Boone pulled into the circular driveway in front of Jack's sprawling Spanish Colonial. He'd already dropped his own car off at the dealership for service and was driving a loaner. It had taken him a few minutes behind the wheel to get used to the automatic transmission, and, if not for their seat belts, he would have sent the two of them through the windshield when he pressed the brake pedal all the way to the floor, his left foot automatically going for the clutch, while his right hand search for the stick shift that was non-existent. While Boone apologized to him, Andrew had scowled at him angrily, looking quite a bit like Shannon, but, unlike she would have, he'd refrained from making a comment.
Jack was opening the front door before Boone even switched off the ignition. Andrew was out the passenger door in a flash; his feet flying up the walkway, launching himself at Jack. Boone followed a little more sedately, after grabbing all the bags from the back seat.
"Boone," Jack greeted him with a smile, and held out the arm that wasn't supporting Andrew, to pull the younger man into an awkward hug, the five-year-old growth that had suddenly sprung up on his torso making a full hug impossible.
"Good to see you, man," Boone grinned when he pulled away. "Thanks for the invite." He nodded at Andrew, "You want me to remove that for you?"
Jack shook his head and held up a finger conspiratorially, bidding Boone to wait a minute. "Andrew? Kate's in the living room, she's got someone new for you to meet, you want to go find out who?"
The boy couldn't shimmy down Jack's side fast enough, quickly disappearing through the door.
Jack held out his hand to grab one of the backpacks from Boone as they headed into the house. Boone chuckled as they reached the entrance and proceeded down the hall, Jack look at him questioningly.
"He's just caught sight of Jessica." He explained. "He hasn't really ever seen too many babies, so when he does he's always kind of fascinated."
They entered the living room to find Andrew standing right in front of Kate, pressed up against her knees, leaning over to stare into the blanket wrapped bundle she was holding. Boone crossed the room and bent down to kiss her cheek as they greeted each other, stealing a quick peek at the baby himself. Andrew glanced up at him briefly, grinning from ear to ear, looking as if this was his own baby sister.
"I don't know, bud, you'll have to ask Kate." Boone said in an apparent non sequitur.
"Can I hold her?" Andrew redirected his question as Boone had indicated.
Kate looked a little apprehensively at Boone as she considered his request.
"Honestly Kate, I'm more likely to drop her than Andrew is." Jack snorted a laugh at the truth in Boone's words. He shot him a dirty look then shrugged, after all he was well known for the clumsiness to which he'd just admitted. "I'd suggest having him sit down first though."
The two men left them to sort out baby holding privileges as Jack led the way to their guest rooms. They left Andrew's stuff in his room; then crossed the hall to Boones'. Once Boone put his backpack on the bed, Jack pulled him into a real hug. "Damn, it's great to see you."
"Jack, you just saw me last month when Jessica was born." Boone reminded him.
"Yeah, but it was a crazy time and I was all distracted. I barely remember anyone coming to the hospital; I was just so excited to finally hold my own baby. I waited a long time for that moment. I never thought I'd be this old before my first child was born." Jack looked a little wistful.
"Yeah, and I never thought I'd be that young when mine came along." Boone smirked a bit, "and Shannon even younger, but that was the root of the whole problem, now wasn't it?
"Funny how things work out," Jack observed. Boone nodded in agreement, his comment about Shannon prompting Jack to ask, "So you want to talk now?"
"Hell no! I just fought Friday night LA rush hour traffic; I want a drink and a chance to unwind. We've got time before dinner right?" The last came out as more of a statement than a question.
They spent the next hour out in the back yard, sitting around on lawn chairs, catching up, and watching Andrew playing in the shallow end of the pool. When he'd expressed a desire to go in the water, and had changed into his swim suit, Boone had made him walk up the length of the pool until the depth of the water reached his shoulders, then he'd grabbed the pool skimmer and laid it on the ground, at a right angle to the concrete edge, marking the spot so he'd know if the boy got deeper than he should. Kate actually thought it was a pretty smart idea and filed the information away for use when their own daughter got old enough to want to do the same.
Boone watched nervously, often times losing complete track of the conversation as he focused intently on the boy in the water. It was the first time he'd let Andrew back in swimming since the snorkelling incident, and he sure as hell didn't want a repeat of that. Kate finally leaned forward and grabbed his jaw, forcibly turning his head back to them, reassuring him that with all three of them in attendance, especially with two of them being doctors, the chance of any harm coming to his son was slim to none.
Dinner was a leisurely affair, the baby went down without a fuss, before they started, and Andrew was well used to sitting at a table of adults for long periods of time, having endured several formal dinners at Sabrina's house.
After eating, Boone gave Andrew a few options on how to fill his time while Jack and he talked. He decided against TV or reading and instead went to his room and fetched his latest puzzle book, sitting on the carpet and squirming himself up to the coffee table. Pencil in hand, he opened the book and bent his head over it.
Kate settled back into the couch with a fresh cup of coffee and a medical text, telling her husband and Boone, "You boys go have a nice talk, we'll hold the fort down here, won't we Andrew?"
He looked up to nod yes, but stopped, the smile sliding off his face when he saw how serious the two men looked. "Boone?"
Boone came around and table and leaned down to kiss the top of his head, 'Nothing to worry about, just adult stuff, but stay out of my head till I get back, okay?'
'Kay Boone,' he thought, not sounding completely convinced, still frowning a bit.
Kate leaned forward to engage him in a conversation about the puzzle he'd opened the book up to, and redirect his focus.
Boone shot her a look of thanks, and the two of them headed to the den.
"You think I'm ready to start dating?" Boone asked, starting the conversation with what was forefront in his mind as he shut the door behind them. The two of them took seats.
"Do you think you're ready to start dating?" Jack countered.
Boone frowned and looked at him flatly. "I thought I was talking to a friend. If I wanted to talk to my therapist I would be. Can you please not answer my questions with other questions? Sometimes the guy makes me feel like it'd be just as productive to talk to myself in a mirror."
"Sorry Boone. You are talking to a friend; sometimes the professional in me gets in the way." He apologized.
Boone just rolled his eyes.
"I think that the fact that you're even asking the question, kind of answers it," Jack tried again. "I think it'd be great if you moved on and started dating, but what about the fact that you're still married, you thinking about getting a divorce? You've certainly got grounds."
"Yeah, sure, then when Shan comes back, I'll send her straight to you so you can explain why we aren't married anymore, and that it was all your idea. You're a braver man than I am." Boone laughed.
"No way, I'm not the one with the death wish here." Jack thought he'd take his chances baiting Boone a little, wanting to read his mood.
The younger man just chuckled, he'd really felt himself relaxing over the course of the evening, and just wasn't in the mood to take umbrage.
Jack fell silent for a bit, thinking, Boone's slip hadn't gone unnoticed by him. "So you said 'when' Shannon comes back."
"I did?" He seemed startled.
Jack nodded. "Why are you thinking of starting up a new relationship if you think she's coming back? And what exactly are you going to do if she does? She left you Boone."
"I don't know what I'd do. It's so…," He couldn't finish the thought because he didn't know how to. Instead he asked, "Your first marriage ended when your wife left you, right?"
"Suddenly this is all about me? I thought we were talking about you?" Jack didn't know where Boone was going with this.
"Wait, I've got a point." He asked for Jacks' forbearance. "You still love each other at the end?"
"I'm not sure I even loved her at the beginning." Jack commented, quietly.
"What?" Boone looked up sharply.
"Nothing, this isn't about me. No, we didn't." He admitted.
"You saw us, that last day." Boone looked at him, "You think we did?"
Jack took a moment. "Yes you did." He answered decisively," Totally and completely, no question."
"But she still left." Boone shook his head, and shrugged his shoulders.
"We all know that, Boone."
He seemed to consider for a moment. "All I can say is that it was kind of like some couples, one of whom wants children desperately, and one is appalled by the thought. They love each other, but there's that fundamental difference, so they break up. You end up with two very unhappy people, or a really bad chick flick, maybe both." He breathed a small bitter laugh.
Jack chuckled; it wasn't the first time that Boone had been funny over the course of the evening. He enjoyed the guys' humour.
"Go on," Jack urged.
"But, when she left she said she wasn't ready yet. Do you have any idea how deeply those three letters have cut me? Just a word, one syllable, but so open ended. Your wife left you, but when it was over, it was over. I have no closure. She's not dead; she's, possibly, not gone for good, she didn't leave me for someone else. It's like she just expected me to put my whole life on hold, and wait for her, the selfish bitch. She's not just played me like a fiddle, Jack, I'm the entire string section of the New York Philharmonic, and what I lost; you have no idea, no fucking idea." He was becoming more agitated.
"Your wife left you Boone, for whatever reason and, as you just pointed out, so did mine, so I do know." Jack insisted.
"No, no you don't. I'm not just empty in here, Jack," he pressed his hand against his chest, "I'm empty in here too," he tapped his head. "You can get a vague sense of all of us, I know that, you were the leader, you needed to know where we all were. But even you've admitted no one came near to the closeness that Shan and I had." Boone narrowed his eyes, "It's gone, all of it."
"Boone." Jack started.
He rose and started pacing, his hands clenching and unclenching by his sides. "At least I had Andrew, but now even he's gone most of the time. All those hours at school, he's not in my head anymore. I got used to it Jack! At least when she left, I still had him. Fucking bitch." In an uncharacteristic moment of aggression he kicked an ottoman over, then, in horror at his action, rushed forward to right the piece of furniture, only to end up tripping over it, and falling on the carpet. "Shit," he cursed, "even the furniture has it in for me."
As he scrambled to his feet, Jack realized that the mishap had defused Boone's anger, so he felt fairly safe pointing out that Boone had attacked the innocent foot stool first, and could he really blame it for defending itself?
"I'll try not to sneak up on any of the arm chairs then, they might be in cahoots. It's probably a conspiracy." He smirked a little at his foolishness, and took his seat, gently resting his feet on the victim of his earlier fit of pique.
Jack picked up the thread of the conversation again, "To be honest, I've never thought about your mental bond with her, in the context of her leaving that is, and you've never brought it up before, why now?"
"Like I said, I still had Andrew, but now he's gone most of the day too. I…I guess I'm just lonely." He admitted.
Jack considered that for a minute. "I know what I feel like, when any of the group is around, the gentle nudging in my head. My sense of the rest of you is only minimal, you were right when you said that I hade no idea what you lost, your bond was so strong, I know I'll feel kind of empty when you guys leave on Sunday."
Boone seemed to think for a minute; then he raised his eyes and looked at Jack, seeming to come to a decision. He rose and went to stand behind Jack's chair. "You want just a taste of it? I don't know how strongly I can make you feel it, I've never tried this before, and I sure as hell don't know how much you want to, my head's pretty fucked."
Jack nodded, and took a deep relaxing breath, not exactly sure what he was in for. When Boone's fingers came in contact with his temples, he felt like he'd been hit by a freight train. The sensations, emotions, flashing memories overwhelmed him, he couldn't make coherent sense out of any of it; he was just too overcome by the intensely intimate nature of it.
After a minute Boone snatched his hands away, and balled them up against his chest, almost feeling like he'd purposely put them on a hot burner. It was the first time he'd connected so fully with a strange mind. He moved slowly back over to his chair; and sat with his head bowed.
The severance of the bond had just as much of an impact on Jack as the initiation of it, but instead of being overwhelmed by the presence of another person in his head, he was left bereft by the sudden absence of it. He put his hand up, tentatively to his face, feeling the wetness of tears on his cheek.
Boone raised his head, not as affected as Jack, being too used to the phenomenon, when he saw that the other man was crying, he went over to the side board and poured them each a stiff shot of whiskey. Passing, he pressed one of the glasses into Jacks' hand.
They sat in silence for a few minutes.
"How did she do it? How could she have left you? To give that up…" Jack broke the quiet. "How does she deal with it now, without going mad?"
"I guess she's too busy sight seeing, taking in new places, and entertaining the boy toy of the month." He shrugged. "I don't know. I spend countless hours wondering, but I don't really know." Boone sipped at the amber liquid in his glass; then put it down on the side table. "I'm going to bed." He announced abruptly.
He stopped just before he left the room, "Night Jack, and thanks man."
Jack just looked at him without replying, finally saying, "Have a good time on your date, Boone."
"You know what? I think I will." He smiled briefly before closing the door, softly, behind him.
Shannon stood in the centre of the apartment and looked around. Miguel was gone and her stuff was all packed, the single suitcase and backpack standing ready by the door, there was a cleaning service coming in the next day, so all she had to do was lock up and jump in a cab for the airport. She hesitated however, and found herself crossing to the bathroom to lean against the door jamb. Boone would have insisted on cleaning the place himself, knowing he'd do a better job of it than the local franchise of Molly Maid, or whatever passed for them here in Spain. She pictured him on his knees beside the bathtub, a bottle of cleanser beside him and a scrub brush in his hand.
She let the tears come this time, and called his name out into the empty room. The imaginary figure turned to her summons. "Oh Boone, god Boone, I miss you so much." She told him, wanting him with her so badly she felt her knees give out as she slid to the floor.
That was the problem; she wanted him with her, not the other way around. She wanted to share Europe with him, she wanted to flit with him from country to country, she wanted to be rootless and carefree, and she wanted him to want the same, to be the same. But he wasn't, and he couldn't ever be. He wanted roots, he wanted familiarity; he wanted routine. He needed purpose; he needed to feel he was making a difference, whereas she just didn't give a shit. Instant gratification, careless indifference, no responsibilities, that was who she was.
She'd told him she wasn't ready yet, but suddenly found herself wondering if she ever would be. She pushed herself to her feet, crossed the impersonal apartment, and gathered her luggage. She pulled the door shut, loudly, behind her.