Road Trip - A Look before the Leap
SUMMARY: Sam is home. Gooshie has died. In order to help deal with their loss, Sam and Al talk with their families about a Road Trip they took while waiting to see if the government was going to fund the project.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: There are a lot of contradictory bits of information about the lives of Sam and Al. Certain things just don't work in any timeline. Therefore, this story has made a few adjustments to the canon of the show, primarily to the date of Katie Beckett's marriage to her abusive first husband, and Sam's marital status.
SPECIAL THANKS to "the brunette in Delaware" whose vision of the desert crying for Gooshie (and Dennis Wolfberg) inspired this story.
The author thanks Bellasarius Productions, Universal Studios and any other creative entities responsible for Quantum Leap.
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Introduction
Summer storms in New Mexico had a smell to them. The scent refreshed the dry desert air, but three days of rain wasn't typical. It started out with a bang of thunder and a flash of lightning that lit the sky. There was a kind of splendor in its announcement, a recognition that nature will claim what it chooses to claim when it chooses to do so.
Finally, a steady drizzle thickening the sky with a layer of gray clouds replaced the downpours attacking previous days. Everyone else already left the small private cemetery except two men, a Mutt and Jeff pair of scientists who remained behind unable to pull themselves from the side of their friend, a little guy with bad breath who managed to pull their asses out of a hell of a lot of fires.
Dr. Sam Beckett stood tall, his muscular frame trying to defy the sadness in his soul. Beside him, a spare man, Admiral Al Calavicci kept his hands in his pockets and his face to the ground. Neither man spoke. Their loss was profound and each buried heartache behind closed lips and angry eyes. Neither would give sound to the childlike emotions coursing through them. It wasn't fair. Their friend should not have died. They mourned this quiet man who had few interests outside his computers and Project Quantum Leap. He had led an unobtrusive life in a world of the extraordinary and that was fine by him.
Gooshie, a nickname gleaned from some unknown time and place, had a kind of native binary intelligence both his friends envied. He thought like a machine and was able to diagnose complex computer glitches easier than a doctor diagnoses a cold. Problem was Gooshie's doctor diagnosed cancer, a cancer often cured, but not this time. It took years for the disease to consume the dear man and the last few pain-filled months devastated everyone. It made no sense. They traveled in time, changed people's lives for the good and yet they could not figure out how to keep cancer cells from replicating. It made no sense at all.
The sound and fury of the storm's first night ushered Gooshie into his next life. The rush of raindrops had not abated and now, at the graveside, a misting continued dampening the desert and keeping the souls left behind from seeing any kind of light at the end of this tunnel. Looking into the darkening sky, Sam put his hand on Al's shoulder. "Maybe we should go. Looks like the rain might pick up more."
"It's just rain, Sam. Nothing more than that."
"I don't know. Somehow it seems bigger than just rain."
Sotto voce, for no one to hear he whispered, "Kind of like the desert is crying."
While there was no doubt the man had an incredible imagination, Sam was surprised at Al's comment. It wasn't typical for the career military man to spout poetic metaphors and certainly not about the programmer whom they laid to rest. "What did you say?"
Al started to walk away from the grave. Sam barely heard Al mumble, "It's the desert crying tears for Gooshie."
In a few feet, Sam caught up with the older man and together they walked the mile back to the project entrance in silence. There was nothing more to say. Gooshie was dead. They hadn't found a cure for him, so they had failed their friend and nothing would change that. Sam slipped his keycard into the door's lock and it opened for him. The Admiral stopped a second before inserting his keycard. His hand wiped across his face. Sam was watching so he lied, "Damned rain." It wasn't rain alone that moistened his cheek. Sam knew not just the desert was crying tears for Gooshie. The Admiral swiped his card and was given access to this country's most secretive venture, Project Quantum Leap.
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Gooshie's death came with the rain and the rain left the afternoon of his funeral, but the sadness in the hearts of Sam and Al didn't seem able to see the light. They weren't looking for it either. Al sat in the family room of his cottage, his feet up on the coffee table, staring out the back window at the mountains in the distance. He nursed a glass of root beer, a childlike indulgence he stopped apologizing for decades earlier. What there was about the brown goo that appealed to him, he never figured out. God knows he had a sweet tooth and right now he wanted it satisfied.
Almost 45 years earlier he married the only woman he ever wanted to grow old with. Beth was still beautiful, though gray streaked her dark brown hair and years of laughter and tears lined her face with the joy of life. She knew her husband better than he knew himself and this depression was going to hurt him unless he was able to break through it.
She sat next to him and took his hand. "You going to spend the rest of the day staring out the window? You think Gooshie wants you moping around?"
His eyes closed and he laid his head on her shoulder. "Why do I feel like this? It's not like I didn't know he was dying. The last six months were borrowed anyway. God, I hate cancer."
Her hand gently touched his face. "Me, too." Their hatred of the disease was based on too many encounters with it. She leaned into him, kissing him full on the mouth, taking her time, making the kiss passionate, deep and a declaration of her desire for him.
The warmth of her body and of her love started to settle his soul. He wrapped his arms around her. "Beth, don't leave me. Please, don't ever leave me."
"Never. I'm here for the long run."
"Promise? It's going to get rough."
He was a three star Admiral now, a proven war hero, a time-traveling Nobel Prize winner and still he was insecure about relationships. He'd been abandoned so often as a child that 60 years after his father placed him in an orphanage he doubted his ability to hold onto people he loved. "Sweetie, I will never leave you. We'll get through this together, okay?"
There were times - like this - when he needed to know he was loved, became a little boy seeking comfort, became a lost Navy pilot wanting someone to rescue him from the torture. Beth understood and indulged these rare occasions willingly and without any discussion. It would embarrass him to verbally acknowledge what he perceived as weakness and she had no interest in doing anything that would demean this man whom she loved more than life.
The sun began to settle down past the horizon and the desert darkness came. It was a quiet time of peace and tranquility. They had been on the couch now for over an hour. Their contentment was such that they fell asleep entangled in each other's arms. They didn't even wake at the sound of the front door opening and three people coming in.
The youngest Calavicci daughter, twenty-year old Allie unlocked the door for herself and her sister Gia. Gia was the eldest Calavicci and her husband, the good Dr. Beckett had been invited to have dinner and spend some time with Al and Beth. Hopefully, both men would finally talk about the death of their friend and start to heal.
The sleep was so sound that even the noise of three people walking into the room didn't wake them. Allie rolled her eyes and said, "You'd think they'd be past that stuff by now."
Sam grabbed Gia in his arms. "You never get past it." He planted a wet kiss on his bride of 20 months.
Allie mumbled something about hoping it wasn't genetic. She tapped her mother on the shoulder, "Mom, wake up, Gia and Sam are here."
Beth startled awake. "What?" She saw two of her girls and her son-in-law. "Oh, Lord. What time is it?" She pulled her arm from under Al. "Babe, wake up. We have company."
One skill that Al learned was waking up. Once his eyes opened he was fully alert and able to function. He may not be happy about it, but he was alert. It was a skill his wife didn't have down pat. "Company?" He ran a hand over his face and saw family hovering over them. "This isn't company. It's just them."
Gia leaned over and gave her mother and father a kiss. "'Just them?' That hurts."
Sam followed suit, but only kissed Beth. Al got a slap on the back. "Yeah, Pop."
Standing up, Al went nose to nose - well, as much as their six-inch height difference allowed - "Call me Pop again and you'll regret it." A wink and a smile gave the confrontation its true meaning. "What the hell are you doing here?"
Gia laughed at her father's question. He had a remarkable mind, but social commitments like dinner plans never managed to stay in his head. "Mom invited us for dinner, but it looks like there's nothing cooking. Want to go out?"
Al moved his head from side to side working out the crick he gained through his nap with Beth. "Not really. We can put something together here." Finally Al noticed something was missing. "Where are the kids?" The grandchildren were a constant source of joy to the Admiral. He was as mischievous as they were and trouble always followed them.
Gia offered an explanation. "This is an evening for grownups. No babies."
"Yeah, but where are they?"
She hugged her father, "Dad, sometimes we like to be with you and Mom without the kids. We have a sitter at home. She's taking care of them tonight."
He was disappointed, but he understood her comment very well. "Okay, I guess." He kissed her forehead. "You are so beautiful."
"Thanks, Dad. So are you."
"Yeah, right." He moved away from eldest daughter and hugged the youngest. "You are so beautiful. Stop getting older, okay?"
"Sure, Dad. Whatever you say." She physically had to pull away from him, his grasp was so tight. "Easy, you're going to break a rib."
He flushed ever so slightly. These past few weeks were so hurt-filled that he needed the comfort of his family and now he was being "astro-geek," a term Peri, his third born coined for her astronaut father when he got too mushy. "Okay. I'll stop. I got to make dinner anyhow."
Beth pretended to wipe sweat from her brow. "Whew. I thought I was going to have to cook."
He took his wife's face in his hands. "We want to eat sometime in this century, honey." Before letting go, he kissed her long and hard again to the embarrassment of his youngest child.
"This is embarrassing." She started out of the room. "I'll be back as soon as I dump my books."
The two couples moved into the great room. Sam began to build a fire in the fireplace. "Gia, we have to get a fireplace."
"Sure, Sam. Whenever you get around to letting me take care of it. You're just like my father. You think because you're a man that you have to take care of fireplaces."
It was teasing time. The beginnings of all their visits began with at least ten minutes of teasing. "I'm nothing like your father, thank God."
From the kitchen Al called out, "You got that right. Why anyone would want to be like me is beyond my understanding." He had the refrigerator open. "Well, how hungry are you? If you want to eat in half an hour, I'll whip up some linguine with shrimp, garlic and oil. If you want to wait, I can make some giambotte. The giambotte could take about an hour or more."
Giambotte is a simple, but time intensive recipe. Beth didn't want Al in the kitchen all night. "Make the shrimp."
Gia was glad to hear her mother's suggestion. "Good, I'm hungry. Make lots."
And he did. They ate lots and lots and laughed until laughing hurt too hard. It was time to go back to the fireplace, sip brandy and relax. Beth took the orders and handed out snifters to everyone except Allie. "Come on, Mom. I'm almost 21."
"In ten months and when you're 21, we'll offer you a glass. Until then, there's some sparkling cider in the fridge."
Allie poured her cider and joined Al, Beth, Gia and Sam. The room was filled with soft light from the fire. The only other illumination came from the dining area. It was a quiet, serene place to sit and talk or not talk depending on what was most important at the time. Sam had his arm around Gia as they sat on the floor against the wall. Al and Beth curled up together on the couch opposite them. They all were looking into the fireplace when Allie sat on the other side of her father. He put an arm around her. "Did I ever tell you how perfect you are?"
"Again? Dad, you got to stop that."
There was no way he would ever stop telling his daughters how perfect he felt they were. It wasn't something he made a point of doing. It just happened. Those were the kinds of words he never heard growing up and it surprised him that his children could be so good. He certainly hadn't been and fortunately none of his bad traits seemed to flow into his children. "I don't have to stop and I'm not going to. Put up with it." He kissed her and said, "Go put on some music. Something old people like."
She got up off the couch and laughed. "No Snoop Dog?"
Her father called after her, "Put on Roy Orbison."
The music was put on and she returned to a quiet group. No one was talking. Allie sat by her dad again. "Boy, this is quieter than Gooshie's wake."
Al's chin sunk to his chest and his eyes closed. Beth snuggled closer to him and said, "Bad choice of words, Allie."
"I'm sorry, but I got to tell you, all of you have been dragging around and I know Gooshie would really be mad to see you like this. He was so happy here."
Sam looked at his young sister-in-law. "You're right. He was happy here. QL made a big difference in his life."
Al didn't bother to raise his head, "He made a big difference in ours, bigger than we ever let him know. Remember the road trip, Sam? The one in the other timeline. That was awesome."
Nodding, Sam had to agree. "Yeah, we never seemed to have the time to tell Gooshie about it. I regret that."
"Without having to wait for Gooshie, things might have been a lot different for us. We should have told him."
Allie looked at them both. "So, tell us."
He shook his head. "No, sweetheart, we can't. It has to do with alternate timelines. It's against the protocols."
"Dad, I'm not a spy for Al Qaeda."
Al looked at Sam and Sam looked back. Both inhaled deeply, but Al was the first to speak. "I'm not sure you're ready to hear about alternate timelines."
His little girl said, "I wondered about that, Dad. I mean, did you ever have a life where you didn't meet Mom and didn't have us?"
Beth felt him tense up under her touch and she nervously asked, "Did you, Al?"
It was time and he could lie a little to make it less painful for his bride. "I suppose and I wasn't very happy. In fact I was miserable."
Sam took a sip of brandy. "I don't remember all the timelines like your Dad does, but I have access to the archives. What I know, I know from reading and debriefing with your dad and Aunt Hannah, but he has actual recollections of all the variations of time we created."
The quiet overtook them all once again. There was anticipation in the air, though. Everyone waited for Al to tell of that lost timeline that Gooshie impacted so heavily. He debated. Telling would mean breaking one of the primary directives of Quantum Leap. His heart wanted to tell and it was the perfect night. "I guess I should start with the hardest part." His arms closed around Beth. "I love you, Beth. You're the only woman I ever truly loved despite what you're about to hear." He glanced out at the mountain and then at each member of his audience. "Okay, first thing first." Here was the lie, but he felt it had to be. "Beth, two years after I was shot down, the Navy notified you that I was dead. You met a really nice guy and remarried. By the time you found out I was alive, you moved on. So when I came home," he stopped again to fabricate the lie, "I didn't want to interrupt your lives. I decided it was better to never see each other again."
"But I saw the photo. I had to know you were alive."
He'd forgotten about Maggie Dawson, but another lie covered this problem. "In that timeline, she didn't take any photos that day. She died tripping a booby trap as soon as she got off a chopper." His eyes met Sam's and no one else's. Without words they agreed to keep the lie and Al continued. "Without the photo, no one knew I was alive."
Allie sat on the floor at Al's feet, laying her head against his knee. "Oh, Daddy, I'm sorry you went through that. It must have been horrible."
Her curly brown hair was so beautiful and he ran his fingers through it, just as people had done to him when he was a child. He hated when people did that, so he stopped. "It doesn't matter this time around, doesn't matter at all." Taking a deep breath prepared him for the confessions his family was about to hear. "It started in Washington DC. Sam and I had been in committee meeting after committee meeting trying to get the initial funding for Quantum Leap."
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AUTHOR'S NOTE: All rights to this story are reserved. Neither the whole nor parts (with exception of short excerpts for review purposes) may be published elsewhere without written permission from the author. Thank you.