Okee dokee, here's the next Vonderful (wonderful) chapster! Thanks for your reviews!
Jousting Elf with a Sabre: Um, blushes with embarrassment I don't know where I got that from. I've just heard it before somewhere, so...
Authoressinhiding: Same answer as above.
"How do we know Gandalf knows what he's doin'?" Frodo asked as they walked into the darkness.
"We have no choice but to trust him," replied Legolas.
"But where is he leadin' us?" questioned Sam, pushing Bill away.
"Rivendell, master Gamgee," replied an idiotic Aragorn, "To the house of Elrond."
Boromir punched him in the back. "You already said that, stupid!" he yelled.
"Whatever!" shrugged Aragorn.
Merry and Pippin broke into a song at the perfect time. "I'm just like you, you're just like me, it's something anyone can see. A heart that beats, a heat that speaks, a voice that speaks the truth. Yes, I am a Hobbit like YOU!" They sang loudly, their voices echoing in the cavern.
"SHADDAP, MAGGOTS!" hissed Gandalf. Suddenly they heard a hoarse breathing. And Bill the pony came out! No, no, no, I didn't mean a horse breathing, I meant a hoarse breathing, like someone who had major breathing problems, someone who sounded like he had eleven breathalyzers, someone who seriously should consider a surgery to have his lungs replaced and his brain checked for smoking too many cigarettes, someone like... Darth Vader! Except he doesn't smoke, but anyways! Yeah, that's what I'm talkin' about, people! A breathin', schemin', meanin' machinen. ( I'm not exactly sure if machinen is a word, but humor me, here. You can't always expect me to do grammar right.)
The whole packaged deal, baby! Right fresh from the Death Star. Lord of the Sith, defender of the faith, um, no, actually that was King Henry the eighth, but never mind. Servant to the emperor, father to Luke and Leia, enemy to his long time friend, Obi-Wan, aaand... a BIG BABY IF YOU ASK ME! HOW IN THE WORLD DID HE GET THE CUTE CHICK WITH ALL HIS WHINING AND COMPLAINING? THIS WORLD IS INSANE, I TELL YOU, INSANE! Ahem, pardon me.
As I was saying, the Fellowship stared in fright as the black dude blacker than the black beauties they had previously been acquainted with before came walking towards them from inside the Mines. He stopped in front of Gandalf, who was glaring at him and muttering to himself.
Everyone wondered what Darthie was doing as he stood there breathing... and breathing... and breathing. Frodo was the first to speak up.
"Soo, how's the emperor these days?" he foolishly asked.
No answer.
"Ok, how's Luke?"
Still no answer.
"Leia?"
Nothing.
"Anybody?"
Silence.
Gandalf spoke suddenly and sternly. "What are you doing in this story, anyways? You should not be here, faithless and accursed. Go back to your home."
Darth Vader still said nothing, but slowly took of his helmet to reveal...
"It's the Lord Celeborn!" cried Aragorn, dropping on one knee. Everyone stared at the fake Darth Vader with utter astonishment.
"What in Saint Halibut's name are you doing in this dungeon, especially dressed as Darth Vader, of all men?" yelled Gandalf angrily, stomping his staff on the ground.
"The enemy knows you have entered here," replied Celeborn calmly. "What hope you had in secrecy is now gone."
Everyone stared blankly at him. "Not the brightest fellow, is he?" Frodo said.
Celeborn glared at him, infuriated. "A little feisty this morning, aren't we?" growled the lord of Lothlorien.
Everyone stared at him.
"Er, Kelly, it's not morning, it's about ten thirty at night," pointed out Aragorn, checking his watch.
Boromir quickly checked his also. "Yours is wrong, dude," he said, "Mine says it's ten forty-five."
"So what?" sneered Aragorn.
"So, that concludes I am not only stronger than you, but I also have a better watch! Man, I am ROCKIN' the house tanight, baby. Yeeeehaaa! I feel good!" he started doing a dance.
"You sound like Bo Duke," pointed out Legolas critically.
Boromir stared blankly at him. "Bo Duke?" he said.
Legolas slapped his forehead in disgust. "Duuhh, Bo Duke always says, 'Yeeeehaaa!' when he's getting away from Sheriff Roscoe. Don't you ever watch 'The Dukes of Hazzard'?" he asked irritably.
"I LOVE Daisy," said Aragorn, "especially in dem cut off jeans. Hoo, baby, is that girl hot or what!"
Celeborn glared at him. "I shall be sure to tell Galadriel that, who will tell that to Elrond, who will tell that to Arwen, who will get her butt on over to my place and wait until you come there, and she will rip your hair off and tell you that you're a BIG LOSER!"
Aragorn started to whimper. And whimper. And whimper. Then the whimper turned into a choke, then a cry, then a sob, then a scream, then a shriek, then a... you get the point. He started to drop on the ground and continued his I-feel-sorry-for-myself-and-how-come-I-hafta-go-on-this-stupid-mission-routine.
The Fellowship stared at him coldly.
"When it's cold outside, I've got the month of May," sang Pippin. "I guess I say, what can make me feel this way? My girl!"
Everyone but Gandalf and Celeborn joined in. "My Girl, my girl, my girl, talkin' 'bout my girrll!" With that they skipped past the two boogers and went merrily up the stairs past all the dead Dwarfs and Goblin arrows, taking no notice of anything else. Guys. Sheesh.
Gandalf and Celeborn glanced at each other, and then shuffled after them. "Wait up, maggots," called Gandalf, "You don't know the way,"
Frodo turned back. "Where there's a will, there's a way," he said haughtily, running after his companions, who were now running around crazily, smashing their swords against walls, throwing old buckets with long chains down into the deep, finding big drums in the deep and banging on them to their hearts' content, not knowing that every single orc there was listening to them.
Well, that's that. Hope you liked!