For the next few days, it was obvious that I was 'off' – Everyone noticed it. And it seemed that they had been discussing it one night when I went for a walk, alone. On my way back, I met Garnet. She was waiting for me.

"Zidane?" She asked softly, smiling nervously. "Hm?" I tried to smile in return, but I didn't feel like it at all. "Do you have a moment?" she asked, "I'd like to talk to you." I nodded slightly, she glanced back at our campsite and then came to stand by my side, holding my arm, she proceeded to lead me back the way I'd just come from.

"What's going on?" She asked, after we'd seated ourselves on the ground at the edge of a pond.

"I wonder how they'll like it when they find out what you've been doing with me. How often Zidane's been alone with the enemy and not tried to off him once."

"Heh.." I closed my eyes and shook my head slightly. I couldn't tell her. I couldn't even begin to tell her. She would never understand, and I knew it. "Nothing." I said, though it was obvious to her that I wasn't being honest.

"Zidane.." She said slowly, and I looked over at her. "Nothing. I'm just stressed." I said, before she could say anything else. "He won't stop. I can't beat him." I confessed, I looked her right in the eye as I said it.

"You will beat him." She sounded so sure of it, I couldn't help but to smile, though I was afraid it was a sad smile. "And I'll help you." She added, scooting closer to me and wrapped her arms around me.

"Soon." I said, sliding my arms around her in return. Only, part of me felt like I was lying. How could I ever beat him, anyway?

-x-x-x-

Only, I didn't realize how right I was. After that, I hadn't met him again. I was going crazy. I'm the good guy, remember? I didn't like leaving things like that with him. It seemed like forever until the crew was sleeping, and I slipped outside of the inn.

I sat on a bench in the town. The whole place was silent. The only light came from the moon that was so bright it had to be full. It was so quiet, in fact, I'm surprised I didn't hear him when I stood up, and only noticed his presence when he grabbed my tail. I was lost in thought, I suppose. I turned quickly, drawing my dagger on him, it was the only thing I had with me at the moment, but I froze when I saw him.

He held his hands up, and looked at me with those eyes of his. I tried to glare at him, but my expression was confusion. I turned my back on him, tail wrapping around my waist and proceeded off.

I was dying to see him, and now I was walking away. But I hoped with all of my heart that he would stop me again. It was then that I truly realized that I loved him.

"Zidane" he said, in a singsong voice with that wicked tone of his. I stopped walking, but I didn't turn around. I knew if I turned around, I'd run to him. I knew where I had to stand. I couldn't give in so easily.

But if he asked me to, I would. In a heartbeat.

I didn't say anything, and I closed my eyes when I felt his slender fingers slide into my hair, and gripped it tightly. My hands moved to pull his hand out of my hair, but as soon as I lifted my arms, his grip loosened and his hand slipped from my hair and rest on the backside of my neck.

My eyes shot open when I felt his other arm slide around my waist. Every time we touched, I swear I saw some sort of heaven. But I couldn't bear the thought that he didn't care for me. I couldn't stand thinking he was only using me. It was heartbreaking to endure, especially when I wanted him so much.

So I pulled away from him again, but I turned around, looking at him. I had no words for him. Rather, I did have words for him, but I couldn't bring myself to beg him to love me.

"What's the matter, Zidane?" he questioned, stepping closer to me again. His hands reached for me, and I wanted to take them, and kiss them. But I thought of Garnet, suddenly, I shook my head slightly. "How would you like me if I beat your friends up all the time? But you don't have friends, do you? So I guess maybe you can't relate. I can't imagine who in their right mind would like you, anyway."

It had spilled out before I could stop it. Of course, if there were a contest for harshest insult, my words wouldn't have won it, by far, but I hoped he cared enough about me for them to make an impact. And they did. He stared at me. But I couldn't stop my self from talking anymore. "What's the matter, Kuja?" I asked, almost mimicking his tone. "Have I hurt your feelings? Or, wait, do you even have feelings?" I couldn't stop. I was saying things I hadn't even thought to say before, but they just came out of me now like they were supposed to. "I guess you don't. So I shouldn't worry about hurting them, right?"

The next thing I knew, he had punched me in the face. I stumbled backward and he hit me again, this time, I tripped, and the next thing I knew, I was on the ground.

I yelled at him angrily, and he smacked me in the face as he leaned down, on his hands and knees now, before he crawled on top of me, and proceeded to kiss me, before I could even stop him. His actions were forceful, he held me down with his hands and the rest of his body, while his lips kissed my face all over, and then he bit me. That was when I moaned, and he stopped to look at me, I stared up at him. I could feel the tears burning in my eyes.

"Are you going to rape me?" I asked, and I felt his grip relax. His hands moved to my face, holding it gently, he kissed my forehead and closed his eyes.

"I'm sorry.." I whispered. He stood up quickly, and turned to walk off, without another word, but I stood up and ran after him. "Kuja, stop." I said, grabbing his hand and when he stopped, I used it to turn him around. He stared at me. For the first time, I saw something in his eyes. For the first time, I realized a sadness in him that had always been there, but I never noticed before.

I didn't say anything else; I just put my arms around him in a tight embrace and closed my eyes. For a long time, I stood there with him, until we went back to my room at the inn. For the first time, we 'made love.' It was different from usual, our movements were slow at first, and he kissed me gently the whole time.

Afterwards, we laid in the small bed, my arms were wrapped around him and he was snuggled against me. Moments upon moments passed and I laid there, pretending we were normal. I pretended he wasn't supposed to be my enemy, and that he was simply my beautiful lover. I pretended that this day coming would be spent together, and that we would go to bed again the night that would follow, to once more fall asleep with each other, and have his face be the first thing I saw in the morning.

I pretended that he loved me, too. I waited until he fell asleep to tell him, but I did.

The next morning when I awoke, he was gone. I felt a sadness in me that I couldn't contain. I rolled over and pulled my pillow over my head, and dreamed my dreams of being with him again. Until I moved and felt a paper in my bed, I opened my eyes and peered out from under the pillow to see what it was.

A parchment, with three simple words on it.

"I love you." I whispered to myself, and closed my eyes again.

I wouldn't be able to touch him again. How could I ever hurt him again?