Thank you for your reviews, my most faithful reviewers!
Authoressinhiding: Don't be sad, Haldir's not dying in this story!
Jousting Elf with a Sabre: Thank you for reviewing this story, as ALWAYS! You two guys are awesome.
"Uh, guys," Boromir started.
"Yeah?" Frodo said, counting his score. But alas and alack, he found that his score was higher than Sam's. To much to be born, I tell you.
"We have a little situation over here," continued Boromir, trying to shut the heavy doors.
"Deal with it yourselves," grumbled Gandalf, who was looking at an old book.
"But they have a cave troll," protested Boromir.
"Oh who cares, it's not like it can hurt-" Gandalf's face froze.
"Is he having a stroke?" Pippin whispered.
"You are soldiers of Gondor," Gandalf suddenly cried, "Whatever comes through those doors, you stand your ground!" They all looked at him as if he was nuts.
"You're nuts!" said Merry, saying what they all thought.
"HESSHHAP, maggot!" spat out Gandalf, slamming the book. It fell to pieces on the floor and made lots of dust bunnies that were there, go, "Yeeeehaaa! Let's have ourselves a grand ol' time!"
The poor Fellowship coughed while Boromir was trying not to let the orcs and the troll in.
"Uh, guys, a little help here?" he begged.
"Only if you get down on your knees, whine like a puppy, and tell me I'm the best guy that ever lived," replied Aragorn snootily.
"I... can't!" yelled Boromir, shoving himself against the door, "Or else they'll get in!"
Gimli stared at him in awe and forgot all about his dead cousin. "Whoa, now there's a Superman if I ever saw one," he said. He looked down at his axe. "For Gondor!" he shouted, running over to help Boromir.
The others looked at each other, and then they drew their swords, repeated, "FOR GONDOR!" really loudly, and charged at the now incoming orcs.
They killed all of them pretty fast, actually in record time, but there was a cave troll to conquer still, and it was raving mad at everyone. Don't ask me why, but it was furious at them for killing its second cousin twice removed, Vinny, who actually was a big spider that Aragorn had crushed earlier. Don't ask me how a spider is related to a cave troll, but that's one of the facts of life, folks. Get usta it.
"Cause it's all in my head, I think about it over an' over again, I keep on picturing you wit him, and it hurts so baadd," Legolas sang sadly and depressingly, singing a little tune sung by Tim McGraw and Nelly.
"You keep picturing who with who?" inquired Aragorn.
"Eowyn with Faramir," sobbed Legolas, coiling his hands around his bow.
"Faramir gets Éowyn?" shrieked Aragorn, suddenly realizing the whole picture. "Dat's no FAIR!" he screamed at the top of his lungs.
The cave troll, who happened to be named James, said to the company, "The name's Bond. James Bond."
"You FREAK!" hollered Gandalf, "who said that you're James Bond?"
The cave troll pondered for a minute. "Dunno," he replied, sticking a spear into Frodo's gut. No one paid any attention to him as Frodo started to choke and die.
"But..." said Gimli, ignoring Frodo, "I thought James Bond was a guy who was full of himself. He can't be a cave troll that's related to a spider!"
"Maybe he can, and maybe he can't," retorted Aragorn, "All I know is I know a Bond when I see one, and dat ain't no Bond."
"Isn't... a... Bond..." gasped Frodo, dropping to the ground.
"Oh shaddap," returned Aragorn.
The cave troll was not too happy when Aragorn said that he wasn't a Bond, so he knocked him out cold.
"Yeeeehooo!" cried Boromir, jumping for joy, "that's one king down, no more to go!" He began doing a ridiculous dance, celebrating that Aragorn was dead. "Who rules now, baby, who rules now!" he yelled. Sam punched him out cold, making him fall on top of Aragorn.
"That's one idiot down, eight more to go," Sam sighed, wiping his hands. He then ran over to Frodo, thinking he was dead.
"Wake up," he sobbed, holding him, "Don't go to sleep. Don't go to where I can't follow. Dead!" he cried, cradling him in arms.
"Dude, now that's just sick," commented Legolas, looking at Boromir lying on top of Aragorn, and Sam holding Frodo. Gimli agreed completely.
Gandalf, Kelly, and Gollum watched this whole charade with displeasure. Gandalf thought they should be pressing on, Celeborn wanted to get away from Legolas, and Gollum was wishing he was a bat again. Talking 'bout sick; they're what I call sick. S-I-C-K, SICK.
Anyhow, Aragorn awoke with Boromir's hand in his face.
"P-Toomey," he said, pushing it away, "Gross, man. I'd never thought that it'd come to this. Man against man, steward against king, friend against friend." He patted Boromir on the head, and Boromir suddenly woke up and replied heatedly, "You are not my friend, you TOAD!"
"Take that back, you frog!" shouted Aragorn, tackling him.
They continued rolling and punching for quite a while. Whoever said, 'roll with the punches', was referring to those two jerks.
Frodo woke up suddenly, tears running down his face. Actually, they were Sam's, and they had dropped onto him. He made a face and shoved Sam away.
"Bless you, you're awake!" Sam cried, startled.
All Gandalf's hopes of retiring early were shattered when Sam said those fateful words. He sighed despondently and said, "Come on, we've got to get moving. No time for tom-foolery now." He unhurriedly trudged off with Kelly and Gollum behind him.
Sam helped Frodo to his feet, reprimanded the two men, and followed the three out of the room. As the Fellowship left Balin's tomb, the cave troll, with whom Legolas had made friends with, waved good bye and wished them luck.
Legolas had told him that Aragorn was really scared of spiders after he had watched Bill Nye the Science Guy, the one with the giant tarantulas. Since Jimmy and Leggy both knew and agreed that Aragorn was a dumb-dumb, Jim decided to let him go that time.
But as they continued going through the Mines, other Orcs who felt like being mean started to shriek and come out of their hiding places. They crawled out from the floor, the sides, and from the roof.
Somehow that reminds me of Star Wars II, when Anakin and Padme are about to go into the droid making place, and those creepy bug things come out, but never mind.
Anyways, the Fellowship was pretty shook up, and they ran like the wind to try and escape the appearing orcs. But soon they were surrounded with no chance of escaping.
But just then, when all hope seemed lost, some shadows of men appeared on the wall. Then the company turned and saw four men, who looked as if they were riding imaginary horses, came trotting up to them. They each had a servant who was banging two coconuts together, making a sound of clopping hoofs.
The orcs all shrieked and ran away as they came up to the Fellowship, who was startled and befuddled. The men halted when they were close to them.
Another cliff hanger! I'm so meean. But do I care? Not in the slightest. Mwa ha ha! Reviewing time!