Chapter 25: Hard Conversations
When Elizabeth composed herself enough, she peeked out of the schoolhouse window to see if Nathan was still chopping wood. There was nothing that she wanted more at that very moment than to avoid him and an uncomfortable scenario again. She expelled the breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding. Even though there was no sign of him, Elizabeth exited the schoolhouse at the side door, still hoping to avoid any kind of interaction with Nathan. But, at the moment, she wasn't quite ready to be back in the public eye in general either. "Maybe if I go see Rosemary, that will help settle me," she thought to herself, and headed towards the Valley Voice office. From the moment Elizabeth walked in and Rosemary took one look at her, she knew something was up. Rosemary knew she needed to get Elizabeth out of there so she'd have the freedom to talk it out.
Rosemary thought for a moment, and by the look on her face, one could tell that she had come up with what she believed was a terrific idea. "You know, I think I need a break. Harper, can you continue working on that editorial and Hattie keep working on the layout for tonight's edition? Lee, would you mind picking up the materials that Elizabeth had ordered from the mercantile this morning? I'll be back a little bit later," Rosemary said, without giving them a chance to truly respond. She knew she had to get Elizabeth out of there as quickly as possible. So, after her directions were given, she turned and grabbed Elizabeth's arm and escorted her out of the office. They walked over to the library together. When they got there, Emily was working on organizing a book display on the shelves.
"Why don't you take a short break for the next hour, Emily? You've been doing such a wonderful job with this book display! Go get a treat from the cafe on me," Rosemary said as she handed a dollar over to the young girl. Emily's face lit up, and she hurriedly exited the library and made her way to the cafe.
Once Emily was gone, Rosemary put the "closed" sign up and locked the library door. She gestured for Elizabeth to sit at the table, and once she did, Rosemary sat across from her. The two friends sat like that for a while until Rosemary finally said, "Elizabeth, something happened since I saw you earlier this morning. And if I can be so bold, I have a feeling that it has something to do with Nathan by the look on your face. "
Elizabeth looked at her friend in shock and responded, "How did you know?" For a moment, Rosemary stared at her friend with a thoughtful expression. She had a lot to say but didn't know if she should proceed or not, given their history of the topic or all that Elizabeth had been through this past year. Then, Rosemary let out a sigh and touched her friend's arm lightly as she responded, "Elizabeth, I'd like to be absolutely honest with you, but I'm hesitant too."
Elizabeth looked back intently at her friend, seeing the earnest expression on her face. Before she could respond, Elizabeth's eyes caught sight of the plaque on the wall behind Rosemary. "Always do what you are afraid to do-Emerson", the words seemed to jump out at her at that moment. To be honest, she was not sure that she wanted to hear what Rosemary had to say. But deep down, Elizabeth knew that she needed to stop running away and hear her friend out. She took her friend's hand, nodded as she looked at her friend, and said, "Don't be hesitant, Rosemary. I want you to be honest with me. Things are different now with us and, besides, what kind of friend would I be if I didn't allow you to speak your mind? "
Rosemary nodded and thought for a moment. Then, she silently spoke a prayer, asking for guidance and direction in what she was about to say, but also an open heart for Elizabeth to hear it as well.
"Elizabeth, when will you admit that you have feelings for Nathan? That you have had them for a very long time now? Even before you chose Lucas? He's not Jack and he never will be. You ran from him before, right into Lucas' arms, to play it safe, and look where that got you. And I'm sorry for the harshness of that statement and no disrespect to Lucas, but Elizabeth, you need to hear this.", Rosemary spoke firmly, looking seriously at her.
Elizabeth's blue eyes were filled with tears, and she gripped Rosemary's hands tightly. She absently stared at the plaque again and nodded. "I think you're right. And if I'm being honest, I know he's not Jack. But Rosemary, caring for Nathan, also scares me to the core. I've seen, or should I say, felt, that it goes deeper than I've ever known before, even with what I had with Jack, and that in itself terrifies me. I think that may be why I ran from Nathan before when he professed his love. I didn't understand it, my own feelings, my own deep fears, so it was easier to go with what I did, choosing Lucas. Elizabeth shared, "How I feel... it's overwhelming, but I know that what I feel towards Nathan and Allie is a deep love."
As Elizabeth poured her heart out to her friend, her eyes continued to flood with tears. But Elizabeth felt this release within her. The emotional wall that had been around her heart for the past several years had come down. In her vulnerability with Rosemary, it was what finally allowed her to finally release what had been holding her back all this time.
Rosemary gave Elizabeth time to simply cry out her thoughts and feelings. Then, after awhile, she spoke again. "Elizabeth, the next question is, are you willing to tell Nathan how you feel?" she said, gazing at her friend with concerned eyes.
Elizabeth looked at Rosemary and opened her mouth to speak, but nothing came out. Overcome with the emotion of the whole situation, Elizabeth started sobbing, and Rosemary got up from where she sat and took the chair next to Elizabeth's. She took her friend in her arms and allowed her to cry. In the quietness of the library, it was as if all the hurt from Jack's and Lucas's deaths and the buried, stifled feelings because of fear that she had held for Nathan came pouring out of her. And Rosemary allowed her to simply cry, all the while holding her, rubbing her back and reassuring her that it'd be OK.
By the time Elizabeth was done, she was physically, emotionally, and mentally drained. Rosemary handed her the unused handkerchief that she had in her bag that she had carried over. Once Elizabeth had cleaned herself up, she sat up and looked at Rosemary through red, tear-stained eyes.
"I don't know how to answer that, Rosemary. I don't know if it even matters to him anymore that I would maybe feel that way towards him. I mean, it's been two years since he told me that he loved me and I rejected him. How in the world does one even do that? Tell someone two years later, hey, I love you too. It's ridiculous! ", Elizabeth spoke in a voice slightly above a whisper.
Rosemary thought about Elizabeth's comment. It definitely wasn't the easiest question to answer. She brushed back the hair that had fallen around Elizabeth's face and lifted her chin to have Elizabeth's gaze meet her own and spoke to her, "Let's do this for now. I will pick up Jack with the twins today and take him home with us. You go home and rest, and maybe even journal, and when you're ready, come over and get him."
Rosemary took Elizabeth's face into her hands, looked intently at her, and then spoke lovingly to her, "Elizabeth, there's no rush on this matter. You just did a huge thing by admitting how you feel about Nathan. You stopped running and you faced the fear of admitting your feelings. That's a step in the right direction. The rest of it will come to you in time and in the way you're ready for. It may not be today or tomorrow, but you know what direction you're headed in and which path to take. In the meantime, stay open, journal, pray, and keep talking."
Elizabeth simply nodded and fell into Rosemary's arms once more. The two friends sat there for another moment before Rosemary reminded Elizabeth that Emily was due to return any time and they should be on their way. Elizabeth made herself presentable enough to exit the library and not give off what had just occurred inside or draw unwanted attention to herself.
Rosemary drove Elizabeth home after they walked back to the Valley Voice office to get the Coulter's car. When she was settled inside, Elizabeth went to the couch, grabbed the lightweight throw that was on the back of it, and lay down. She closed her eyes and drifted off to sleep.