Mary Anne
Dawn, Kristy and I stood in the kitchen. I couldn't believe what I had just heard. Actually, I could believe it. This wasn't the first time Dawn had pulled a stunt like this. For as long as I'd known Dawn, she'd taken the most dramatic path. This—a secret marriage—was in keeping with the way she'd always lived her life. But knowing this didn't take away the hurt I felt. What's more, she didn't even seem to think she'd done anything wrong.
"Tree was on a camping trip with some friends," Dawn explained. "They were supposed to be gone for the whole summer—it was one of those survival things—but one of the guys broke his leg and they had to come back. I'm sorry I didn't warn you; I didn't know until he got here that he was coming home."
"Wait a minute. Back up the truck. Is that all you're going to say? How about some sort of explanation for all of this? Don't you think it would have been nice to tell us about Tree before we found him—all of him—sitting in our kitchen?" Kristy looked angry.
"His kitchen," Dawn corrected. "It's his kitchen." Dawn took a seat at the table. "When I told you I was house sitting for a friend, I wasn't lying. This is Tree's house. We met when I was in his rain forest class at UCSC when I went back for a semester last year. He teaches in the Ecology department."
"Well, that explains why he's so old," Kristy muttered. "You weren't seeing him when you were his student, were you?"
"Relax. We didn't start seeing each other until after I left school. We just had this immediate spiritual connection. We're passionate about so many of the same things. He just has this intense vibe and energy." Dawn actually looked dreamy. "I moved in with him last summer. Before he left for his camping trip he and I decided to join souls."
I thought I heard Kristy snort. Dawn was still beaming. Suddenly, I was angry. How could Dawn just do this and expect us to be happy for her when she'd excluded us from everything related to her relationship with Tree? I took a deep breath to keep my tears at bay. "Were you ever going to tell us?" I asked. "If Tree hadn't unexpectedly come home? Or were you just going to keep this part of your life a secret forever?"
"I planned to tell everyone when I thought you could handle it," Dawn said. "I don't expect all of you to understand our relationship, and I didn't feel like dealing with the negative reactions I knew you and my parents would have."
Unbelievable. I didn't understand how a person so selfless when it came to so many things could treat her family and friends in such a way. So many times I had chalked her behavior up to her being an individual. I'd thought I was just being sensitive when she had hurt me time and again. Now I realized she just plain didn't care. "Dawn, you claim to be so concerned and tuned in to the world, but you're really just a selfish person!" I accused. "Why do you always have to put the dumb animals or the environment ahead of your family and friends? Didn't you think about your parents would feel, how I would feel, when we found out you got married? Dawn, it nearly killed your mom when you left Stoneybrook to come back here. Do you know how much she was looking forward to seeing you get married someday?"
Dawn turned on me, eyes blazing. "Why? She has you to be her perfect daughter, it's not like she won't totally miss out on being mother of the bride. Speaking of which, you're not exactly one to be preaching about honesty. When are you going to tell Kristy about Sam?"
"What?" Kristy's eyes darted from Dawn to me. "Mary Anne, is something going on with Sam?"
"Oh, Kristy, Mary Anne and Sam have been together for like a year," Dawn snapped. "God, I can't believe you haven't figured it out. Everyone knows. They're shacked up together back in Boston."
"Mary Anne?" I saw a hurt look flash across Kristy's face. "You and Sam?"
"Kristy, we were going to tell you--"
"They were afraid to tell you," Dawn interrupted.
"Nice way to deflect the attention away from yourself," I mumbled."
"Mary Anne? Is Dawn telling the truth?" Kristy's eyes locked with mine and I couldn't look away. I nodded slightly.
"She's telling the truth. Kristy, we've wanted to tell you. We just didn't know how you would react."
Kristy seemed to be shaking. "You're living together? For how long? How could you not tell me?"
I didn't have a good explanation. Suddenly, all the reasons Sam and I had been keeping our relationship a secret seemed dumb. Maybe they always had been.
"I don't know." I moved toward Kristy, but she backed away.
"I need to get out. I can't think in here. I can't be in a house of lies." Kristy stomped upstairs. Dawn and I, shocked into silence, didn't move until Kristy returned a few minutes later. She was dressed in her running clothes and a Chicago White Sox cap.
"Where are you going?" Dawn called.
"Running."
"At this hour?"
The slamming of the door answered Dawn's question.
"Dawn, why do you do it?" I asked. "All of it. The constant moves from coast to coast when we were younger, dropping out of college, the protests and arrests, this marriage…Are you looking for attention? Is regular life too boring for you? Are we—your family and friends--too boring for you? I don't understand."
Dawn sighed. "Mary Anne, I don't know what you want. You know this is how I live my life. I don't do things to make anybody else happy. I do what feels right."
"But sometimes, Dawn, what feels right for you ends up hurting a lot of other people. Your mom and my dad, your dad and Carol, me and Jeff and Gracie. We all care about you. You said we wouldn't understand your relationship with Tree, but you didn't even give us a chance."
"Do you understand my relationship with Tree?"
"Not really, no. I just found out about it. But if this makes you happy, then I can be happy for you. Are you happy?"
Dawn smiled. "Yes. I'm really, really happy."
I was almost afraid to ask my next question. "Do you think this is forever?" I'd seen the way she'd been flirting with Kyle all summer.
"I don't know. I know I'm happy right now. Tree and I don't necessarily believe that there's one person for everybody. We believe humans are meant to be with multiple partners, that each relationship reveals something profound about oneself. Is that a good enough answer?"
It was as good as I was going to get out of Dawn. I was struck again at how different my stepsister and I were. I believed in monogamy. I believed in "Until death do us part." I wanted a big wedding in a church with all my family and friends in attendance. I believed in honesty.
Except, as Dawn had pointed out, I hadn't been so honest about my own relationship with one of the people who mattered the most to me and Sam. I had no right to lecture Dawn.
"I don't always understand you," I said, "but you know I love you. And so do your parents. I think you need to tell them sooner rather than later. You might want to leave out all the stuff about multiple partners and soul connections, though."
"Are you still mad?"
I was hurt. I knew I would be hurt for awhile. I was hurt that Dawn hadn't felt close enough to confide in me, that I wouldn't have the chance to stand up for her in her wedding. But Dawn needed my support right now, so I resolved to put on a happy face. I would keep my feelings about this marriage to myself—or maybe share them with Kristy later, if she was still speaking to me.
"I'm happy that you're happy," I said. "Congratulations. We'll have to celebrate. We can all go out to dinner next week—your choice. My treat."
"Thanks, Mary Anne." Dawn got up and hugged me. "I love you." We pulled apart. Dawn really did look happy. "I'm going to bed. Tree is waiting. I'll introduce you properly in the morning, after we've all slept on this. You staying up?"
I nodded. "I'm going to wait for Kristy. I think I have another heavy talk ahead of me."
Dawn put her hand on my shoulder. "I'm sure it will be fine. Kristy's mad—she has a right to be—but she'll get over it. You know how she is."
I did. I knew that Kristy would, eventually, get over it. I also knew that it could be a long time coming. I made myself a pot of coffee and sat down to wait.