AN: I received a request to write Christophe and Kyle as children, but it's just so much easier to write them as 15 or 16. Sorry, but more people want them as older, not younger. I like how this chapter came out…I don't really understand the Kyle/Christophe pairing, and it was easy to mock. But there are some good fics with this couple, so don't be scared away my my version of it. This one also has some of my favorite lines….yes, well, anyway, please read, review, and enjoy!

Chapter 5, A.K.A. Kyle and The Mole Inexplicably Fall in Love

It's a lovely day in South Park, and we are reminded that as the description of our favorite Jew is told.

He's sitting inside a classroom, leaning on a desk, with his hand holding up his face and an elbow against said desk. He sighs sadly, because it is such a wonderful day and he is cooped up inside a classroom, learning quantum nuclear physics.

Whenever the weather is nice, someone has to be trapped indoors

Suddenly Kyle is struck with a Very Interesting Idea. He's never ditched school before, so why not start now? He gets up and the teacher ignores him, giving him the perfect opportunity to leave school.

No one bothers looking for him.

Readers wonder why no one sees Kyle leaving. Surely someone monitors the hallways?

So Kyle happily skips away from school, not bothering to have one of his friends come with him. As he's skipping down the street, he passes a tall, freakishly handsome boy smoking.

Kyle pauses, and stares politely at the stranger. He looks strangely familiar…in fact, he's wearing the exact same outfit as The Mole wore the ONE TIME Kyle actually met him.

Readers wonder why Christophe has yet to go through any physical or behavioral changes

Kyle remembers The Mole vividly, even though they only met once, many years ago, and he is suddenly as giddy as a school girl. I mean, come on, he's hot, French, and sexy.

Again with that word. The authoress needs to pay harder attention in Language Arts

Christophe looks up, and notices the sexy redhead staring at him. His heart turns to jello (You know…all jiggly) as he rests his eyes upon the small Jew. But he must keep up his manly persona, because Kyle is clearly on the bottom in this future relationship.

"What ez your name, boy?" he asks sexily with that sexy, French accent of his.

Kyle blushes. He has never been asked such a personal question before!

"K-kyle Broflovski…." he whispers. "W-what's yours…?"

Christophe looks at Kyle, and, even though he's a mercenary-for-hire, feels comfortable answering him.

"Christophe. But you may call me 'Tophe, if you like."

Readers wonder why someone as uptight as Christophe would allow themselves to be called by such a ridiculous nickname. Clearly the authoress was trying to make him sound hip, but only succeeded in making him sound like a French slut

Kyle nods. "Sure…." He is overcome by Christophe's man-beauty.

Out of the blue, Christophe invites Kyle out for a "Dinner but-not-an-actual-date dinner." Kyle accepts, of course, because it's Christophe, and anyone would go out with Christophe. Hot and French, remember?

Suddenly it is night-time and we are in Kyle's room. He is very nervous, and is pacing about. He is wearing a suite, because he wants to impress his future lover.

Readers wonder why Kyle's mother has not noticed the change in her son. Surely someone as nosey as her would see something has happened?

The roar of a motorcycle is heard from outside (because Christophe HAS to own a motorcycle) and Kyle rushes down the stairs. But as he reaches for the door, someone taps him on the shoulder. He turns around, and it's…his mother! GASP!

Readers scream for Kyle to run and don't look back, but he does not listen

"Kyle," she hisses, "who is that boy? Motorcycles are horrible! They'll give you herpes! I FORBID WHATEVER YOU'RE DOING! Think of Ike! THIS IS A BAD EXAMPLE!"

Readers grab their Sheila voo-doo dolls and stab them repeatedly in the eyes

"B-but Mom, we're just….uh…." Brain blast! "He's new here! Yeah, and, um….I'm taking him to the….library…..to teach him….stuff. Yeah." He looks up at his mother, and hopes she buys it.

Readers quietly laugh. There is no way she'll ever believe that obvious lie

"Okay boobalah, I believe you. Be back by 12, but if your late I really won't care. That would ruin any relationships you might be developing with foreigners."

Readers go into cardiac arrest

Kyle runs outside and hops onto Christophe's sparkly—er, manly midnight blue motorcycle. He's dressed in a leather

Cue drooling fangirls

biker's outfit, and a matching helmet. Safety first, kids!

He hands Kyle a helmet, and they zoom off, but do not get pulled over, even though they are clearly speeding.

After a lack of a paragraph describing the ride, except for a few "Kyle felt adventurous" and "I'm king of the world" type lines, they arrive at the fancy-schmants restaurant.

They remove their helmets, and their hair has stayed absolutely perfect, as are their outfits. As they walk inside, Christophe is greeted by the employees. He must come here a lot!

Readers wonder who he comes with. But they doubt the authoress thought that statement through, and there is probably no follow-up on that

The next paragraphs would describe Kyle glancing longingly at his "date," while Christophe looks at his reflection in the plate to make sure he's still incredibly sexy.

Dinner is now over, and Kyle still hasn't told 'Tophe (I detest that nickname) his true feelings. He opens his mouth to speak, but suddenly he feels his mouth being filled with…a tongue!

What were YOU thinking of?

Without skipping a beat, Kyle kisses back, and they snog happily for several minutes. Then Christophe pulls himself away, and states, "I love you."

Kyle squeals happily, and readers are pleased, because they think the dreadful story is over. Oh no, not yet, dear readers. There's still the Horribly Described Sex Scene.

Readers new to the slash genre giggle and blush. Those of us who have followed a link to a place called "Adult Fanfiction" expected this, and know the horrendously described scenes to come

The Mole and Kyle are at Kyle's house, and his mother does not notice the walls shaking and the screams and moans coming out of her son's room. She thinks he must be studying.

I assure you, dear readers, that if I could actually write a smutty sex scene well I would, but I cannot. Not a serious one, anyway. So you'll have to use your imaginations. Let me just say that it involves a crowbar, super glue, sparklers, and vegetable oil. Lots and lots of vegetable oil.

Kyle and Christophe happily rest in each other's arms, and are thinking very pleasant thoughts. But Kyle just HAS to spoil the mood, with all of his "Let's talk" nonsense.

"Let's talk," Kyle says. Christophe frowns.

"But why, mon amore?" he asks innocently.

Readers wonder why the only pet name Christophe can come up with is "Mon amore." They thought he was more creative than that. That's what they get for thinking

"I wanna tell my mom, 'Tophy. If we want this to be an official relationship, we have to let her know," he explains. Christophe gasps.

"But she hates me! She doesn't like motorcycles, remember?" Yes, Christophe, she dislikes you because of the motorcycle. Not because you slept with her son, just because of the motorcycle.

"P-please?" he asks. Christophe sighs. Kyle's so persuasive!

"Fine. I'll tell her." Kyle cheers!

"Yay! C'mon, let's tell her now!" He jumps up and grabs Christope's wrist, and they run down the stairs wearing nothing but towels.

Readers are about to ask why they didn't get dressed first, but are silenced by spazzing fangirls. He's still hot and French, remember?

They reach the kitchen, and Sheila looks up, startled by the hot French guy standing half-naked in the doorway with her son.

Suddenly, she recognizes him. "Kyle! That's the boy with the motorcycle! Why is he naked in our house? This is not Desperate Housewives, young man!"

Kyle wraps his arms around Christophe, somehow still keeping the towel up, and pouts. "But Mother, I love him! I WANT TO BEAR HIS CHILDREN!"

With that WONDERFUL ARGUMENT put up by Kyle, (He's so persuasive!) Sheila accepts that it was SO much more than just sex, and they are destined to be together. So they all go to Canada and get married (It's legal there, you see), and they meet Terrance and Phillip and go on all sorts of wacky adventures, possibly stopping another hostile takeover of Canada by our favorite gay dictator. Stan, Cartman, Kenny, and everyone else in South Park are never spoke of again.

This chapter turned out a lot better then I thought it would. Think otherwise? Tell me! Be expecting a Truth or Dare chapter and a Kyle/Cartman (The All-Powerful Brat Child2 suggested this) chapter coming up. Any more suggestions? Tell me! So review; I really appreciate your feedback! Thank-you!