A/N: It's been a while... and I feel very sorry for that. I have been very busy with my new uni life etc etc, but right now I found a little time to write so here it is. I hope you forgive me for the lack of updates and enjoy it :) Thanks to Myra and Mel, for reading and supporting. If you want to, leave a review, I would appreciate that :)

Chapter 20

"Have a seat."

He held the door open for Sara and led the way to the two chairs that were standing in front of the desk. Before they took the chairs and shoved them to the back to create more space, they shared a look. She smiled at him, obviously not comfortable with all this. He raised his eyebrow in a gentle way, to tell her that it was going to be okay.

She shove on her chair, and finally found the position she was looking for. Sitting still was nothing for her, she was tapping with her right foot on the ground, probably even unaware of the fact that it was moving. Conrad Ecklie shared an irritated glance with Grissom, who looked back without any emotion. Just a little annoyed by this whole situation.

Why would it be any different? I have loved her for a very long time now, it's just that we're calling ourselves 'in relationship' now. I don't think things have changed, supervisor to subordinate, I mean, and at work I don't want them to change. We can keep it professional, I am sure of that. If I just knew how to convince him.

"Sidle. Stop that."

She looked at him, unsure how to react. She wanted to be strong and controlled, but she already felt anger bursting under her skin. She bit the inner side of her lip so hard that it hurt, but she had to prevent herself from saying something stupid, something he could use to demote him. Or split the team up again. She certainly didn't want to be under Catherine's supervision, not without him, at least.

"So, let's start. I think both of you know why you're here." He took a pause to check how both of them were looking. Sara was glaring right into Ecklie's eyes without breaking eye contact. Her mouth had been reduced to one single line. Grissom was checking the bookshelf behind his desk. Still, Conrad Ecklie knew that he was listening, very well.

When he realized that neither of them was going to answer the rhetorical question, he decided to continue. "Well, let's get to the point. We're here to discuss your abilities to work together. You both know that it is not going to work the way it is now. I have a couple of options for you. Of course I am the one who decides, but I think it's fair to let you choose a preference."

Conrad Ecklie silenced for a while, probably to make up his mind. Most definitely not for Grissom to interrupt him, according to the annoyed glare he gave him when he coughed.

"Conrad, I think you need to listen to us first. To me. We think that we can keep it professional. For us, it won't change, we're two dedicated co-workers, we can separate work and private life perfectly."

He looked at Sara, who clearly wanted to add her words to what he just said. With a quick quiver of his eyes, he told her not to. Don't make him mad.

Sara's inhalation was clearly heard. For one moment, Grissom was afraid that she was going to lose it, but she shrugged and let the tension fall as she breathed out.

She felt the urge to get out, to run to that door, to let this all be unreal. For one moment she wished that this wasn't true, that she was not sitting here as his girlfriend. It made her feel vulnerable, his protective eyes on her made her lose the confidence she almost had before they entered the office.

She stared at her knees, denying a sudden wave of nauseousness. She knew it was caused by nerves and there was nothing she could do about it but forcing herself to stay calm. She focused on her breathing and when she felt well enough again, she got herself back in the conversation.

"Gil… as much as I want to let the things be the same way, you must understand that I can't. You know the policy of the lab, and any relationship other than work-related is not allowed. So, if Miss Sidle wants to start working again, it's not under your supervision."

"Why not?" The angry tone of her voice sneered though the room. Both men looked at her, both with surprise. One with concern, the other with annoyance. She didn't break the glance she had with Ecklie. He mumbled some words, a little distracted through her sudden action, but she quickly interrupted him.

"What do you have against us?"

She didn't know why her voice suddenly spoke for her mind, but it felt right in some way. Deep down, she knew that this was not the solution and that this probably was going to make everything worse, but for one moment she didn't care.

"Look, I don't have anything against both of you, I'm just following the-"

"Policy of the lab? Don't make me laugh. Everyone knows how much Catherine wants Warrick, and she's allowed to supervise him. You even made her his supervisor. Is it the fact that I am not keeping my mouth shut? Is it because Gil's not as political as her? What is it, Ecklie? What makes you hate us?"

A painful silence fell while none of them dared to break it. When she understood what she had said, she stood up, opened the door and slammed it back in the frame.

Grissom stood up from his chair, opening the door. He called her name. "Leave me alone!" was the reply he got from her. He stood between two thoughts. He had to do what was best for both of them; he still had to negotiate with Ecklie and, in his opinion, it was better to let her unwind a little.

She felt the tears flowing on her cheeks as she made her way outside. She ruined it all, it was all going so well and she just broke it all. She wanted to stop the words in her mind, she wanted to stop the flood of emotions she felt. She wanted this to be one bad dream.

She fiercely opened the door, gulped a breath of fresh air. She sank down to the wall.

He was going to lose his job, she was so sure about that. And not because he made her pregnant, or loved her. Not even because, maybe in the future, they were going to marry. No, because she, Sara Sidle, couldn't keep her mouth shut and started yelling. She caused it and she felt guilty.

And she cried. With her head forced to the bricks, she closed her eyes, clasped her fingernails in the palms of her hands, like the pain it caused would ease her guilt.

She always hated authority, ever since she was a child. She hated it when people decided what was good for her. She hated to feel voiceless, unable to add her words. She knew that sometimes it was better to say nothing. She didn't know why she couldn't think of that today.

Blame the pregnancy.

It all seemed so easy, to curse the hormones. Or to use the haunting ghosts from her past as an excuse. But that wasn't 'it', Sara knew. Posttraumatic stress? It wasn't that easy, she was doing better. No, this was just the stupidity of herself. She should have kept her mouth shut and she hadn't done it.

She didn't know how long she sat on the floor in the cool sun of the morning but suddenly, she felt a hand on her knee. She sighed, closed her eyes. She knew who was sitting next to her, she felt it in the way he caressed the skin of her leg, she heard it in the way he inhaled the air. Why such gentle gesture?, she wondered. She waited for the moment he would break the silence and started yelling at her.

"Shhh, Sara, don't cry."

She looked at him through her tears. Was that mercy?

"Why…?" She wanted to say more, she wanted to blame herself before him. She wanted to try to explain it, she wanted him to scream at her so she could cry and fall into his arms. But all she could say was a very puny 'why'.

He took her hands in his and helped her up. "We're going home." Softly, he guided her in the direction of the car, hand on her shoulder. She didn't protest. Without any word, he drove.

He settled down on the couch and stared at her knees. He wasn't sure how he felt about what happened today. But one thing was for sure: he did not blame Sara for anything.

What would it be like, being supervised again? Supervised by the woman I have taught almost everything she knows myself?

He sighed and looked at her, to see if she was okay. He couldn't figure it out, she was looking down at the place between her feet and the table.

"I've been put under Catherine's supervision, still nights. No negotiation. When you're coming back to work, you'll work nights, unless you want something else. I'm sorry."

"Gris-, Gil… I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have-"

He quickly interrupted her apology.

"It's okay. It wouldn't have made a difference. Ecklie made up his mind before we even entered his office."

She swallowed. He was having a hard time with it, she felt it in the way his voice sounded, flat and almost weak. He couldn't fool her. Her hand moved to his jawbone, turned his head to her. She looked into his eyes, they were slightly turned wet. He's crying…, she thought, but in some strange way she didn't feel panic or sadness herself. She just needed to comfort him.

"Gil… it's okay… it truly is. Shhh, just cry… just cry…" she whispered hushingly.

He didn't. Instead of crying, he led her head to his and kissed her.

Mixed emotions flew through her head when she felt him everywhere, his hands on her jaw, almost hungrily pressing her to him. Afterwards, he held her head in his hands, stroking her cheeks with his thumbs.

When he let her go, she smiled at him, but her smile faded when she saw his sincere look.

"What's wrong…?" She asked, tremble in her voice. She felt slightly alarmed; this was a bad sign, wasn't it?

"Sara… I realized… I love you."

In puzzled expression, she looked at him.

"I know… but-"

"Shhh, I wasn't done yet. When I sat there in Ecklie's office, all I could think of was you. And suddenly I… I didn't care anymore whether I was going to be a supervisor or not. I just wanted to be with you. That's all that matters."

She weakly smiled at him. "I'm so glad that I'm on your team. I just want to be around you, not to be your star pupil, but… but just because I want to be with you."

She stood up from the couch and tugged with a string of her hair. "I just want to… lay down for a while, I'm just a little tired by all of… this. You want to come with me, to hold me?"

They shared an intense look, then smiled at each other. They both knew that it was going to be okay, even though the changes in their life seemed to be intense, they knew they were going to make it together.

"Of course I will." He stood up and walked to the bedroom with her. When he opened the door, he placed his hand on her shoulder, and kissed her on her temple. "I love you, Sara." He gently pushed her through the door and closed the door.

I have no clue when I'm going to write the next chapter, but I'll try and do my best :)