I haven't updated in AGES, but here's the next chapter!

Authoressinhiding: Sorry about that, I probably shouldn't have made him look like such an idiot. He won't be bad in this chapter, I promise!

Disclaimer: See chapter one.

"Caras Galadhon," stated Haldir.

"Caras Galadhon," repeated Gimli dreamily, a look of love on his face.

"Hold it, buster," said Boromir, "Ya gotta know the witch's married. Don't go pokin' yer ugly big nose inta trouble where it don't belong. I wanna stay on this witch's betta side, if ya know whadd I mean."

Gimli just sighed. Again, everybody ignored him and continued to trudge on. Soon they were climbing a long flight of stairs.

"Very dangerous are the stairs," Gollum commented.

"Shaddap," replied Kelly. (By now I think you should know that Kelly is not Kelly Clarkson, just Celeborn with a twist.)

"It'sss good to know how to climb a long set of stairs, preciousss," Gollum said, "Back when I was your age, I'd climb stairs all the time, and look at me now!" he grinned. "And," he added, "Maybe one of you youngsters might find yourself climbing a secret stair one day. You never knows, preciousss, you never knowsss."

Sam wondered what Gollum was implying, like maybe Aragorn would climb the stairs of doom, or maybe Gandalf would climb the stairs of Ziglak- Zigil, or something like that. Either way rocked, in his opinion.

Soon, they met Galadriel. She gave one glare at her husband, and said, "You SAID you were going to be back at nine o'clock three days ago. And now you return with these stupid idiots?" she pointed to the awkward Fellowship.

"I'm filing for divorce," she said, dialing the number for her attorney.

"No, WAIT!" shrieked Celeborn, snatching the phone out of her hand.

"WHY?" Galdy yelled at him.

"BECAUSE!" shouted Kelly, tossing the phone down the stairs.

Galdy shrieked. "You MORON!" she screamed, "THAT WAS MY LAST HOPE! AND YOU'VE RUINED IT!"

"But HOW CAN I THINK WITH ALL THE RACKET GOING ON!" Kelly screeched, "THAT DARNED PHONE HAS BEEN RINGING OFF THE HOOK WITH DWARVES WHO WANT TO MARRY YOU!"

"Well, if you were a better husband, then maybe I wouldn't hafta ANSWER THEM!" hollered Galdy.

"WHAT!" screamed Kelly at the top of his lungs.

"YOU HEARD ME!" Galdy screamed back.

"NO!" Kelly cried.

"EXCATLY!" Galdy shouted back.

"NO!" Kelly repeated.

"ABSOLUTELY!" shrieked Galdy.

"NO!"

"YES!"

"NO!"

"YES!"

"Serenity now, serenity now!" Kelly cried, throwing his hands up in the air.

The Fellowship glanced at one another uncomfortably, not knowing what to do, and wishing they could leave the darned place that instant.

Boromir decided to be very brave and spoke up.

"Um, guys, maybe you could settle your affairs so we could be moving on-"

"Shut up!" snapped Galdy, turning to him. "This is none of your affair!"

"That hurts, that really hurts," moaned Boromir. "But what are we going to do, then?" he asked her fervently.

"You're gonna die, your dad's gonna die, and your brother's gonna get shot by an arrow or two and then get the hot chick, Eowyn. Sound good?" said Galdy.

Legolas dropped down onto the ground, shrieking. "NO, no, no, I want Eowyn, I want Eowyn! Wahhhhh, haaaaa, haaaaa!" he covered his face in his hands, and Galdy and Kelly looked at him strangely.

"This the freaky dude with the hair problems?" Galdy said to Kelly, who nodded. She was befuddled. Galdy then turned to the Fellowship, who looked at her.

"Well, it's obvious you've got problems," she started. Suddenly her computer started dancing around the place, shouting, "You've got mail! You've got mail! You've got mail!"

"Shut UP!" screamed Galdy, throwing her shoe at it. The computer stopped immediately. Kelly turned back to his wife angrily.

"See? SEE? This is what I have to deal with every day!" he shouted at her.

"Well, excuse moi, Mr. Perfect," returned Galdy, "YOU aren't the best person to be around, either!"

Kelly turned back to the company. "Oh, I'm not?" he said, "Just ask them!" he pointed to the Fellowship. "THEY will vouch for me! And if they don't, no more nice-nice for them! So, whaddaya say, guys?" he asked them. "Weren't we pals?"

The Fellowship was very awkward. "Um..." started Frodo, "Well, it did kinda throw us off guard when you arrived in that Darth Vader suit, but other than that..." he said.

Galdy was shocked! "WHAT?" she shrieked, "You wore that ridiculous outfit after I told you not to? And in front of all these idiots! You're no better than the lot of 'em!"

"That hurts, that really hurts," said Kelly, putting his silky smooth hand to his heart. His hands were also fresh from a manicure.

Not far to go until the endsss of the storiess, preciousss! It would helpss if we gotsss reviewsss, yesss!