs so that he would not lose any more Orcs. He had about thirty signs saying "bathroom this way", and arrows pointing which way to go. But anyways, back to our story.
Saruman decided that the only way that he could get Gandalf back for the spider and having the Ring was to scare him in the wrong direction. "They'll be caught like rats in a trap," he chuckled, "Because of the crows, he will think that the passage south is being watched. He'll have no choice but to go through the Mines of Moria. Oh blessed words! I have not heard a better thing, since I found out that my robes don't come in just white anymore! What d'ya think, Wormy?" he said to Grima, who was busy making a scale model of Isengard.
"I think it's swell," Grima replied, putting another spike on the side.
Saruman seized this wonderful opportunity to do another one of his infamous puns. "Gandalf's like a spike in my side," he groaned, holding his side. Grima stared at him. "Get it? Spike? Side?" he pointed to Grima's model. "Whee, hee, hee, AHH, ha, ha, ha!" He laughed and went into another one of his famous ground rolls, slapping the floor as he rolled.
"Oh BROTHER!" cried Grima. Saruman then hit the ground so hard that Grima's model toppled over and smashed into a bazillion pieces.
"HORRORS! That hurts, that really hurts," shrieked Grima; "That crashed into a bazillion pieces! NOW what do I have to show Eowyn? Nothing, nothing, NOTHING!"
Saruman stopped rolling. "Don't get excited, Germy Wormy, it's easily repaired."
Grima was shaking with anger. "Easily repaired?" he said. "Easily repaired? Well, I'll show YOU easily repaired, Sourboy!" He grabbed Saruman's Palantir and threw it down on the ground. And that crashed into two bazillion pieces.
"Noooo!" cried Saruman, jumping up. "Just for that, you are banished forthwith from the kingdom of Isengard for three months until you get Theoden against his nephew, so that we can take over Rohan. Now get out, GET OUT!"
Grima shrieked with joy. "Now I'll get to see Eowyn! Hey Sourboy, can I keep her? Please? I'll feed her and take care of her and-"
"Oh, fine," snapped Saruman, "But you hafta quit callin' me Sourboy. It gets on my nerves."
"OK, boss, whatever you say, Boss," replied Grima, bowing and rushing out of the room.
Veeeelll, that was very interEsting, vasn't it? Iv you vant me to stop talkink like dees den you juust tell me riiight avay! Anyvays, Review, review! I can't live vithout dem! No, seriously, I can't. Well, maybe I can... just a LITTLE...