A/N: This is the chapter that has been betareaded once, I'm still waiting for it to be betareaded for a second time, but I couldn't resist to upload it. The mistakes that are still in it are completely mine. Thanks to Cybrokat for beta'ing. Thanks to everyone who reviewed for the previous chapters.

This chapter is dedicated to Kristy87 for her wonderful support. You know you brought me close to tears yesterday.

Chapter 16

He walked over to the kitchen and took a saucepan out of the drawer. He put it on the gas cooker and looked into his refrigerator. He found where he was looking for: carrots, celery, leeks, onions, tomatoes, zucchini, and a clove of garlic. He put it all on the kitchen sink and took a knife out of the drawer, but before he started to cut the vegetables, he looked in the kitchen cupboard for a measuring cup. He put on the water and measured 2 cups. He poured it into the pan and took the bouillon block off the cupboard. He threw it into the pan and stirred into the water that was getting warmer through the heat of the fire underneath the pan.

He kept stirring until the block had been dissolved completely. In the meantime, he washed the vegetables and cut them into small pieces. He threw the vegetables in the water and waited until it cooked. When the water started to rise, he put the fire low and covered the pan with the lid. He grabbed the kitchen timer from the drawer and set it on twenty minutes. He went out off the kitchen and sank down on the couch. In the twenty minutes, he should check out the soup regularly, but it wouldn't be a problem for him to sit down for a couple of minutes now and set his thoughts in order, the soup would be fine.

It had all been very nice with her. It all seemed to go very well when I had picked her up from the hospital, the mood was light and I felt like we both were in love. The moments in my home had been... almost erotic to me, touching her body, I'll never get enough from it. Of course I can't say that to her, not now. I know that she had enjoyed the massage as well. She must have felt so insecure first; I shouldn't have asked it to her in such a straight way. Gil! You have been stupid to her.

But why did she make that last comment? She's afraid, but for what? I just can't believe that she's only afraid that the lab would find out. Of course Ecklie would do anything to fire me, or even to fire her, but if it got so far, I would do anything to prevent her from being terminated. If it's between me and her, I would take it and leave. It's just that easy. If it's between her and me, I would take the consequences. Does she know that? God, she doesn't know that! She only knows how important my job is for me, but she needs to know that she's far more important. I need to tell her that!

He almost stood up and walked to the bedroom, but he managed to suppress the urge. She needs sleep first; she's completely devastated by everything. She's drugged, but still in pain. The medication would make her feel dizzy; she's really tired; this is not the right moment to talk about how I feel about her. But still, why is she afraid? Is she afraid for me? Afraid that I would take back anything I have said to her? Afraid that I would leave her? She must know that anything of that kind is untrue; she must know that this time, I won't give up on her. Have I told her in person that I loved her? I have but... did she really understand how much I loved her? God, what if she didn't?

He wanted to stop thinking about this but he was not able to shake away his thoughts: he had to clear his mind. He took the phone and dialed Catherine's phone number. She'll be home right now, come on! Pick up the phone.

"Willows."

Catherine sounded exhausted but her tone changed when she realized who she was talking to. "Gil, what did you think about-?"

How does she know that I was the one who called her? "Cath, I'm not in the mood to talk about that, I need your opinion, right now."

He could feel Catherine nodding, and continued. "Sara... well, it seemed to go all well... we... well, I won't go into this, but it was nice and... suddenly she told me that she was... afraid. I... I don't know what this means, and I can't ask her right now, she's sleeping and I won't wake her up. What if..."

"Stop. What exactly did she tell you?"

"I... well, we were having a conversation, and she said that she was afraid... that anyone would find out, that Ecklie would take steps, but... I felt that there was more. She sounded so puny and usually she can face Ecklie with her head up, usually she isn't afraid of him, so I was worrying if she mean that she was afraid of... me."

It remained silent at the other side of the connection. "Hmmm... well, you two need to talk about it, that's for sure, but... do you think that, if she was just afraid of you, she would have asked to stay at your place? Does that sound like Sara to you? Well, not to me.Sara Sidle has her pride, she wouldn't ask for something if she really doesn't want it. That she's with you at the moment means a lot, for you, but for her too. Believe me, Gil, she's really happy that she can be with you, just give her some time to get used to the idea that you two are together now, you have to remind yourself that you have let her down so many times. I'm sorry to say this to you, and I don't mean to scare you, but it's just the truth. It is possible that she's afraid to be with you, but, you need to know, this is what she wants. Just be patient, and have a good conversation if she's strong enough to think clear again. It will be okay, Gil. But what did you think about the-"

"The sheets? Cath, I... didn't give you the key to sneak into my apartment and put your stuff there. I gave it for just in case, that if you need to be there, you can be there. I have told you that it was just for urgent cases, not just to-"

"Gil, please. I didn't meant to hurt you by this, I just thought... that we had to let both of you know that we're behind you, that... we like the idea of you two together, we have been waiting for this for so long. You need to know that this was all done by a good intention. And you need to know that this was not my idea, not only my idea."

"Then whose idea was this?"

"Jena... well, Jena and myself. I called her, I mean, she's her sister, and she knows more about her than... us. We came up with this... and she was sure that at least Sara would like this."

Did Sara like this? If she did, why should I have a problem with it? "Well, I forgive you. I-" He looked at his watch and smashed the phone on the table. He ran towards the pan and put the lid off it. Stirring... I completely forgot to stir! Oh God, spoon, where's that spoon? Where's the spoon when you need it. Drawer, open the drawer, Gil! Take the spoon, and now stir. Stir... I hope this going to be fine... I hope I haven't ruined the soup for good. Sara must eat, she's probably very hungry... He stirred and felt that the soup was still okay. He kept stirring until the vegetables were perfectly mingled in the fluid. He put the lid back on the pan and looked at the kitchen timer. He had exactly two minutes and thirty-five seconds left. He sighed out of relief and walked back to the couch, where he heard the phone talking. I haven't said goodbye to Cath, she must be really confused. He picked it up

"Gil! What's wrong?"

"Soup... I'm cooking soup but... I completely forgot about it..."

Catherine couldn't stop laughing. Grissom became more and more irritated by her. "Cath, it's not funny. I promised her to make her some food and... If I failed this, she would have had to wait longer."

She swallowed and made a last giggle. "Sorry, I just... I imagined you cooking and... The image in my head was quite funny..."

"Cath, it's not funny. But I need to go right now, soup's ready in a few seconds."

"Okay... Again, I'm sorry for what happened. Say hi to Sara from everyone, and we're going to visit you sometime. We'll call first, okay?"

"That's fine. Thank you Cath."

"Bye."

He broke the connection, left the phone on the couch and walked back to the kitchen. When he took off the lid from the pan, the kitchen timer rang off. He was exactly on time. He put out the gas and stirred the soup again; it seemed that he had succeeded. He took a soup ladle from the drawer and two bowls from the cupboard, putting them on the sink and pouring them full. He set the bowls on a tray and carried the tray to the bedroom.

When he opened the door with his right foot, the first thing he looked at was her. She had fell asleep, laying on her side, her legs curled up to her waist in an almost fetal position, one hand reaching for his pillow, the other laid on her own stomach. She lay on the middle of the bed, it became clear to him that she was used to lying alone. She still was fully clothed in her own clothes, except for her own shirt; she wore his now. She was breathing deeply and regularly. The expression on her face was peaceful.

He walked further into the room and put the tray on the bedside table. She didn't notice the sound. Now I have to wake her up. He didn't want to break the serene silence in this room, but she had to eat. He moved closer to her and touched her shoulder. He shook her a little. "Sara..." He whispered her name.

Sara didn't wake up. He placed himself on the bed and moved his hands over her. He laid his head on her shoulder and kissed her neck. He held her close to himself and whispered her name in her ear. "Sara. You have to wake up."

He could feel her moving as she was waking up. She moaned something and moved her head. She blinked and when she saw that it was him, she turned her head back to the pillow. "Let me sleep..." She murmured the words. She moved at little and it seemed that she had fallen asleep again.

He knew that he had to wake her up, no matter if she liked it or not. "Sara, I have something to eat for you... you need to wake up." She seemed not to wake, but he knew that she heard him. "Sara... please?"

"Okay, okay... I'll wake up..." She moved her body and pressed her hands on the mattress until she sat down to the back of the bed, with a pillow held in her arms. It was his pillow. She rubbed her eyes, yawned and looked at him. "Hey... how...how long have I slept?"

"Not more than twenty minutes... are you still tired?"

"Yeah, I am. But I'm awake now, it's okay..." She took his hand and held it. He caressed her fingers. She closed her eyes, but the smell of the soup made her look at the bedside table. She looked curiously what he had made. "What did you cook?"

"Vegetable soup... vegetarian vegetable soup."

He has made vegetarian soup for me? That's so nice of him, thinking of me, and thinking of my way of living. He paid attention, didn't he? He's finally paying attention to what I say and what I want. It's so sweet of him to think about me... "That's very nice... ehm... where exactly are we going to eat?" I'm so not in the mood to eat at a table; I just don't have the power to move again. I'm glad that I'm sitting here, on the bed, and I don't want to move... I so hope he's not going to bring me to the living room... if he wants to, he may carry me to it...

"Well, where do you want to eat?"

"Here?"

"That's fine."

He gave one bowl to her and placed the spoon in her hand. Her hands shook but she tried to eat stubbornly by herself. She placed the spoon in the soup and ladled it. She moved it to her mouth, slowly; she didn't want to spill the soup on the bed. She focused on the spoon, but forgot about the bowl, it almost fell on the bed when he placed his hand over her hand to stop the shaking. He took the bowl out of her hands. She didn't protest.

"May I?" He took the spoon out of her hands and placed it in her mouth. She said something he couldn't understand, but the angry undertone was audible. "Gwsm, don't..."

"What? Why not?"

"I don't want that. I can do it myself."

He ladled another spoon full of soup for her and directed it to her mouth. But before he could make her eat it, she turned her head away from him.

"I don't want that. I don't want you to feed me, I can do it myself."

He sighed. "Sara, I don't want you to spill soup on my bed. Your hands are shaking; you obviously can't do it yourself but you need to eat. So, may I?"

She shook her head. "No, I don't want to. I'm a big girl, Grissom. I can do it alone."

"Sara, look at me. You're not-" When she had turned her head, he pushed the spoon in her mouth quickly. "There you go..."

She glared at him and took the spoon out of her mouth. It seemed like she was going to say something, but she just shook her head and pursed her mouth. "That was just mean. I... I just want to eat myself."

"And I won't let you. So, open up..."

She pressed her lips against each other and looked at him with the same stubborn expression. Grissom smiled at her, he was somewhat amused by her mood. "Then I will wait here." He took his own spoon of his bowl and started to eat the soup that belonged to him.

I'm hungry... but I want to eat myself. Why is he so damn mean to me? Why can't he understand that I just want to eat myself! I can do that, I really can, I won't spill it, but he won't let me. She took the spoon out of her mouth and looked at it. I always can try to get my bowl and try again. She rolled over to the right side of the bed and reached for the bowl. He let her take it. Sara was surprised that she could get the bowl so easily; she had expected that he would stop her. He didn't. She put her spoon in the soup and started to eat again. She tried not to look at him, but to focus at the spoon. She tried to stop her hand from shaking. Sidle, concentrate. Focus, Sidle. Don't let the bowl fall out of your hand, don't make your hands shake. Don't make him concerned. Just focus. Bring that spoon to your mouth, Sidle.

She managed to bring the soup to her mouth. She swallowed and for the first time she actually tasted the soup. This is so good, really good. I love what he has done for me... really, love. She brought her spoon back to the soup and took another mouthful. She emptied the bowl and looked at him. He shook his head and looked at her.

"What?"

"I told you that you shouldn't eat on your own, and you still did it."

Sara shrugged. "I told you I didn't want you to feed me and you still did it."

He smiled at her and shook his head. She looked away and closed her eyes. She frowned and sighed heavily. "Sorry, I'm really tired, can I just... sleep?"

"Of course. Shall I close the curtains for you?" Sara nodded and Grissom walked over to the window to close the curtains. Suddenly, the room became too dark to see something so he walked to the nightlight and put it on. He turned to her, and settled down on the edge of the bed. "Shall I, um, take off your pants? I doubt if you can sleep well with yours on."

"Will you do that?"

He moved his hands to her belly, and couldn't resist touching it. He unbuttoned the tag of her pants and loosened the zipper. He moved his hands to her hips, and touched them carefully. Her hips are the nicest part of her body. I love to feel them, they're not... I don't know what it is, I just love them. He caressed the skin on her hips and slipped her pants down to her legs. He took off her shoes and socks, removed the pants from her ankles and laid them on the chair in the corner of the room. He asked her to lift her legs a bit. She did what he asked and he removed the blanket from under her body and covered her with it. "You're lying here okay?"

Sara nodded and looked at him. "Yeah, thank you."

He smiled at her. "If you need me, I'll be here. Don't worry; I want to take care of you, if you need me, just call. Okay?" He walked to the door and placed the hand on the handle. Sara followed him with her eyes. Her glance became somewhat afraid, but she conquered her fear. "Ehm... Gris? I... I don't know how to say this but... I don't think I can... sleep well... do you want to... lie... next to me? I mean... just to hold me, to... I just feel so... empty when I'm... I'll be alone... I... every time I dream I dream of... well, never mind, that doesn't matter, but... please?"

Grissom walked to his side of the bed and bent forward to her. "Sara, if this is what you want, of course I will." He closed the door again, sat down on the bed and undid his shoes. He laid himself down on the bed, under the covers, close to her. He turned off the light, and watched her, or what he could see of her in the dark room. She was lying with her face to the window, and her back turned towards him. Her hair fell on the pillow; he noticed that it curled again. He couldn't help the longing to slip his fingers through her hair. It felt silky and soft, just as he had expected. She seemed not to notice that he touched it, she was almost asleep, and he noticed that she made heavy breathing sounds.

But he knew that she was not asleep yet, she swallowed and moved her hands to her face. He moved his arms to her and made her lie closer to him; she almost touched his chest with her back. He embraced her with his arms. She lifted her head and turned her face to him. She fluttered her eyes and closed them again, without saying anything. She moaned something and laid her head against his chest. He caressed her shoulders and noticed that she had fallen asleep. She's so beautiful, I'm so glad that she's here, lying in my arms. She's amazing. I still can't believe that she'll be with me, at least for some time, until she can take care of herself, but... she needs me now. And I'll be there for her, as long as she needs me. He sighed and kissed her on her shoulder, softly, he didn't want to wake her up. She inhaled deeply and pressed herself even closer to him. Can I fall asleep right now? He felt that he was tired himself, he had been up for some time now and the only thing he had done was taking care of her. His thoughts had been with her for the past hours, and he started to feel it. He closed his eyes, moved one hand to her upper leg and touched it. He held her close to him with his other hand. He tried not to move anymore and fell asleep.

A/N: Please leave a review:)