Chapter 13: One Step at a Time

It was a Friday morning in late April. Faith looked at her appointment book and saw that she had a very full day ahead of her. Rosemary would be in shortly to start the day, then Elizabeth would follow. She was so thankful that the flu epidemic had faded itself out of Hope Valley and that life, for the most part, had returned to "normal". Face masks were no longer necessary and school would be back in the schoolhouse in full session starting the following Monday. The town had decided to continue home studies until after Easter to be "safe" before bringing students back to the classroom.

Faith was sitting at her desk working on some paperwork when Rosemary walked through the door. Rosemary's face and eyes lit up when she saw Faith, and she gave a warm greeting. This was Rosemary's first visit to the infirmary in months due to the epidemic. The Coulters and Faith decided that it was safer for her and the growing baby in her womb to stay home, so Faith would make house calls. Since things had opened up, the three had decided that Rosemary could return to infirmary visits for the remainder of her pregnancy. Rosemary's bump had made its appearance almost immediately and she had gained a lot of weight since the beginning of the epidemic quarantine, and even though she had about a month left to go, she looked like she was about to deliver any time. Yet, Faith wasn't overly concerned, knowing now that things were opening up and Rosemary would become more active.

"Ok Rosemary, everything looks good. "Let's start meeting weekly now at this point," Faith said to Rosemary as she washed her hands in the wash basin after the exam. Rosemary nodded as she got down off the exam table and waddled over to Faith's desk to call Lee on the phone to come walk with her to the newspaper office. Rosemary would work as long as she felt comfortable, the Coulters decided, with Faith's approval. Her friends and the Coulters also decided that because of the epidemic, her baby shower would be after the baby was born in May, and they knew what she had.

While Rosemary was waiting for Lee to come on over from the newspaper/sawmill office, Elizabeth walked in. Immediately, she walked over to her expectant friend, giving her a big hug and then giving her baby "niece or nephew" a little rub. Lee opened the door as the women broke apart and smiled at the two friends. "Hey Elizabeth, good to see you here! "Rosie, are you ready, sweetheart?" Lee said as he walked into the infirmary. Rosemary placed her hand on her belly, smiled, and nodded. The Coulters walked out and shut the door behind them.

So, Elizabeth, how have you been doing? How are you sleeping? "How are the headaches?", Faith inquired as she looked intensely into Elizabeth's eyes after the two had transitioned behind the exam curtain. Elizabeth looked back at Faith for a moment, thinking of her response. She went on to explain to Faith that although they had decreased in frequency, she was still struggling occasionally. Faith listened and noted some things in her file as Elizabeth spoke. When she was done, Elizabeth looked down and smoothed her skirts and fiddled around with her fingers in her lap. Faith observed this behavior and asked, "Elizabeth, when do you find that your headaches and insomnia occur the most?" Elizabeth looked back at Faith, sighed heavily, and answered, "To be honest, it tends to be times when I'm deeply missing Jack." He's been on my mind so much lately. It's strange, Faith. I feel like I lost Jack all over again. I DO miss Lucas and what we had, but I feel like I'm reliving Jack's death all over again. Sometimes, I feel so sad and lonely that I just can't bear it. Those are the times when the headaches and insomnia are worse. It's helped me journal again and get my thoughts out. I go to the cemetery frequently, and I've had many breakdowns there since I last saw you. Shouldn't that be enough? Shouldn't I be snapping out of this soon? "

Faith thought about her words carefully for a moment before she spoke. Elizabeth, it's my personal and professional opinion that what is happening here is that you're not only grieving the loss of Lucas but you are grieving Jack again. I believe that losing Lucas stirred up the feelings that you didn't allow yourself to experience when Jack died. When you don't properly grieve, your body will react. This is the reason for your headaches and insomnia. Remember when I encouraged you to journal, feel, and process? It sounds like you've been doing that, but it sounds like you're still "in" it too. You have to go through this so that you can heal. I know it isn't easy, but it will get better eventually. Are you ready to talk to someone about your grief besides me during these visits? That could possibly help too. "

During the time that Faith had been speaking to Elizabeth, tears had started flowing down her cheeks, and she brought out her handkerchief to wipe them away. Elizabeth sat with the handkerchief in her hand, wringing it in her hands as she looked up at Faith. She simply nodded at Faith, and Faith grabbed her hand and asked, "Would you be OK if we talked to Joseph and saw if he or Minnie could meet with you for some grief counseling?" Again, Elizabeth nodded, and Faith moved over to the phone and dialed Joseph's number. She briefly explained the situation to him and inquired about setting up an appointment. After a little discussion and Elizabeth's input, they set up an appointment for the following week on Wednesday after school.

While at her desk, Faith wrote an updated prescription for Elizabeth's medicine for her headaches and insomnia. She returned it to Elizabeth at the exam table, placed it in her hand, and held it there. "Elizabeth, you will feel better in time. You will find yourself again," she stressed, looking into Elizabeth's eyes. Elizabeth hugged Faith and thanked her. She left the infirmary and headed to the pharmacy.

Elizabeth was in and out of the pharmacy in relatively no time whatsoever, and she headed straight home after that. She missed her little boy and needed some one-on-one time with him this afternoon. Things would be different once Monday came and with Lucas' death and the emotional void she'd been feeling, she knew that she hadn't given Little Jack all that he needed. She arrived home quickly, paid Laura, and thanked her. When Laura had left, Elizabeth joined Little Jack on the floor, and the two of them played there for the rest of the afternoon.

When it was time for dinner, Elizabeth invited Little Jack to help her. Tonight, they would have a picnic of sandwiches and fruit in the living room. So the two Thorntons worked together in the kitchen before carrying their picnic supplies out to the living room floor. After dinner, Little Jack crawled into Elizabeth's lap, and she told her little boy stories and sang songs to him. Little Jack fell asleep in her arms, and she sat there like that for the longest time before she decided it was time to take him to his own bed upstairs. As she tucked him into bed, he awoke for a moment, and he looked at her with her ice blue eyes and said sleepily, "I love you Mama!" Thank you for a special day! " Then, Elizabeth leaned down, kissed him, and turned out the light. As she went into her own room, Elizabeth smiled to herself and thought, "Today was a good day, I CAN do this, one day at a time. "