A/N: Thanks very much for your reviews! Ehm... about the use of verbs (to CrysWimmer and everyone else who noticed), I don't know how to do it better... I have done the best I could. If you still find things disturbing, please send me an email or something, where you explain what you think I should change. I really want to improve writing... A lighter subject: Thanks to Fish for beta-ing :) Oh and warning: I changed the rating, because of the violent & sexual scene in this chapter. Anyway... this chapter is a bit longer than usual, hope you don't mind :) Let's start with this chapter!

Chapter 5

A couple of days passed by, and Sara proved that she was a fighter. She spent the first two days almost fully unconscious, but on the third day she was making a lot of progress. She moved to another department of the hospital. Grissom was almost permanently present in the hospital, the doctors told him that he could go home and that they would call him if her condition changed, but he didn't want to. He wanted to stay with her, and if that wasn't possible, he wanted to stay as close as possible. The doctors gave up, and offered him a bed in the family room, which he used gratefully. She still was not allowed to have visitors yet, but when she moved to the another department, things changed. He was allowed to visit her on visiting hours, three times a day. He went to her home for the first time to pick up some things she might need.

When he arrived at the hospital again, he looked through the window. Sara was awake; the upper part of her bed was lifted a bit, so that she sat up a bit. She saw him, and smiled. He went to the door and opened it.

'Hey.' She smiled again, and for the first time, she didn't seem tired or in pain.

'Hey, Sara. How are you feeling?'

'Better... Still somewhat tired, but I'm okay now.' She seemed to mean it.

'I went to your apartment and... picked up some things for you.' He put the bag on the table and took out the things to show Sara. 'I took some clothes, for when you're feeling better and are allowed to get out of bed, a couple of forensic magazines, and this.' He took a wrapped, small box out of the bag and walked to Sara.

'Gris, you shouldn't have...'

The way she said it told him that she appreciated what he did. He gave it to her and she took the paper off. She looked at the box and opened it. Her eyes widened and she looked at him.

'Oh my... Gris, this is so beautiful...'

She took the silver necklace out of the box and looked closer. It was silver, without pendant. It was simple, but because of its simplicity very beautiful. He took the necklace from her and put it on her neck.

'It looks beautiful on you.'

'Thank you so much. For everything, for being there for me, for... you know why...'

Grissom felt that he needed to talk with her. He had to know... about the baby, but he didn't have the courage to ask her. He stared at her belly, hoping she would notice. Silence fell between them.

'So... you know...'

Grissom just nodded. 'Is it... mine?'

She looked at him. 'Yes...'

Grissom felt a mixture of emotions. He was relieved that it was his child, he was glad he had certainity, but becoming a father... he didn't know he would be the right person for that. It would take so much responsibility, and he didn't know he could do it. He sighed. 'Why didn't you... tell me?'

She looked away from him, it seemed to be a painful topic. 'I... couldn't. I didn't know what to do about it, I didn't know if I wanted it myself, and I was so unsure. When I realized I wanted to keep it, I wanted to tell you, but there was never a moment... I really tried, but I... I'm sorry, Gris... I'm so sorry...' Tears slipped down her cheeks.

Grissom sat down on the edge of the bed and held her in his arms very carefully. 'Hey... don't cry. It's okay...' He whispered.

'No, it's not. I should have told you and I didn't. You had to hear it from strangers... it's just not fair. I'm carrying your child, and you didn't know it...'

He took her face and held it. 'It happened, we can't turn back time... I know it now, and it's okay. Okay?'

She stopped crying and wiped her tears. 'Sorry... I'm just... it's just... everything. Catherine...' She broke down in tears again. Between the sobs, she told him what she had wanted to say. 'She... came to me, this morning. She told me that... that they don't have enough evidence... They... I will never know who did this to me...'

Grissom was filled with pity. He felt so sorry for her, and knew how hard this had to be for her. She had to find closure, and he didn't know she would be able to find it now. He caressed her hair. 'Shhh... don't cry...'

'I... I don't know I can do it a second time... I don't think I can handle it...' She took his hand and looked at him with her tear stained eyes. 'I never told you this... but... if you weren't there... at Harvard, when you were... I would have killed myself. I never thanked you for that...' Her head sank on his shoulder. He held her close to him for awhile. When he felt she was calm again, he laid her back against the bed and put the bed down because he noticed that she had become tired. She didn't protest.

'I have to go, visiting time is over.' He kissed her on her cheek. 'Sara... I'll be back soon, okay?' She looked at him.

'Thank you...'

He walked away, with pain in his heart.

When he stood in the elevator, memories flowed through his mind.

September 7, 1991

It was almost dark, the last rays of golden sunshine fell through the leaves of the trees. The young, dark-haired woman stepped out of the car. She slammed the door and locked the car. She walked to the apartment and her hand reached for the doorbell. She almost pushed to it, but she hesitated. She closed her eyes and muttered something to herself. She rang the doorbell and stepped back. After a period of about a minute, the door opened. A man opened the door.

He was surprised to see her. It was true, he had invited her to have a drink at his apartment, but he had never expected that she would come. 'Sara Sidle... come in.'

She stepped inside and he took her coat and hung it on the hallstand. He looked at her. She wore a V-neck purple top and a pair of tight jeans. She had a silver necklace, when he looked closer, he saw that the pendant was a butterfly. Her curly, long hair fell beautifully on her shoulders. She barely wore make-up, not that she needed it, she was beautiful. No, that was an understatement. She literally took his breath away.

When he realized that she was staring at him, he awoke from his distracted thoughts. 'Oh... let's go to the living room.' He opened the door and proceded to guide her to the living room.

She walked over to a display case and looked at a butterfly in a box of glass. She took it and looked closer. She smiled at him. 'It's beautiful...'

'It's a Palamedes Swallowtail.'

Sara put the glass down again. 'I always think it's... macabre. We have to kill them to look at them, to see their true beauty. I... I think it's wrong, but I... I still think it's beautiful.' She closed her eyes and shook her head. 'Nevermind...'

Grissom thought about the plan for the evening: she was here to drink something with him and he nearly forgot about the plan. 'Ehm... Do you want something to drink?'

She bit her lip. 'No... I wanted to talk with you... I need to tell you something. Can we... sit down please?'

Grissom became unsure: what did this mean? He had noticed that she had something to hide, but she never told him what it was. Was she going to tell him? 'Sure we can.' He tried to sound nonchalant.

She took the black chair and curled her legs up beside her. Grissom sat down on the couch. She seemed to search for strength, she had her eyes closed. She opened them and looked at him. 'I only want you to listen... please, I'm telling you this once, I... never want to talk about it again. Please...' She almost begged him.

Grissom did not know what scared him the most: the tone or what she said. 'It's okay, of course I won't talk about it again if you don't want to. I promise you.'

'I... I don't know where to start. I'm...' She looked away from him. 'I have been raped.' Grissom was shocked. He didn't know what to say, he didn't know if she wanted him to say something.

'O, Sara... that's...' She looked at him. 'Shhh... Just listen, okay?' She moved her hands to her temples and hid her face. Then she laid them back on her lap.

'I had a party that day. The society organized a welcome-party for new members. I remember I danced, it was... nice. I told them that I had to leave early, the day after I had an exam. I left and walked to my apartment. I can remember how cold it was, and how beautiful the night. I stood still and looked at the sky, there were thousands of stars. Then I heard someone behind me. I turned. He said hello. It was just a normal guy. I greeted.

He walked towards me... he took be by the arm and dragged me to the groves. I screamed, but he hit me in the cheek with his fist. It hurt so much. I sank down on my knees and begged him not to do anything. He kicked me in the stomach and I fell to the ground. He... sat down on my chest and... he told me that no-one would hear me screaming. He bent forward and started to kiss me. I turned my head, but he grabbed my jaw with his hand and made me look at him. He told me that...'

At that moment, Sara started to cry. She hid her face in her hands. Grissom walked over to her and sat on the arm rest. He moved his hand to her shoulder and caressed her. He didn't say a word. When she stopped crying, he walked back to the couch, he thought she wouldn't appreciate it if he was sitting too close to her.

'He ripped my pants off... raped me. I can still feel his hands on my wrists. I thought that I would die... he told me... he said that if I told someone, I would be dead the next day. It felt like forever, but suddenly he stopped...and he stood up. He ran away, but before he did, he kicked my back. He yelled something and left. I couldn't stand up, I don't know why... I don't know how long I laid there, but suddenly I heard a car. I heard footsteps they came to me. I was not afraid, I was just empty. I couldn't think. A man came over to me. The last thing I remember is that he lifted me up and walked to his car with me. He laid me on the back seat. I think I passed out there.

I woke up in the hospital, lying in a bed. There were... people taking photographs. They looked at everything, I think you know what they do. The doctors told me that I had been lucky, that it could have been worse. Worse! I had a broken cheekbone, a bruised jawbone, two bruised ribs, and a lot of bruises all over my body. And they dared to tell me if could have been worse!... I felt so horrible... I couldn't tell what was going on, I just couldn't. I saw his face and I felt so cold inside. His words were in my mind, every day, every second. They never got the guy...'

She stared off in to the distance. Her eyes were empty, like she was a body without a soul. Grissom didn't know what to do. He didn't want to make things worse for her, but he didn't want to seem cold or distant either. He decided to wait for her and stayed where he was. When she was ready, she would say something, he thought by himself.

After a few minutes, her eyes closed and opened again. She shook her head twice and frowned. 'I... I have to go. I have to feed my cat.' She didn't say it to him, it was just an announcement.

She stood up and walked to the door, but before she could reach it, Grissom grabbed her hand. She looked at him confusion written all over her face. 'You can't go home right now, at least not alone.'

'I have no choice...' Her voice had become barely audible.

'Do you have someone to... go to?'

Slowly, she shook her head. Her lips formed the word no, without any sound.

'You can stay here.' He was surprised how easily the words came out of his mouth.

'But... I have no clothes here, and I have to do my laundry... and beside that, you're a professor and I'm a student...' She looked around. 'I don't think you have a... second bed. I just... can't stay here.'

'You can. I can sleep on the couch and you can sleep the bed, you can borrow one of my shirts to sleep in. And about the professor-student relationship: don't worry about that. Right now... I'm just Gil Grissom who wants to help Sara Sidle, not Dr. Grissom. Okay?'

Sara nodded and looked at him. 'But I don't want to be a burden to you... I can sleep on the couch and...' She didn't have time to finish her sentence.

'No, Sara, you're not a burden to me, not at all. And I'll sleep on the couch, okay?'

Sara realized that she could say nothing to change his mind. 'Thank you.'

Grissom smiled at her. 'You're welcome... do you want to drink something?'

Sara managed to give him a little smile. 'Yeah... I would love a cup of tea... I still think that I should go...'

Grissom interrupted her. 'Ms Sidle, the discussion is over, okay?'

Sara walked to the kitchen, with him. He poured some water in the water boiler and put it on. He placed two teacups on the kitchen table and waited until the water cooked. He made tea and poured tea in to the cups. He gave one to Sara. They both walked to the living room and both of them took a spot on the couch.

'So... I am the only one who knows...'

Sara looked at him. 'Yes...'

Grissom felt uncomfortable, 'Don't you have... family or... friends to tell this to? I mean: why me?'

'Because you're the only one who noticed... the only one who asked. I... I trust you.' Her cheeks flushed a little, but he didn't notice it.

'And... family? Why didn't you go back to them?' He felt she was avoiding the subject.

'We'll talk about this later, okay? I'm just not ready to talk about it.' She wanted to talk about it, but what she said was true: she couldn't talk about it, at least not yet.

Suddenly, she felt really tired. She yawned, but tried to hide it with her hand. She looked at Grissom, hoping that he hadn't noticed it, but his eyes told her that he had. She smiled - she was caught.

'Sara, I think you need to go to bed.' He looked at his watch. 'It's almost midnight.'

He stood up and she followed him to the bedroom. It was a small room, with only a double bed, a closet, a desk with a chair and a beautiful painting. There was a door that led to the balcony. He walked to the closet and took one of the shirts out of the pile. He handed it to her and turned around, so that she could change.

'I'm finished.'

He looked at her and went over to the curtains. He closed them. She laid down in the bed and looked at him. 'When you need anything or... need me, you can call me, okay?'

She nodded.

'Goodnight, Sara.'

She smiled. 'Goodnight ehm... Grissom.'

He left the room.

He took his cell phone out as soon as he was out of the hospital. He dialed a number and waited impatiently.

'Stokes'

'Nick, it's me. Can you do me a favor?'

'Yeah... what is it about?' 'It's about... a case. Could you re-open a case for me? For a friend of mine?'

'Yeah, sure. What kind of case?'

'It's a rape case, the crime was committed in about 1990. It has never been solved. The case files are in Boston.'

'I'll do it. But... who's the victim?'

'I... I want this to be between you and me, okay? No-one knows about it... and if you don't find anything, please forget about it. Not having an answer won't make her happy.'

'Gris... who is the victim?'

'It's... It's Sara...'

A/N: Next chapter will be up soon. For the interested folks: I am on 2/3 of my English book, and passed my literature exam with 85/100. I already know what to write in my sixth chapter (well... not exactly, but when I'm writing, it will be okay), so I think it'll be up next week or so. Oh and: To Be Continued. (that's what all the authors say at the end of the chapter)