Dear Diary,
I hate this! I hate my husband! Every day, every single day these past few weeks he always says to me, "I'm going for a walk" and I never say anything, never act suspicious at all or do anything to show that I think that he might be off with one of his little lady-friends to have some "fun". I'm seriously getting fed up of his little game. He thinks that just because he's the king of the gods, he can do what he wants. OK, maybe that's true, in a way. But being the king of the gods doesn't give him the right to be a lousy husband. And I'm left here to take care of all the others. Sometimes when he goes for one of his "walks" he doesn't come home till the next morning and then acts totally innocent, all lovey-dovey to me, like he hasn't done anything wrong. Or else he ignores me completely and acts all distant when I ask him where he's been. I know he thinks I'm stupid. Well, he doesn't fool me. I don't know who his latest conquest is but I'll get her. Sometimes I ask help from Aphrodite, to make him love me instead of some other girl, for just one day. But I suppose that's cheating in a way. I just wish he would actually love me for real. He doesn't even consider how much he's hurting me with his infidelity. Besides, Zeus doesn't love women, he wants them.
Today it's chaos here on Olympus. All the others are arguing and shouting with each other, and who's left to sort it out? Me. I shouldn't be the one sitting here without a life. Zeus should pay more attention to his responsibilities. He's setting a bad example for all the other gods. I've a good mind to just do what he does and disappear for a few hours with some handsome young man. But I'm a good wife, not like him. Besides, I am the goddess of marriage, so if I do that I'll be setting the same example for all married women. Just as Zeus is setting a bad example to married men. I've seriously considered leaving him actually, but then I think, if I did, I wouldn't be the queen of heaven. I'd be absolutely nothing. Well, maybe I'd still be immortal, but what's the use of being immortal if you can't tell other people what to do?
I started hitting my head against the wall. I can hear the others' shouts all the way from here. "Hera!" I heard Artemis shout. "Aphrodite's trying to put lipstick on me!"
"She started it!" Aphrodite shouted back. I didn't even bother to answer. Let them sort it out between themselves this time. And Aphrodite keeps moaning that someone's stolen her blue eye shadow, or her yellow dress or her green shoes, or something to do with things you wear. Actually she hasn't figured out that it's me who stole her eye shadow. And Hermes has been distracted lately too, delivering messages to the wrong people. I hate that Aphrodite, I hate them all, why can't they just leave me be? They can't go one day without arguing. Well, that's to be expected. Zeus and I can't go one day without arguing, and it always ends with him giving me his "I'm the king of the gods so I'll do as I please, so there" look, either that or me storming out of the room and not talking to him for a week. And trust me, I'm the kind of person who can hold a grudge. Seriously, how did Zeus and me get stuck being married?
I stopped hitting my head against the wall because it was starting to hurt, and started daydreaming to take my mind off my idiot of a husband for now at least. How many of his little girlfriends have I punished? I've lost count. I thought of all their different punishments to amuse me. I thought of the time I sent a python after Leto and I laughed silently. What should I do next time? I'm running out of ideas, I've lost my originality. Maybe I should just kill them straight off and be done with it. What a pathetic life I have, I thought. Others don't have to put up with this sort of thing.
You're wondering of course why I punish the girls and not Zeus himself. In a way, I kind of feel sorry for them, some of them have even been raped. But I can't really punish my own husband, especially not if my husband is Zeus. Last time I tried to punish him he got so angry with me that he chained me to the mountain with anvils. I know, right? Very violent. But that's what it's like between Zeus and me, not a moment of peace is in this house at all. And it seems to be contagious. Everyone else is arguing too. Frankly, I wish I just had this house all to myself. I wish I ruled the world all by myself. Yes, if I had one wish that's what it would be…
I got caught up in this daydream for the next few minutes, imagining how wonderful life would be if it were like that. So I didn't notice Zeus coming through the door. He seemed to be in a good mood today. He must have bedded a lot of girls last night. That thought made me even angrier, but I smiled at him like a loving wife, of course. I need one night without an argument. I don't feel like yelling tonight, my throat's getting sore.
"Hera, my love, how are you today? What's for dinner?"
I couldn't believe he was asking about food right now. But well, I guess that after all those girls he must be hungry. I frowned though, fed up of his casual questions. "I don't know. Ask Hestia."
"Are you OK, darling?" he asked, and touched my arm.
I pulled away quickly. "Get off."
"What's up with you today? I'm trying to be nice, you know. I met the most charming girl today…"
"I'm sure you did," I said sarcastically. "Who was it this time? But hang on, I'm asking the questions here. Where have you been?"
Zeus hesitated. "Out," he said after a while, and then walked away quickly. I made a very rude gesture at him behind his back as he walked away. Without even turning, he called back at me, "I saw that."
My god I hate my husband so much, he actually needs help to control his sexual urges.
We were all unusually quiet at dinner today, apart from saying, "Pass the ambrosia" or "Can I have some more nectar?" I suppose we were all tired of fighting. Then Zeus, in that good mood that he was in today, broke the silence. "So," he said cheerfully. "What's new then, family?"
"Why don't you tell us," I mumbled quietly. Not quietly enough. He still heard, but pretended to act normally. "Me? Why, nothing. Nothing new at all. So, what's up, what's the latest news on the mortal world?"
Again no one answered but Aphrodite giggled to break the tension. Zeus gave up trying to start a conversation. Aphrodite started to brush her hair carefully, fixing her style and re-doing loose ends. After a while I started to get annoyed. "This is dinner, Aphrodite, stop doing your hair, for goodness sake! You don't always have to look perfect."
Aphrodite stared at me like I was mad, with a shocked look. "Of course I do! How else am I supposed to work on my seduction techniques? And face it, you're still mad because Paris chose me to be more beautiful than you were."
You got me, I thought to myself. I've never quite got over that. But of course I didn't say so. "For your information, I'm very much over that. And you can just shut up!"
"Honey," Zeus said warningly. "We won't have any arguing at the table." Funnily enough, I did agree with that, so I just carried on eating. Aphrodite rolled her eyes and carried on by fixing her make up. I knew she was just doing it to annoy me, but I pretended not to notice it. After a few more minutes of silence Artemis picked up her bow from the ground and aimed for a target at the wall. She hit it perfectly. "Yes!" she said excitedly. I suppose she just did that either to show off or to break the tension. "Artemis!" Zeus said again. "What did I say? No archery at the table! Now put that away or I'll confiscate it."
"Sorry Dad," said Artemis and put her bow down.
"Show-off," I mumbled under my breath. But no. Again she heard. "Shut up, Hera. You can't talk. You're not good at anything."
"You just watch how you talk to me! Finish your food and zip it."
"You can't tell me what to do. You're not my mother!"
I glared at her. Everyone looked a little uneasy. "Exactly my point," I said more quietly. I turned to Zeus, who was trying to act normally. "Could you please control your daughter?" I asked, really annoyed by now.
"Yes, do stop it, Artemis. But maybe we should all stop it. Let's eat in peace."
"I think I'm finished," I said, and I got up from the table.
"Darling," Zeus said to me.
"Don't you "darling" me! I'm not finished with you yet!" I said angrily. I ran to my room and sulked. How did I get stuck with such a dreadful husband, I thought? I started daydreaming again. I thought of more excruciatingly painful punishments for Zeus' girlfriends. I was just in the middle of figuring out what to do to his latest infidelity, but then at that moment Zeus came in. "Hera," he said. "Why did you act so irresponsibly at dinner? You're supposed to be setting a good example."
"Oh yeah?" I laughed sarcastically. "Well so are you, Zeus dear. So are you."
"What are you suggesting?" he asked.
"I think you know exactly what I'm talking about. You disappear for the whole day and half the night, and you don't even bother to tell me where you were. Actually no, I can guess where you were, so save your breath."
"We'll talk about it tomorrow. Let's go to bed now. I can't argue tonight, Hera. I'm way too tired."
He shot me another one of his "I'll do what I want" looks. Apart from my anger I wasn't in the mood for fighting today.
"Surprisingly, I'm not in the mood tonight either. But I'm not done with you yet, just remember that!" Zeus rolled his eyes and we went to bed. I lay awake for a long time, thinking of more punishments. Then I heard Zeus turn towards me and touch my arm. "Hera?" he whispered. "Are you asleep?" That seemed like the best option, because I knew that if we started talking, we would only end up fighting, so I didn't say anything. I think he knew I wasn't asleep but he didn't mention it. "Never mind," he said. "You sleep. Sweet dreams, darling." Then, quite unexpectedly he pulled me close to him and put his arms round me, and then he kissed my cheek. I was still very angry with him, and I was going to sneak out of his arms, but then I thought, this is one of the few times that we actually act like a loving husband and wife, so I just calmed down for now and rested in his embrace. I smiled secretly. He can be quite sweet sometimes, I thought. But that doesn't change the fact that in the morning he will just go off again with some young girl. One day, I thought, one day I'll put a stop to his little game, and make him love me, and only me. I will.