Disclaimer: I don't own anything…

Summary:

He loved her, she knew.
She loved him too, but she was scared…
…so she lied about it.
After six years, admitting that she was still in love with him…
…she struggles to forget.
After six years, they see each other again.
After six years…
…they will continue where they left off…
Could they?

"dialogues"
thoughts
new settings

Never to Love Me

by: UreyEz13

Chapter 3: Irony

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I'm sorry… Sakura replayed what she just said. Leaning on the mirrors of the elevator, she let out another sigh and clenched her hands on the metal railings bordering the lift. "Why did I even tell him that?" she asked herself with much pain and confusion.

Vulnerable. That's what she was at that serene place. That's the reason why she didn't want him there. It was what she was now contemplating on. She felt guilty leaving him with something to be bothered about. The last thing she wanted was Syaoran back into her life. It brought about just too many painful memories and regrets she didn't want to go back to.

The elevator opened at the eighth floor and Sakura sullenly walked out. She headed towards her office at the far end of the right hallway, glad that the others are still nowhere to be found. A warm streak of the sun welcomed her the moment she opened the door of her private office. Somehow, it made her feel she hadn't lost all hope yet.

Sakura headed straight for her revolving, leather chair. Slumping with another sigh, she pressed the answering machine on her table for any urgent message left there the day before.

The machine beeped and the messages played one after another.

"I left the plot Yamazaki-kun wanted you to make a script on at your desk. He says he wants them by the end of next month," Tomoyo's voice echoed inside her room. "And oh, don't worn yourself out too much okay, Sakura-chan? Loves you!" it continued before the machine beeped again to signal the end of the message.

Sakura smiled at her best friend's concern. Typical Tomoyo-chan, she thought with overflowing gratitude as she took the envelope of the documents Tomoyo left for her, only to dump it with the other files she received the whole week. She had looked after her ever since elementary days and she was her lifetime best friend. She wouldn't have made it through all the hard times if she wasn't there.

"Hope you got the plot. Promise me you'll get it done on time. Please!" Yamazaki's voice echoed next. He sounded stressed from all the deadlines people up the organization chart gives him, not to mention the fact that there are only a handful of scriptwriters now in the company.

"Left you an umbrella Sakura-chan, in case you need one. Ja ne!" This time, it was her friend Chiharu. She was also one of her childhood friends and the cheery lady had a weird relationship with Yamazaki. No one can quite figure them out. She was just more than happy to have people caring for her.

All the other messages were from her brother, wondering where she had gone off. She and Tomoyo decided to have dinner together last night and she forgot to phone him. As always, being the overprotective brother he is, she got a long and boring sermon when she got home. She usually dismisses all of them by answering: "I'm a big girl onii-chan, I can take care of myself." - which Touya didn't like.

Sakura was about to shut the answering machine off, having enough of her brother's landline lectures, when a strong and deep voice halted her from what she was about to do. She knew the voice all too well to recognize it.

"Good evening Mistress," it echoed in her room like a visitor's fresh voice. "The Elders have told me to call you. I know no one's in your room right now so, I assumed it would be best to call now. They said they'd pay you a visit tomorrow morning at nine o'clock. I hope you're doing fine…" It was like an apathetic announcement on the radio, yet, she felt the slight expression of worry.

Sakura let out the breath she was holding for the whole duration of the message. She leaned back at her seat, giving all her weight to the backrest and started to twirl around. "Yukito-san…" she whispered with slight dismay. She wanted to hear from him but not the way she just did. Yukito was a friend of the family but was forced to work for the Elders when he turned eighteen. It was a sad fate, but the wise young man accepted it nevertheless.

They said they'd pay you a visit tomorrow morning at nine o'clock. Recalling the message in her head, Sakura looked at the digital wall clock across her and growled under her breath when she saw it flashing 8:59 am. I guess I wouldn't have to wait that long… she remarked helplessly.

Three hooded figures appeared before her in a swirl of lights the moment the clock displayed 9:00 am for the very first time. It was just like the Elders to be right on time.

"I didn't know you use phones now," Sakura greeted them with a sneer. She didn't like the idea of talking to the very people who wants to control every bit of her life, to ruin it for that matter.

They ignored her disrespectful welcome - probably used to it - and simply walked towards her. "It's been a very long time, Ms. Kinomoto-san," one of them said in their cold, trademark voice.

Sakura scowled. "Yeah, too bad," she replied with abounding sarcasm.

Again, the Elders simply ignored the uncalled-for comment and halted just a few feet from Sakura's seat.

Sakura revolved the other way around and stared outside the human-sized, glass window of her office. "What do you want?" she demanded with evident distaste.

"We want you to resign," another one of them said, although, it seems impossible to distinguish who says who with their uniform voices and dead-like tones.

Sakura snapped her seat back to face them, now standing just a few inches lower than the hooded figures. She glared at them for a few seconds before responding. "Is it because he's back?" she interrogated, her eyes now hiding in the shadow of her auburn hair.

"You know just as well as we do how you can destroy the bright future of the Li Clan's heir," one of the Elders explained, his tone firmer than ever. "We cannot afford any distraction for him."

"How am I a distraction?" Sakura asked, annoyed.

"We have already told you how, six years ago," he continued to answer her every question. "Re-agitating will just be a waste of time, Ms. Kinomoto-san."

Yeah, and that's why you gave me this stupid curse… Sakura gritted her teeth. She had worked hard to attain what she has now, and she was not about to give it all up just because somebody says she should. "Reality check! That was six years ago, goddamn it! He doesn't feel anything for me anymore so, get over your fucking, out-of-the-box ideas!" It came out all at the same time. What the Elders made her do six years ago caused her so much pain and guilt that up until now, whenever she sees Syaoran, her conscience nags her like a restless spirit, demanding for some peace and quiet amidst the impure culture of today.

Sakura panted to calm herself down. Her eyes that were now sparkling from the water that dared to come out from them hid again behind the shadow of her now disheveled hair. The pain she felt years ago, which she thought she had already overcome, returned at a snap of a finger. Funny… It took me years to surmount, but a few seconds to remember.

She let out a small chuckle before she was able to say anything else. "You're just wasting your time with me," she told them apathetically. "I'm not going to resign and that's that." It was a decision she knew she could probably regret afterwards. It was something that could cause her another one of their selfish curses, but she could care less. She turned her back at them again and smiled to herself with contentment. Right now, all she cared about was keeping her job and not letting her friends, who counted on her, down.

The Elders didn't say another word and simply disappeared in the same bright lights. They were used to insolent and stubborn subjects that Sakura's outburst didn't came as a surprise. One way or another, they knew they'd get what they wanted.

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March 15, Tuesday, 9:25 a.m.
Tomoeda Broadcasting Center (TBC), President's Office, 12th Floor

Sakura walked cautiously towards her new boss' office. He told her earlier to report there at nine, but her meeting with the Elders took longer that expected, and now, she's late.

Syaoran's sweet but manly scent filled her nostrils the moment she opened the door. Her secretary told her he was expecting her and gestured her to enter, which she did.

"Sorry I'm late, sir…" she told him in a whisper. She was exhausted from all the shouting she did and was embarrassed to be eating the words she said in their first encounter.

Syaoran's revolving, velvet chair was turned towards the window, but Sakura knew he was there. "Nande?" he asked like any higher official would when subordinates are late for meetings.

"I got caught up in some things," Sakura simply answered. She was told Syaoran knew about the Elders, but they told her not to tell him she knew about them too. There was no way she's going to get herself in more trouble than she's already in.

"What things?" Syaoran continuously interrogated. This time, he sounded more curious.

Sakura raced for an answer. "Uh… Deadlines," she simply told him one of her white lies.

Syaoran spun his seat to face her. His hands were clasped together on top of the armrests and were covering his mouth. His eyes were slightly dimmed and were staring straight at Sakura.

She quivered under the cold gaze and breath in deeply before averting her eyes.

"Sakura," Syaoran started. His voice was now softer and his eyes were staring milder. He lowered his hands from his face and placed then on top of his desk instead.

Sakura looked at him again and hesitated to speak. "H-Hai?" she stammered.

"Have a seat," Syaoran instructed her.

She slowly walked towards one of the chairs in front of his desk and sat at one of them. Her head was bowed down and her eyes were now hiding behind the silhouette of her hair. It was a mannerism of hers whenever her surroundings get intense or when she has her feelings all bottled up, not wanting to talk about it.

They remained silent for a few minutes and no one dared say anything. Syaoran had planned to ask her how she was doing after all these years when he told her to stop by his office in their little 'elevator encounter'. But after what happened on the rooftop, he thought that maybe, he wasn't in the right position to ask her such question. They did have a past. But the past is nothing more that a memory and the present is what they are now. There was something inside of him that told him he cannot bring the past back anymore. Even their past as simple friends.

The intensity of the situation was eerie and heavy. It choked their voices out of them that even though their minds had been thrashing about with so much to say, neither a whimper nor a sigh dared escape their lips.

Sakura gulped. She had been preparing herself for the moment as she walked towards his office and it would be a shame if she doesn't say anything. "Ano…" she started, watching Syaoran look up to her at the corner of her eye. She wanted to talk to him, but looking straight at his golden, amber eyes is a different thing. "G-Gomena-"

"Don't say that," Syaoran cut her off intently. It was obvious that what Sakura told him earlier in the rooftop bother him. The silhouette of his disheveled hair now covered his eyes and his lips formed a thin line.

Sakura was slightly taken a back, although, she understood him perfectly. She left him with an out-of-place response and she couldn't blame him if he would never want to talk to her again. Frankly, that's what she wanted him to do. It would be easier for both of them if he gets mad and never speak another word to her. Only then, could she keep her job.

"Why do you keep saying that, Sakura?" he asked, his voice apathetic. He stood up from his chair when he didn't receive any reply and walked towards her.

Sakura couldn't find the right words to explain. She told him that because she was guilty from what she did six years ago. But if that would be her answer, she would be forced to elaborate everything from the curse, the fact the she knew the Elders, up to the meeting they had that morning before she went to his office, which she didn't want to do… she can't do.

She hid her eyes yet again and didn't move an inch.

Syaoran, who was now standing right in front of her, grabbed her by the shoulders and forced her to stand up. His action made Sakura look up with wide eyes and constricted pupils. She felt slight pain from his firm grip and nervousness from manner she was pulled up to her feet. Never had she seen that side of Syaoran and it scared the hell out of her that it became more impossible for her to speak. It was as if she completely lost her voice.

"Sakura…" he said in a whisper, removing his hands from her shoulder the moment he was sure she had stood up on her own two feet - literally. He placed one of his now free hands over her waist and the other at her back. He pulled her closer and held her tightly into a hug.

At that moment, Syaoran knew he feels something for her more than the fact that he greatly missed her. It was ironic how he thought his two-year stay at the country would be fun and how he thought all his feelings for her have already worn out after all the years, when in fact, they wouldn't. In a split second of contemplating with the unfathomable pain and longing, all emotions came back to him and shut the door behind them, never to leave again.

Sakura's eyes closed in comfort and in agony. Her brows furrowed and she bit her lower lip until it bled to force the tears that threatened to fall back to where they came from. The last thing she wanted to show him was her shattering from all emotions.

"Syaoran-kun…" she couldn't stop him name from escaping her lips as the warm and salty tears she work so hard to suppress finally trickled down her beet red cheeks.

Indeed, it seems like an immature gesture, something high school students would normally find themselves into, but they both could care less. There was no one else in the room, and the privacy the place offered was enigmatic bliss. It let out the child in them they longed for to release.

At this, Syaoran's hug tightened even more. He remained in silence for a few minutes and fought the urge inside of him to shout how much he missed her and how he doesn't want her to leave.

Sakura squirmed at the effort to break free from his hold. In her head something screamed that what they were doing is wrong, even though all they did was hug.

"Matte…" Syaoran whispered to her as he held her even tighter - if it was even possible - that his knuckles turned white. "Please, let's stay this way even for just a few more minutes." His voice sounded as if it was pleading.

Sakura was caught in an unwanted situation, and something in his voice told her to listen. Finally resting her head on his chest, she fought the desire to place her own arms around him and kept them at her side. Hearing Syaoran's weak heartbeat, she let out a sigh of torment. One thing kept ringing in her head. Now, at the precise moment, she knew the Elders were right. She now know what to do… what she must do… resign.

It would be for the best…

Another sad-like chapter… I'm getting too used to it I guess… besides, I think it's suppose to be sad… in a way. Hope you like this chapter, guys. I had a hard time writing it, actually. It really took a lot out of me. Well… please review! Constructive criticisms are welcome, but please, no flames? oh, and sorry if it sucked and also for possible mis-spellings and grammar errors, english is only a second language to me. thank you!