A/N: Sorry for the long wait for this chapter, but nothing was coming to me in the way of ideas for new chapters. Somehow, this idea struck though, and I ran with it. Hopefully I've still got some people who are reading this story. So far, this one doesn't seem to be getting the same response as my previous parody. Maybe that's because the previous one was better. Who knows?

Chapter 3:
Snogging Seers

At some point in time after the end of the last chapter, Ginny, Harry, Hermione, and Ron entered the computer room at the Weasley's house again. For a while, Harry, Hermione, and Ron had considered going off and getting jobs to support themselves or something, but then they realized that writing fanfiction was much more fun. Plus, according to most fanfiction, Harry Potter is basically the wizarding equivalent of the heir of Bill Gates and Donald Trump combined, so he decided to support him and his friends from the interest from his bank account so that they could all devote themselves full-time to fanfiction wrting. Some readers may recall that Harry had at one point wanted to become an auror, but then he remembered that since he had killed Voldemort, there was no longer any evil in the world. So, obviously, there was nothing better for Harry to do than to write fanfiction and live in the Weasley's house. Perhaps he would occasionally make appearances in professional quidditch games, whenever one of the players was feeling tired. The possibilities were endless, really.

At any rate, they were all back in the room again, and in an attempt to maintain some form of continuity from last chapter, their topic of conversation shall have to do with Ron and Hermoine's snogging problem which was mentioned last chapter.

"So did you guys resolve your snogging issues?" asked Ginny, who for some reason did not feel at all awkward bringing this up.

"Of course," said Hermione. "I'm the cleverest witch in my year, how would I not be able to figure out how to get my boyfriend to be a better snogger?"

"We snogged a whole lot last night. It was fun," explained Ron.

"Er... are you pregnant then?" asked Harry.

"What? No, of course not! You don't get pregnant from snogging!" said Hermione, very alarmed.

"Oh. Maybe snogging doesn't mean what I thought it did, then," said Harry.

"It means kissing!" said Ginny.

"Why don't we just call it kissing, then?" asked Harry, baffled.

"Because we're British! Derrr!" said Ron.

"If we were British, would we really say things like, 'Derrr'?" Ginny wondered.

"Probably not. But we would write fanfiction parodies. Which I think we should do now anyway," suggested Hermione.

"Oh, right. That's why we came to this room," remembered Harry.

"What do we need to do this chapter anyway?" asked Ginny curiously.

"Well... at this point in most seventh-year fanfiction stories, the author would add his or her take on the Godric's Hollow scene which was promised toward the end of the sixth book. But we're not going to include that in our story, because chances are that that could get pretty depressing. And this is a 'humor-parody' story and therefore should not be depressing. So, in the absence of a tearjerking Godric's Hollow scene, maybe we should develop our own independent plot. Maybe this chapter can be one that takes place over the summer, during which we try to figure out who the whore-crushes are," said Hermione.

"That sounds good," opined Ginny. "Although I thought of a possibility for a 6th whore-crush, since we only had 5 before. At least one reviewer mentioned that he or she wanted another American Mary-Sue in this story. Maybe that should be the 6th Whore-Crush."

"That sounds like a good plan," agreed Hermione. "But that probably won't matter this chapter. For this chapter we might as well just stick to talking about the whore-crushes which we have already mentioned. So, let's get on with it. Who wants to write the author's note?"

Harry volunteered, and began to type.

A/N: As the world's first full-time fanfiction writer living off his parents' accumulated wealth, I would just like to say: You guys should all try inheriting a bunch of wizarding gold. It's a blast, really. And not a blast in a negative way, like with blast-ended skrewts. Blast in an entirely positive way like... like, the absence of blast-ended skrewts.

"Harry, that was stupid. And I mean that in the nicest way possible," explained Ron, which was odd since Ron usually isn't the type of person who usually explains things. Mostly because explaining things requires understanding them, which isn't usually something that Ron's able to do. Not that we're saying Ron is stupid. We like Ron. We also like referring to ourselves in the second person plural. We think it makes us look spiffy.

"Yes, well. It's okay if I'm stupid. People with inherited wealth are able to be dumb as bricks. That's the basis of capitalism," said Harry.

"Are you calling me a communist?" asked Hermione.

"No, I'm suggesting that you ought to type some stuff for this chapter. Oh, and remember to put in some typoes. I forgot that we did that. And I think that the word of the chapter should be 'snog' on the grounds that I now know what it means." said Harry.

So Hermione did.

Due to the fact that none of the author's remember how the last chapter ended, exactly, we're going to start this chapter off about a month after the last one ended. Assuming that this date is still at least two weaks before the start of term.

So, anyway, it was a rather snoggy day in what the authors can only assume was approximately mid-August. Harry, Hermione, Ron, and Ginny were all huddled together in the library at the Burrow. There had never been a library in the Burrow before, but fanfiction has no purpose (that the current authors can detect, at least) if not to thoroughly contradict all conventional wisdom about the books that it are based on.

So, anyway, they were scanning through all the books that they could find looking for any mentionings of whore-crushes wondering why in the name of hell none of these books ever seemed to have indexes. Or indices, maybe. However you spell that word. But it doesn't matter because they don't exist in the wizarding world anyway.

Anyway, between taking turns swearing at the lack of any useful information in these books, Harry and Ginny snogged and Ron and Hermione kissed, just to keep up with the requisite amount of random displays of affection which are required by fanfiction rules to appear in all fanfiction on penalty of angry reviews from love-sick fanfiction readers who don't get enough action of their own and therefore have to live vicariously throo the romantic lives of their favorite fictional characters.

"Harsh," opined Ginny as Hermione stopped typing.

"Yes, well. It wouldn't be a parody if we didn't mercilessly make fun of the reader, would it?" Hermione asked.

"Not a good parody, anyway," said Ron, who was still trying to work out what a parody was in the first place.

"Anyway, can I type for awhile?" asked Ginny. "I've got an idea for how we can figure out all that we need to know about the whore-crushes."

"Oh, sure, go ahead," said Harry, on the grounds that he hadn't said anything for awhile.

"Do you know what?" asked Ginny snoggingly when she was catching her breath after a particularly heated kiss with Harry.

"No, what?" asked Harry. Hermione and Ron didn't say anything, because they were still snogging. Those two are always snogging. It's indecent, really.

"I'm a seer!" said Ginny.

"You mean like Trelawney?" asked Harry.

"No, I mean I'm a real seer, which as far as I can tell means that I basically can know anything I want to. So, all I have to do to figure out who the whore-crushes are is to perform my special seeing ritual. Then we'll have all the information that we need," said Ginny.

"But how did you get to be a seer?" asked Ron, who had mastered the art of ventriloquism so as to be able to throw his voice so that he could talk even when he was in the process of snoggeding Hermoine.

"Everybody knows that in the wizarding world, when the seventh child of a red-headed man is born a female on the night of the full moon in England from a basilisk's egg hatched from beneath a cheap frying-pan shaped like a fruit-roll-up, the resulting child is a seer. And of course, it's common knowledge that I was hatched under a cheap fruit-roll-up frying pan. And to think, if we could have only afforded a classier frying-pan, I never would have become a seer, and we would never have been able to find out who the whore-crushes are!" revealed Ginny.

"Who are the whore-crushes then?" asked Hermione.

"I can't tell you yet," said Ginny. "First, I must preform the seeing ritchyouall!"

"And what's that?" asked Hermione.

"I must fly a broom backwards in a figure eight while carrying a quaffle in my wand hand and a snitch in my mouth. I must then put the snitch in the Dursley's refrigerator while reciting muggle nursery rhymes while standing on one foot. Only then will I be able to make a prophecy about the whore-crushes. The prophecy will, of course, be almost incoherent, and will probably take us the better part of a chapter to inturpret. But the prophecy will also rhyme, so we'll get bonus points for that, no doubt. But all of this will have to wait until next chapter, because I think it's about time that we posted this one. But first, look at my discount button!" advised Ginny.

So they all did. The button said:

"Cornish Pixies: Eight times shakier than the Welsh variety."

When pressed, it said,

"Don't snog me because I'm beautiful, snog me because I'll hex you otherwise."

Of course, upon reading this, Harry, who had heard some pretty scary things concerning Ginny's bat-bogey hex, snoggeded her good. Real good.

"Right then," said Harry.

"Well, I'll write the ending author's note," said Ron.

And so he did.

A/N: Er, well... obviously, nothing really happened during this chapter, plot-wise, owing to the absence of any actual plot. But I do think that all the snogging should count for at least something. Hopefully, it will count for reviews. Harry has promised us that he will give us extra money in our allowance (he pays Hermione and I weekly now, from his inheritance, just so we won't have to actually go and get real jobs) if we get reviews. We each get an extra galleon beyond our normal salary for each review we get! Having a rich friend is awesome! It's the basis of capitalism!

A/N (from Gryffindor777): Yeah, so. That was a pretty odd chapter, even by my standards. Hopefully it was still enjoyable. Or maybe it was enjoyable because it was weird. I'm not really sure where all that came from. All I know is that I was wondering when I was going to write the next chapter of this thing when inspiration struck about Ginny being a seer and having been hatched from a basilisk's egg. I'm sorry that it's kind of a bit shorter than the previous chapters, but I wanted to get something out there since it's been so long since I've updated this one. So... I hope everyone enjoyed this chapter. Review if you feel like it.