A/N: Okay guys. As some of you may have noticed, I've now got a 7th year story that I'm working on, called Harry Potter and the Quest for a Soul. Unfortunately, I've reached a sticky point in the plot, and am getting a bit frustrated with it just now. Thus, I have decided to return to my normal defense mechanism for when I'm frustrated, and be a smart-ass. So, that's what I'm going to do here. So, yeah. This is my 7th year parody. And, just for the record, it should be understood that Harry, Ron, Ginny, and Hermione are writing this story during the summer after 7th year instead of before it, because owing to the events of 7th year, and the plan Harry laid out at the end of book 6, it doesn't seem very realistic to have Harry and company writing a fanfiction story during the summer before 7th year. And, obviously, when I write parody, my main goal is to make sure that I keep it realistic. As a sidenote, you may notice that some of the stuff in here might appear to be making fun of the Sixth Book, instead of just fanfiction itself. Well... that could be the case. And it might also be the case that some of the stuff in here is making fun of plots and ideas that haven't even actually turned up in fanfiction, but that I could certainly see making an appearance. At any rate, you will find that I'm almost completely indiscriminate about what I put into this story. If I think it'll get a laugh, I'll put it in. So there. Oh, and in an effort to make this the longest author's note ever, I would like to point out that while it is not necessary to read my sixth year parody ("Harry Potter and Co. Write Fanfiction") before reading this, it might make some of the jokes funnier if you do. Oh, and, obviously, HBP spoilers are all over the place.

Chapter 1:

Again with the Angst

Nearly two years after they had hastily completed their previous fanfiction, Hermione, Ron, Ginny, and Harry gathered once again around Hermione's magical computer.

"So, does that thing still work?" asked Ron conversationally.

"Yes, it does. It is now showing fanfictions from just after the sixth book came out," explained Hermione. She will do most of the explaining throughout this story as she is the only one to show any conclusive evidence of having a brain.

"Er..." said Ron. "How was the sixth book then? Did that Rowling woman stay faithful to the facts?"

"Well..." said Hermione, who, once again, had somehow managed to read the book about a decade before it hit the market, "all except for the romance. See, apparently her editors thought that it wasn't exciting enough to have Harry and Ginny and me and you going out since the summer, so she put in a lot of romance that looked like it could have come from a muggle soap opera. Or fanfiction dot net for that matter."

"Oh, well, that's odd," said Ron. He had not read the book.

Harry had read the book, and so he grinned at Ron, saying, "The primary upshot of all this, of course, is that you've earned a new nickname... The fanfiction writers who think of themselves as particularly witty have taken to calling you Won-Won throughout all of their stories to commemorate what was quite possibly the funniest part of the entire book."

"One thing she did get right about the romance, of course," said Ginny, frowning, "was that you acted all noble and ended your relationship with me at Dumbledore's funeral."

Harry smiled guiltily. "Well, I made it up to you, didn't I? Within the first five minutes after I defeated Voldemort, I came right to the Burrow and kissed you, didn't I?"

"That's true," said Ginny, smiling fondly at the memory of what had taken place only two weeks before.

That's right. Harry had defeated the Dark Lord two weeks ago, and was currently spending his time writing fanfiction stories about himself. Go figure.

"So, anyway," said Hermione, wanting to get down to business, "do you reckon we should have another go at fanfiction?"

"Sure," said Harry, who found that he was rather bored now that he had recently accomplished his life's purpose of defeating Lord Voldemort. "What are the requirements for the first chapter of a seventh year fiction?"

"Well, it turns out, oddly enough, that you start off really angstish again. Then you make your way to your Uncle Vernon's house, usually accompanied by Ron and I. We talk about the horcruxes for a bit. Then the chapter ends with Harry pining away romantically for Ginny, setting the stage for their eventual reunion. Do you want to read over a couple of stories to get the idea of it?"

So, they read over a couple of stories to get the idea of it. At some point in all of this, inspiration struck Ginny, who yelped (that's right), and said, "Wait! I just remembered! A few reviewers from our last story seemed to think that we were writing a parody because of all the bad fanfiction tendencies we were displaying. Wouldn't it be funny if this time we actually did write a parody?"

They all agreed to this idea nonverbally to keep the word count down. Next, they began to write, using italics again to prevent confusion. However, before they did that, Hermione remembered that they needed a word of the chapter. Their word of the chapter was "angst" in all of its various real or imagined forms. Also, Hermione reminded the first person to start typing (Harry, it turns out) to include typoes and stuff. 'Cause typoes and stuff are funny.

Disclaimer: None of us are J.K. Rowling, although some of our names contain initials which are also contained in J.K. Rowling's name. This could be a coincidence.

A/N: Er... This story will not necessarily flow logically from our previous story, as it has been influenced strongly by the events of the sixth book. But it also might not flow logically from the sixth book either. In fact, it will not necessarily flow logically at all. But that's a chance that you take when you read a fanfiction. Especially a parody. It turns out that this is a parody. Anyway, read on.

It was summer again, and Harry was once again very angst. In fact, this time he was even angster than he had been at this time last year. This was mostly because Dumbledore was dead, which was in some ways even worse than Sirius having died. Because, let's face it, even though Dumbledore was older than Sirius, and much harder to include in fanfictiony romance situations, he was still a pretty gifted wizard. And now that he was dead, Harry had a strong feeling that all Hell was going to break loose.

Another reason that Harry was rather angstish was that the dementors were still breeding. The fact that dementors breed was first revealed toward the beginning of book six, and was quite enough to make anybody very angst, especially anybody who actually stopped to think about the fact that the reproduction of the dementors actually suggested that on some level, the dementors were basically having sex. Which is just gross to think about.

Yet another angsty thought that Harry was having regarded the identity of Dumbledore's killer. See, it turned out that Dumbledore's killer was Snape, which was a particular blow to Harry on the grounds that it is common knowledge among fanfictioners that Snape is actually Harry's father. Although there was an advantage to this fact as wel. You se, if Snape was the Half-Blud Prince, then once Snape snuffed it, Harry himself would inherit the Half-Blood Kingdom. Assuming, of course, that Snape's mother and father, who had obviously been the King and Queen, were already dead, which Harry hoped they were. He didn't want to have to kill them to.

"All right, not bad for starters," opined Hermione as Harry pushed the computer chair back and cracked his knuckles. "Who wants to write the bit about me, Ron, and Harry making an appearance at the Dursley's humble abode?"

"I'd rather wait to do the bit about the Horcruxes," stated Ginny. "I have a somewhat amusing idea for that."

"Why don't you do it, Hermione?" requested Ron. Oh, right. Just to clarify, they're dating. "I've forgotten how to type again," Ron explained.

"Oh, all right," said Hermione as she sat down at the computer desk.

Then, Harry, Hermione, and Ron turned up at Uncle Vernon's house. They probably apparated there, although we're not going to commit to that. All that is certain is that Uncle Vernon did not pick them up. He was, however, sitting in the living room when they turned up, as were Aunt Petunia and Dudley on the grounds that them all being in the same place will make this scene much easier and more fun to write.

So, anyway, Harry nocked on the door to Uncle Vernon's house. There was a very suspenseful moment when Uncle Vernon did not open the door. During this moment, Harry was angstish. Then, Vernon opened the door. "Er... Look. Just get the hell out of here," said Uncle Vernon.

"That'll be for me to decide," said Ron, proudly brandishing his wand.

"You can't use magic outside of school, you silly goose!" contended Uncle Vernone giddily.

"Oh yes I can!" shouted Ron. "Now that I'm of age, I can do whatever the hell I want to you. Absolutely no laws carry over to adulthood in the wizarding world! I can even use unforgivable curses! No one will care, in spite of the fact that Harry's house should still be on the watch-list for underage magic!"

Now of course, variations of this scenario have been played out in just about every single seventh year fiction that has found its way onto the net in the first week after the release of the Sixth Book. However, in all of these versions, Vernon does the responsible adult thing, and backs down. This is boring. Thus, that will not happen in this story.

"I'm not backing down!" said Vernon, whose voice had changed from giddy to absolutely maniacal.

Therefore, Ron quickly transformed him into a pigeon, which flew away and was immediately shot by a poacher. Just to clarify, I am aware that pigeons are not actually protected animals, and therefore the man was not a poacher by virtue of shooting the pigeon. It's just that 'poacher' is such a fun word that I decided that the man was a poacher by trade, and was simply shooting pigeons on his day off.

To justify the presence of Aunt Petunia and Dudley in the sitting room, they were both given pig snouts, because that goes along well with what Hagrid did to Dudley during the first book.

"Er, well... that's all that I can think of for now," said Hermione, pushing the computer chair back away from the table once more. "You ready to jump in, Gin?" asked Hermione.

"Yep," said Ginny.

"So, anyway, about them Horcruxes..." said Hermione after the trio had retreated to a part of the house where they couldn't hear Dudley and Petunia moaning about things like whether or not there insurance would cover plastic sugary for their noses.

"No, no," said Harry impatiently. "You're pronouncing it wrong again! It's Whore-Crushes, remember?"

"Oh, that's right," said Hermione.

"I don't remember what you're talking about," said Ron. "Can you fill me in?"

"Sure," said Harry. "I have to go out and date the four remaining whore-crushes, that's why I had to break up with Ginny. See... Voldemort has hidden bits of his soul in several girls, and until we take care of them, Voldemort himself can never truelee bee killeded. Now, luckily, Cho was the first whore-crush (which is a term defined as "whore who had a crush on Harry), but the bit of Voldemort's soul which was hidden in her escaped when she cried on our date. Now, because of Voldemort's fascination with the four founders, each of the four houses will contain one of the remaining Crushes. Cho doesn't count as the Crush for Ravenclaw, because she's not in our year. So for the four remaing crushes, all I have to do is date them at least once, and then make them cry. That's Cho, plus four remaining whore-crushes, plus Voldemort himself. According to the best mathematicians writing fanfiction, that equals seven. So, there you have it, Ron, that's what we've got to do about the whore-crushes, and it's why I had to break up with your sister. Although I'm not happy about it though." Harry pined longingly for Ginny, and angstened.

However, if he thought he was angstish already, that was nothing compared to how he would be once Ginny was through with him. She was not taking kindly to being dumped, and was currently sitting on the Hogwarts' Express wearing a discount button which said, "Apparently, I smell like flowers. Once I figure out how to change my scent from rose to lilac, Harry will pay!"

When pressed, the button said, "Sex-crazed flamingos have a peculiar ferocity when angered. Myself similarly."

How's that for foreshadowing?

"Right," said Ginny, pushing back from the computer once again. "I think we've still got some of the old magic from last time we wrote a fanfiction, wouldn't you say?"
"I think so," said Hermione. "And this time, we could even have a title! We could call it Harry Potter and the Quest for the Whore Crushes. Although fanfiction dot net probably wouldn't let us put that as our title."

"Oh well," said Ron, heavily. "Hey, I just remembered how to type. Do you want me to type up the ending authors' note?"

"Sure!" said everybody at once.

A/N: Right. So. There's another chapter of Harry Potter and Co. Write Fanfiction. Hopefully all previous readers have been able to find this sequel all right. Er. Hermione probably wants reviews again too. Oh, good. Apparently we're going to bribe you all again. Anyone who reviews this chapter will get one of Fred and George's daydreaming kits as described in the sixth book.

A/N (from Gryffindor777): Right. Okay. So I think I made a few more references to the previous parody than I had originally anticipated doing, so once again, if you haven't read that, I think it was kind of funny, so feel free to go back and read it. And leave a review if you want. Anyway... I haven't had a whole lot of time to read seventh year fanfiction so far, as I've also been trying to work on a Seventh-Year fic of my own. But, from what I've read so far, a few things are already being overdone, and I tried to include some of that. And, apparently, for some reason I seem to have felt compelled to put an independent plot of my own in here, the whole whore-crush thing. Not even sure why I did that. Anyhow... It's reviews that help motivate me to continue, so please review. And thanks for reading!