Sorry I haven't updated so long! But here's the next chapter!
Authoressinhiding: Well, I'm sorry that you're so sad about Haldir dying. Don't worry, in this story, I'll make it so he won't die. Does that make you feel better?
Jousting Elf with a Sabre: Thank you, I'm glad you were laughing. Here's the next chapter! Wait, I already said that...
Chapter: Dunno and don't care.
"You're the next one to go," growled Gimli, grabbing poor Merry and throwing him to the other side. He himself then followed, saying, "Nobody tosses a Dwarf!" he actually had been saying that for the past three days every five minutes, and now it was really getting tiring.
"Not going to punch you, not going to punch you, not going to punch you," Legolas was saying to himself. His eyes were screwed tight, and his hands were clenching his bow, almost to the point of snapping in two.
Gimli made it over fine, except he nearly fell off when he got to the other side. Everyone else made it over except for Kelly and Aragorn. They both looked at eachother, worried, and started arguing.
"I'm going first!" shouted Celeborn, becoming very hot with all that long hair of his.
"No, you're only a worthless, stupid elf lord who is a wimp and a sissy," yelled Aragorn, "The fate of the Gondorian people rests in my claws, I mean hands, and if I do not find a way, no one will."
Celeborn was furious. "WE'RE IN THE MIDDLE OF A FIREPIT, YOU MORON! THE STUPID BRIDGE IS JUST AROUND THE CORNER, AND YOU DO NOT NEED TO FIND A WAY! And the last thing," he panted, now very heated, "I am going first. Boromir will make a fine steward, I'm sure-" At this Boromir beamed a big beam.
"And who really cares if you die?" Celeborn finished.
Aragorn said nothing, but suddenly leapt over onto the other side with great ease.
Boromir tripped him and sent him falling on his face. Kelly was mighty uncomfortable.
"Kelly is mighty uncomfortable," said Pippin.
Oh, would you just SHAATAAP! You idiot!
"Sorry," shrugged Pippin, "Force of habit."
Watch your back, smarty pants. Maybe I won't continue to be so nice-nice to you anymore. It's not like you deserve any of my kindness and hospitality and generosity and wonderfulness-
"GET ON WITH IT!" the Fellowship shouted.
Fine, fine, whatever. Moving on, here, the Fellowship finally managed to get Celeborn over to the other side, and they made their way across the long and narrow bridge.
But, alas and alack, the Balrog had followed them using his super secret spying technique. That extremely nice troll back there, James Bond, had sure been very helpful.
"OH, I'll be a secret agent yet!" The Balrog sang, skipping merrily along, terrifying the company. (Sung to the final line of 'a noun is a person, place or thing')
Gandalf decided to risk his career for the Fellowship by fighting him. He turned back to the company one last time and said, "This is the end of all things, my friends. Here I shall die in agony to save your butts, I mean lives, but I shall do it with grace." He then started doing ballet from the second act in "The Nutcracker", and was twirling around and around, and was doing flips and leaps.
The Balrog tackled him to the ground, sending the staff flying out of Gandalf's hand. Gandalf struggled to get free and bounded up. He snatched the staff and ran on the bridge, pretending he was in the Superbowl XXXIV.
"He's at the thirty, twenty, ten," he was saying, "Touchdown Gandalf Greyhame!" And saying this, he toppled over into the chasm and vanished in the dark depths of the world, crying, "Now I can get my promotion!" Then all was silent.
Everyone cheered wildly and ran out in to the open, shrieking for joy. The hobbits did cartwheels, Boromir and Aragorn forgot their feud for the moment and were skipping merrily around, and Gimli and Legolas were doing the tango. Gollum and Celeborn were quite forgotten for the time, and they were just lagging behind moodily.
Chapter 10: Dat Ain't No Elf Witch!
Nobody noticed where they were going until suddenly, Sam noticed that Frodo had disappeared completely from sight. Maybe that was his intention, and maybe it wasn't. Anyhoo, Aragorn saw him walking off by himself.
"Frodo, where in the heck do ya think you're goin'?" cried Aragorn, quite exasperated.
"I have not the heart to tell you," replied Frodo sadly.
"A red sun rises; blood hasssss...wait just a darn minute," yelled Legolas, "That was my line!" he drew out an arrow and aimed it at Frodo.
"You will die before your stroke falls," he said, looking very upset.
"Havo dad, Legolas," said Boromir.
"Fool," hissed Aragorn, drawing his sword, as did Frodo.
Pippin knew he had to do something, so he stood up and said, "Everyone, everyone, come, enough with this tom-foolery. We have work to do."
Before anyone could reply, Saruman came galloping up on a Warg. He stopped in front of Pippin and pointed his black, sharp, pointy stick (or staff) at him.
"The line of Saruman is not lightly thrown aside," he growled.
"Dude, what in the heck are you DOING here?" inquired Aragorn.
"Yeah, inquiring minds want to know," added Pippin. SHUT UP! As I was saying, they all looked to the wizard for an answer.
"I...um... I think I'll have to get back to you on that," he replied, turning his Warg around. Everyone watched in respectful silence as he rode off into the sunset.
"R-E-S-P-E-C-T, tell me what it means-" Boromir started to sing.
"Oh, shaddap, Dumbo!" Legolas yelled, "We're supposed to be SAD, remember?"
Boromir made a face at him.
"Just GET ON WITH IT!" Pippin and Merry yelled.
Aragorn said, "Come on men, we didn't come all this way just to look at it."
The Fellowship continued to run forwards, though Aragorn really had no idea where he was. As they entered some woods, Legolas wondered if Aragorn knew what he was doing.
However, the conniving king at that moment was wondering why apples were red. Suddenly, Frodo gave a huge sneeze! Aragorn whisked around and snapped, "Fool of a Baggins. Throw yourself in next time and rid us of your stupidity!"
Frodo wondered what Aragorn really meant by 'throwing himself in'. Where should he throw himself into?
"Whoa," said Legolas. Suddenly, Haldir popped out from behind a tree. He had on a navy blue cheerleading outfit on, and his hair was done up. He was ridiculously waving two pom-poms in the air.
"EEEEKKK," Leggy shrieked, "It's an ugly girl Elf!"
"That is one of the high school cheerleaders, unless my eyes are cheated by some spell," said Boromir.
Haldir had a little show to put on before he insulted Gimli, so he shouted, doing a dance, "Elves go, Elves rule, Aragorn stinks and Sauron's cruel!"
"HEY!" cried Aragorn.
Boromir giggled helplessly.
"GET ON WITH IT!" The rest of the Fellowship yelled.
Aragorn was inspecting Haldir's apparel. "Dude, that is SO last year," he said to him, "You really should change your style. And I thought that my stuff was out of date." He rolled his eyes in disgust.
"Sorry, man," replied Haldir, going behind a tree. A few seconds later, he appeared in Elvish apparel. He eyed Legolas with an evil eye and said, "There are no travelers in this land, only servants of the Dark Tower." He continued to glare at Leggy, who shrunk behind Aragorn.
"Come on, let's move it, smarty-pants," said an irritated Sam. Haldir motioned for them to follow him, and a few days later, after much carefully thought insulting went around, they arrived at Caras Galadhon.
Ok, that's that. Some nice reviews WOULD help, you know. Hint hint.