Pepper felt his presence long before she saw him. The very air around her seemed to change whenever he was near. It was one of the reasons that they found being in the same space after the break-up impossible. She was drawn to him. It wasn't just that he had enough charisma and swagger to power the sun, but it seemed to her that no matter what was going on in their lives, the very cells in her body pulled her to him.
He came around the corner of the hospital hallway and she drew in a breath. His face was a mask of anger, but beneath that she could see, even from a distance, a kind of hollow brokenness that grieved her. What had happened? Bruises marked his face, but it was nothing she hadn't seen before. Even limping, he still walked with an authority that demanded attention. He was flanked by two nurses and a security guard.
Tony.
"Sir! Sir! You need to see a doctor." A security guard was saying as they made their way down the hall.
"I can check on your friend." One of the nurses was talking to him. "Let us just take a quick look. You can't help him if you are too injured to stand."
He ignored them all, continuing through the hallway. His determination kept him moving forward at a rapid clip and he showed no signs of stopping or hesitating - until he saw her. His eyes widened as she came into view and meeting her red-rimmed eyes, he came to a dead stop.
"Pepper!" Even his voice sounded hollow and empty. His abrupt halt almost caused the nurses to crash into him, and in any other situation they probably would've both laughed.
"He's going to live." She said immediately afraid that he would misread her tear-stained face, and the fact of her presence. "He is stable." She kept her voice steady in hopes of reassuring him.
Tony drew in a breath and lifted an arm as though to steady himself.
"I'll make sure a doctor has a look at him. I promise." She continued, turning to the nurses and security guard. One nurse responded, "As soon as possible." And they turned heading back down the hallway.
She turned her attention back to Tony. "He's in surgery right now," She continued. "I contacted Helen Cho as soon as I heard. She's currently in South Africa and couldn't get here in time. She gave me the names of four doctors. Three of them are in surgery with him now. Helen will be here the day after tomorrow." She moved a step closer to him. "Tony, he . . ." She hesitated, still trying to process this information herself. "His back was broken and they said . . . there will be some paralysis."
Tony lowered his head at this. He hadn't uttered a word and she began to wonder if he was angry that she had stepped in. As soon as Friday had contacted her she had sprung into action - making calls from the car as they'd sped to the hospital. She had been shocked to hear Friday's voice; surprised that in an emergency she was still the contact.
He stood silently processing everything, and she felt her eyes well with tears. It had been such a long time since she'd seen him, and to see him now, in this terrible moment left her feeling such a great well of grief and regret. They had worked so hard to carve out new paths for themselves - working diligently to make sure those two paths never, ever crossed, and now seeing him again, she found herself plunged back into the familiar struggle of being both drawn to him, and fearful of how her days with him would end.
"Ok," He finally spoke, his voice ragged and teary. "Okay, uh, thank you." He looked up at her then, finally meeting her eyes. "Thank you, Miss Potts."
The look in his eyes, so raw and broken, caused her to draw in a breath and take a step back. "Tony," She struggled to speak. "Tony, you should let someone look at you."
He stood just a foot from her, and she wanted nothing more than to wrap her arms around him. She had hoped that after all this time, the intense feelings would be diminishing but it seemed to her that no matter how much time had passed they would always be drawn together, and the pain of their separation would never lessen - not even one little bit. She kept her arms tight at her sides, knowing that if she let go for just a second, she would wrap her arms around him and never let him go again. Instead, she fell back into the most familiar of routines.
"Will," She swallowed down tears and then continued. "Will that be all, Mr. Stark?"
His eyes filled with tears, and he stumbled forward, pulling her tightly to him. She clung to him, unable to hold back her tears. Her heart hammered in her chest and she managed only, "It's okay. He'll be okay."
"Everything is . . ." His voice carried none of its usual bravado or confidence. "He just wouldn't listen! All they had to do was sign those stupid accords! I just wanted to make things work for . . . I really wanted it to work for all of us. Why wouldn't he listen? He's so stubborn and now Rhodey is . . ." He stopped himself and drew in a steadying breath. He wiped a hand across his face, releasing her and stepping back. "I'm sorry." He hesitated unsure. "Is he really stable?"
"Yes." She reached out a tentative hand gently squeezing his shoulder. "You should let someone take a look at you."
He nodded briefly. "Yeah, ok." He turned as if to leave and paused to ask. "Where's Vision?"
"He was waiting in James' room."
Tony nodded and turned from her, but after a few steps doubled back. "I didn't say . . . You didn't have to come and . . ."
"Of course, I came." She felt tears sting her eyes. "I still . . . Tony . . ."
He lifted a hand and touched her cheek and said, "Thanks." He kissed her cheek and then left her standing alone in the hallway.
Hours later, she was sitting beside Rhodey's hospital bed, trying to somehow focus on work. She stared at her laptop trying to remember what she was doing, when he walked into the room.
"Hey, Pep," He said with a nod of his head. His arm was in a sling and a small butterfly bandage covered a cut near his ear."He's still sleeping?"
"They said it will be awhile." She nodded her head at his arm. "Broken?"
"No. Just strained." But even as he shrugged he winced.
The silence hung between them. She thought of all the things she had swore she would say to him, if she ever saw him again, but found none of them mattered in this moment.
"You were able to get through to Helen? Did she get his chart?"
"She did. I just got off the phone with her."
"What did she say?"
It's complicated. It . . . he won't be able to walk." He sighed wearily, shaking his head and meeting her eyes. "It isn't something that can be easily fixed."
"You've figured out complicated things before." She pointed out. "Extremis was complicated."
He gave a sheepish grin at this. "Well, I didn't completely manage that one, did I?"
"You did just fine, and I doubt I'll ever have another cold." She tilted her head, trying to read his expression. "Tony. . ."
"So, he'll be here for a bit." He cut her off, taking a step back from her.
She felt sudden tears and swallowed them down. She recognized his familiar habit of side-stepping from complicated and difficult emotions and conversations. She slipped briefly in to an old memory.
"So you like me then?" She was smiling at him in the bright sunshine at small seaside town in Cannes.
"Potts, don't be so clingy." He teased, while squeezing her fingers. "Do you like it or not?"
"I said I liked it when we saw it." She told him. "It's a beautiful painting." She smiled up at him, but he glanced away. She laughed.
"What?" He asked her.
"You are pretty consistent."
"In what way?" He asked her.
"It doesn't matter." She kissed his cheek. "I do love the painting, and I love even more that you bought it because of how much you like me." She winked at him.
"Well, I never said that. You aren't going to be one of those clingy girlfriends are you, Potts?"
"Yes." She laughed.
"Well I was hoping you would like it. I have to tell you, it took weeks to convince the museum to let me have it - otherwise I'd have given it to you on the spot."
"You like me." She said stepping closer to kiss him.
"Well, the evidence points. . ." But she never heard the rest as he leaned in to kiss her.
"Did you hear some news from the other doctors?" He interrupted her thoughts.
"No, they won't come by for another twenty minutes or so. Why?"
"The look on your face, I thought . . ."
"No." She considered him for a moment. "Don't worry, Tony. I'll stay here. I'll stay with him."
His face clouded for a moment. "I would . . . I would appreciate that. I hate to . . .I just need to . . ."
"You don't owe me any explanations." She glanced away.
"Hey," He responded looking directly at her. "Don't. . . what you think still matters."
Tears pooled in her eyes. "I didn't mean it the way it sounded." She sighed. "I just . . .I just meant that you've got enough to deal with. Don't worry about me."
"Right back at you." He raised an eyebrow at her.
"Well, I think we established that's impossible." She studied his face. "I'm sorry for all of this."
"It isn't your mess." He responded. "Things have just gotten so . . . Hey, did you really sell that painting?"
"No! I would never. Who told you that?"
" I dunno. I heard about a painting being listed and just assumed."
"You gave it to me. I wouldn't just . . ." She sighed again, and reached out to capture his hand in hers. "Tony, what if you didn't go? What if you had someone else handle this? You look . . . when's the last time you slept?"
"When's the last time you were home?" He lifted her hand and kissed it before releasing it. He shook his head. "Sorry, that wasn't fair."
"It doesn't have to be you. Why does it always have to be you? You need to rest. Let someone else do it, for once. The whole world is looking for him right now. You don't have to be the one to bring Steve in."
"Same old, same old, huh?" He gave her a wan smile. "You trying to talk me out of doing something stupid?"
"It isn't stupid." She responded immediately. "It's . . ." She struggled for the right word. "Well, it's noble, I guess."
"Nobel?" He raised an eyebrow at her.
"Well, maybe responsible is a better choice. You are always so determined to fix things and clean up all the messes."
"I'm usually the one who makes them."
"Not this. This wasn't your fault."
He ducked his head at this, and she could see his shoulders tighten as he fought his emotions. "The world doesn't see it that way."
"Who the hell cares what the world thinks?" She felt a powerful defensive anger sweep over her. "Tony, you've saved so many lives, and all this talk is nonsense. You aren't listening to it, are you?"
"People died. Innocent people who had nothing to do with it." He said without lifting his head.
"Hey, what happened? What's going on?" She rose, setting aside her computer and taking his hand in hers and said, "I never should have . . .Look, you saved thousands of lives in Sokovia. You can't listen to all of that nonsense. Since when do you care what the talking heads have to say. They weren't there. They don't know anything about it! Why are you listening to them? It isn't like you to . . ." She reached out with a gentle hand and lifted his chin. "Tony? What's going on?"
He gave her a weary grin, and squeezing her fingers, he kissed her forehead and stepped away from her. "God, I miss you, Pep. I really, really do." He sighed. "And you never change. You always see me better than I am."
"No, I see you." She said, seriously. "Please, let the United Nations handle it. It doesn't have to be you."
"No. This is between us. He wouldn't listen to reason and now Rhodey . . ." He stopped and drew in a deep breath. "I'm so sorry. I'm dragging you back into the same old song and dance, huh? Your mom is right, Potts - you need to stay away from me."
"You are agreeing with my mother?" She raised an eyebrow at him.
"She's not wrong. I just bring disaster your way - every single time, and I'm sorry I've dragged you back into all this."
"Stop apologizing." She said, as a deep sadness washed over her. "You aren't dragging me into anything. I'm here because I want to be. I'm here because I care. And you don't owe me anything."
He lifted a hand, rubbing his eyes. "I don't know, Pep. Seems to me like I can't think of a thing I don't owe you."
"Tony . . ."
"I know." He sighed. "Thanks for being here, and staying with him."
"Of course." She smiled at him and a silence hung between them. She thought of all the things she had wanted to say. He brushed a hand over her cheek and giving her a wink rose. "I'll be back." He told her. "Nothing to worry about, okay?"
"Okay," She drew in a steadying breath as a familiar anxiety flooded her system. "Natasha is here. She came looking for you earlier. I think she's over by the waiting room."
"Ok." He opened his mouth to speak, but thinking better of it, remained silent. "Thanks, Pep."
She watched him as he stepped out the door, and it felt too much like the last time she'd watched him leave. She found herself rushing after him.
"Tony!" She called after him, and he paused mid stride in the yellow-light of the hallway, turning toward her.
She took two strides closer to him realizing she didn't know what to say to him.
"I . . . just wanted to tell you . . . I mean." She blushed, embarrassed and ashamed that she wasn't brave enough to say what she really wanted to say. "Take care of yourself, okay?"
He nodded slowly. "Keep an eye on Rhodes."
She nodded and watched him as he turned to walk down the hallway away from her. She stood completely still wishing that she had said what she wanted to say, but instead of chasing after him again, she found herself motionless in the dim light of the hallway.