16: Show Me How Defenseless You Really Are.
As soon as Damon stepped into his room he stiffened. The floor board beneath his bed had been moved and left open, the black box containing his letters to Nova gone. He immediately ran down to Nova's room only to find her door open and no sign of her. He darted downstairs searching hopelessly. The only thing he did find was the keys to her Firebird gone along with the car itself. He started cursing loudly until Stefan and Elena entered.
"What's going on?" The younger Salvatore asked quickly.
"Nova's gone," Damon told him with stress all over his face. "She found my letters, took her keys, and left."
Their eyes widened. "Where do you think she would go…?" Elena asked softly. She's not going to lash out and murder people, will she…?
A spark of hope ignited within Damon suddenly. There was one person she just might run to for solace.
Lethia saw the pure distress in her best friend's face and eyes immediately. Her pale hands trembled around a black box and she said nothing. Without a word the blonde wrapped her arms around Nova and held tightly regardless of her swollen belly and the box. She then ushered Nova into the French Quarter and quickly up to her room without being noticed by anyone still lingering around. She shut and locked her door before sitting Nova on the edge of her bed. Still, the ravenette didn't let go of the box.
"What happened, Nov?" She asked softly as she sat beside her best friend.
It took a moment before Nova inhaled a shaky breath and spoke at last. "My humanity… it's fried. Gone."
"What do you mean?"
"When we went to rescue Zarya from Remiel, the angel bitch did something to me. She was trying to force herself inside my head. All she managed to do was fry parts of my mind including… including my humanity switch." She looked into Lethia's golden eyes. "I can't find it anymore, Thea… it's gone."
The blonde's breath shook a little at the news. "A-are you sure, Nova…?"
Nova leaned forward with her elbows on her knees and her face in her hands shamefully. "I've tried so fucking hard to find it… any excuse, any reason; I've pleaded for it to return. To feel anything again. Guilt, sorrow, pain, anything! I've clawed at the walls of my mind but there's nothing there anymore. Everything is just… gone. All that remains is the mental acknowledgment of what's what. I know that I love Damon, and you, but I… I can't feel it, Thea. I can't feel anything anymore. It's all just words."
Lethia stared at her long time best friend with deep sorrow and compassion in her glistening amber eyes. An odd feeling began to form within the depths of her pregnant belly. Her child was almost weeping for Nova as well. Without a word, Lethia gently took her friend's hand away from her face and placed it on her belly. Nova jumped a little at first, then looked confused at the gesture. Lethia merely gave her one of her infamous, sunshine warm smiles and held the vampire's hand in place. Something flashed in Nova's emerald eyes when she felt the child kick beneath.
"Hayley is having a girl," she told Nova softly. "I was too afraid to find out… especially when the witches started getting all prophetic about it. But I can feel that my baby is sad for you. That it wants you to find your fire again."
Nova's eyes wandered slowly to their hands on her belly. The baby gave another kick for Nova to feel and that was when something else came through. It was almost like a little tether of a hand trying to reach out to her. Her brows raised when she realized what it was - the child was trying to connect with her. Curiously, Nova focused and pushed her own energy forward to the child. There was another forceful kick against Lethia's flesh beneath her shirt when Nova smiled softly. The upturn of her friend's lips was a pleasant surprise for Lethia whose hand tightened around Nova's.
"You've got a daughter too," the Romanian spoke barely above a whisper. Lethia's eyes widened a little. "She's trying to give off her magical energy already, I can feel it. She wanted me to."
The blonde smiled brightly with happy tears glistening in her eyes. "She wants her aunt Nova to know that she will always be loved and cared for; that we will figure this out."
So many voices whispering all at once. Every language imaginable. Zina's head was pounding. She had begun to worry if she was going to have an aneurysm. She had hightailed it out of Mystic Falls, then out of Virginia, and out of the states in total. No matter where she went she heard them all. It was too difficult to differentiate each and every single one. Once and a while she heard a chuckle from Oblivion as the celestial just watched her endure the souls swallowed through the eons. How many were there? Who were they? How did they end up in Oblivion? Were they all Vasiles? Her own bustling thoughts combined with the never ending voices were beginning to drive her mad.
Zina's hair was in disarray, her clothes wrinkled and having gone unchanged for a couple of days. There were dark circles beneath her bloodshot eyes. At first when she chugged back a couple of blood bags it dimmed the sounds of the voices, but it didn't take long for that to not work anymore. She found herself on a flight wondering how the hell she ended up there but at least it was first class. Her hand wandered over her chest where her heart should have been beating rapidly, yet she felt nothing. She could hear the heartbeats and pulses of each human on the plane with her, the way their blood flowed delicately through their veins. She let her head fall against the small, cold window and stared forward trying to ignore it. Her fangs ached beneath her gums but she knew better; it was just the anxiety and feeling like she was going insane. She wasn't actually hungry, she didn't need to feed. And she wasn't going to tear through a plane of innocent humans. She wouldn't even risk feeding on one and compelling them. It was far too dangerous. What if she blacked out and killed them anyway?
When the plane finally landed she found herself in Romania. But why though? When had she even acquired a ticket to Romania? Too many chunks of time had gone missing from her memory. Maybe she had murdered people in those blackouts. She couldn't be sure. At Bucharest's airport she checked herself in the bathroom mirrors finding no blood left behind on her clothes so either she hadn't fed on anyone or she was really clean about it. Her eye twitched slightly the longer she stared at herself; she really was losing her mind. Her arms wrapped around herself, hands clutched just beneath the burn scars on her upper arms. For a moment she flashed back to the horrid night and felt the fire and helplessness all over again. Part of her wondered if the son of a bitch was still alive somewhere. He was a Moroi so he very well could have been.
"Are you alright?" A gentle voice broke her from her thoughts. At long last even the whispers silenced.
Zina whirled around to find a simple human girl with light brown hair and deep grey eyes. She honestly looked just about as distraught as Zina with her hair a mess and dark circles beneath her eyes. She even seemed to shake a little. "Are you?" She retorted in a soft tone.
The girl looked away. She had been having difficulty keeping eye contact as it was. Her feet shuffled nervously and Zina could smell the salty tears brimming in her eyes. "I… I'll be fine… it's not important…"
"Someone hurt you," the ravenette realized. She bit the inside of her cheek as her hands ghosted below her scars again. "It's okay," her voice started to crack even at a whisper. "Someone hurt me once too…"
The girl looked up at her as Zina had an extra few inches of height, especially with her heels on. "Really…?"
"It… it was some time ago now," she admitted, "but the memory will never go away. Neither will the scars."
"Did you… did you know them?"
She shook her head. "I was walking home from getting groceries when I was… attacked." Her voice audibly cracked on the word. "The sun had only just set. I was less than half a mile from my home. Only the woman who raised me that I lived with knew. She took care of my wounds but… but we found out I was pregnant." The girl's eyes widened. "I carried to term, and I gave my daughter away thinking someone could raise her better than I could."
"And did someone…?"
"More or less, I suppose. I know she resents me for it and I don't blame her at all. Regardless of her upbringing she still became such an amazing and brave young woman. And I know I couldn't have given her that back then. Not after how broken I had become…"
The girl was quiet for a minute, staring at her feet as she took in Zina's story. Finally, her soft voice spoke. "I come from a very poor family in Ukraine… my father…" Her lip and voice began to tremble. "He needed money - he owed gambling debts, and I had a baby brother to feed, so he…" She sniffled and put her hand over her mouth as she relived it all. "He sold my body to strangers… let them hold me down, beat me, do as they please until I complied… I know I turned my back on my mama and brother, but I stole some of the money and ran. I don't remember how many planes and trains I took until I was far away from my country. I still don't feel far enough…"
Emotion shined deep in Zina's dark eyes. Without warning she stepped forward and wrapped her arms around the girl. She couldn't have been older than eighteen, if she even was eighteen at all. The girl began to shake and cry. Tears welled in Zina's eyes but she choked them back. She rested her head against the girl's and gently rubbed her back. "Don't you stop running. And don't dare look over your shoulder. You know what?" She stepped back with a gentle smile before fiddling through the one bag she had sitting on the sink counter. She wrote something down on a napkin before wrapping it around something. "I want you to call this number and tell the woman that Zina is sending you her way for a new life. She'll get you a new name, a legal passport and paperwork, and by this time tomorrow you'll be in the United States with a new life to lead. How does that sound?"
The girl's eyes widened as big as they could. "Wh-what?! Are you serious, miss?"
"Absolutely! Everything here should cover your transportation to get to her and the fee for her to do everything. She'll take care of all of the papers and put you on a plane. So in that time you look at a map of the states and pick one you want to go to. Start fresh; be someone new. You deserve it."
With tears falling down her cheeks the girl lunged and hugged Zina tightly, thanking her repeatedly. Before she left she wiped some of the tears and looked to the ravenette with the most hope filled smile the vampire had seen. "Perhaps you could start fresh and be someone new, too, miss Zina. I believe you also deserve it."
Zina watched the girl eagerly rush off to start her new life and thought about her words. She really could be, couldn't she? She had been growing closer to her twin whom she was always damned to loathe and attempt to kill which was a start, but still she was haunted by her past which kept her in the same infinite loop. Walking out of the bathroom with her bag slung over her shoulder Zina decided she was in Romania to make a change to herself. She wanted to be better.
September 13, 2009
Darling Nova,
Steffie joined a high school football team! I've laughed so much I feel like I almost popped a lung. You should see him in his jersey. I'll have to get pictures.
He thinks he so bold by giving Elena a vervain necklace so I can't compel her like I have to her friend Caroline. Caroline talks so frequently for a girl with a vocabulary not as large. I think playing around with her is going to be the thing that requires the utmost of my patience. You would be laughing at me like I have been at Stefan in his little jersey and helmet.
I have to say though, human high school girls are definitely welcome to remain annoying the human boys rather than me after all of this is over. Yes, the things I will do just to know the truth once and for all. Haha, Damon's a sap. I can still hear you say it just like it was yesterday.
Love, Damon
Nova chuckled a little at the random letter she had selected. Lethia told her to stay in her room while she sorted things out with Klaus and hopefully could figure out something to do for her. The connection made to her niece prompted her to read Damon's letters. Maybe, just maybe, it could get her to feel something. She figured it could get confusing reading them in a random order, but she didn't care or mind. She would get the gist. And so one by one she opened and read each individual letter.
December 12, 2009
Two timing bastards is exactly what Stefan and Elena are. It relates to my opening the tomb so you wouldn't care deeply, just know that they betrayed me. I guess I deserve it in a way; karma having come for me. I did what I had to in order to achieve what I need. I don't give a damn about Elena so I have no issue using her as leverage. Then she goes and gets kidnapped and Stefan blows me up all day to help.
Seriously bro? Go fuck yourself. She's a straight - what do they call it again? Oh yeah, a "Mary Sue". She's a sad little Mary Sue. Then she comes sobbing to me about how they're genuine and they want to help and blah blah blah. I'm giving them this one final chance solely on the base that I doubt I'll ever see you again. Especially when I free Katherine.
But if I'm never going to see you again, then I have to work harder to free Katherine.
Love, Damon
Nova's heart gave an extra hard thump in her chest. "He really thought I'd never come back," she muttered as she thumbed over the inked words. She put the letter back in its envelope and pulled out another. She hoped it would be something more amusing, only to find it was the exact opposite.
December 17, 2009
You were right. Honestly, I'd prefer to end it with that. If you were here it would, but you're not and with good reason. She wasn't there. She wasn't in that fucking tomb. All this time, all that's happened to us, it was for NOTHING. You were right, dolcezza. She played us. She played me. Again.
What the hell am I supposed to do now? Find you? Even if I did I'd have to hunt you down ten more times just to get you to listen to me admitting that I fucked up yet again. Once again I allowed Katherine Pierce to cause me to push you away.
I'm so sorry, Nova. If you do return to Mystic Falls and I'm still here, I hope you turn around without saying hello. You won't like what you're going to see and I don't deserve your sympathy, empathy, or any general affection. I hope if you do come back to Mystic Falls you give Elena hell just for having that bitch's face. I don't foresee you liking Elena anyways.
You know what? Don't come back to Mystic Falls. Ever. I really hope you don't because it's only going to destroy you. Why am I still going to be sulking and causing trouble in this hell hole? Well, it's all I've got left. So until Stefan or someone actually kills me or successfully dessicates me, I'll keep on keeping on. Just don't ever come back here, especially not for me. I don't know if you've realized it by now, Nova, but I'm not worth it. Move on. Keep doing great things.
I just hope you never step foot in this town again. And if you do it's not long enough to affect you in any way.
I'm so sorry, Nova.
With whatever love I might have left,
Damon
Pain surged in Nova's chest causing her to drop the letter and let out a small cry. There was a rush of blood to her skull suddenly which made the room start to spin. Her body ached to feel the emotional pain she knew was there after reading each word, she could feel it. She pictured Damon in that tomb hopelessly searching until he realized that Katherine had never been there at all. She pictured his heart breaking again as he then realized what he had thrown away for it. Her breathing became fast but shallow, vision darkening and head throbbing. A tear actually slipped from her eye before she passed out when she swore she heard Damon's broken voice from that day.
"She's not here… she's not here!"
Zina stood in the dead and rotted old garden of Vasile manor aimlessly. The whispers had returned but not as loudly or violently. All of the flowers had long since died and never regrown. Even the grass had decayed. Moss and vines grew all over the stone walls. The whole site was pitiful. Trees held no leaves, there wasn't even a breeze. It seemed as if the sunlight shied away from the land. She looked around, picturing her sister walking by and touching the plants as they held life. Why had she really ended up in Romania, and Vasile castle of all places?
"You seek solace, my sweet daughter."
She jumped at the voice and spun around. Her ruby bracelet shimmered even without light. Alina Vasile stood a few feet from her with a delicate smile on her face. "Mama…?" Her voice broke a little.
"Hello, Zina." She spoke warmly to her daughter. "I trust we can hold a civilized conversation now, compared to being on the Other Side?"
"What are you doing here?" Zina asked in a small voice.
"I could ask the same of you but as I already said - you seek solace. I hope I might be able to give you even the smallest portion. Whether you see me as it or not, I am your mother. And I have always loved you."
Her bottom lip trembled a little. "I know that now," her voice was barely a whisper. "I know what tată did to you. I…" She looked away with shame. "I'm so sorry for the way I was on the Other Side…"
Alina approached her daughter and took her hands. The actual feeling of the touch surprised Zina. "You grow stronger in your connection to the dead. You have nothing to apologize for as you were manipulated your entire life as well. We have all been nothing but pawns in a disgusting game. The important thing, fluturele meu roșu (my red butterfly), is that you seek to redeem yourself in your new gift of life."
"We're still being manipulated, mama. All of us. It's just one horrendous game between Remiel and Lucifer for control. They've forced us all to desperacy if we want to continue to live."
The elder Romanian smiled softly, then touched her daughter's cheek gently. "It took me some years to find the truth, but I know, darling. That is why you and Nova were always forced apart even when you never knew one another. I also know who and what brought you back under what circumstances." Zina looked away with guilt but Alina lightly pushed her face back to look at her again. "It is okay, child. If we must pick the lesser of the two evils, I choose Lucifer as well. What I know and what I have seen of Remiel… she is untamed maleficence."
"It's called Oblivion," Zina blurted out suddenly. She felt a chill creep up her spine but ignored it. "And it's… it's actually a celestial being too with her own astral plane. When God created Remiel, He dipped into that plane and ripped a chunk away. It's literally unstable energy. Runa's body has lasted the longest because she was the first. When Remiel first took her as a vessel that raw energy latched onto every cell of Runa's dying, human body."
"Then any vessel she would attempt to take would not sustain her." Alina deduced. "What of young Zarya then? Was she not destined to be Remiel's other true vessel?"
"That's what they say but I've been thinking about it - she was trying too hard to force Zarya to turn into a dhampir. I think she needs something weak to latch onto, but strong enough not to explode. What better thing than only being half human? It would cling to that one half while the vampire half continues to regenerate. That's why she held the dhampirs captive for so long - to see if they could sustain her. But none of them would give her permission and she had been too weak for too long to force it upon them. The closest she started to get was Nova."
"What happened between Nova and Remiel? I actually have not been able to find your sister in some time…"
Zina's brows furrowed. "Nova, Damon, and I went up to Kansas to save Zarya from Remiel. If Lucifer hadn't…" She made a face and gave a small sigh at the thought. "If he hadn't carved his sigil into her skin then I fear it would have been much worse. But our only way in was a psychic link which gave Remiel access to us as well. She went straight for Nova. Nova fought back and with Zarya's help we kept Remiel from breeching her mind, but the power Remiel used trying to do so… I'm pretty sure she fried something in Nova's brain. She hasn't quite been the same since."
Alina nodded slowly with understanding. "It was her humanity."
"What?"
"Nova's humanity had already been 'off' for some time, yes?" Zina nodded. "That was the vulnerable part of her mind. She had pushed it down for so long that the shock of Remiel's power had too easy of access."
"S-so what does that mean…? She'll never be able to turn her humanity back on? She can't feel anything ever again?"
"She will certainly have to work much harder if she actually desires it back. Perhaps only a true emotional trauma could be stronger than the damage done by Remiel."
There was a vast nothingness around Nova. Nothing to define outside or inside somewhere, no walls, no ground, just nothing. She stared down at an unfamiliar child who mimicked her expression up at her. The child barely reached Nova's hips, her blonde curls cascading down her back. Her face was sweet, round, and soft. But it was her eyes that really made Nova focus; they were almost amber like Lethia's, but more hazel meaning they had been mixed with some kind of blue or green. As much as she saw Lethia, she kept flashing right to-
Klaus.
"You're right," the little girl finally spoke. "Lethia and Klaus are my mom and dad."
"Then this isn't possible," Nova retorted. "You don't fully exist yet. You haven't been born."
"No, but I'm a tribrid - wolf, vampire, and witch. I'm a siphoner."
"And you know what that all means. Lovely."
"I know everything, aunt Nova." A small, childish smirk tugged at the left corner of her pale lips. "I hear all in the womb and I siphon off of my mom. Everything she knows and sees, I know and see. When she put your hand on her belly earlier I was able to make a connection to you too. So now I know what you know too."
"You're this smart and powerful already without even being born or full term yet?"
She nodded. "And because of Remiel did to your head it was really easy for me to reach you. Your humanity is still in there, auntie. I can feel it. Remiel just hurt it really, really bad. Even though you feel like it's pointless and you want to give up, I also know that you're not gonna."
Nova scoffed a little. "Don't tell me you're psychic too."
She giggled. "No, that's just aunt Zina and Katia. But when I felt you I knew then that you were gonna be a big influence on my life to come. There's also something about Zarya I keep feeling but it's not strong enough for me. You're gonna be okay, auntie. If you want," she held her tiny hand out to Nova, "I can try to siphon some of Remiel's power that latched onto you away. It could help."
"You mean when she fried my brain some chunks of her grace or power or whatever got left behind?"
Another nod. "Yeah, I can feel it latched onto the weakest part of your mind like a parasite. It just keeps feeding. That's why you can't feel your humanity - because it's being choked down. I can siphon at least some of it off, but not all of it. I'm sorry."
"Would it… would it harm you though? To siphon it into yourself?"
She shook her head. "No, when I siphon it's just like putting gas in a car. Except it doesn't matter what kind of gas. As long as it's some kind of supernatural energy I can take it and make my magic stronger. While I'm still in my mom's belly I'm siphoning to grow and whatever doesn't get used stores for use after I'm born."
Nova hesitated for a moment before reaching out and taking the child's hand. She felt the jolt of the connection, then something powerful being sucked out through her arm. It almost felt like blood being sucked out through the vein, only on a much stronger scale. As it passed through to the child her hazel eyes glowed a magnificent emerald. Nova honestly thought it was a hue brighter than even her own. Her knees gave the slightest buckle, but she child didn't budge at all. Once her eyes returned to hazel, she smiled.
"I took what I could, auntie, but there's still a lot left. You've got to fight it if you really do want your humanity back."
"And if I can't?" She asked softly.
The child frowned sadly. "Then only something that would really, truly break your heart could be stronger. And it could hurt you worse than living without humanity."
Alina could see something in her daughter's eyes that was more than just concern for her twin. She thought of that hunter boy - Jeremy Gilbert. They had seemed to be rivals of sorts on the Other Side, but Jeremy always had a smile on his face when they fought. "There is more," Alina began. "I may not have been able to raise you myself, but I can feel when something is wrong with my children."
Zina looked to the grey sky with what seemed to be guilt or shame in her dark eyes. She could feel the cool chill of Oblivion rolling in behind her back. Was the celestial already there watching? She didn't dare turn around to find out. But if she did want to be someone new, maybe - just maybe - acknowledging her feelings to someone, especially the woman who did give birth to her, could be a start. "I've done some pretty stupid things, mama. I thought…" Tears started to sting at her eyes. "I thought I could get Katia back. So Nova and I tried this spell, and it backfired…"
"What did it take from you, child? Magic always come with a price, especially when it fails."
She looked back to her mother as a tear slipped from her eye. "Me. I'm basically Oblivion's bitch now. Just like the anchor to the Other Side - which is Amara by the way, I'm the anchor to Oblivion. Still some celestial's pawn in a lifelong game."
Alina nodded slowly. "Then make the best of it." Zina's eyes widened. "If you are tied to Oblivion now, then use it as a strength rather than allowing it to hinder you in weakness. Discover new truths and grow."
"What do you know," came the cool tone of the celestial in question behind Zina, "Alina actually is mildly wise. I am not out to destroy you, Zina. As I already told you I am bored. My siblings bother me. You think I am thrilled to be any part of their game? To be used by them as I have been? It's not my fault you allowed yourself to become overwhelmed."
"I am proud of you, Zina Arete," Alina smiled at her daughter as she took Zina's face in both of her hands. "I am soproud of you. And your sister. You both have endured great trauma thanks to your father and I, but in your own ways you have survived through it. You stood up to Klaus Mikaelson to protect your best friend and your own virtues. You were given a second chance at life and you seek to better yourself. You have - more or less - made amends with your sister whom you were each destined to hate and try to murder. You found your daughter and you fight to have her back again. You fight for Zarya and what feels right. You just need to find your heart again, fluturele meu roșu.We are all here behind you, fluturele meu de smarald (my emerald butterfly), and the rest of this clan as one. Our blood cannot be broken. Neither can any of us."