Introduction: This is a story I wrote down one afternoon when I was bored. I doubt it will stand for any thorough scrutiny when it comes to facts and likelihood, but perhaps it is at least an entertaining read.

Disclaimer: The characters and places do not belong to me, and I use them without permission.

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There were troubled times in the Shire. Fifteen years of peace and harmony had embedded the Hobbits in a sense of security which was now threatened by the approaching evil doers. Orcs were moving closer to the Shire, whence they had come nobody knew but they were drawing nearer. They had already attacked the town of Bree and managed to kill or capture the few rangers who were still guarding the boarders of the Shire. How they had gotten so efficient nobody knew, but it was known by now that any method of requesting help from the King would take far too long. The orcs had cut off any swift means of communication between the Shire and Minas Tirith, and would shoot down any bird that tried to fly with news. The Hobbits knew they were on their own.

The orcs were moving fast and were only a day or two away from the boarders of Buckland when the seriousness of the problem became known. Master Meriadoc quickly assembled those who had fought the Battle of Bywater and the newly appointed Thain Peregrin rode out with his shirriffs to scout the territory and make an assessment of the situation. Meriadoc kept his troops at Brandy Hall, and managed to hide the fear that struck him when he realised they were too few in number. Those who had survived Bywater were in most cases too old now, and the younger Hobbits were not trained for battle nor did they have the will and urge for an uprising which had helped form good soldiers out of plain Hobbits fifteen years ago. They were outnumbered and they had women, children and homes to protect. The orcs had only an urge to destroy and plunder and they had nothing to lose.

Peregrin returned at the end of the day together with his shirriffs, having mainly bad news. He hurried down to the hall where Meriadoc had gathered those he considered wisest or best apt in battle, eager to report what he had seen.

"We saw five troops of them Merry" Peregrin reported before he could catch his breath. "Each troop had at least a hundred orcs in them. No large numbers considering the tens of thousands who besieged Minas Tirith once, but more than enough to…"

He trailed off. He had been about to say that there were more than enough to plunder the Shire but he didn't want to frighten anyone more than he had to.

"That makes five hundred orcs at the very least…" Merry said and glanced over a map where another Hobbit placed out markers that would symbolise fifty orcs each. "Against seventy Hobbits in arms. I have no doubt in my mind that other Hobbits can fight as well using whatever tools they have at their disposal, but we cannot try to beat five hundred orcs with these small numbers out in the field. We will have to think of something else. Pippin how well equipped were they?"

"You know the orcs" Pippin said and lightly shrugged his shoulder. "Heavy blades, black axes, weapons which generally look like they hurt a lot…"

The Hobbits in the small council gulped and turned their eyes towards Merry. Captain Meriadoc had been the one to form a strategy to free the Shire in the past, now they expected him to come through for them again. His forehead was deeply wrinkled for a moment and everyone held their breath except for Pippin who was still trying to catch his. They had very little time to think of something, and Merry would have to be the one to do it.

Merry began to laugh. The sound startled most Hobbits present.

"Of course!" he said. "There is only one way to do this. We must give them Brandy Hall!"

"Give up Brandy Hall?" Melilot Brandybuck exclaimed. "Allow the orcs to take our family home? Everything we own? Master Meriadoc I really must protest to this!"

"Protest all you want" Merry said and leaned over the map with an excited look on his face. "I would gladly surrender Brandy Hall to save the rest of the Shire."

A few of the gathered Hobbits glanced over at Pippin in the hopes that Captain Peregrin would be able to come up with a better solution. Pippin just shrugged his shoulder again and slumped down in a chair.

"Don't look at me" he said. "He's the mastermind strategist here, not me."

Merry laid his plans quickly.

"Gather all our valuables" he ordered. "Any personal belongings you might want to bring, but only if there is room for it. Every Hobbit must carry as much as they possibly can, and I do mean everyone! All our valuables and all our food supplies, we will need them. I don't want to leave anything behind for the moochers. Make haste, make haste! I want one team of Hobbits for each exit to the Hall, save for the main door, the centre one. Each team appoints a leader who will report to me. The shirriffs, the Bywater veterans, anyone who is willing! I need at least ten Hobbits per group. Call for help from those living nearby, we need as many hands as we can get. Peregrin, I want you to select a troop of your finest shirriffs, you are going to ride out to meet the orcs."

"Meriadoc…" Pippin said with a slight sigh. "I sure hope you know what you're doing."

"Go now!" Merry ordered the Hobbits. "We cannot wait until morning; we must evacuate Brandy Hall right away! I don't want anybody left here for the orcs to kill; only the troops will remain."

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Thirty minutes later Thain Peregrin rode out with twenty of his shirriffs, heading for the gates of Buckland with clear instructions from Master Meriadoc. Merry sent them off with a horn cry, blowing the horn he had been given by Éowyn of Mark. Pippin led his small troop with full confidence, finding himself enjoying the rush of adrenaline. Part of him had missed this life; there was something thrilling about the aspect of battling for the good cause. His excitement spread to his soldiers who found their fear somewhat lessened by their Captain's confidence and courage.

Inside Brandy Hall there was complete chaos. Hobbits ran around everywhere, gathering as much as they possibly could. Merry had given orders only to pack food, valuables and some extra clothes, only when all those things had been salvaged could people start to worry about personal belongings. The only exception he made was for children's security blankets or security toys; he knew very well that they might need them during this traumatic night and the day that would follow. His own two children had both been woken up and dressed and he had the oldest one in his arms as he hurried down the halls to oversee the process.

"Master Meriadoc!" one Hobbit cried and hurried up to him. "Master Meriadoc, is this all really necessary? We don't want to leave our home! And certainly not this way, like cowards in the night!"

"I dare anyone here to call me a coward" Merry replied. "If you care for your children then you will have them out of these halls before dawn breaks, Callomas Brandybuck! It is of uppermost importance that we have evacuated Brandy Hall at least two or three hours before the sun begins to rise."

"You cannot simply give them Brandy Hall" Callomas insisted. "You have the responsibility to look after the halls."

"I may do with them as I see fit" Merry said. "Brandy Hall is just a dwell. It is not worth more than all the lives it can save. Now make haste or I shall leave you behind here to fight the orcs!"

He continued down the halls and urged everyone he saw on. He didn't want a panic, but he knew they had to make haste. Three hours had gone by since he first ordered the evacuation and when he saw that the Hobbits were beginning to leave one by one he followed one group out a back door and into the night. He urged everybody on towards the village Standelf, ordering them not to stop for the night in Bucklebury for it was too near the Hall. Still carrying his oldest child in his arms he led what looked like a whole exodus down the road, passing Bucklebury but continuing on down the road. The Hobbits who lived in Bucklebury looked out their windows, startled by the horn cry that had woken them up three hours earlier and by all the hustle and bustle coming from the Hall. When they saw the Hobbits walking like a parade down the main street with their torches lit and their backs weighed down by heavy burdens they begun to fear.

"Hobbits of Bucklebury!" Meriadoc cried as loud as he possibly could as he marched down the street. "Arise! Awake! Foes are drawing near! I advise you all to either lock your doors properly or to make haste to Standelf. Anybody capable of bearing arms who has not yet reported to me, make haste to Brandy Hall!"

He repeated his cries over and over as he passed through the village. He had taken the detour through Bucklebury to pass out this warning and most people seemed to take him seriously. The majority of the Hobbits began to lock themselves up while a few joined in the marching inhabitants of Brandy Hall and even fewer made haste towards Brandy Hall.

When they reached the crossroad he gave his child a kiss goodbye, stopped and handed his precious burden over to his brother-in-law. Then he led those of his troops that had come along on this march back to Brandy Hall, leaving only two of them behind to keep order in the group as they made their way to Standelf.

As soon as they got back to Brandy Hall Merry hurried inside and walked down every hall to make sure that nothing important had been left behind. He made great haste and found only a few items which he handed over to his cousin Berilac who had gone with him inside. Once he was sure that the whole Hall was evacuated and nothing important had been left behind he hurried outside and gathered the by now 83 Hobbits that were still with him. He looked over his shoulder and could see in the distance the torches carried by the two riders he had sent out to warn the people of Crickhollow and Newbury. He waited for them to reach the Hall and then requested silence.

For a moment he looked out at the gathered Hobbits around them. They were the last defence of the Shire now; if this plan failed then he had no idea what to do. Their faces, lit up by torches in the dark night, conveyed fear and worry, but he thought he could see traces of determination in them as well.

"The orcs are coming" he said simply. "And we shall give them Brandy Hall. It is too late for protests, so please don't give me any. I require each and every one of you to do his best. Your families, your homes and your futures depend on it. You have all been divided into groups, each group answering to a leader who then answers to me. One group is to answer directly under me, and those of you who are part of that group know this already. We will hold guard by the main door, the one in the middle. The rest of you have your orders and I expect them to be carried out long before the break of dawn. You have only six hours before the sun begins to rise and I want you to have completed your tasks and taken new positions at least two hours before that, is that understood? Come with me inside now, those of you who will be with me. Take your weapons. We might die at the break of dawn but at least we will not die in defeat."

With that he strode inside, followed by ten nervous Hobbits. He closed the main door behind him and ordered them all to try and get some sleep. He would wake them up in four hours and give them further instructions at that time.

The Hobbits tried as best they could to get comfortable and go to sleep as Merry hurried off to make sure that each window was sealed shut. He did not want the orcs to get through that way; Brandy Hall had far too many windows. By the time he returned and sat down by the window near the door seven of the ten Hobbits had managed to go to sleep. The remaining three were comforted and soothed by the sight of Captain Meriadoc sitting by the window, guarding them in the night, and they were able to get some sleep as well.

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Seven hours later the calm morning was disrupted. The ten Hobbits by Merry's side felt relieved for a moment, it was horrible to wait in silence for the inevitable clash, yet they all knew what the sounds they heard meant. The orcs were coming.

Out in the fields they could see Captain Peregrin on his horse, having a wild look on his face and driving his troop back while trying to fight back at the same time. He had his sword sheathed and the only weapon he seemed to have at his disposal was a number of sharp rocks which he hurled at the orcs with great precision. But a few rocks would hardly stop this many orcs. The shirriff troop he had with him was miraculously still intact, but they weren't doing much progress in defeating the orcs. Pippin cast a glance over his shoulder and seemed to resign to something.

"Retreat!" he cried. "Retreat to Brandy Hall! Retreat! Make haste, make haste, retreat to Brandy Hall!"

He turned his horse around and stormed towards the Hall, making sure his troops were following him. The orcs could be heard crying out in victory and sending harsh words after Pippin whom they considered to be a real coward and a failure as a soldier.

"Make haste!" Pippin cried again. "Abandon your ponies! Get inside the Hall! Meriadoc let us in!"

On Merry's orders the main door was opened and the shirriffs came running in, ducking the arrows sent by the orcs. Pippin was the last one, still sitting on his horse he turned and threw the last of his rocks at the orcs before storming towards the open door. He threw himself off the back of the horse and ran inside, hearing the comforting sound of the door closing behind him.

Merry gave him a quick embrace and they gave each other a pat on the back before turning their attention to the scene outside. Pippin struggled to catch his breath and Merry could not resist giving him a brief smile before looking out the window.

"Well done, Captain Peregrin" he said. "And all your shirriffs are alive."

"For the time being" Pippin panted. Then he raised his voice and commanded his tired soldiers. "Put up a fight! Do not let them just come here as they please! No retreat until Captain Meriadoc commands it!"

The tired shirriffs did as they were told and hurried up to the windows to send their arrows flying. Merry's ten Hobbits joined them, but soon remembered what the shirriffs now discovered.

"The windows are shut!" one of them cried out in despair. "We cannot get them open!"

"They are coming!" another shouted.

Merry didn't seem bothered by the whole situation. He was more worried than he let on, but he had to admit that so far things were going according to plan.

"They have a battering ram, Merry" Pippin said. "I saw them cut down a tree near Crickhollow to get a ram."

"Are these all of them?" Merry asked.

"All save for those we killed" Pippin grinned.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes I'm sure."

After only a few minutes there was a loud bang on the door and the Hobbits recoiled. The orcs were battering the door with their ram, trying to get it open.

"Will it hold?" someone asked.

"No" Merry said. "The middle door is the weakest. It cannot withstand a ram like this for long. Retreat slowly, but only so far that they can still pick up our trail."

"This is madness!" one of the shirriffs cried.

"It is the only way" Merry said.

Five minutes later the orcs had broken down the door and poured into Brandy Hall with screams which ran chills down the spine of every Hobbit that could hear them.

"They are inside!" Merry yelled with fear in his voice.

The shirriffs stared at him with surprise. He had not seemed afraid moments ago, and his cry was more than loud enough for the orcs to hear and realise where they were. They would not be able to slip out undetected.

"The Halfling dirt is still here!" orcs could be heard crying. "The filth has not yet left! They have their families still here; this shall be loads of fun!"

"Retreat" Merry said to his soldiers, barely loud enough for them to be able to hear. "Retreat."

One of the Hobbits in Merry's party turned and ran down the halls with the others in tow. But when they reached the nearest of the small exits they found it sealed shut.

"We cannot get out this way!" the Hobbit in the lead cried with panic in his voice. "The way is shut!"

"Excellent" Merry said. "All exits were ordered to be shut."

The Hobbits turned and looked at him with despair. He had lost his mind it seemed. They were now trapped inside Brandy Hall with five hundred orcs coming at them.

"Come with me" Merry said. "There is one way left open and we must get to it right away!"

He ran off with the others following and soon found his way to the one door that had been left untouched. He opened it and led his Hobbits out into the rainy day, closing the door behind him once they were all out and making sure that they all stayed away from the door. Once they were further from the door a group of twenty Hobbits helped push a large rock down the hill and in front of the door. Nobody would be able to get out that way if they were trapped inside.

"No time to rest!" Merry cried and drew his sword. "To the main door! But stay clear of sight for now."

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For the following twenty minutes the orcs continued to rush into Brandy Hall, looking at first for Hobbits to kill but once they realised no Hobbits were left they began to look for treasure instead. The orc captain grunted contently that the Hobbits had supplied them with a free headquarters, and a few of the Hobbits hidden outside were inclined to agree.

But then came a sign from Merry and suddenly many of the Hobbits got up on their feet and came out from their hiding spots. The open door was closed and the few orcs left outside were killed. Pippin threw a large rock at one of the upstairs windows and broke part of it, hoping to draw the attention of the orc captain who was upstairs. Before long his face appeared in the window. Merry crossed his arms over his chest and stepped forward. He took out his horn and blew it victoriously before putting it back in its place on his belt.

"The smarts of the orcs have not improved over the years, I see" he said loudly to the orc captain. "You came here to take over our lands and you did indeed take over my ancestral home. Though you might find that while getting inside Brandy Hall was no hard task, getting out will prove to be much harder. There is only one exit available and that is through the main door. My troops will kill any orc who ventures out that door until you have surrendered to me. We will keep guard day and night and there is no escape for you. You are besieged. How long you wish to remain that way is up to you. I have the rest of my life to sit out here and wait, and while I do admit that you have the rest of yours to stay inside I must add that your life will not last as long as mine. You have no supplies to keep you alive. Let me know when you are willing to surrender."

With that Merry turned around and ordered guards to be placed by the door. He followed Pippin down the road until he came to the gathering point where assisting troops from the Far Downs had just arrived. He sat down together with Pippin and requested something to eat.

"Master Meriadoc, Captain Meriadoc, what just happened?" one of the Hobbits who had been inside Brandy Hall asked.

Merry smiled contently. He had made sure only to tell each Hobbit as much as they needed to know, in order to get the genuine reaction of fear in them which would help lead the orcs into the trap. The only one who had known exactly what was going on was Peregrin, and he had played his role very well.

"When Peregrin spoke last night of the siege of Minas Tirith it made me think" he said. "Brandy Hall cannot withstand such a siege, nor can any other place in the Shire. We simply cannot conceal ourselves within our halls and hope for the best for we would perish if we tried. And that's when it occurred to me. If we cannot stand a siege then why should they be able to? We have all the power in our hands now, my dear Hobbits. They have no food, little water and no place to go. Unless they surrender to us they will starve to death. Yes they will probably wreck havoc in there like we have never seen before and it will probably take quite some time to rebuild our home once the siege is over… But it will have cost us few if any lives and it will be a complete victory over them. By trapping them in our own home we have already won the war. Now that we have a minute of peace, Pippin, how much damage did the orcs do on their way here?"

"The gates need to be repaired" Pippin said. "And they caused some havoc near Crickhollow before we managed to trick all of them into following us. But all in all I say we did just fine."

"I cannot believe this was all a set-up…" one of the Hobbits said and sat down.

"Did you really think I would just give them Brandy Hall without a reason?" Merry said and raised an eyebrow. "Good heavens, no! Now, we still need to worry about the orcs in Bree, but word has been sent to Elessar King by now and it will be up to him and his troops to drive the remaining orcs away from there. All we need to worry about is that they might come here. I want guards along the road at all times."

His orders were carried out immediately. The rain stopped while they ate their first meal of the day and everyone began to feel hopeful and glad. They knew that Merry was right; the orcs would not be able to survive inside Brandy Hall with no food or water. The only concern was that they might try to break free and do so with force.

"I have taken that into consideration" Merry said. "Their only way of breaking free in any larger numbers is through the open door. If they try to go through any of the other doors they have to dig their way out and we'll know that they are coming long before they are through. They won't be able to escape that way more than one or two at a time and it will be easy for us to take them down. Should they attempt to break through the main door we have archers that will end their suffering. All we have to do is prepared to circle in on them should they escape that way, for if we do that they will have no place to run but to a Hobbit with a sword."

"We shall have to title you Major Meriadoc after this is all over" someone remarked.

"No thank you, I prefer Captain" Merry said. "Now can I have someone to ride to Standelf and make sure that our refugees made it there safely and have everything that they need?"

One of the Hobbits volunteered and Merry leaned back on the wet ground and closed his eyes. He declared that he intended on getting some sleep, and ordered them to wake him up if the orc captain wanted to speak. Pippin went to find a shirriff who hadn't partaken in the action earlier in the day, and sent him to the Great Smials to report on what had happened, and then to the Mayor to let him know of the happenings. Everything seemed to quiet down, the only noises heard were the angry cries from the new inhabitants of Brandy Hall as they discovered that there was indeed no way out and no food supplies except for what they had brought with them.

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The siege lasted for seven weeks. By that time it was winter and many of the orcs had starved to death or been killed in arguments amongst themselves. Because of the cruel nature of the orcs some of the deceased had served as food for the others, allowing them to hold out longer, but when nearly two months had passed the captain was killed by mutinous orcs and the two hundred that were left capitulated.

Merry was firm in his treatment of the defeated orcs. He let them out ten at a time, tying their hands firmly and then tying them together so that they could walk but scarcely do anything else. Then he sent each party of ten orcs to Bree guarded by twenty armed Hobbits on ponies. In Bree waited Steward Faramir who had been sent by Elessar King to free Bree of the intruders. It would be up to Faramir to decide what to do with the orcs. Most likely they would be killed, but Merry didn't really care. Orc lives had no value to him.

Once the last living orc had been taken out of Brandy Hall the Hobbits entered, albeit carefully, fearing an ambush. But all they found were heaps of dead orcs, a terrible stench and a bigger mess than anyone could have predicted. Everything that could be broken had been broken, except for the windows. Two windows on the bottom floor had been broken at first, but when the Hobbits had reacted by firing arrows through the shattered glass the orcs had given up that escape attempt. Merry ordered all windows to be shattered to let in some fresh air, they could replace them later. He also ordered that all dead orcs be brought outside and taken to a secluded place to be burned. The stench of rotten flesh and excrements made many Hobbits sick, including Merry and Pippin but they managed not to show it. Everything that was broken was taken outside and either mended or written up in a large book so that it could be replaced later on. It would take a lot of cleaning and airing to make the Halls inhabitable again, but at least the worst filth, the living orcs, were gone.

While the Hobbits worked on repairing their home Merry and Pippin took a day to ride to Bree and speak with Faramir. He was much amused by the story of how the Hobbits had conquered the orcs and he let Merry know that the king had been unable to decide whether to knight him or reprimand him for his foolish decision.

When winter was over Brandy Hall was once again back to what it had been before the orcs came. Merry and his family were the first to move back in, and Pippin brought his family to visit on the first night home. Merry sat leaned back in his favourite chair with his youngest child asleep in his arms and a content smile on his face. Pippin couldn't help but laugh at everything that had been going on since that fall.

"This will be a story often told, believe you me" he said. "The tale of how Meriadoc the Magnificent surrendered his halls to the enemy – only to reveal to them that they were in fact trapped! Not one Hobbit lost his life and even so we were facing five hundred orcs!"

"Though no doubt the stories will have it to be a thousand after a few years" Merry said. "And as time goes by there will be less and less Hobbits involved in the story. We had better write it down as it actually happened before it gets too out of hand."

"I say let it get out of hand" Pippin said with a grin. "It is a story which nobody will believe anyhow. The story of the Siege of Brandy Hall."

Merry smiled slightly. He was in truth rather pleased with himself. The whole thing had gone well and he had outsmarted the orcs completely. Now he felt he had done his fair share of orc encountering; he planned on spending the rest of his days laid back in his chair, tending to his business without a care in the world and only hearing about war and battle in the stories.

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I hope that was enjoyable! Please review.