Disclaimer: I do not own Ranma ½™ in any way, shape or form. I probably could try to claim ownership of the fancharacters Blight, Cinder, Grit and Sooth, but I doubt I'd be successful.
Author's Notes: so, this isn't turning out to be as bad as I thought. In response to reviewer aqualens' PM; I knew Wo Ai Ni didn't mean 'My Beloved Husband', but I am grateful to you for the accurate translation. As far as I knew, what Mousse said was 'My beloved darling, it's you I love'. To reviewer aondehafka; thank you for the suggested link. And I'm grateful for the pairing suggestions, but I don't think I'll use them. No offense, but the idea of pairing a 16 year old with a man old enough to be her father… just doesn't sit well, okay?
Just to clarify; bold signifies emphasis, italics signifies commentary from Blight and/or Storm, and 'this signifies character thoughts'.
Arc 1: Ukyo and Mousse
Chapter 2: Mousse, Ukyo's New Fiancé?
"Okay, explain to me what's going again?"
"Why Akane no get it? Stupid Mousse challenge Ukyo to fight, and challenge formally at that. Ukyo act dumb and beat stupid Mousse, so Chinese Amazon law say Mousse have no choice but to give Ukyo Kiss of Marriage. Ukyo faint, not that Shampoo blame her, so Mousse bring her to Ucchan's to wait for her to wake up."
"Okay, but why are we carrying all of Mousse's stuff from the Cat Café to Ucchan's?" asked Ranma, bent nearly double because he was the one carrying pretty much all of Mousse's gear. Well, all the gear that Shampoo had told them to carry; for one thing, they'd left behind his secret album of risqué Shampoo photos- something that neither Ranma, Akane nor Shampoo knew he had and which Shampoo had been very angry to find. Ranma idly wondered if maybe he could get back on Nabiki's good side by warning her that Shampoo was going to come for her on the warpath- they'd recognized Nabiki's photography style in the pictures.
"Because Mousse live at Ucchan's now, so he not need his stuff at Cat Café."
"And who said he's going to live with Ukyo?"
"Where else husband live but with wife? Is not proper married couple be separate. Shampoo know that."
Ranma gulped softly as Akane evidentially caught the not-so-hidden barb in Shampoo's words. He quickly tried to think up a way to distract the two of them before they started fighting and he got caught in the middle.
"But what if Mousse doesn't want to marry Ukyo?"
"Who say he want to give Kiss of Marriage in first place? Stupid Mousse have no choice; he make formal challenge, he stuck with consequences. Mousse no can break up with Ukyo unless he beat her in Divorce Match."
"Wait, you mean if he don't want ta marry her, he just has to challenge her to another fight and win?" asked Ranma, wondering if maybe he'd just found a way out of his own Chinese Amazon engagement. Shampoo seemed to guess his trail of thoughts, given the way her eyes glinted as she answered Ranma's question.
"Yes, but Divorce Match is very serious matter. Both must fight all out, and if one deliberately loses fight then both is disqualified; must stay married."
"But what if one of the married couple knows they can't beat the other but still wants to get divorced? What then?" asked Akane, curious despite herself.
"If one fighter not confident in own skills, then Joketsuzoku law says fighter can ask for stand-in; get ally to fight in own place. For example, Shampoo could get Great-Grandmother to fight for her if Airen decide to ask for Divorce Match."
Hearing the implicit threat in her tone Ranma internally sighed and mentally scratched that plan off the metaphorical notepad, choosing instead to focus on staying silent and getting to Ucchan's as fast as he could without making it look like he was unnerved. When they finally got there it was Mousse who opened the door, which had a "Closed" sign hanging from it, for them. His expression still blank, he directed Ranma towards an unobtrusive corner where he could drop his load, Akane turning to him with a questioning expression.
"How is she?"
"Still unconscious; I put her into bed, she'll be fine once she comes around."
"I don't see why she fainted in the first place. I mean, yeah, it was kinda surprising what you did, but it was only a dumb kiss." Muttered Ranma, earning a glared look from Akane. Mousse acted as though he hadn't heard a word, but was that a twitch in the corner of his eye?
"Aiya, Shampoo almost forgot; Shampoo have deliveries to make. Oh well, see you later Mousse; have nice life with Ukyo."
Ranma and Akane could only blink in confusion as Shampoo departed Ucchan's Okonomiyaki with surprising speed. Mousse's blank expression slipped for a second, revealing hurt –though not quite the amount they would have expected- and, strangely, resignation.
"How cold can you get? I mean, how can she leave poor Mousse like that after all he's done for her?" asked Akane. Ranma shrugged his shoulders as he responded.
"What has he done for her anyway? Essentially all he's been doing since they were three years old is stalking her. Why would she miss that?"
"Um… I'm right here you know." Said Mousse; though neither Akane nor Ranma gave any sign they'd heard him.
"But he loves her!"
"And she doesn't love him back. Heck, how many times has she told him she dislikes or even hates him to his face?"
"Would you please stop talking about me as though I weren't present!" Mousse snapped, his eye twitching like crazy and his fingers spasmodically clenching and unclenching, though there was still no sign of recognition of his presence from Ranma and Akane.
"You have no romance in your soul Ranma."
"What's that got to do with anything? Besides, Shampoo's probably on Cloud Nine right now."
"Why?"
"Well, think about it. She gets rid of her most annoying suitor and one of her rivals in one swift stroke. She's gotten more accomplished today than she has in… how long has she been here?"
"Okay, that is it! Get out!"
They say every man has his limits, and Mousse had clearly reached his. Ranma and Akane were forced to flee from Ucchan's as the enraged Chinese Amazon sent a flurry of projectiles in their direction. Breathing heavily from pent-up rage, Mousse forced himself to calm down and try and find Ukyo's private stove; it was nearing dinnertime and she'd be hungry when she woke up. Not to mention that anything that might help ease her acceptance of this new state of affairs was most welcome in Mousse's book; the last thing he wanted was to have her hammer him into the ground like a nail with that battle spatula of hers.
"Ouch, still, I can't deny they deserved that."
"I agree; if someone was talking like that about me while I was in the room and they compounded that by ignoring me, well, let's just say they would have regretted their impudence…"
Ukyo awoke. She didn't particularly want to, but her growling stomach informed her that it was mealtime and what's more she had no business not being awake in the first place. She forced herself into a seated position with a groan, and then blinked as she took in her location.
'What the? How did I get here? What happened to me? The last thing I recall, I was at Furinkan High School…'
She trailed off as the memories of precisely what had happened earlier that afternoon came flooding back. Her mind almost shut down again as her subconscious replayed Mousse's kiss and his declaration of love, and it –rather begrudgingly- replayed it several times before she accepted it as real.
'What the hell brought that on? Why did he do that? And who knew he was such a good kisser?'
A faint blush spread across her face as that last thought registered.
'Where the hell did that come from?'
She was distracted from her internal riviere by a sudden knock at her bedroom's door. Some alien instinct caused her to pull the sheets up to cover herself, despite the fact that she was still totally clothed in the same outfit she'd been wearing when she'd gone on a date with Ranma earlier. As she wondered what caused her to react like that there was another soft knocking before whoever it was on the other side of the door spoke.
"Ukyo-san? Are you awake? May I come in?"
'Mousse? What's he doing here? More to the point, since when does he call me Ukyo-san?'
Her curiosity, forming an alliance with her stomach via the notes passed on from the nose that Mousse seemed to be bearing food, quickly strongarmed her instincts for control of her tongue.
"Come in."
And enter Mousse did, sliding back to the door and stepping through, using his foot to slide it shut behind him as he approached, her stomach rumbling as her eyes confirmed that Mousse was indeed bearing food- a tray with utensils and plate of… something she didn't recognize; it wasn't okonomiyaki, and Ukyo's knowledge of other forms of food wasn't that hot. She knew enough to recognize and differentiate Japanese foods, though she couldn't exactly cook them reliably, but whatever Mousse had, she didn't recognize it. Her stomach quickly chimed in that it didn't care what it was; it smelled edible and it was hungry. Mousse came up the edge of the bed and stopped there.
"Ukyo-san, we need to talk."
To his surprise, he didn't receive an immediate answer. He blinked in confusion and then discretely pulled his glasses on to confirm that Ukyo's attention was fixed firmly, not on him, but on the food he was carrying. Wait a second; was she actually starting to drool?
"Here. Lemon candied beef. It's probably different to what you're used to, but it'll take the hunger away."
He handed the tray over and quickly drew his hand back as though afraid Ukyo would try to bite it. Somewhat hesitantly, caution temporarily overruling hunger, Ukyo tasted Mousse's "offering". Finding it not only edible and non-toxic but also pretty tasty, Ukyo proceeded to eat which much more enthusiasm. After a couple of mouthfuls, she registered Mousse's continued presence.
"Not that I don't like the food or anything, but why are you here? Shouldn't you be back with your precious Shampoo?"
She blinked to herself at her choice of words; why would she say that? After all, it wasn't like she could be jealous of Shampoo or anything. Mousse drew her attention back to him with a slight cough.
"Do you remember anything about what happened earlier today?"
"Actually, I do, though I was hoping it was all a bad dream. Care to explain yourself?" Ukyo frowned; among other things she'd hoped to have her first kiss with Ranma. Mousse sighed, his carefully held blank expression slipping to reveal his inner depression.
"What happened was my having no choice but to follow Joketsuzoku laws."
"I don't follow you."
"You know why Shampoo pursues Ranma?"
"Well duh. Because he beat her in battle, and your laws says that means he's her…" Ukyo trailed off, eyes widening as the information fell into place. She stared at Mousse in shock and more than twinge of horror.
"So that means…"
Mousse nodded his head in confirmation, and then quickly interjected as though he was afraid Ukyo was about to scream. Then again, maybe she would have.
"Look, I don't like this state of affairs any more than you do. In fact, I probably like it less than you do. You can't go after a guy who didn't know you were a girl until earlier this year. I'm forbidden from going anywhere near the girl I've been devoted to my whole life."
Seeing the strangely insulted look on Ukyo's face, not to mention the twitching of her eye and the faint shimmers of a rage aura forming around her, Mousse hastily tried to rectify his mistake; he was supposed to be keeping her from going ballistic, not trying to provoke her into a fighting fury.
"Not that you aren't a great catch yourself! You'd make someone a wonderful wife! But… I've been trying to win Shampoo's heart for so long, I've done so much for her, and then this happens…"
Her bizarrely wounded pride soothed, Ukyo calmed down, taking in the slight signs in Mousse's expression and stance that revealed the strain that he was feeling; she had to admit that he was taking this at least as hard as she was. They both had plans that had been upset by this sudden turn of events, but he had been romantically pursuing Shampoo a lot longer than she had Ranma.
"So now what happens? If you even think about touching me…"
"Relax" Mousse snorted "as far as I'm concerned, we're married in name only. I have no intention of doing anything to you, now or ever. I got you home safely, now I'm out of here."
"Wait, where are you going?" asked Ukyo, curious despite herself.
"Firstly, to find somewhere I can get something to eat. Secondly, to find someplace I can stay until I can find a new job. Neither of us want me here, and I can't go back to the Cat Café."
"New job? What's wrong with the old one? For that matter, why can't you go back to the Cat Café?"
"There's the small matter of me being fired."
"Fired! Why? What did you do?"
Mousse heaved a sigh heavy with bitterness before he replied.
"Nothing. And there aren't really any laws saying I should have been. However, as the old ghoul put it, there's just no way they can realistically expect me to work for them while I'm married to you; the competition for the Cat Café." He sighed again. "I don't know what I'm going to do though. All I really know how to do is to fight, a little Chinese cooking and a bit of running a restaurant. And that won't get me too far."
"What do you mean by that?" Ukyo asked, feeling as though he'd somehow insulted her.
"No other restaurant in town will employ me. They say I'm too dangerous."
"Dangerous?" Ukyo was genuinely confused for a second, then she remembered the rather bad reputation she and the other local martial artists had earned for themselves in the immediate vicinity. What was it people called them all when they thought they couldn't be heard? The Nerima Wrecking Crew? She idly resumed eating as she contemplated. Mousse, evidentially taking Ukyo's silence for a signal of dismissal, turned to leave.
"Wait."
Mousse stopped, his hand an inch above the doorhandle.
"I can't just kick you out into the night like that. You can stay here for a while; just until you set yourself up with somewhere else to go. I'm sure you can make yourself at home in an empty storeroom or something."
Mousse blinked, puzzled, and then turned partially towards Ukyo.
"You're under no obligation to let me stay here."
"I know. I don't feel obligated to do so either. But, still, I can't just turn my back on you now, when you've nobody to turn to and nowhere to go. I know neither of us is exactly pleased with this turn of events but, right now, we're all we got. So let's call a truce for now, okay?"
"Truce. But I don't intend to be a freeloader like Ranma's father." Mousse couldn't help but leave a noticeable pause between the Ranma and the S of that sentence, though Ukyo decided not to comment. After all, old habits died hard. As she well knew; she still dressed up like a boy after all.
"Good. I have needed a part-time assistant. You can do take that role while you're here; I'll even pay you the wages, so you can save up for when you get ready to move out. And one more thing…"
"What's that?" Mousse asked, slightly nervous. Why was she being so generous to him?
"You teach me your recipes, and you cook and sell the dishes you know for me. A little diversity could help attract the customers."
"Sure; it's the least I could do."
Ukyo smiled, a genuine Ukyo smile. Unseen behind his glasses, Mousse's eyes widened a fraction as he excused himself, closing the door behind himself as he went to set himself up with a meal and place to put his futon.
'Wow, now I think I see why Ranma always called her the cute fiancée… now where'd that come from?'
"Say Blight?"
"Yeah?"
"Doesn't this feel an awful lot like voyeurism to you?"
"No. Now shut up; I want to see how this turns out. I think this might mark the start of something between those two…"
"I never would have figured any version of me, especially one like you, could be so… sappy."
"You have no idea how fortunate you are you're a Me; you know what I've done to people who've made that claim before?"
Okay, chapter two up; I said this before and I'll say it again: I NEED help! I have never done anything remotely resembling humour or romance, so I need major advice on how to make this progress from here. Once I've gotten off the ground though, I should be able to keep it going on my own as I "find my feet", so to speak.