A/N: Okay, I just wanted to let you guys know that I have no problem with slash, Goths, or preps. Personally, I don't label people like that. And I'm extremely happy that I've gotten so much positive feedback for this! I love all of you, my lovely, sweet reviewers! I would list you guys, but the list is getting so freaking long….really, people like this abomination/Dances/ WOOH! So with that being said, read, review, and enjoy!
Chapter 3, A.K.A. Pip Goes Goth in Order to Win Damien's Heart
Pip Pirrup is currently getting beaten up by one of his peers. It is most likely Craig, because we all know what a mean little bastard he is. Pip didn't struggle against the beating, because he is so used to it and that somehow caused him to not care.
"My hatred for you is senseless and irrational!" yells Craig as he punches the Brit in the face. Bruises cover Pip's face, as his attacker continues the assault. Suddenly, a shawdowy figure appears behind Craig.
The figure is tall, dark, and SEXY. I mean handsome. He flips his short, black hair and Craig passes out, because HE'S JUST THAT DAMN HOT. Pip falls to the ground, and picks himself up, looking into the ruby eyes of…dun dun DUN…Damien Thorn.
The authoress ignores the fact that Damien left South Park after his father lost the fight to Jesus. She does not care
Even though he hasn't seen Damien is years, and the one time they hung out Damien turned him into a firework, Pip feels himself falling for the Anti-Christ. Damien stares at the small boy in front of him, and sneers in a totally considerate and caring way. But then he notices how good-looking Pip is…and suddenly decides he wants to screw him.
If you're thinking that Damien would be straight because he didn't want to end up like his father, you're wrong. That would never happen
But the two lovebirds notice a problem! Damien is a GAWTH and Pip is a PREP. And as we all know, GAWTHS and PREPS like, never date. DUHHHH! So Damien wanders off, presumably to go do evil, manipulative things…because that's what he does.
Pip sighs at this dreadful situation, because being beaten up buy bullies on a constant basis is the least of his problems. He is then struck with…a Wonderful Idea!
"I've just been struck with a Wonderful Idea! I shall become a "goth" and impress Damien with my angsty emo self! Hip-hip, cheerio hurrah!"
The authoress adds those words in an attempt to make Pip sound British, but only succeeds in making him sound like a complete moron
So Pip does the obvious thing; he goes to Hot Topic.
It is know customary for the authoress to name the things she would like to buy but either can't afford or isn't allowed to have
He buys a trench coat, Nny-esque boots, a long-sleeved striped t-shirt (black and blue), hair dye, eye shadow, other gothy-makeup, black gloves, tight black pants, and he gets on ear pierced and now has a golden hoop in it. All-in-all, he looks pretty gothed-up.
He also has a TOTAL GAWTHY attitude. The authoress has succeed in turning sweet, lovable Pip into a suicidal, self-mutilating emo. We are supposed to love and adore this new Pip, but instead, we are sickened by his new attitude.
Pip fans scream in rage and foam at the mouth, and crash the computer screen with a hammer. They then start plotting revenge on the authoress. She is frightened
As he's leaving the store, the red goth (who receives the goth name "Raven") comes up to him. "Wow, you look just like us! And you're suicidal now! You're definitely not a conformist anymore! Wanna go make-out?"
Pip takes a drag from a cigarette he somehow acquired. "No, you guys are total conformists. Fuck off." Pip strolls---I mean…uh…how do emo's walk…unhappily wanders away? I dunno…
ANYWAY, he wanders off and…surprisingly…comes across Damien behind the school, because that's where everything happens. It was only Damien and Pip back there, because Kyle and Wendy don't have their argument over Stan until Thursday and Butters doesn't go on a homicidal rampage until Friday.
Readers wonder why there are no teachers back there. Surely they have noticed the strange activities?
Pip suddenly gets nervous, and he edges towards Damien, fidgeting slightly. He has no idea that Damien has lusted over him FOREVER, because that's the kind of person Damien would go for, not someone like Cartman, even though they have more in common.
Then, Damien glances up at the boy that has been staring at him for the past five minutes, and notices how gothy and emo-ish he has become. His jaw drops, and Pip blushes.
Ready? On three. One, two, three, AWW!
In a passionate act of…passion….Damien grabs Pip and they kiss deeply. He then promises Pip that this is more than a fling, and he will love him forever and ever, and they give each other cutsie nicknames, which remind all of the readers who have seen "South Park: Bigger, Longer, and Uncut" of the Satan/Saddam relationship.
"Oh Pip, now that you're a TOTAL GAWTH like me, I want to hug you, kiss you, and perform explicit acts on you. But this fic is "T" so I can't. DAMMIT!" Damien says romantically.
Pip sighs dreamily and messes with Damien's hair in a girly way, because we all know he's the bitch in this relationship. "Oh Damien! I feel so complete when I'm with you! MARRY ME!"
Readers slap their foreheads
"WHY THE HELL NOT!" Damien happily replies.
So he and Pip move to Hell (Because it's SO much nicer than Earth) and they get married. There might possibly be a sub-plot where they try to take over Earth, but that's only if the authoress can actually come up with something original. Therefore it is not likely.
So what do you think? Liked? Loved? Hated? Well, just review and tell me! And any suggestions for parodies are appreciated. I'm working on a Kyle/The Mole parody, and a truth or dare one...want to see something else? Then tell me, and I'll be happy to write it! Or at least attempt it...Thank-you!