Good morning!

A widower who had lost his wife was expected to mourn for two years, however, as with women with dependents, if a man had children to care for, society did allow for him to end mourning sooner and go back to conducting business or work.

...

September 17th 1843

Master Edward Cullen

"I will tell you once and for all, I will not tolerate anyone, not even our own mother, insinuating that I need to find another female companion. I had that once, do you remember?" I growled out into the dim light of my study as my thumb lazily spun my wedding band around my finger.

In the eyes of God and by the laws of the land, I was no longer married, but that did not mean that I could sever the ties so quickly to a woman who had given me our children.

The room was dark, only lit by a small gas lamp on the desk and a small amount of moonlight filtering through the glass of the windows. The dark reflected my despondent mood, and my brother was making it worse by the minute. His and the rest of my family's constant interference had been making my head hurt. And they wondered why I hated to come back to the family home in the country.

The only reason I did return was because of my children and even then, I rarely saw them. I had agreed a long time ago that town would not be a good place for them at their age and I did not want to have them raised by a nurse or governess. Mother, of course, stepped in and said she would care for them as her own and I had no argument for that. She was the best mother a child could ask for and I knew that my children would be loved above everything.

"Brother, it is not healthy to be alone in this world, you need someone, and I will not back down from this. Sarah was a wonderful woman and good for you, but I do not want to see you suffer anymore because of your loneliness," Jasper whispered from the chair.

I was sick of these conversations.

I was sick and tired of people interfering in the personal aspects of my life.

When would they learn that I'd had my chance at love, and it had crumbled between my fingers?

I did not want to put myself through that pain again.

Our marriage had been one of convenience, a business dealing if you will, but we had been fond of each other and I knew that with time, I could have grown to love her very much.

But that was not the case now.

"Jasper, I have done God's will in procreating, I have followed my family's wish to father a son, I have no other need for a companion, and it will do you well to think about your own life, instead of mine," I growled as he stood up from the fireside chair and walked towards the door.

"I may have been a tear-away child, but I have grown up, Edward. I am not who you think I am anymore, and it would do you well to not talk down to me like I am still a child. I have seen the pain you have gone through first-hand, what your children have gone through, but I am sick and tired of trying to buffer everyone now. Our mother weeps more than little Charlotte does and your children miss you terribly. While you are making merry and have all these business dealings to contend with in town, it is I that has to hold this family together. Father is beside himself with worry over you and everything falls on my shoulders. You tell me to think about my own life, but what you fail to realize is that I have no life here, not while you are acting like a spoilt brat. She has been gone over two years, Edward, the mourning time is over, and look at you, you're still wearing the band of a mourner around your arm and on your cuffs. Do not waste your life away and do not hold me back either," he said painfully as he walked out of the door and it closed behind him with a small click.

I finished the last of my brandy in the quiet of the room and just sat there, thinking about what Sarah would want for me now and Jasper's parting words.

I knew from early on that Sarah loved me far more than I'd reciprocated and that pained me. She was brought up in a way to give her husband anything he desired, and, in the end, I'd given her nothing in return.

Of course, she had my affection, when the time called for it, and she had a roof over her head and clothes on her back, but what else did I give her?

She came into our marriage with money, she was always dressed in fine muslins and silk, but as her husband, what did I give her to make her happy?

And Jasper? He was a different matter altogether.

Shaking my head sadly, I rose slowly from my desk and turned off the lamp.

After lighting a small candlewick, I walked through the house to find my bed and thought more about Sarah with each and every step.

We had never spoken about what she had wanted for the children, how she wanted them to be raised, but I knew that she did not care for town as much as her sisters did. That was my main reason for shielding the children from it. I did not want my children to be shoved into society as we had been. Even at court this year I'd had to dissuade Victoria, my second cousin and Queen, from seeing the children.

We joked and laughed about how they would be magnets to the 'old timers' of court, but she understood above everyone else that town and court was not the right place for children. I did promise her that when the time came, and she was settled at Osborne House with Albert, that I would make the visit with them. I was also looking forward to meeting their latest addition, another daughter, Princess Alice Maud Mary.

When I was fit to think no more, I found myself outside the nursery where my little darlings slept.

Was Jasper right? Did they miss me as much as I missed them? Did they love me, even though I was more of a stranger to them than a father?

Did they need a new mother?

Would I ever find a woman who could love them as her own?

Questions bombarded my mind as I let the door slip open a touch so I could slip my body through it without a sound. The walls were still the same honey yellow color they had been when I was a young boy and Jasper just a babe. The toys and beds had changed since then, but nothing more.

Many a day we would be holed up in these walls. I remembered the good times, but I also remembered the day I was banished from these walls, at just the tender age of six, to start the lessons of life and the Classics.

I was just a boy, but with so much responsibility on my shoulders, I think that was why I despised Jasper so much when I was growing up.

He'd had it so much easier than I had.

He had none of the pressures that I had to endure and even though we both schooled together, at home and at Eton, he was never expected to rise to the position that I was.

He could have his turn at games and fun, but that was banned from my own life. I was to be head of the house and the new Lord and Master when father passed and that was a lot for a little boy to understand. All I wanted to do was climb trees and play in the stream that encircled our home. I wanted to run through the fields and play with my hoop and stick like all the other children in the village did.

But I could not.

Shaking my head yet again, I tiptoed over to my sleeping children.

Charlotte had just her little head peeking out of the feather-down comforter, and I could just about make out her blonde hair, tied up in rags for rollers.

She was such a beautiful little girl and so much like her mother. I think that is why I stayed away so much. Charlotte reminded me of how I failed her mother.

Henry, however, was a strapping young boy, nearing three years old and my double in every way.

I smiled fondly as I looked at him in his big new bed. He had long grown out of the crib that I remembered him sleeping in and now he looked too big to me.

I had missed out on so much of their short lives and that thought pained me.

He would someday have to follow my lead and step into my shoes.

I made a promise there and then to never push him more than what he was capable of and not to let his relationship with his sister suffer because of it.

With my plan in place, I dampened down the fire and once I had given them a kiss goodnight each, I walked to my own room to retire for the evening.

Being back in the country was going to take a lot of getting used to, but I would do it for them. I would do it for my children and the rest of my family.

…

Lord Cullen

I knew my son was in pain and that was what hurt the most of his situation because I felt as though I had failed him as a father.

I was lucky enough to marry my Esme because of love and we had two fine sons as a result, but Edward was not so lucky.

I knew that he would've come to love his wife, in time, and with the children born, it would strengthen that bond, but with Sarah leaving this world, Edward had retreated into himself, and I was so afraid that it would leave him bitter.

I knew how he despised his position in the family and it caused him to resent his brother and, to a certain extent, we as parents, but there was little to be done about that.

What could be done, though, was to try and help him be happy again. Unlike my wife, bless her heart, I had no intention of arranging anything in his love life, but as Esme had joked many a time, there was no harm in helping him along.

I had made a point over the course of the year, not to ask Esme what her plans were. Citing that I did not want to be pulled into a war of words with her and my son, that I knew would happen if he ever found out about her scheming ways.

I did silently hope though, that she would help him find a partner who would love him and his children, so that I wouldn't have to worry anymore about his empty life.

"Renee has grown weaker, my love and I am so afraid that Isabella will continue to fight us at every turn. She is so fiercely independent, and I fear that she will try to do it all if Renee passes," Esme said tearfully as we climbed into bed.

"Do not worry yourself, Esme, my love, we will put things into place to protect young Isabella, and Charles, of course. We will not give them cause for worry if the time comes when Renee can no longer be with them, I promise." I said softly as I pulled her into my arms and kissed the nape of her neck.

Still, after thirty years of marriage, I loved her just as fiercely as I had the day we married, and I knew I would love her when my time on earth was spent.

Our love was eternal.

As it's my birthday today (last year in the 30's) and it's also our 15th wedding anniversary, I'll be posting twice today! I hope you liked this little insight into Edward and Carlisle.

I don't think I could ever write a bad or harsh Carlisle. He's always been a comforting father figure, in my opinion, when it comes to his kids and others.

What did you think of Edward? And a little snippet of Jasper?

See you later!