A/N: Another chapter? YES. This one knocks Tweek/Craig and Male Pregnancy off my to write list for this fic. Also, the reviews I get keep getting better and better! It makes writing this thing fun. Well, I hope you guys like it!

Craig is sitting in his living room, playing video games with his chums while his parents are out getting a back-alley abortion. Again.

"Chums" must always refer to Craig, Tweek, Clyde, and Token. Always

Clyde conveniently goes to get chips. We never see him again.

Readers don't care. THEY WANT SEX, DAMMIT

"Hey Tweek" says Craig, as he scoots closer. "Do you suck dick?"

Readers swoon at Craig's gift with words

Tweek blushes and stares at the floor. Oh, how does he know my TERRIBLE SECRET, he thinks. He glances back at Craig, grinning like the horndog he is.

Readers drool. Sex is coming, they can feel it

Gulping, he turns to face Craig. "Yes, Craig….I do suck dick……and I wanna suck yours!"

Token continues to watch football.

Craig's eyes widen and he grins like a madman. Suddenly, a sly look appears on his face. "Hey Tweeky……want me to sex you up?"

Tweek, the shy little scamp, blushes and smiles tenderly. "Yessssss pleeeassssssseeee……"

Much humping ensues.

Cheers erupt from the audience at the expectance of a GRAPHIC AND HIGHLY DISTURBING lemon. Sadly, they forget that the authoress is 14 and a female, and therefore has not seen two guys being butt buddies before. Though she wishes she has. The following scene goes like this:

Tweek gets ass-rammed and love juice is everywhere. Craig makes grunty noises. Tweek makes whimpery noises. Token clicks the remote buttons and wipes cum off his forehead.

After a few hours of this, our heroes collapse from lack of energy onto the couch and cuddle, there pants around there ankles, until they drift peacefully off to sleep.

Insert "Awwwwww"

A few hours later, Craig's parents return from Rape Blvd. and notice something awry in the force.

They stare at their naked son and his (ZOMGSEXY) friend snoring peacefully on the couch, and it hits them. Two boys……naked…on a couch…..covered in a sticky white substance (Cottage cheese, they presumed)…….it can only mean one thing.

Cue slow-motion

"FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGG!" screams Mr. Craig's Dad, and Mrs. Craig's Mom drops a bag of Trojan's on the floor with an ear-splenching "Sploooooooosh."

End slow-motion

Craig awakes with a start, subconsciously gripping the inside of Tweek's thigh as he blinks himself awake. "M-mom? D-dad? What's going---"

His father sputters and spit flies everywhere. "You and Tweek? BUTT-BUDDIES! Not under MY roof!" He screams and yanks Tweek up. The blonde whimpers.

"Noooooo!" screams Craig. His cries are in vain, and Tweek is thrown, naked, from the house and out into the snow.

Tweek in pain? OH GOD NO

Much Craig-angst ensues.

Readers sigh as Craig begins his angsty monologue. They thought that he was supposed to be….oh, I dunno…….more fun than an emo. They are wrong

"Tweek, my love, my darling, my stud muffin…..WHY GOD WHY!"

Smart ass readers respond with "'Cause God hates you." They are shot

After a few more moments of screams and angsty emo tears, Craig goes to his room and cries himself to sleep, ignoring the fact that HIS DARLING TWEEKERS is right outside the window, and if you missed the subtle message, THEY'RE LOVERS NOW.

So. Craig sleeps sexily, and Tweek wanders home, where we are treated to a description of his parents violently abusing him because he's all twitchy.

No, really, how come in every fic Tweek's parents always abuse him?

"You suck, son," says his loving father.

His mother nods her head. "Yeah, you really suck. We hate your lifestyle. Well, we WILL, as soon as you come outta that fucking closet you're in." His father takes this moment to chime in.

"Yeah, gay people suck. Hehe, get it?" They laugh, crushing Tweek's hopes and dreams of a happy life with Craig. OH WOE IS HE. So woe is he that he runs up the stairs and his parents are never heard from again.

Yeah, they exist solely for the purposes of: Raping Tweek, dying, or saying hurtful things to the elderly

Insert romantic paragraph about how Tweek and Craig fell asleep at the same time and want to start a deep, meaningful relationship

The next day, Craig wakes up and goes downstairs, and….dun dun dun…….finds that HIS FOLKS IS DEAD OMIGOSHNO.

The authoress is running put of ideas. Get ready for some serious bull shit

"OMIGOSHNO!" he gasps. "Who did this convenient deed?" a plate clatters to the floor, and he turns to see…….Damien!

On a side note: Damien is sex on legs. Just had to say that

The Anti-Christ waves. "Yo."

Craig, confused, inquires as to why his parents are dead, since Butters is in rehab for the whole killing people thing and couldn't have any part in this.

"Oh, that, well, after learning that your folks don't appreciate penis-on-penis action, my Dad, SATAN THE PRINCE OF DARKNESS, got all pissed in Hell

Young Christian readers scream and go pray

and told me to kill yours and Tweek's parents. Well, he didn't tell me to, he just said that it's a shame he couldn't watch you guys have STEAMY GRAPHIC SEX from Hell. I just like killing things."

Craig nods. "I understand. Now, if you will please go, I have blood to clean. PLZNTHNK."

Damien turns and heads for the door, but momentarily pauses. "One more thing. I screwed up time and space yesterday, and now your booty call is preggers. Good luck with that." He runs away before he gets plates thrown at him.

Craig is shocked. Sooooooooo shocked. Like, really, REALLY shocked. But strangely happy……HE'S GONNA BE A DADDY!

Insert more sickening "Awwwwwwww"s

Later that day, Tweek shows up, now with a giant pregnant belly, despite the fact that a day has barely passed, and waddles up to Craig. They embrace warmly, but don't screw 'cause the baby will turn into more of a freak than it already will be.

Not because it has two dad's (I want two gay dads, actually), but because coming out someone's ass can't be fun

"Let's go furniture shopping!" gushes Tweek. Craig smiles and grabs his hand, and they wander off to….Home Depot.

So Tweek and Craig have two beautiful baby girls named Toasty and Amanda. They move to a magical house on a giant freaky hill, and have loads more babies. And Damien continues to kill people, frees Butters from the mental home, and they become butt buddies. Satan masturbates to Tweek/Craig sex in Hell. And all is right with the world.

Like? Love? Despise? Review and tell me! And as always, ideas are much appreciated. Thanks!