"It was horrible." I lied, hoping they couldn't see right through me. I was terrified that they would. I prayed no one could tell that I wanted so desperately to run back the way I'd come and find him again.

Garnet comforted me as we traveled high across the plains. Where she sat, I laid my head in her lap, using her as a pillow as I closed my eyes. I felt her fingers running through my hair gently. Her other hand held one of mine tightly, as if she were the one who needed comforting. I couldn't bring myself to talk much. Or do much of anything, actually. If I closed my eyes, I could pretend I was still there. I could pretend I could still feel him kissing me. I could pretend the tears that slipped from my eyes now were because he'd been teasing me, and not because I wished he were again.

That night while we slept, I slept with the princess. Snuggled right up against her was the only way I could fall asleep. The others couldn't possibly imagine what Kuja had done to me to make me act so strangely. They'd never guessed that I ached for him. They'd never guessed that for whatever twisted reason, I'd rather be with him right now than seeking him out to kill him.

No one ever knew that while I kissed Garnet's face, I was thinking of how soft her flesh was, and how it was almost as fair as his. It remained a secret that even that night, as I made love to her for the first time, that I thought of him. We were quiet, everyone else was sleeping in the next tent, I moved slowly on top of her, admiring the beauty of her body, even though she wasn't Kuja, I couldn't deny she was beautiful.

That night while I slept, I dreamt of him. I was such a wreck, I thought, when I woke up. I was awake before anyone else, so I dressed quickly and slipped out of our tent. It was early morning and the smell of the fresh air calmed me and cleared my mind. I couldn't let him do this to me. I had to destroy him, or he would destroy us all. I thought of the princess, I told myself I loved her, I loved my friends, I had to be strong for their sake. I wouldn't let him win me so easily.

This was the thought that kept me going for the next few days. It wasn't until I saw him again in Treno did I forget myself. He was a wicked man; he captivated me as I saw him across the room in the auction house. I stared at him. My heart told me to run to him. But my mind told me to stay put.

For some time, I didn't move, and neither did he. But I had to move; I couldn't just stand there looking at him. I turned and ran out of the building. I ran all the way back to the inn that we were staying at. I climbed into bed and lay there. When the others returned, I pretended to be asleep. As soon as I was sure they were all asleep, I slipped out of my bed and left the inn. I wanted to be alone, even if they were sleeping, I wanted to be alone. The city was quiet; it was early in the morning, shortly after midnight.

I couldn't stay still. I stood, I sat, I leaned against this, and that. When I finally settled, I was leaning against a building, facing it, and resting my head on my arms in front of me and wishing I were sleeping in my bed.

I was tired, I began to imagine things. "Oh, let me be strong.." I whispered to myself as I squeezed my eyes shut tightly. I imagined his arms sliding around me from behind and feeling his lips against my neck.

I thought that I was making myself sick. I opened my eyes and looked around before I allowed myself to fall down, my body leaning hopelessly against the building. "Kuja.." I whispered to the stars.

After that, I don't remember anything that happened, until I woke up in a bed again. Alone, however, it was a bed in the inn, and I wasn't sharing a room with anyone, it seemed. I was sweating, however, and I was freezing. But then a moment later I felt like I was on fire and I was sweating even more. The sweat went from cold to hot flashes several times before I felt dizzy enough to fall over and passed out again.

I was definitely sick. I didn't get out of bed for a long time, but I wasn't asleep all this time, sometimes I heard their voices. It was the middle of the night when I stirred due to having a light from outside, from my door being opened, shining in my eyes. I opened them slowly and saw the blurry silhouette of who I assumed to be the princess.

"Oh dear," That was not her voice, it was his. It was Kuja. I couldn't see again, he'd closed the door. "Are you ill?" he questioned, I could hear his voice and tell he was standing right beside my bed.

I reached for him. "I hurt.." I heard my own voice, I sounded sick, I sounded sad, I sounded like I hurt. "My head.." I whispered, "My eyes..my chest.." I continued, but I felt his finger press against my lips. "I understand." He whispered back. I could tell I was sweating, but I was freezing. "Kuja.." I whispered, holding on to his hand tightly.

"Kuja." I said it again, attempting to pull on his arm, but I was drained, my body was too weak. "Kuja… Kuja…" I kept saying his name. I heard myself saying it. I didn't stop saying it until he responded.

"Shh." He said, and I felt his weight press onto the bed. "Kuja..Do it again.." I whispered, my legs moved slightly under the covers. "Please.." Even as ill as I was, my body ached for him. I craved his kisses and his delicate touches.

But once more, I felt his weight leave the bed. I couldn't even tell if my eyes were open or not, but he was gone. I was about to cry when I realized he wasn't leaving, but merely locking the door. After I heard it click, I relaxed a little.

I couldn't tell what he was doing, but I heard him moving about, clothing moving, mostly, and a soft clank of his armor. I felt the covers leave me before I felt his weight on the bed again. By now, I'd been stripped of all of my clothing except my underwear, because I kept getting so hot and sweating all over, I assumed.

His body was smooth, and soft, and placed atop my own before he pulled the covers over me again as I mumbled something about being cold. He didn't tease me this time. He kissed around my mouth, and my neck.

His kisses were like fire on my body, I was so cold, yet hot at the same time. His tongue playing with the sensitive pink flesh of my nipples was like electric; I felt the pleasure shoot through my body, building in my private area. Which wasn't so personal anymore after he pressed his hand to the front of my underwear. That alone made me gasp, but I felt him massaging me gently and I moaned. How loud I was moaning, I couldn't tell you, but it couldn't be too loud, since no one came running to make sure I wasn't dying or anything.

I wanted to touch him, I wanted to please him in return, but I couldn't move much. In fact, my arms even fell back to my sides after holding on to him for a short while. The simple action had exhausted me. I didn't even realize I had lost my underwear to him, or that he was completely nude himself, until I felt him slide onto my ache.

He probably knew I was going to gasp and moan about it, because he'd covered my mouth with his own lips as he did that. And I sure did. "Ah.. Kuja.." I tried to return his kisses, still, but I couldn't reach for him if he moved. I gasped and tried to thrust my hips up against him.I didn't even have to request he did it harder, or faster, his pace was impressive, and mind blowing. He moved his body perfectly against mine.

He leaned close and kissed me the whole time. When I apologized for not being able to pleasure him as he had done for me, he told me it was alright, it was fine, he knew I was sick, he didn't expect me to, and got off just the same.

I felt extremely faint afterwards, but I fought myself not to fall asleep again, and clung to him as tightly as my weak body would allow. "Kidnap me." I whispered, holding onto him tightly. "Take me, please." I begged breathlessly.

"You don't know what you're saying." He told me, but I shook my head. "Kiss me again." I said, trying to find his face with my hands but I couldn't think. "Kiss me again." I repeated, "I need you. My body aches for you." I whispered, trying to hold on to him as he drew back. "Please, don't go.." I pleaded. Surprisingly, he leaned back down, and kissed my lips softly. When I finally allowed myself to fall asleep, he was still there.

But when I woke up, he was gone. Why did I expect him to stay? I knew of our situation, I knew it was better if he didn't, for both of us. But I wanted him to.

Fortunately, I felt better when I woke up.

AN; Hey guys, I see I have a few reviewers, I'm glad you like the story. Here's chapter 4.I have chapter 5 finished already, as well, but I'm having a bit of trouble uploading it for some reason, so it might take a while until I figure out what's going on with that.
Love, XiangYu

p.s. I promise Zidane will stop being such a cry baby. ;D (I was never good with his character..)