Chapter 4
After helping Kaylee wash dishes and such and checking Serenity's trajectory, she showed Mike to his room. Mike's room was the unused bunk next Zoë's and formerly Wash's bunk and across the front hall from Mal's bunk. Mike stood behind Kaylee with his duffle bag and suitcase as she showed him how to open the bunk. Kaylee descended the ladder into the bunk first. Mike dropped his duffle bag down first and then descended the ladder. He placed the suitcase against a wall and looked at the beige walls of this cramped little room.
"This is your bunk," Kaylee said as she waved her hand in front of her.
"It's kind of small," Mike remarked.
"Is that a problem?" Kaylee asked.
"Oh, no," Mike responded. "The Swiss Guard barracks used to cram four guys in a space like this." He walked over to his bed and sat down on it. "I'm stoic so I'll be okay."
"Okay then," Kaylee said as she approached the ladder. "If you need anything, feel free to ask me. I'll be checking on her engines before I go to bed. Night" Kaylee began to ascend the ladder.
"Wan an," Mike called to her. "God bless you."
Serenity glided quietly through the black. Unbeknownst to those onboard, they were pursued by a horseshoe-shaped shuttle, the type the Hands of Blue used on Ariel.
The next morning, Mike was piloting Serenity with River as his copilot. He kept glancing at her, expecting her to do something odd. She never did. Mike thought she was a fairly competent copilot for an unbalanced person. Of course, his stress created by working near River had led him to find solace from his cigarettes. Unfortunately, the bridge lacked an ashtray. Mike was forced to toss his cigarette butts on the floor behind him.
Mal walked into the bridge and was surprised by the cloud of smoke that inundated the bridge. He also noticed all the cigarette butts on the floor. It appeared that the cigarette army had lost their war. Mike just sat in his chair, monitoring the ship's controls.
"Looks like we'll be needing a fire extinguisher," Mal spoke. Mike immediately turned his chair around to face the captain. "You've made yourself at home, I see."
"Yeah," Mike replied. "Don't worry about the cigarette butts. I'll clean them up later. It's just you don't have an ashtray."
"We've had no need for one before," Mal responded. "In all my life, I've never seen such a prodigious-like smoker such as you."
"That's just how I am," Mike explained as he took a drag. "Every Lent I give these suckers up."
"Really," Mal replied. He noticed something odd on the console. "What's that?" He asked as he pointed at a small statute of a brown-cloaked monk-type person.
"That," Mike answered as he pointed at it with his thumb. "That's St. Joseph of Cupertino. He's the patron saint of space travel. Against Reavers, too, well, at least he would be if it was official." Mal just looked at him and it. He didn't put too much faith in icons offering protection. He had faith in guns though.
"I'll see if I can get a garbage can that you put these cigarette butts in," Mal said as he left the bridge.
"Thank you, very much," Mike replied thankfully. "God bless you." Mal seemed to ignore that last statement as he walked down the front hall. Mike turned back to the console.
"Why did you say that if you know he doesn't like religion?" River asked.
"Christ said that is you give someone a blessing and they don't accept it, it returns to you," Mike answered matter-of-factly.
"You're blessing yourself in disguise," River stated. "You don't care if God blesses him."
"No," Mike said indignantly. "I have faith that one day he will accept it. In the meantime, I get blessed for trying to be nice."
"Is it still nice if someone doesn't like it?" River questioned. It might have been rhetorical.
"I think it still is," Mike responded anyway.
After a while, Mike and River continued to sit in the relative boredom of piloting a ship. River stared quietly at the star-filled black through the bridge's viewing screen.
"Something's coming," River stated. Mike ignored her comment. He just thought she was crazy. "I'm not," River added. Mike looked at her in surprise. She read my mind, he thought, but then returned to monitoring the ship's stats. He noticed something odd. He put out his cigarette on the console, tossed it on the floor, and reached for the corded radio that was located above the pilot's seat.
"Kaylee," Mike said into the radio. There was only radio static. "Kaylee," he repeated. Mike thought he heard a giggle and maybe a moan over the radio. He thought it was worthy of investigation.
"You're not going to like it," River told Mike.
"What?" Mike responded.
"You're not going to like what you see," River repeated.
"I don't like this situation," Mike argued. "I got to go see what's going on." Mike turned his chair around and walked out of the bridge.
Mike walked down the front hall, through the dining area, down the back hall, and reached the entrance of the engine room. He looked in.
"Kaylee," he called. Mike entered the engine room and approached the engine. The room seemed empty. He looked down. "Lao-sheng tyen!" Mike screamed at the top of his lungs. Mike turned around and covered his eyes with his hand. A shirtless Simon quickly rose from under the engine while pulling his pants back on.
"Just give me a second," Kaylee's voice called from under the engine. She apparently had more dressing to do. Mike uncovered his eyes and faced Simon with a very disgusted look on his face.
"I'm sorry," Simon said.
"Sorrydoesntbegintocoverit!" Mike declared angrily. Simon couldn't understand what he said. "Putyourshirtbackon!"
"What?" Simon asked confused. Mike took a calming breath.
"Put your shirt back on!" Mike said, calmer but still angry. Kaylee appeared fully-clothed from under the engine. She seemed cheerful. Of course, you would be cheerful too if you….
"Do you seriously think suo-yo duh doh shr-dang!" Mike stated angrily. "Haven't you people ever heard of closing the gorram door!" Mal suddenly walked through the entrance of the engine room after hearing all the commotion. He held a bucket in his hand.
"What is going on here?" Mal demanded.
"I'm just trying to handle this thing with a sense of poise and rationality," Mike retorted. Mal saw Kaylee standing next to a shirtless Simon.
"Oh," Mal answered knowingly. Mike faced Mal.
"You told me there was no sex, drugs, or slies on this boat," Mike alleged angrily. "They were…." Mike searched for the right word. It looked like he couldn't find a better one, "Grappling. You said there wasn't any of that."
"I thought you meant everyone grappling together, like an orgy" Mal responded. Mike cringed at his last word. "What do you care if they grapple?" Mike didn't really have an answer for that.
"They shouldn't be doing this now anyway," Mike said. He pointed at Kaylee. "She should be working on the engine." Mal became curious.
"What are you doing here anyway?" Mal asked. Mike suddenly remembered.
"Oh, yeah," Mike said. "I just got a weird heat-bounce off our wake. I wanted Kaylee to check if it was an engine flux. I tried calling her on the radio, but I didn't get an answer. So, I came here." Mal seemed satisfied by this explanation.
"Kaylee, you check if there's a flux," Mal ordered. Kaylee nodded. "Simon, you go….elsewhere, and Mike, go back to the bridge." He handed Mike the bucket. "Use this as a garbage can for your cigarettes, and next time she don't answer on the com, prepare for the worst."
"Aye, aye, captain," Mike replied. He took his bucket, turned around and walked towards the entrance of the engine room. He suddenly stopped and turned around.
"By the way Simon," Mike began, "Why here?"
"Oh," Simon started, "She told me engines make her…."
"Never mind," Mike asserted loudly. "I don't need to know." Mike continued to leave the engine room.
"Simon, put on your shirt," Mike heard Mal order as he left. There was a short pause.
"I can't seem to find it," he heard Simon answer.
"Wait a minute," he heard Kaylee add. "I'm wearing it." Mike ran towards the bridge as fast as he could.
Mike eventually arrived at the bridge. River was still sitting there in the copilot's seat. She was watching the console before her. He picked up all the cigarettes all over the floor. After the floor was clear of the victims of the cigarette massacre, Mike placed the bucket next to his seat and sat down. He lit a cigarette and smoked it.
"I told you weren't going to like it," River commented. Mike just stared at her in annoyance.
Wan an: Chinese "Good night"
Lao-sheng tyen: Chinese "Oh holy g-d"
Suo-yo duh doh shr-dang: Chinese "All that's proper"