Morning!

I have a huge stock-taking mission to do today. I've spent the last year making scrunchies, book sleeves and God knows what else. I'm dreading counting it all, but it has to be done ~sighs~

Children and infants up to age fifteen were not exempt from showing the loss of a loved one and would be dressed in white with black trim during the summer or gray with black trim in winter. Since a girl of sixteen was considered a woman, it was expected that she would dress in full mourning upon a loved one's death.

October 7th 1843

Isabella Swan

Mama's funeral was simple, just as she requested it.

The ladies of the village had rallied round to help Charles and I adjust to her passing, but deep down, I had been preparing for it since papa had passed.

In what was the most heated of arguments that I had ever encountered with Lady Cullen, I finally relented and allowed her to accompany me to the funeral. As I had been told time and time again, women did not attend funerals. Once I had mentioned that I did not care about customs and that I was going, Lady Cullen insisted that she attend with me. I was aghast with her determination, as I did not want her to be talked about in the village. To whisper behind cupped hands about me was one thing, but to do it about Lady Cullen, I did not even want to think about it.

On the morn of mamma's burial, I was shocked to see not just Lady Cullen in the carriage, but Lord Cullen and Master Edward Cullen. I had no words for their being there. I was alarmed, of course, but also somewhat comforted.

I knew that mamma had already sought out the vicar for when her time here on earth was over and even the undertaker had her plans already in place. It wasn't a lavish affair, but she went with style and honor befitting our class and it was enough for me to know that she went comfortably to find papa.

I wanted to roll my eyes at the customs and superstitions of the ladies, but I did not want to offend anyone or stop them from helping if it eased them. I did not want to seem disrespectful and with Lady Cullen and her family helping too, I did not wish them to see me in a bad light.

I rested that night of Mamma's passing and a full day the next, but after that, I went straight back to work. I was grateful for what Master Emmett had done for us, but he had enough on his plate with Lord Cullen's plans and he could only do so much.

Lady Cullen had arranged for mourning clothes to be delivered from town for both Charles and I, but I was loathed to wear them. New clothes meant that I could not do my chores without worrying about dirtying them and wearing deep mourning clothes was like walking around with a lit beacon over my head.

When in mourning, no matter who you were or who you had lost, you were supposed to stay out of society for at least a full year, two if you had lost a spouse, and you were all but in seclusion, but I could not do that.

I was unsure how people would see me when I walked down the street in full mourning just days after mamma passed, but I could not stop living or caring for my brother. It simply was not an option. In our station, life was lived day by day and one could not afford to miss.

We had to live, eat and prepare livestock for slaughter and just because I was going about my daily duties, did not mean that I loved, missed or cared for mamma any less.

As the sun crept through my window, I rose from bed and dressed.

It had been a full week since mamma had passed and I just wished that I could get my emotions in check.

It would not do well to dwell on them.

It would not help matters and I could not show weakness around Charles. He needed strength around him and love.

Once I was dressed, I kissed Charles atop his head and then went downstairs. I got to the kitchen, and I was shocked, again, to see both Lady Cullen and Master Edward sat at the table, fully awake and drinking tea.

They had been here every day this week, and yesterday, even Lord Cullen had joined them.

I did not understand why they were hovering around me, perhaps they expected me to break down and to crumble? I would not though. I could not.

"Good morning," I said glumly as I made myself a cup of tea to keep my hands busy.

They both replied in the same manner and when I had finished my drink, I made my way to the back door to see to the animals. I pulled on my woolen shawl and hat, knowing full well that it would be cold outside.

"Bella, what are you doing?" Edward asked as he stood up from the table.

"Seeing to the animals," I replied in a monotone voice, somewhat confused by his question.

"You can not, you must rest and look after yourself, you will be no good to man or beast if you carry on like this," he exclaimed.

"And who do you suppose would be suitable to take my place? There is no one, Sir, and I have no time or inclination to deal with more death and loss. If I do not see to the animals, no one will, there is no one but me," I said hotly as I walked towards the door.

I did not mean to snap, but with Emmett working on the plans for the farm, he could not spare me anymore time with the animals and Charles was just too small.

"Then let me help, teach me how you do it," he said as he stood up and took off his jacket, and laid it carefully on the back of the chair.

My eyes must have been the size of saucers as he stood in front of me, stripping down.

Next came his cravat and by the time he was standing next to me by the door, his shirt sleeves were rolled up to his forearms and Lady Cullen was hiding her giggles behind her hand.

"You? Milk cows?" I do not know why, but I so wanted to laugh. For the first time in weeks, I felt like letting go and just laughing.

I looked back at his face and all I could see was pure determination and I knew better than to refuse his help or to find humor in his offer.

"Mother, would you care to join us and make fun of me like Bella is doing?" Edward said while he opened the door for us.

"Oh no, I see no reason for a chaperone for you two today and I fear that the cows and chickens will keep you in your place. I shall wait here for Charles to wake up," she replied happily, the humor in her tone had reached up to her eyes and they were sparkling.

Just a few minutes later and we were in the cattle barn, and I was showing him where the feed was.

After that, it was time to milk the cows and as nervous as he looked, he never wavered while I grabbed a spare stool and made him sit on it next to my best milker.

"I have to touch that?" he asked with a crinkle to his nose, pointing towards the teats of the cow and it made me laugh loudly.

Oh, it felt so good.

"Very funny, Miss Swan," he griped as I crouched down next to him and took his hand in mine.

It felt like a very intimate thing to do, with him being so close to me, but I trusted him to be a gentleman, besides, I knew of no other way to explain. It was best to show him.

"It is not hard to learn, you start with your thumb and first finger and then squeeze down, using all of your fingers in total," I said as I showed him the rolling motions, my hand never leaving his.

"You make it look so easy," he mused softly, and he was close enough to feel his breath on the side of my face.

"Some days are hard and others not so, but that is life," I said as I stood quickly and moved onto my own cow, putting proper distance between us both.

I tried to ignore how I was feeling when I was around him this morning, but it was hard. He was a very handsome man, more so than his father and brother, but I would not dwell on it. I refused.

I was emotionally exhausted but with him around me, though I felt lighter in some way, I was also confused.

After a time and four cows later, Master Edward came to me with a half-filled bucket of milk, looking as proud as anyone I had ever seen, and I smiled widely at him.

"I do not envy you at all," he sighed dramatically as we walked back to the house so I could deposit the milk into the churns.

We walked into the rear of the house when the milk was put away and straight away, I saw Lady Cullen smile widely.

"How did it go?" she asked as she helped Edward get rid of the hay in his hair.

I did not even know how it had got there, but it was funny to see him looking so harried.

"I milked a cow," he said proudly with a smile as he sat down at the table again and I made a start on breakfast.

It wasn't much, just some fried bacon and some bread, but it would be enough to tide me over until later in the day when the rest of the animals were dealt with, and my chores were done.

Lady Cullen and Master Edward did not stay for food, citing that they needed to get back to Lord Cullen and Master Edward's children for when they woke up.

"As you taught me how to milk a cow, I am inviting you and Charles for dinner tonight. I will have a carriage sent to you for five o'clock and no exceptions, you are coming," Edward said firmly, but with a smile as I walked them to the door.

I paled again as I thought about Charles and I eating at their home and every horrible thought came to mind.

"Isabella, calm yourself, it's only dinner," he said in a softer tone, and I seemed to hang on to every word as he used my Christian name in full.

I looked up to him carefully and he gave me a sweet smile before leaning in and leaving a lingering kiss on my forehead before walking out of the door.

"He is so smitten," Lady Cullen said almost to herself as she said goodbye for the moment and followed Edward to their awaiting carriage.

I must have stood in the doorway for a full five minutes in complete shock that Master Edward Cullen, the future Lord, had just kissed me on the forehead.

Women never went to funerals. It was deemed that they were far too sensitive for such upsetting environments.

Edward milked a cow! I still laugh at the vision of this.

Isabella and Charles are to have dinner at the Cullen estate. How do you think that will go?

I'll post another update later after I've counted thousands of scrunchies.

Oh! I forgot to mention if you want to find me on Facebook (I'm really boring over there, by the way), my name is Tammy Chapman. The profile picture is of a sketched rabbit cartoon thing with leaves around it. xxxx