Natasha stormed down the hallway in utter frustration and turning the corner she found Pepper Potts sitting in the waiting room typing on a laptop.
"He is insufferable!" Was how she greeted Pepper.
"I see Tony found you." Pepper said without looking up at her.
"I don't know how you put up with him. Honestly." Natasha sank into a chair beside Pepper. "He is absolutely, and unbelievably . . ."
"I know." Pepper said, glancing up.
"You are a saint." Natasha said, shaking her head. "He is the worst sometimes. How do you put with him?"
"Well, I disagree with you, obviously." Pepper said, giving her a smile. "Tony's pretty complicated. However, I should probably mention that technically I'm not 'putting up with him' right now."
"What?" Natasha's eyes widened.
"We, uh, broke up." Pepper said retuning to her work on her laptop, the soft clicking of the keys filling the silence.
"He never said anything." Natasha finally said. "Pepper, really? I'm so sorry."
"Are you really?" Pepper arched an eyebrow at Natasha.
"I am." Natasha leaned forward. "I mean I know I complain about him all the time, but the two of you - You guys just make sense. I'm sorry."
"Well . . ." Pepper tried to think of something to say.
"Okay, everything in the last week makes so much more sense now." Natasha sat back. "I just thought he was being Tony, but . . . What happened?"
I guess, it is just that you can't have everything no matter how much you want it." She shrugged her shoulders.
"I am sorry, Pepper." She put a hand on Pepper's arm.
"It was a few months ago, so I guess I'm getting over it." She said but it sounded more like a question. "Like I said, Tony is a really complicated person. What you see on the surface is almost never what's going on. So maybe give him a break, okay?"
Natasha considered this. "He's . . . things are pretty messed up right now. The Accords and all the press - I don't know if we are going to survive it - as a team, I mean." She sighed. "I mean, the team is pretty much split. But I still think you guys are . . . I know you love him."
"I do." Pepper agreed.
"And in his very, very unique way, he loves you too." Natasha continued.
"He does."
Well, I guess it isn't my business." Natasha said after a long moment of silence. "But I still think . . . " She rose, shaking her head. "Look, I probably won't see you for awhile. Things have gotten complicated for all of us, but you take care of yourself Pepper. And for what it's worth, I think you deserve to have everything."
"You too, Nat." Pepper rose and the women hugged. "Stay safe, okay? I'm not a fan of sitting beside hospital beds."
"See you."
Pepper watched her disappear down the hallway, and instead of returning to her work, found herself deep in thought.
Their breakup had been horrible. Technically, she supposed they'd had worse ones with arguments, and tabloid pictures of scowls and folded arms. This one hadn't been covered by the press. This one didn't include loud fights, or slamming doors. This one was nothing like that horrible Christmas where she had watched him self-destruct and foolishly, stupidly had lashed out at him in panic. "Just talk to me!" She had wanted to scream at him and somehow make sense of his behavior. "Stop pushing me away!" She had yelled at him - not exactly the best way to encourage someone to open up.
No, this break-up was quiet. It happened slowly. It was a bleak and crushing decision that being together had become impossible. Just before it all fell apart, Tony had done nothing but talk about their future - a future filled with the hope of a wedding and a family. It was in the middle of all of this that the truth she'd been running from came crashing down on them.
"I can't even imagine how sweet and beautiful our babies will be." He said late one night as they lay in bed together.
"Tony. . ." She began cautiously. She had been thinking about this for days, but didn't know how she could tell him and shatter his beautiful view of the future. It was so easy for her to get swept up in his dreams; reality was far too disappointing.
"You know you are gorgeous," He continued happily teasing her. "And I used to be the most eligible bachelor on the planet, so . . ." He paused seeing her expression. "What?"
She hated herself even as she spoke. "You can't be serious about kids."
"Our kids would have brains and beauty. And I know you'd be a phenomenal Mom - you've nearly raised me into an actual, functional human."
"Tony, how could we possibly have a child?"
"Well, you are a college graduate so I figured you understood how it all works, Pep but I'd be more than happy to show you." He'd teased her.
"Don't joke about this! How can you joke about this?" Her hurt and frustration rose to the surface. "Tony, you can't be . . . Listen, I really do love you, but sometimes you frustrate me to no end." She brushed away tears and he reached out to touch her arm.
"Hey, Pep,"
She brushed him aside and rising from the bed said, "I mean it. There is no one earth that I love as much as I love you. But I can't be the only one who is in touch with reality. You are talking about kids!" She shook her head in frustration. "Kids! How could we possibly? Look, I understand how this is going to end. I've worked so hard to accept it and somehow live with it."
His brows furrowed, "Wait, how do you think this will end? Pep, this isn't like a stupid fling . . . I'm a changed man. You know that and I love you."
"I know you do." She sat on the edge of the bed. "You love me, and want a family with me."
"I do." His earnestness made it all the more painful, and she lowered her head crying.
He moved to her then, his hands on her arms. "Pepper, hey, Pep? What is it?"
"I don't want . . .I don't think I could handle it all alone." She began softly. "I can somehow manage my own heartbreak when you are gone but I can't . . ." She looked up, brushing tears from her blue eyes. "I just can't knowingly do that to a child. I can't, and I'm so sorry because I know it is all you want. And I want so much to give you everything you want. But I just don't think I could be a single mother."
"You wouldn't be!" He brushed a hand across her cheek. "Why won't you believe me? I love you! I'm not that guy anymore! I'm not walking out. I love you, Pep and I want to marry you and have a family!"
"I do believe you, Tony. I do."
"Then why are you talking like I would leave you? Family is so important to me. I want to do this right." He said firmly. "I'm not going to leave."
"I know that. It isn't that." She met his eyes. "This isn't me complaining. I love who you are, but you have to understand that what you do is dangerous. Tony, when you are gone - it won't because you chose to leave me - to leave us."
Understanding dawned and he sat back in shock. "What? You think . . . Hey, no. I'm not . . . that's not what's going to happen."
"And," She fought off a sob, "And I've accepted it. It's worth it to me. I'm proud of you, and everything you've done. Ironman is part of who you are, and I love all of you. I'll take the days we have. But that doesn't make the worry and panic any easier. I see you leaving and I don't know if you'll be back."
"No. That's not what . . . Pep, I won't . . ."
"I know you think nothing bad is going to happen," She rested her hand on his arm, "but that doesn't make it true. It's not a game out there. It is dangerous. You come home bloodied and bruised from it. That's reality, Tony."
"Honey, no. That's why I am always making upgrades . . . and . . . You, know I'm really smart."
"You are." She looked up at him with a sigh. "You are about everything except this. Your work is really, really dangerous. It scares me. I've found a way to live with that fear. I understand you - why you do it and how we got here. But how would I explain that to a child?"
He shook his head, "I don't know, but . . . we can figure it out."
"There's nothing to figure out. It is just the truth that I have fought so hard to avoid. That mess after New York . . ."
"That was my fault," He interrupted her. "I didn't talk to you. I didn't sleep. You were just trying to help me. It wasn't your fault I kept pushing you away. I'm not doing that again. I promise you."
"Ever since New York the press can't seem to get enough of all of you." She continued. "They put it on screen live. I get to watch it. I get to SEE you rush headlong into danger. There is always somewhere you need to go and you are always somewhere fighting and it is always on screen. I see it as it is happening. How could we do that to a child?"
"Pepper, no. I could . . ."
"I'm not asking you to quit." She said shaking her head. "That isn't even something I want." She met his eyes emphasizing her words. "I'm serious Tony."
"I could quit, though." He told her. "I could."
She sighed heavily. "Tony, no you couldn't. Honestly, if there was something that you could fix, do you honestly think you could just sit at home and do nothing?" She shook her head. "And it is fine. I'm serious. I know it took me awhile, but I've worked through it. All that stupid mess after New York was - it was never about the suits. I just . . ." She wiped at her face. "Lately, you keep talking about a future that I honestly can't see, but the thing is that without you, I can't see any future at all, and I don't know what to do about it. I don't want to hurt you, but I don't think I could . . . "
"No, look, I know I act like everything is no big deal, but I'm actually really careful and . . ."
"Someday, you are going to die." She met his eyes directly
"Honey, I . . ."
"No matter how careful you are - no matter how many upgrades you make. And you know it, too. New York was proof of that. If the choice is saving yourself or the world, you won't choose yourself."
He sighed deeply, and said, "Look, no . . . That wasn't what . . .It wasn't the world."
"Seriously, Tony. You grabbed a nuclear bomb and headed into outer space! Are you going to argue that you would choose yourself? I get it. You wanted to save the world."
"I wasn't saving the world." He told her.
"What?"
"I mean, I get that's how it looks, and I guess I saved New York. I wasn't completely focused on the city though. I mean that wasn't who I was trying to save." He met her eyes.
She stared at him, shocked. "I wasn't in New York."
"No, you were on a jet somewhere between New York and DC but I didn't know exactly where and I couldn't," He rubbed his forehead. "And I couldn't take that chance."
Her eyes widened as she processed this, and she found herself utterly speechless.
"See, I'm not really the hero everyone thinks I am. I mean, I didn't want all those people to die. I did want to save them. It's just that one person in particular motivated me more. I'm not kidding, Pep. Family is everything to me." He moved closer wrapping his arms around her, and she found herself sinking into the familiar comfort of his arms."I'll never leave you, Pep. I swear it. I promise that I will be here forever if you want."
She pushed back from him, wiping the tears out of her eyes. "I do want forever and I know you will never willingly leave me but it doesn't mean you won't leave me." She shook her head. "And I don't want to give you false hope. I can't lie to you, Tony. I love you too much for that. I just can't raise your children without you."
The conversation had run in circles, over and over until exhausted from it, they both had walked away. No matter how much she loved him - no matter how much they loved each other - she couldn't deny that he was Ironman. She was proud of him for who he had become, but it didn't change the fact that Ironman risked death all the time. Tony was a thoughtful committed man who wanted a family but he was also Ironman, and they just couldn't seem to merge those two lives, and so they both walked away - broken-hearted and shattered and it was the most crushing heartbreak of her life. The only way she had been able to manage it was to stay as far away from him as she could.
She doubled down on work - hoping somehow that keeping busy all the time could distract her from the gaping hole in her heart. And then Friday had contacted her, and she found herself sprinting down the hallway, already making arrangements - rushing headlong back into her own kind of danger.
She kept her promise to him, staying at the hospital, keeping her head down and staying focused on James. She avoided any news of the Accords or the pursuit of the "fugitives". She tried to do what she had been doing for months - get through each day.
It was nearly a week later that she finally left the hospital, after James, himself, told her to go home and get some rest. She'd lost track of time and couldn't remember when it was that she had rushed to the hospital or when it was she'd last seen Tony - walking down the dreary hospital hallway. She had fallen into an immediate sleep when it seemed that seconds later, she was awakened. Friday's voice coming from the phone by her bed, caused to her to jolt upright in bed - instantly awake, and instantly alert.
"Boss needs you." was the cryptic message that caused her to spring out of bed and into immediate action.
"Where is he? What is happening? Give me his vitals." She spat out at Friday as she frantically dressed, expecting to hear the worst.