---Black---

a/n: So it turns out that I got mixed reviews for the last chapter, which is cool. I agree that the last chapter is analytical, but that was mainly because I wanted to use it to sort through, for myself as well,my own take on the undercurrents of ep 39-40 because there was so much that happened that needed explaining, imho. So thanks for the honesty, and thanks for the compliments too. :) Appreciate it!

Disclaimer: G-Gundam not mine.

Rating: K+

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When Domon had all too self-consciously asked Allenby about it later, she smiled sadly and answered in perfect honesty, "It had been obvious. I just hadn't realized it because I was so caught up in you." They only saw each other once after the defeat of the Devil Gundam, at some top-secret, highly elitist and highly boring reunion for the Gundam fighters of the 13th Fight.

"I only realized at the hospital, when her name was practically every other word that came out of your mouth." She had laughed then, eyes empty of remorse--it was clear that she had moved on. Thank goodness for that.

At the time, Domon had been so caught up in the whirl of excitement, of the anticipation of telling Rain that he had won the Battle Royale, of telling her that all of the anger and all of the pressure and all of the self-doubt and guilt and confusion--all of that was over. And of telling her something that was far, far more important. He had been too caught up in the adrenaline and excitement to really even notice the injured girl limping to him in the hospital halls.

Now that he had reflected on that incident, he realized how painful his inconsideration had been. He hadn't realized that Allenby had woken up to the sound of his voice calling Rain's name. How could he, when his every vein pulsed with the excitement of seeing Rain--of finally making her his after all of the utter insanity was over--so much so that he had almost coldly returned Allenby's clingy hug, with questions of only Rain spilling from his lips.

Given how painful his inconsideration had been, maybe he had deserved the long, excruciating hours that followed after he had heard the news of Rain's departure. Beyond his concern for Allenby's medical condition ran a turbulent, destructive whirlwind of confusion as he asked Rain over and over again questions that she was not there to answer.

He had felt like he had truly lost her.

Chibodee, Sai Saici, George, and Argo had badgered him for hours, asking why he didn't go after her. They didn't understand. Didn't they realize how much he had wanted to go? To jump into his Gundam and tear up the clouds, ripping up the atmosphere of that heavy prison called Earth and all that bound him down to any sort of responsibility, to scour the stars clean in search of her...

But he couldn't. There was nothing tying her to him; she was not responsible to him anymore. She had freed herself of those chains the moment he had won the tournament. They had pushed so hard, so painfully for that victory--together--they had given all they had to each other. But now that they had reached their goal...now, that they had won, he had lost her, the only one that had made the entire journey endurable.

The fight had been his excuse to be with her. But now, he didn't have an excuse anymore. How would she receive him, if he just went to her for no reason, when she had explicitly told him not to follow her?

He had made things so hard for her over the course of that year--he had strained her past her resources so many times without even realizing it. She had taken it all, taken in his anger that she was not responsible for, taken in the pressure of the Gundam fight that weighed down the both of them, taken in the overbearing arrogance with which he made decisions for the both of them and expected her to go complacently along with them. She had swallowed all of that in small grimaces, and she didn't say a word, and then she had smiled warmly at him with those eyes of hers and warned him against overworking himself.

"If I went after her, it would make things difficult for Rain."

He didn't deserve her. Rain deserved all the happiness that the world had lost; he couldn't give that to her. She deserved protection from all the anguish and corruption and destruction of the world that the Gundam Fight had represented; he had brought her into that. He had been so selfish, so blind of everything around him because his whole life had been the next Gundam fight. Rain deserved someone better than him. He was the champion of the 13th Fight, he defeated the Devil Gundam, he could do anything with his fists, he could be invincible in the battlefield--but when it came to words, when it came to Rain, he was a mess.

When he had heard the radio transmission from Dr. Mikamura, that was his chance. That was his excuse to be with her again, to make her indebted to him,to "claim" herin some inane, childish way--

But he was done with excuses. He planned just to save her--just to make sure that she was all right--and then disappear from her life. She deserved someone better than him; she didn't need his presence to weigh her down, she didn't need his selfishness and anger and his tucked away insecurities--it would only make things difficult for her. She deserved so much more than he could offer her, and in his one act of unselfishness...he would let her go. Yes, he was to save her, and that was it. That was his determination, that was his resolve, that was his power.

But when the Devil Gundam had opened, when he had wrapped her up into his cape and held her again and breathed her in, he had lost his power. He had relinquished it at the point when he opened his mouth and said to her all the things that had been burning inside of him for those long, excruciating hours. Now that he had her, he couldn't draw from inside himself the strength to let her go. Her presence, her being, the very sight of her nested and protected in his cape--that had decimated his heretofore indestructible determination.

When Domon had faced off against the Devil Gundam that had safely harbored Rain from the world within the folds of its infinite metal complexity, in the end it was Rain who won. In the months that followed, people would joke about how he had conquered her--but really, it was just as true the other way around.

So yes, in the end it was selfish of him to be with her. He would admit that it was. But selfishness could be understood--she always understood. And besides, she wasn't complaining, now was she?

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Rain set her alarm clock extra early so she could set time aside from her busy schedule to tinker with the God Gundam. Although it would be three and a half years until the next tournament, the Neo-Japan authorities were not the kind of people who would let her get behind in terms of technological advancements to be made on the Gundam. More relevantly, her pride as Domon's partner would not let her get behind. And so it was that she had used all the advanced Gundam gadgetry in her power to take off the Gundam's right hand and pick apart the palm, working her way into the the core where she could insert and test the latest power chip Dr. Kasshu had developed.

It was more than a little struggle to get the machinery into the right coordinates so that she could use them to take off the hand in the first place, something Domon could have done much more easily--and less clumsily. But given the present situation, she preferred to talk to him only when absolutely necessary.

Using the machinery, she managed somehow to get the dislocated hand onto her worktable and got to work. After an hour or so, she had finally worked her way to the core and, brushing her hair out of her eyes she let out an immense sigh of relief before reaching for the power chip--

--and yelped as a pair of arms suddenly grabbed her waist from behind. She stubbornly refused to turn around to face her attacker as she smoldered under his mischievous laugh. Figures, that someday he'd use that martial artist stealth against her.

"You know that you almost made me break this thing?" Still without turning around, she held up the power chip over her shoulder where he could see it before inserting it into the core of the Gundam's hand. "Do you know what this is?"

He wrapped his arms more snugly around her, and he leaned in to rest his chin on her shoulder. "What?" he asked, nonchalant.

"It's that power chip your dad developed. You know, the one that gives doubles the strenght in your right hand."

He rolled his eyes. "So what if I almost broke it? I don't need fancy technology to help me win Gundam fights."

"Oh really, Mr. Kasshu? How about I break your Gundam too? You could still win, right? I mean, you don't need technology, after all." Even though she was joking, he sensed an undercurrent of anger in her voice.

"You're still mad at me about that night, aren't you?" For the first time that morning, his voice revealed the vulnerability it had so successfully masked before.

God, he missed her. Was it that possible to miss someone living in your own house? After the incident at the French ball, living with Rain had been insane. Most of the time she made a point to avoid him, and when she absolutely had to talk to him, she was impersonal and cordial and professional. Domon would have misjudged the seriousness of the situation if he hadn't caught the twinkle in the corner of her eye when she saw how much she vexed him--she was laughing at his frustration! It was a realization that both angered him and set him at ease, ironically enough. She could do that.

It was only then that Rain turned around to meet his eyes, and the wariness in her blue eyes was the only answer he needed.

With some alarm, Rain took in his messier-than-usual hair, the morning stubble on his chin, and the overall sleepiness with which he moved and talked. He had that just-tumbled-out-of-bed look that she found secretly found so hot on him. But it was bordering on 11 in the morning...

Many people slept in past twelve on the weekends, and many people would count that as normal, and many people would not feel the slightest tinge of guilt or laziness as a result of it. But many people didn't know Domon Kasshu. Domon Kasshu, with very few exceptions, would be out training before the sun even hit the mountains. Today happened to be one of them.

"Domon, did you just get up?"

He grinned sheepishly, rubbing the back of his head and messing his hair up even further. "I--I was thinking about stuff."

She knew exactly what he had been thinking about by the way his eyes avoided hers. Even though he tried to hide it, that time when she had been imprisoned within the Devil Gundam still constantly haunted him. Beneath her surprise, and beneath her anger at him, and beneath her concern at the way he dwelled on the past, surfaced a small grin of appreciation. He could be so sweet, in his own way that was a secret between them.

"I--I--" he stopped abruptly, not sure how to go on. He met her prying eyes, then quickly glanced away. He hated this; he hated going back to that time when he stumbled with words with her, when he didn't know what to say to her, when they were separated by the miles and miles of the intractable metal that was the Devil Gundam.

So he settled on the only word he trusted himself to say correctly. "Rain..."

She laughed pleasantly and reached up to ruffle his hair. She got it; he knew she got it. Sometimes it was so uncanny the way she could understand him. But he didn't think it was good enough for her; even if she would accept his wordless apology, his silent outpouring of emotions, he knew she deserved more.

"No, Rain, don't forgive me just yet. I don't deserve that."

She raised an amused eyebrow at him. "Are you sure that's the way you want it to be?"

Domon hesitated. "I--yeah. I am."

She grinned and said, "Have it your way. I have to finish up with the Gundam, but I'll be here." With that, she turned back to the worktable and began to put back each fragment of the palm back in place. Domon joined her at the table, an elbow on the table and his chin in his hand, watching her work silently. He liked the way she worked, so peaceful and confident and composed, so completely content with herself and so sure as to who she was. Heenviedthose traits in her.

Rain was half-finished putting the hand back together when suddenly the lights went out, andthe two found themselves enveloped in darkness. Black-outs were so rare nowadays that it took Rain a minute to collect herbearings and figure out what was going on. "Wow, the power's out, Domon. Can you believe that?"

He didn't answer but grabbed her arm instead. "We should go upstairs. It's too dark to see in the garage."

Rain fidgeted reluctantly and glanced at where her worktable would be. "I don't know...I really want to finishputting the hand back togetherthough..."

Domon laughed. "Workaholic," he teased.

Despite the darkness, he swore he could feel Rain scowling at him. "There's an American expression for this situation...something about a pot calling a kettle black," she countered.

An immensely confused silence ensued, which Domon broke with an abrupt "What the hell are you talking about, Rain Mikamura?"

He heard her exasperation in a sigh that seemed to emanate from the darkness. "Basically, you're a workaholic too, just in a different way."

"Riiight. Whatever you say. Listen, I don't know if Dad kept flashlights here."

"Oh. I guess we'll just have to go looking for them then."

Before he could protest, she grabbed him by the arm and headed for the set of cabinets on the other side of the garage. Even though the garage didn't have any windows, by now their eyes had adjusted to the darkness enough to manage their way to the cabinets without stumbling. They started at the top cabinet, hands "accidentally" intermingling as they blindly felt around for anything that felt remotely like a flashlight. Domon grinned in the darkness as Rain's hand brushed by his again--despite the fact that they had been together for months, and had done a hell of a lot more than just hold hands, the feel of her soft skin alone was still enough to send shivers down his spine. And judging from her flustered "sorry", the feeling was reciprocated.

The second drawer yielded more promising results. "I think I've found a pack of matches," Rain said. "They aren't flashlights, but they're better than nothing."

Domon nodded and struck a match, and all at once the world came quickly into a flickering focus. He stood over Rain as she knelt down to rummage through the bottom drawer of the cabinet. Presently she dug out an unopened pack of candles. Laughing, she glanced over at Domon--his heart constricted at the way the flickering firelight made her eyes appear to dance in cerulean pools--and said, "Well, your father has candles but no flashlights. Sometimes, you Kasshus can be really bizarre, you know that?" She selected one of the candles and lit it with a match.

Domon chuckled, unfazed by the way she teased him. "Yeah, well, you'd better get used to it if you're going to--" All of a sudden he cut himself off, feeling his face heat up at the words he had almost said. He glanced surreptitiously at Rain to see if she had realized the intentions he had almost let slip.

Rain only quirked an eyebrow in confusion at him. "If I'm going to what, Domon? What were you going to say?"

"I-it's nothing. It's nothing, Rain." He got up abruptly, looking for some excuse to leave and collect his thoughts. "I-I'm going to get some water," he lied, still facing Rain as he backed away towards the stairs.

Rain sprung to her feet. "Wait, Domon, watch--" She squeezed her eyes shut as she heard him crash onto the ground with a loud, ominous 'thud'. --out for that box behind you."

Tentatively she opened her eyes again, to find Domon sitting cross-legged on the ground, nursing an elbow that bled profusely along with a forearm that sported the traces of a burn. The match lay extinguished on the ground beside him--it had grazed his forearm when he dropped it in his fall. Domon scowled at the box that had been responsible for his fall and shouted to nobody in particular, "Who put that there?"

"Sorry." Rain gave him a weak smile. "I had to take some of the machinery out to take off the Gundam's hand, so I left it there."

Slowly and painfully, Domon stood up, his eyes never leaving Rain's, his brow furrowed in more than one kind of anger. "Why didn't you just ask me to do it for you? I could've have done it easily."

She averted her gaze from him and bit her lower lip. "Well, you know, I was still kind of mad at you and--" She glanced at his arm and another wave of guilt washed over her.

"I should take a look at that. Let me go get the first aid kit, okay? I'll be right back." She lit another candle and set it on the ground, taking the first with her as she went to get her medicine supplies.

With his foot, Domon maneuvered the box closer to the candlelight and watched Rain's retreating form. The pain emanating from his right arm was excruciating, but he had been through much, much worse, both physically and emotionally. The faint scent of lavender wafted to his nose, and with that he jerked up in surprise. It was the candle. The candles had been his mother's.

Suddenly the pain in his right arm didn't feel so bad anymore.

No wonder his dad had kept the candles.

Domon had only lived with his mother for half of his life, and whenever he tried to recall her his memory was hazy. He remembered her as someone would remember a dream. Her features were not defined, nor was her personality or her voice--it was all so amorphous and feathery and all so frustratingly so. All he remembered was the softness he associated with her, how the way she tied her brown hair back seemed so oddly comforting.

But now, as the lavender aura began to enfold him, it began to dispel some of the murkiness that surrounded his memory of her. He remembered that she would bake cookies on Fridays, that they had always been cinnamony on the outside golden on the inside. He remembered that she would tousle his dad's hair when she thought no one was watching, that she would take long walks on the endless green lawns of Neo Japan when she was sad. She would always watch the earth. Above all, he remembered that she had loved the earth.

Neither he nor Rain had slept well these last months--their common losses haunted them all the more brutally at night when they didn't have the activity of the day to distract them. It was an unconquerable bond between them that only they could understand. It was their secret against the world. Often, he had awoken to find his face wet with either tears or cold sweat, his mind ablaze with images of that piercing reality to which they both were bound. Rain would always be there for him, with the infinite compassion that made her so beautiful. It was on those nights, she had made it clear to him that his pain was hers, that their emotions were irrevocably intertwined. Often, he had awoken also to the sound of Rain sobbing in her nightmares over the same loss, when all he could do was take her trembling body into the warmth of his arms and stroke her hair and murmur, "It's okay, Rain, it's okay." He felt so helpless then. So, so infinitely helpless.

He found himself almost wishing that this was a demon of the same caliber as the Devil Gundam, palpable and prominent and simple in its malice. If it had been anything like the Devil Gundam, he would know how to handle it. But he knew that this demon ran far deeper than that, sinister in its complexity,that he could never touch or see this adversary, that it lurked forever beneath the depths of his consciousness, that even when he laughed or smiled he would always see it out of the corner of his eye, and that above all--and this was the part that terrified him--that he needed this demon if he was to hold on to them. His mother, Kyoji, yes, even Dr. Mikamura--he had long since forgiven Rain's father for what he had done

This time, no passionateproclamation of eternal love could vanquish it. This gave it an immeasurable darkness.

And he couldn't stand the thought that everything, every fear and every trepidation and every immense ocean of lostness, that he felt, she feltas well. On the one hand it killed him toknow thatshe had walk down the same cruel road, on the other it comforted him to know thattheirroad was shared.

Because, as different as he and Rain were at times, the pain intertwined the two into one. Yes, there was no way to defeat it, there was no way to make it go away. He could only compromise and vow to help her with their shared pain for every remaining second of his life, making sure that he took out of himself anything and everything if that was what it took to get her to smile again.

"Domon? Domon!"

She touched his forearm, and the physical pain of the burn ripped him out of his reverie. He winced and drew back, making her draw back as well when she saw she had hurt him. "Sorry, I needed to check where the burn was."

He watched her as she took out an ice pack, bandages, and some antibiotic salve.

"Don't be sorry," he murmured.

"What do you mean?" She began to secure an ice pack over his forearm with bandages.

"I should be the one apologizing."

She avoided his eyes as she tied the bandage together and began to apply salve to the scrape on his elbow.

"I'm sorry, Rain."

He saw her pause ever so slightly as she reached for a new roll of bandages, but she didn't say anything. She knew that he wasn't done yet.

"I'm sorry that you felt like I treated you like that. As if...as if my jealousy got the better of me--which it did--and that I didn't care about what you wanted.

Even though I really, really, really do care."

Rain met his eyes for a split second before focusing on wrapping the bandage to his elbow.

"I shouldn't have taken you for granted like that. And I shouldn't have been so possessive--I just wanted to make you mine all over again."

He waited for her to meet his eyes again, to do or say something--anything!--that let him know that she registered his words. But she only continued to wind the bandage around his elbow.

"Say something, Rain."

Nothing.

He tried again. "I was drunk. And you've got to admit--" he smirked mischievously-- "you did look hot in that dre--OW!"

She had pulled extra tightly on the bandage as she finished tying it. He quickly jerked his arm away from her as rubbed his smarting elbow. "What did you do that for?"

Rain stared and him long and hard, her expression cold and unsmiling. "Sometimes, you're awfully good pissing me off." Suddenly she closed the distance between them and kissed him, pulling away before he realized what had happened. "You had me from the beginning, Domon. I can't believe you'd let something so trivial make you question that. You can be such a moron sometimes!"

She turned away and began to pack her things into the medicine kit. With her back still to him, she explained, "I was mad at you because I felt like you wanted sex to reaffirm your own self-respect. I mean, it didn't hurt me directly or anything. But I wish that you didn't need me to define how you think of yourself."

Rain turned around in surprise as Domon burst out laughing.

"This isn't funny, Domon!"

"It kind of is." He got up and walked over to her, grasping her around the shoulders with his good arm. "You may not understand it, but I want to define myself by you. I want you to be the axis around which my world revolves.

Look, in our partnership, I was never the strong one--at least, not emotionally. You were. You're the one who's always stabilized me during the Gundam fights last year, you're the one whose approval I needed the most. I still need it. Weren't you listening all those times when I told you I needed you?"

"But you shouldn't need me--"

"Says who? I think I should decide that, Rain. I don't want to be strong, if that means that I'm going to love you any less."

Domon...To say that Rain wassurprised would be a vast understatement. But before sheknewit,he had takenher hand and interlocked their fingers.

"My hands are greasy," Rain protested, but she made no move to take her hand away. Indeed, he had already felt on her hand the salve that she had put on his wound.

He smirked at her and murmured, "Is that so?" in a growl that made her heart skip beats. He raised her hand to his mouth and kissed it, his eyes never leaving hers.

She laughed and looked away, trying to hide her blush. But she studied him beneath her long lashes.

Domon caught the look. "What're you thinkin'?"

She grinned mysteriously, her hands pulling playfully at his jacket to bring him closer. "Nothing..." she replied in a tone that suggested just the opposite. Her blue eyes teased him.

"Oh, you're thinking something all right. C'mere." He grabbed her as she made as if to move away, causing her to gasp in surprise and laugh into his shirt when he held her tight beneath her jacket. "Tell me."

"I'm thinkin'..." she breathed into his ear, "I'm thinkin' that you're like fire."

She grinned as the hand that held her held her tighter, as the eyes that burned into hers burned all the brighter.

She swore she could drown forever in those eyes.

"Hey, Rain?"

"Hmm?" She rested her head on his shoulder, her arms around his neck.

"Fire can't burn alone, can it?"

Domon could feel her smile against his shoulder. "No, no it can't."

The candle flickered in the darkness, dancing in a fervent, inextricable harmony. It basked in the light that it had created, and in the darkness that made the light exist. It was then that Domon realized that light and darkness were functions of each other.

"Hey, Rain?"

"Yeah?" Her eyes followed him as he walked over to the candle, the lavender scent wafting over her in waves of hard-won peace. She sat down on a nearby chair as he picked up the candle from the ground and sat down on the box that had caused his fall. He brought the candle between them.

"Ever had an adventure in the utter darkness?"

She caught the suggestiveness in his smirk and grinned, all game. "Not yet I haven't."

All she saw were his brown eyes dancing as he blew out the candle. "Consider that your invitation."

Through the ironic complexities of the stricken world, through the bewildering expanse of nothing and everything, their hands found each other in the darkness.

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a/n: Dude, this was loooong. A lot longer than my other chapters, at any rate. It was definitely not a one-shot--I would've died before I finished from brain implosion.

Kudos to anyone who gets the hand symbolism, as well as the part about Rain getting to the core of Domon's Gundam's hand. And kudos to anyone who gets the light-and-darkness tie-ins.

Okay, I out.