Hail beloved masses! First off let me say that the feedback I have received from this is tremendous and more then I could have possibly dreamed of. You are all wonderful. My birthday was on the 21st and I was going to upload this then in the spirit of Hobbity giving, but then FFNdecided to go all difficult on me. So here is your very belated birthday present. Secondly, I presented this as an original oratory at a speech and debate tournament I went to and was judged by a gentleman who actually had tea with Tolkien as a schoolboy (he also advanced me to semi-finals). Needless to say it was hero worship in the nth degree. Enjoy. (By the way my teacher loved this and I got a 100.) Some of you may find this a teensy bit redundent but bear with me. Here we go. Enjoy.

The Tale of Years

In the beginning there was naught but The Hobbit. And The Hobbit was deemed good by many but it was not yet mighty. The masses called forth to the Lord Tolkien for more but the Lord was silent. Yet the masses still clamored and the Lord did start to write more of hobbits to placate the people.

(Here there is much debate among experts as to what actually occurred. Creationists take the belief that The Lord of the Rings sprung fully bound in manuscript form from Tolkien's brain and went straight to the publishers. Those of an evolutionary turn believe that the trilogy was the product of years of work and experimentation, and so it evolved for the Lord Tolkien was a perfectionist. Creationists take great offense at this theory and some of you undoubtedly will do so as well. So the author would like to remind her dear readers that this is a 'theory' only and as such it cannot harm you.)

The Lord of the Rings was hailed as a masterpiece by some and a travesty by others. Most, however, chose to ignore the holy trilogy and went on with their lives. Yet, the chosen few saw the way and sought to convert the infidels. But the infidels ignored them and the chosen ones were silent and bided their time. And in the gloom of the 1950s The Lord of the Rings waited.

The 1960s came. Individualism crept back into the world; rumor grew of a commune in the West, whispers of a nameless drug in California. And The Lord of the Rings perceived its time had now come. It abandoned the original readers. But then something happened the trilogy did not intend… It was picked up by the hippies.

The hippies did take the trilogy and attempt to pervert it for their own purposes. And thus came the allegory. "The Ring doth symbolize the atom bomb," said some. "Nay," said others, "It symbolizes the machine." "Mordor symbolizes Communism," sayeth others. "Saruman is Hitler," still others said. And the masses clamored and drew too many conclusions and the Lord took offense.

"There is no allegory! There is no bomb! Just leave me alone, will you?" the good Lord cried unto the people but they did not heed him.

And the people became the Geeks. And they went forth with their guitars, and their lovebeeds, and their pirate edition trilogies, and their Jimi Hendrix albums, and their tie dyed shirts, and their 'special mushrooms', and thus they sought to convert the capitalist moneygrubbers. But the capitalist moneygrubbers did not see the way and turned aside the Hippy Geeks who went back to sulk among their lava lamps and black light posters.

And thus the 1960s turned into the 1970s. And the golden age was heralded with mystic signs. "Gandalf for President" proclaimed the pins. "Frodo Lives" proclaimed the subway walls. The Geeks saw these signs and, mistaking their meaning began pilgrimages. And thus they went forth to see the almighty Lord Tolkien.

But, in 1973(OH), the Lord Tolkien, father of all that is good in the world, died. And the people did mourn. A great cry went up amongst the Geeks and they fell upon their knees and there was much wailing and gnashing of teeth. At the loss of their founder a new belief arose. The Lord Tolkien would be succeeded by a number of prophets who would come forth and make the Geeks ready for the coming of the Messiah who would lead them to the promised land of worldwide acceptance. And this hope did sustain the Geeks in the days of darkness to come.

And the Zepplin of Led did see the works of the Lord and do him glory in their songs of praise. And thusly the ringwraiths did ride and ramble on through the annals of classic rock history evermore. With the songs of Led Zepplin came the hordes of false authors, who did strive to imitate the almighty Tolkien and thusly did fail miserably. Many Geeks fell prey to the usurpers who won them over with the advertising ploy of 'The Next Best Thing Since Tolkein!'

The late 1970s were times of disillusionment for the Geeks. Many were taken by the false authors and still more by the false prophet, George Lucas. He took from the holy trilogy that which he deemed interesting and cast aside that which he did not. The dark one then added unto it lasers and flying ships and thus was born a multi-billion dollar film series.

This disheartened the Geeks for the Nerds did mock them greatly. "Ha! Ha! When was the last time your books had good movies?"

And the Geeks were silent for they had not the courage to speak of their own movie.

The 1980s came and the Geeks retreated further back into the dark underworld of their own creation. It was in this time that the sunshine ringer and the summer Tolkienist were weeded out from the ranks of the true believers. And the unworthy were cast out into the pit of eternal middle management from which there is no escape from their cubicled prisons.

This was the age of the scorned Geek. "What is Fantasy but a bunch of losers sitting in a basement playing Dungeons and Dragons? What viable contributions have they made to society and culture? Willow? A poor man's Lord of the Rings, nothing more. The Geek is a dying breed."

To Be Continued….

That was as close as I can come to a cliffhanger with this. Don't worry, this is very much a work in progress and will remain so for as long as I can drag it out.

Thank You s:

Mavelle- As the first reviewer you made my day.

Me- Thank you.

Morwen- Wow! Three 'M' names and two 'hilarious'es in a row!

PirateBlacksmith-You bring the total up to three'hilarious'es!

Voldie on Varsity Track- Is 'spazzbucket' a compliment? I hope so.

Reasonably crazy- Do not fear the fangirl punctuation. It gets us all. Thank you, I shall continue preaching. Today fanfic, tomorrow… TELEVANGELISM!

SirNotAppearingInThisFilm- Please don't hurt your friend when you tie her up. Hope she likes it too. Oh, and what is 'SNAITF'?

ArcherofDarkness- Thanks for quoting it in school, I quote fics too. Actually right after posting this I saw Monty Python's The Life of Brian and I have found that it fits this oddly well.

Lindahoyland- So honored you reviewed this. I actually found your fics the day before I posted but bad me didn't review. Bad! And I shall do something with middle aged Fangirls. The opportunity to poke fun at my mother bowing to my Aragorn poster is too good to pass up.

Pippin/Rissa- You big baby. It didn't hurt that much to review. Ditz of a Talbot.

Chibi-Kaz- I feel sorry for your cousins. Please tell your friends to drop me a message, I'd like to see how many people this reaches. And do not despise all younger Geeks, me included.

Stridergal- Don't kill Star Wars. I don't really hate it (look at my username), I just make fun of it for artistic purposes. My views on slash are not quite so clear-cut. No matter how much I try I find myself being sucked into the vortex and enjoying the ride.

Breon Briarwood- Remember to wear the proper protective gear before you roll on the floor laughing. And make sure you can find your ass after it comes off.

Elektra3- Glad you considered it for your favorites list.

Cat Feral- Interesting theory. I'd never given much thought to it. Thank you for distributing copies, I am most flattered.

Navaer Lalaith- I am so honored that someone of your expertise enjoyed it.

The surly mermaid- Glad you liked it.

Varda's Servant- I hope you also find your ass and I feel sorry for Eowyn. (I named one of my Barbies that when I was little.)

I Stalk Legolas on Weekends- Happy hunting! . to you too.

Wren Craven- Blushes Thank you. I've never been called brilliant before. There's a first time for everything and it feels good. Re-reads comment and faints Genius as well? I do believe I'm swooning.

Pyro-maniac88- Too bad you don't get interesting assignments. I'm flattered that I got it right.

Earwen of the elves- For an explanation of the whole Star Wars thing see my reply to Stridergal. I'm too tired to type it again.

Otto's Goat- I hope you've stopped laughing by now.

Noldo- Represent sister! The younger generation of true Geeks should stand up for themselves and stop being ignored and generalized. We will not be pushed aside! Freedom, reasonably priced love, and a hard-boiled egg!

Pasha ToH- I'm still trying to get used to the idea that I'm on somebody's favorites list and author alert. If I could I'd hug you.

Werelemur- Bows to your appreciative gestures Thank you. Thank you very much.

Adelaide E- Thank you. It is now brilliant on two accounts. I'm very glad I was spot on and while I don't have any deep dark fears about it, if you want to quote my fic back to me feel free.

Whew! Those took me over an hour to reply to but I feel elated. Keep them coming. They are the fuel for my rather sporadic and finicky muse. Hopefully I'll update sooner next time. Until then, continue to spread the good word just don't go door to door. We don't want to compete with the Mormons.

Thank you all!