Thankyous for all my lovely reviewers (as you are all lovely)-

Greengrl: yes, I apologise it does get a bit complicated. However, if you really are stuck and lost etc etc, tell me! And then I can try and explain it a bit better (hopefully!). But thank you for reviewing 

Zippyfox: thank you!

Queenie180: glad you like it!

Scowlingpixie: how long? Goodness me, I have no idea…! Probably between 20 and 30 chapters the way everything's going at the moment, possibly a little fewer… I really don't know, coz everything is changing as I write it. I have got the basic plan, but I'm trying not to restrict myself to what happens in so-and-so a chapter, otherwise I think the story can get very restricted. Aha, how do you know that it is who you think it is…? Assumptions dear cricket, assumptions… one can assume nothing!

IAMSOAP: cute and sad? That's quite a special mix! Thank you :)

Heaven and earth: as you request!

Alain-chaser: glad you like it so far :)

Okey-cokey, here's on to the story. However, I have some unpleasant business to do first…

Disclaimer: I HATE NOT OWNING IT! HATE IT HATE IT HATE IT! p.s. don't sue me :)

James hadn't always been prone to jealousy. As an only child, he had never been wanting for much. At school, he had a multitude of girls throwing themselves at his feet, a group of fantastic friends, a brain to rival most of the students of the last century and the ability to change at will into his favourite animal. But when he watched Lily, his Lily alone with someone else, the dormant green-eyed monster within rose to the surface.

Every time another guy had asked her out (and this had been a lot, beautiful as she was), he had sat and watched, despairing every time she accepted. And every time she finished a relationship he inwardly celebrated, convincing himself that the next guy she accepted would be him. For six years now he had endured this agony, his heart continually plagued by the unrelenting but unaccepted truth that she might not, and probably never would say yes.

He had, however, never held personal grudges against any one of the boys she had dated. It wasn't fair on them- they recognised beauty and he praised them for their good taste. He may have seemed like a selfish bastard on the outside, but he wasn't really, and it had taken him most of his school career to begin to convince Lily of that.

And then, just when he had, the inevitable happened. He couldn't help that they were stuck in a hospital with few places to go. He couldn't help but walk past her ward for the 17th… okay 19th time that hour. He couldn't help peering in at the window to check if she was still sleeping soundly, her hair framing her face like a flaming halo.

So it was therefore entirely not his fault when, that 19th time he looked in at the glass to give his heart a little ease, that he saw two people kissing who most definitely should NOT have been doing so.

Nick had gone to visit Lily the moment he was able to leave his bed. Her face still bore the marks of the cuts she had suffered and her eyes still glowed softly like dying embers, yet she still managed to look beautiful. And Nick couldn't resist her.

He had entered the ward, not terribly prepared for what he was about to see, so when he did slide into the chair next to her bed and move a stray strand of hair out of her face, his tears fell freely at the marred face of his friend. And then there was the shock when she actually fluttered her eyes open, lifted from a light sleep. He took her hand and kissed the palm, savouring the thought that she was alive and a thousand times better for ware than she could have been.

Peering in through the glass, Sirius and Remus watched them talk quietly and observed Nick moving closer with each minute.

'Shit,' Sirius whispered, misting the glass slightly. 'We've got to distract Prongs.' Remus nodded, and together they set of at a brisk walk down the corridor and split up at the junction to search for their friend. Of course, Sod's law would dictate that at the moment they disappeared from one end of the passageway, their target would appear at the opposite end, oblivious to their quest. And of course that's exactly what happened. And a few seconds later, James peered in through the glass as previously dictated. And then pure jealousy took over, battling with his instincts as a gentleman not to march into the ward and beat Nick to a pulp.

In the end, he stormed off down the corridor, pushing past anyone and everyone he met, sending one man (who was finding it very difficult to balance on his new, beautifully carved mahogany legs) flying into a young woman who was blowing bubbles out of every orifice (yes, every orifice). He marched into the lift, the doors flinging shut behind him of their own accord, as though the elevator could sense his fury. Once downstairs and in the reception area, he strode through the throngs of maimed witches and wizards, barging past plants- unconsciously bursting one into purples flames several feet high. He didn't even notice that he had passed Peter, who had only just arrived and was looking ever so slightly lost. However, Peter was so busy being lost, that he didn't see James, which was probably a blessing on his part. James' emotions were so on edge, Merlin help any who interrupted his path of unconscious destruction.

Once in the busy streets of London he started walking. Where he had no idea, but he crossed street after street, throwing caution to the winds as he crossed busy streets with no care for the rush hour traffic. Rage in any legilimens, no matter what the strength, was bound to cause some trouble. In one of James' power, it caused more migraines than a New Year's party with free alcohol. Leaving an unknowing trail of pain behind him, he eventually reached a small park in the beginnings of suburbia where he threw himself down on a swing. He had no idea where he was, or what time it was. It had been about four when he'd left, but Merlin only knew (or cared) how long he'd been walking for.

He took several deep breaths, trying in vain to calm himself down. He focussed inwardly, at his magical core- a steady pulsating beat which glowed softly within him. But still his heart pumped with unequivocal rage. Why had this affected him so? He'd watched Lily's countless boyfriends come and go with nothing like this. He'd even had discussions with Padfoot about Nick- about how inevitable a relationship between the two was. And yet…

And yet, James had still thought he was in with a chance. For the first time since he'd met Lily, she'd actually begun to like him, to appreciate him for what he really was. Since that first day… ah, that first day…

The smoke was blossoming from the handsome scarlet engine on Platform 9 ¾ on a blustery September 1st. Hundreds of children milled around the station, bidding farewell to parents and siblings, promising to write and assuring their mothers that they did have enough underwear. James, much shorter but still tall for his age, strode forth onto the platform having said his farewells before crossing the barrier. His father's words till ringing clearly in his ears-

'Be the gentleman I know you are. Work hard, play hard. Also answer politely, no matter what has been said. Always hold the door open for a lady. Respect others, and you will be respected in your turn. You remember everything I have told you?'

'Yes Father.'

'Then go. Write to your mother often.'

And with that his father had walked away. James hadn't even been able to tell his father that he would miss him. But he still strode forth with as much confidence as possible. However, with his head held so high over the trunk and bird cage balanced precariously on his trolley, he smacked straight into an boy who was crouched on the ground doing up his shoelace.

'Woah, I'm sorry. Are you alright?' James held out his hand to the boy who took it gratefully, rubbing his back as he stood.

'Yeah, no worries. Did the same thing a couple of minutes ago, but I think the girl was a fourth year or something- not terribly forgiving.' James grimaced slightly. The boy saw his look and grinned. 'Yep, there go my hopes for universal popularity.' James laughed.

'You a first year too then?' asked James and the new boy nodded. James Potter,' he said, shaking the boys hand.

'Oh, a Potter are you? Good family you lot. Pleased to meet you- I'm Sirius. Black.' James started slightly. He knew of the Blacks of course, he had been forewarned of their type. But this boy seemed a decent type and there was no point on judging someone before you knew them.

A whistle blew from the train and both boys automatically looked up at the clock on the platform board.

'Three minutes,' remarked Sirius. 'Wanna go find a carriage?'

'Sure,' replied James, and they began pushing their luggage towards a carriage nearer the end of the train where there were fewer people scrabbling for somewhere to sit.

Looking towards the carriage they were headed, James caught sight of a tall thin girl with flaming red hair, struggling to pull her own trunk onto the train. Rushing forwards, his father's words still in his head, James took the other end of the trunk to the one the girl was dragging and heaved it onto the train. However, he didn't quite account for how hard he pushed, for when he stood up, he realised he had shoved it right into the girl he had been trying to help. She lay flat on the carriage floor, the trunk pinning her feet down at a rather uncomfortable angle. She looked in quite a good deal of pain.

'Oh, I'm so sorry,' James rushed, going to help her.

'Oh don't bother,' said the girl in a slightly anguished voice. 'You'll probably only cause another accident. First I get run over by some long-haired idiot who thinks he's running in the bloody trolley-Olympics-'

James looked over at Sirius who was currently cowering behind him, looking very ashamed of himself.

'- and then I get knocked down by some other buffoon who's obviously in for the shot put. Great first year I'm going to have.'

'You're in first year?' James asked, unbelievingly. This girl, whoever she was, could have easily passed for fifteen. He would have never guessed she was barely eleven.

'Yes.' She made no other attempt to talk to him, but slowly sat up and prised her feet from under her trunk and stood up slowly. Picking up her trunk she began to head off down the train. He had no idea what made him call after her in such a panicky and eager voice, but everything happens for a reason…

'W-what's your name?'

'Lily. Lily Evans,' she replied shortly.

'I'm James Potter.'

'I'd like to say it's been a pleasure,' she replied, limping slightly as she walked away.

Sirius came up behind James, staring after her. 'I'm guessing she won't…' he mused.

'What?' asked James bemusedly.

'I'm guessing she won't say that it's been a pleasure.'

'Hmmmm…'

'Uh, James, you might want to move some time this century…'

'Hmmmm…'

'Oh Merlin, what are we going to do with you if you're going to be like this with every girl you meet?'

'Hmmmm…'

'Well,' said a new voice from behind Sirius. 'We could brew a love potion I suppose. But they're supposed to be very tricky, and I think I remember reading that they're banned at Hogwarts…'

The two boys turned to face a new boy- this one with sandy blonde hair and piercingly blue eyes which glowed with an excited intensity from his pale complexion. 'I'm Remus Lupin. Nice to meet you.'

Oh yes, from that very first day, Lily had loathed him. All for a simple mistake- he had meant well after all. Maybe if he hadn't listened to his father, hadn't been the gentleman he'd been told to be, maybe then he wouldn't' have found himself in this situation. And it was this, of course, that first led to his Marauder ways… well, that and Sirius' influence.

And now, every hope he'd ever managed to get up with regards to his Lily had been unexpectedly taken, ripped up into tiny pieces and thrown on a slow burning fire while James was made to watch.

He watched a teenage couple walk past on the other side of the street, holding hands and giggling softly. Even from here, James could delve into their thoughts-

God his teeth are crooked. He is fit, but those teeth…

Would it hurt her just to wear another colour except pink, just once…?

Lily looked good in pink…

This wasn't fair. Why was it that so many couples could find fault with one another and yet still be together, while the one girl he could never have was (in his eyes) completely perfect.

'It's not fair,' he whispered to himself.

'Life is not fair, Mr Potter,' came a voice behind him. 'Why, think of all the Christmases I've asked-'

'-asked for socks and only got books, Professor. Yes, I know.'

'Read my mind, did you?' smiled Dumbledore as he emerged from behind James' swing and sat on the one next to it.

'Actually no, that's just the example you gave me every time I complained about justice during training.'

'Ah yes, of course.' Dumbledore's eyes twinkled from behind those familiar half-moon spectacles. 'Which brings me on to the reason I have sought you out in this beautiful borough of… where are we?'

'Dunno. Sir,' muttered James.

'Polite to a fault, as ever. Well, Mr Potter, I am afraid that we should be getting back to school.'

'School sir? Am I not staying in London?'

'Well, you were until I realised, about thirty seven seconds ago, that we must begin your training again as soon as humanely possible.'

'Sir?'

'Mr Potter, take a glance at your wand hand.'

James looked down obediently, knowing what he would be seeing after Dumbledore's announcement. And sure enough, there it was. Around his hand, a bright green envelope of shimmering light had appeared, emanating from his fingertips. 'Ah,' he said in comprehension. He looked up at the couple over on the other side of the street, and saw that they had both collapsed, seemingly spontaneously.

'I shall tend to those two, and then we shall return,' Dumbledore said, standing up and walking towards the two bodies. Several flashes of light later and they were on their way again, as though nothing had happened.

'I'm sorry sir,' muttered James, meaning it. It had been a long time since he'd lost control like that.

'Perfectly understandable, given the circumstances,' the headmaster replied, knowingly. 'Now, if you are ready…'

Three hours previously…

'You realise,' said Lily, blushing slightly, 'that I still owe that bet. Remind me who won that match?'

Nick looked down at his friend, his best friend, and smiled one of those devilish smiles that Lily was usually immune to. But this time she wasn't…

Before either of them realised it, their lips were touching in an intimately gentle embrace. Nick, hesitant to deepen the kiss in case he hurt her, touched her pale cheek and run a finger down her jaw line to touch her chin. Lily shuddered slightly at his touch, although she did not know why. She was a complete mix of emotions- happiness, giddy joy, guilt, pain… It was an oddly thrilling sensation though, that she was kissing one of the most handsome men she'd ever had the fortune to know. And the kindest, and gentlest, and most thoughtful and…

Forgetting any pain she might have left, she threw her arms around his neck pulling him closer and allowing their tongues to do battle with one another. Her hand moved to run through his already rumpled hair while he did the same through hers.

How long they stayed that way, neither knew. It would have probably been cut abruptly short had Remus and Sirius not apprehended Peter at the lift and steered him clear away, lest he see them and tell James (who they still assumed to be somewhere in the building). Eventually, when one of Lily's healers came to shoo him out so Lily could get some 'much needed rest', Sirius, Remus and Peter managed to barter a five minute visit.

'Hello,' said Lily, grinning slightly as she saw her friends enter.

'Hello Lily,' said Peter quietly and looking a stones-throw away from petrified. 'How are you?'

'Much better, thank you,' she said, smiling.

'Well, I-I think, I might go and… and get a drink. Yes, a drink. See you soon.' And without a backward glance, he turned and hurried out of the ward.

'Well, he was difficult to get rid of,' muttered Sirius at the retreating back of his friend.

'Yes well, never mind. So, how are you?' said Lily, now completely unable to hide her grin.

'Clearly nowhere near as happy as you,' said Remus.

'Yeah, well,' said Lily, giggling and hiding her face slightly with her bedsheet.

'Have you seen James today?' asked Sirius, cutting formalities, small talk and anything else that might be considered polite in any normal conversation, and moving straight to the point.

'Well, no. Not since this morning anyway,' said Lily. 'Why?'

'Neither have we,' said Sirius, looking slightly worried. 'He was walking around this corridor a lot after lunch but he sort of disappeared about three hours ago.'

Lily paused for a second, thinking back to that afternoon. 'Well, that was about the time when Nick…'

'Oh shit,' all three said in unison.

'You know?' she asked.

'Well, we saw does that count?'

'Oh shit,' Lily moaned again, sinking under her covers.

'Okay, first things first,' said Remus, assuming control. 'Let's owl Dumbledore and see if he can't track him down. I mean, he might have gone back to Hogwarts of his own accord.'

'Yeah, maybe,' said Sirius, though sounding doubtful. 'Maybe I should go back to Helen's- it's more likely he'd be there right?'

'You alright Lils?' Remus said quietly, laying a hand on her leg under the sheets.

'I'm a fool,' she whimpered.

You got that right

Barely a whisper. Must have been her own mind…

'Well, we should get going. Try and get some sleep hun,' Sirius said, kissing her on the top of the head (the only part of her that could be seen).

'Night night' she murmured. The two boys got up and left the ward, but as they did so, that whisper came back…

You are an utter fool…

Hello there my lovelies! Hope you are all well and had a chocolate-filled Easter. I apologise for the longish wait- back to school with a bump. Unfortunately, this is pretty much literally, as first day back I fell off my chair, whacked my head on the desk and had to have two stitches on my forehead! Crazy huh? Unfortunately the resulting scar is not going to be lightening bolt shaped which had me rather upset for a couple of days. Anyhoo, couple of days rest and I'm back on my feet, and hopefully not too concussed for you to understand the ramblings of chapter 8...? 9...? Oh, I don't know! Actually, I quite like this chapter personally (whichever it may be… )-tell me what you think? Maybe I'm just going crazy!

R xxx