Thank you all so much for your wonderful reviews! I'm glad that you like my story so far!

Authoressinhiding: I am happy that you are laughing! (Just be careful, you don't want to have to get humorous fanficiton insurance like one of my other reviewers, I hear it can be quite expensive! )

Jousting Elf with a Sabre: Thank you, I also think it was a good chapster.

Heeeere's Johnny! Uh, uh, uhum, I mean, heeeere's the next chapster! Sorry about that...

Chapter 9: Moria's Mines

The Fellowship finally made their way to the bottom of the mountain and were nearing the walls of Moria.

"The walls!" Gimli gasped without warning.

"What walls?" Legolas asked. "All I see is some rocks and an ugly stream of water. Where I come from, we have trees and birds and wine and-"

"Spiders," muttered Frodo, shivering.

"Where I come from, it's cornbread and chicken, where I come from, a lot a front porch sittin'," sang Pippin.

"Oh, stick a lid in it," prattled Sam.

"Who sings that, anyway?" Merry asked.

"Alan Jackson," replied Pippin knowingly.

"I don't like most of his songs, they're boring," muttered Frodo, kicking an imaginary pebble.

"And we need not mention things that are not worth talking about, Frodo Baggins," huffed Legolas, tossing his hair. He thought to himself, "Ahh, when she sees how perfect I am, Eowyn will want to jump into my arms and shout 'happy days are here again.'"

"She will want to jump into your arms?" said Aragorn astonished. Legolas realized he had been thinking out loud.

"Hee, hee, hee, oh that's hilarious," roared Aragorn and Boromir. Legolas' pointy ears became cherry red.

"She... want... to jump... into... your... arms," panted Aragorn, cackling with laughter. He dropped into a famous Saruman roll, and Gandalf kicked him.

"Eeeowww!" hollered Aragorn.

Boromir laughed all the harder, and Aragorn got up and cast angry glares at him.

"Let's get ourselves a move on, maggots!" shouted Sam, breaking out a cooking pan. "This is for any back-talkers or peoples who make snide remarks," he said, gripping it tightly.

Everyone gulped and shook, and shook and gulped, and gulped and…never mind.

They approached the walls around eight o' clock to be exact, (that's for all you precise people out there) and Gimli started to tap on the stone.

"Dude, what in the heck are you doin'?" Legolas asked, rebraiding his hair for the eleventh time.

"I'm trying to see how many miles it is from here to the Mines, and if someone has a watch, then-" Gimli started.

"I have Rolex with eighteen carat diamonds set in the wristband and the center," shouted Aragorn, flashing the watch at Gimli..

Gimli rolled his eyes.

"Well, I have a Timex with Mithril and twenty-four carat yellow diamonds!" yelled Boromir, shining his watch at Aragorn with a triumphant look on his face.

"Aww, nuts," said Aragorn, disappointed. He kicked a rock into the water and watched the ripples, um, well, ripple, I guess.

"Do not throw rocks into the water!" shrieked Gandalf, banging Aragorn on the back with his staff. Aragorn dropped on the ground and tucked into a defensive ball.

"Time to play, 'throw the Aragorn'!" shouted Frodo, running over to him and trying to pick him up.

"No time to lose, sillies!" said Sam; "We have riddles to solve, doors to open, orcs to kill, wizards to lose…"

"EEEEEAAAAAAAAAA!" screamed Gandalf. He threw his staff on the ground and tried unsuccessfully to make a getaway; but Aragorn and Boromir grabbed him and held him fast.

"No, no, NO, I DON'T WANT TO DIE!" sobbed Gandalf, sinking to the ground. He thunked his head on a rock and continued to cry.

Sam walked over to him and slapped his head.

"You're goin' in there whether ya like it or not, and quit bein' such a baby about it! If you don't figure out this password for us, then we can't complete this mission! Maybe I'll just tell Elrond you'd never like to watch "Pride and Prejudice" again," Sam shouted mercilessly.

"Hey, I figured out the password, guys!" Frodo shouted, hopping up and down.

Sam was downcast. "Oh, never mind. Maybe we don't need you, Gandalf. I guess you can go back to Rivendell now."

Gandalf jumped up and grabbed his hat. "Yeeeehaaa, sweet home Alabama, I'm comin' home to you!" He shook hands with Sam and tried to skitter away.

"HOLD IT, EVERYONE!" yelled Boromir; "Who will lead us in this deadly dark if Gandalf doesn't? And who will be here to call Legolas a prissy-priss, or Aragorn a pouty-puss, or Pippin a fool of a Took, or Sam a overweight officer, or-"

"SHADDAP!" shrieked Sam; "DO YOU HEAR ME, SHUT UP!"

"Now that you mention it, Boromir does have a point there," said Gimli, stroking his beard thoughtfully.

Everyone glanced at Gandalf with an evil look in their eyes. Gandalf gulped and slowly backed away from the Fellowship, who started to some nearer to him.

"Well, chaps, since everyone isn't too keen on me calling them names, I'd best be on my merry way now. Ta-ta!" he continued to back up, but Bill the pony blocked his way and gave him a head but.

"Aaahaaa!" cried Gandalf nervously, rubbing his sore bum. Bill snorted at him and shook his mane. "Niice horsey," said Gandalf, patting him on the head. Bill tried to bite him.

"It's no use, Gandalf," said Sam, "You'll have to come along with us or perish. This mission relies solely upon your shoulders, and do not take me for some conjurer of cheap tricks; I'm not trying to kill you. I'm trying to help you."

"Ohhhh," muttered Gandalf, shuffling back over to the company.

"THREE CHEERS FOR GANDALF AND COMPANY!" cried Frodo.

Everyone shouted, "HIP, HIP, HUZZAH, HIP, HIP, HUZZAH, HIP, HIP, HUZZAH!" Those who had hats threw them up in the air, and those who had cloaks tried the same thing with their hoods, but only succeeded in choking themselves. After all that, Sam asked Frodo what the password was.

"Well, um, you see..." he said nervously, rubbing his neck, "I kinda, sorta, well... forgot it." He grinned uneasily at the company.

Sam looked as if he wanted to throttle him. "You, you, you... AUGH! Is there anyone else who knows the password?" He cried.

"All I know is I want some melon," said Pippin, "I'm starving."

Suddenly there was a great creaking sound, and the doors to Moria opened. Everyone stared with gaping mouths at Pippin, except Merry.

"Good luck trying to find anything decent to eat around here. Probably nothin' but dead rats and moldy bread," Merry said sadly.

Gandalf whacked him on the back. "You Buckhead," he said, "That comes in the second movie. Well maggots, pressing onward now. We don't have time for tom-foolery." And with that he went in to the cave.

Weeeell, whaaat's going to happen next, hmmm? A bit of a cliffhanger, eh? Or should I say, a cave hanger... I don't know... anyways, you know the drill, people! Reviewing time, reviewing time!