Author's Note: Another one-shot from me… and I have to admit, I'm a horrible, horrible person. I'm not continuing but… you'll understand once you've read the story. You'll simply hate me. I know you will. (laughs evilly) I'm such an evil person.

Disclaimer: I do not own Stephanie Plum or any related characters, all rights and ownerships belong to their respective owners.

All In A Days Work

One-Shot

If there was one thing I had learned in life, it was that jelly donut globs did not go good on sexy, tight, boost-your-boobs-up type of shirt, in fact it made you look like a slutty slob who would willing go around and give a loser a blow job. Not that I know anything about being a slutty slob but it was always good to be careful.

But it seemed today was not one of those days.

Stephanie Plum is my name and bounty hunter extraordinaire is my game, well okay maybe not my game, more like the job I'm stuck with to pay my rent but hell… whatever pays to keep me living has me happy all around.

Anyways I was eating my donuts in peace as every Jersey girl would kill for, minding my own business when who should walk past me?

But the very person I was planning on hunting down.

Now being the law abiding person that I am, not including the times that I have broken and entered apartments without permission. I continued eating my donuts and followed regardless of the fact that I was wearing high strapped heals that made my legs look good and a hot mini skirt that showed off my ass.

I looked great, big hair, a ton of make-up and clothes to make men drool and what was I doing? I was following Mister Beaner, a three time offender with charges of robbery and assault.

Now being the completely reasonable and sane person that I am, I'm about to walk up to him and introduce myself and then cuff him and take him in for not turning up on time at court as he should have.

Donut in mouth, hand stuck in massive bag for the cuffs, jelly dripping, me drooling and hand still searching when suddenly he pulls out a gun.

I froze and desperately prayed that he wasn't going to turn it on me. My heels were useless against the running and dodging bullets, superhero I was not.

"Mmmrph!" escaped passed the donut in my mouth. "MMMRRPH!"

Get out of the way I was trying to yell, run for your lives! Was my desperate call. Too bad the jelly donut was still in my mouth and my teeth were clamped tight, for some reason they refused to let go…

I had to make a decision, it was either save the innocent people from a madman and lose the donut or keep the delicious and wonderful donut and have a guilty conscience. There wasn't really much of a choice.

I closed my eyes tightly, spat out the donut and did a running tackle.

SLAM!

It was like running a car over a cat that had suddenly spied its sumo of an owner and wants to give it a hug, except there was no splattered blood or gore but it was pretty close. Mister Beaner went down fast and the gun went flying. Did I mention he was a small, rail thin guy who barely even reached my eyes?

Now I understand how Luna felt when she did her "fly the fat lady sitting move" it was empowering, it was exhilarating - I felt like I was on top of the world.

And then it hit me, I just did a Luna move and it worked. Oh god! I needed a diet!

"GUN!" A middle aged woman shrieks hysterically pointing at us and sending just about everyone into a panic frenzy.

I roll my eyes, she notices this after I tackle the guy?

As if finally noticing that I was sitting on top off him, her eyes widen dramatically and almost causing her beady eyeballs to pop out. "Oh my GOD!" She cried in overwhelming relief. "You SAVED us!"

Was this woman slow or what?

Now I was the center of the crowd attention, Beaner wriggled and grunted underneath me. "You fucking hoe! Get off of me you fat bitch, you're killing me!"

Damn… unlike Luna's victims mine was still moving.

I raised my big leather bag and gave him a good whack over the head, hoping that that would stun him.

It didn't work.

He was still calling me every name imaginable and some that I weren't sure were possible.

I decided enough was enough and I was getting tired listening him mouth off. I dug into my bag for my tazer, hoping a good electric shock would shut him up when a squelching, wet sound rumbled beneath me.

I let out a bellowing shriek and jumped off him, horrified at what I felt. I have oogly wet fart cooties! And they were crawling all over me. I needed a shower!

He was immediately up and running.

Shit!

I took off after him, heels pumping, ass moving and the most god-awful stitch on my side. I wasn't going to reach him, I knew it as well as I knew that my toes were dieing in these heels. For such a short man, he sure could run like the wind.

I had little choice, I raised my bag and hurled it.

It spun wildly, arcing gracefully through the air before slamming into the back of Beaner's head. "FUCK!" And down he went, face first into the hard cement ground. "My nose!" He screamed as he held his nose and blood trailed down his chin.

I winced but was secretly thankful that my luck had held out, considering my unluckiness, my leather bag would have likely missed him and somehow ended in the trash. Not a good thing to think about.

I grabbed my bag from the ground where it had landed and wildly dug in, looking for the cuffs. I grabbed them desperately knowing that he'll be up and running and there was no way I'd be able to catch him in heels and I wasn't sure my luck would hold out a second time.

I quickly cuffed him and hauled him to his feet.

The sound of sirens wailing in the background had me silently thanking someone up there. There was no way I was going to let Beaner sit his wet farty ass in my car.

Suddenly a gun went off.

And it hadn't come from Beaner.

In fact he was dead.

Shit.

End