sorry its been so long. yeah, thats all i have to say...

Until the day Caroline left, I never understood how someone could be truely happy and truely sad at the same time. I was so happy that after four long years here, she was going home. But other than Spud, she was my very best friend. We'd always talked about what we'd do when we went home, but it just never seemed real. Sitting alone in the bunk room, I realized how strange it would be when Mama came back for me. I had been living in a world where no one talked about adults except in the middle of the night when dark dreams woke them. Inside the walls of that orphanege, and somehow inside us kids that lived there, there was no need for grown-ups. We had learned to live with only the slight supervision of Mrs. Baker. I realized that even if she did come back, I would be unable to return to my former way of life. I don't even know how to explain it properly, I just couldn't imagine going back.

That night, for the second time in my life, I lay awake all night. Everyone had been shocked when Caroline left, but no one had been as close to her as I had. I shut my eyes and tried to keep my back to the now empty bed beside me. I lay awake and listened to the quiet breathing that filled the room. Caroline's gentle snoring wasn't there, and the room sounded empty. I just lay there until, in the middle of the night, I made my descision. When we went outside the next day, I just wouldn't come back. The only problem was that I couldn't take all of my things. Only what I could carry without looking suspicious.

I took special care when choosing what to wear that morning. Grey pants that were a bit too big still, a tan shirt that I had to roll the sleeves up on otherwise they covered my hands, my vest, and of course, my hat. Before anyone woke up, I went under Willow's bed and took the nickel and four pennies she had for checkers. I felt bad about it as I placed them carefully in my pocket, but I only had twelve cents myself and had a feeling I would need everything I could get. Finally, I placed my deck of well worn cards in my pocket. Then I took them out again and sat there shuffling until everyone woke up. I watched Willow as she slept and wondered where she had gotten the money from in the first place. As she rolled over, I realized I would probably never see her again. I would never see any of these people again. I looked slowly around the room, knowing that there were faces that would be in my memory forever, and those that would be in my heart forever. Willow and I had never been close, but there was something about her. She was just always so nice and so open to everyone. The very next bed over was Shadow's.

Shadow was a fascinating person. Almost everyone woke in the night from nightmares. Some people were afraid of the dark, some of thestorms, but I had only once seen Shadow afraid. We were in the park and there was this horse standing there, we think it was a police man's but we weren't sure. Anyways, someone dared Shadow to ride it. Shadow never turned down a dare. But she was afraid of horses, and with good reason. But she went. It was right before she turned towards it that I saw something I had never seen before and have never seen since in her eyes. Fear. But she walked up to the horse, laid a hand on its shoulder, and got on. Not only did she walk around the park, she gave the horse's sides a kick and had a few good seconds of galloping. That's the image of her that has always been strongest in my memory. The one of her on that horse, smiling.

I turned away from my friends and looked down at my cards. When I first bought them with five cents I had earned and saved all by myself, they were stiff, shiny, and smelled like a printing press and ink. I'd had them for ten months now and they were very different. They were worn and flexible and the numbers were faded. They bent in my hands in whatever way I wanted them to. When I shuffled them, they matched the curve of my hand perfectly. They were like Spud's cards. They were a deck of cards that if you held them for too long, your fingers would be slightly blue from the back of them. I couldn't have loved them more.

Everyone slowly woke and uneventfully made their way outside. Conversation was casual, everyone seemed to be avoiding the topic of Carolin. Talk of skipping stones and trading marbles, Willow gossiping with some others about Spud. I'd completely forgotten that he was coming to see me today. I couldn't talk to him, not with my plan of running away. As luck would have it, Spud walked up as I was realizing this. I ducked behind a cart.

"Hi Spud!" Willow's giggly friends scatteredas she went over to see him.

"Heya. Have yeh seen Ivan? I told him I was gonna stop by today."

"No, not since we were in the bunk room, but listen. You know Caroline, right?" He nodded. "Well, her parents showed up yesterday an took her home."

"Dat's great."

"Yeah, it's wonderful. But she an Ivan were real close and he seemed upset. Yeh might wanna talk to him about it."

"Alright, I will, thanks. I'll talk ta yeh lata, ok?" Willow nodded and Spud set off to look for me. I really didn't want him to worry, but he'd try to get me to stay if I talked to him. Once he was out of sight, I set off to find a new orphanege. My stomach rumbled as I walked through the crowded street and I remembered that I hadn't eaten breakfast that morning. I stopped at a restraunt and bought a sandwich. I had sixteen cents left now. I considered going and buying papers, but I didn't know any of the newsies in this area, or even where the distribution office was. So, for the entire day, I just wandered around looking for somewhere to stay.

The sun was setting and I still hadn't found an orphanege. I gripped the half a sandwich that was still in my hand a little tighter as a chilly wind past me. In the growing darkness, I walked down an alley and saw a strange shape. Slowly, I inched closer and poked it with my foot. It didn't move, so I bent down and looked closer. It was a blanket. Someone must have slept here and left it. The thought never occured to me that they might come back. I sat down and examined the blanket as closely as I could. It was blue wool, worn thin in some spots. I glanced up at the sky. It was very dark. I took off my hat, placed the half sandwich, my cards, and my glasses in it, and lay down. I placed the hat and its contect right next to me so that the blanket covered it, just in case it rained or something. The grungy smell of the alley and the soft sounds of people and horses in the street lulled me to sleep. My first night on the streets.