A Fairytale Disaster
Courtesy of SilverWolf7007
Chapter Four – The Costuming…Or, The Chapter Full of Torture
Sirius eyed the box in trepidation. Oh, this was bad, this was very, very bad. He could see, in the depths of the box, very few things, but as Remus had earlier, he caught a glimpse of something pink, and there was something in there that was definitely glittering at him.
"Well! To begin, everyone, what colour should Sirius wear?"
In a movement that heralded the way the costuming was going to go, the other sixteen victims of the Twinkle immediately turned their backs on Sirius, deciding to go along with Dumbledore until their turns came along.
"Pink," Harry said decisively. He ignored the mutinous glare from his godfather and concentrated on Dumbledore's eventual fate.
At his side, Draco nodded in agreement. "Oh, absolutely, pink is the only way to go for a Fairy Godparent."
Sirius realised that he would have to protest on his own behalf. "I don't really think that – "
"And something glittery," Tonks suggested. She gave Sirius a tiny sympathetic grin, raising her magenta and orange eyebrows.
Dumbledore developed a truly maniacal grin and reached into the box, and the Twinkle reached previously unknown levels of malice. He pulled out something that was pink, glittery, fluffy, frilly, and undoubtedly the most evil and most perfect costume for Sirius that anyone could ever devise.
Everyone gaped at it in horror, attempting to imagine Sirius in it and failing.
It was a dress, in the loosest sense of the word. Long sleeved, high necked, floor length, and in a hideous shade of pink. On the back were glittery wings, trimmed in pink fluff.
Unmindful of the shock of his audience, Dumbledore passed a silent Sirius the dress, which he took and stared at with somewhat glazed over eyes. The Headmaster then reached back into the box, and just when they thought it couldn't get any worse…
"A tiara!"
Dumbledore's joyful exclamation had the result of pulling Sirius back to the present. With a horrified expression he beheld his outfit for this play, and silently hoped that no one managed to receive a decent costume.
Sirius grimly accepted the last accessory from Dumbledore (a wand with a glittery star on the end, trailing sparkling lacy ribbons) and carried the pile back to his seat, where he dumped it on the table in utter disgust and dropped back into his chair.
Harry gave him a sympathetic smile. "Poor Siri. Don't worry, it's not that bad."
"Not. That. Bad?" Sirius asked icily through his clenched teeth. "Are you insane?"
With a blink, his godson nodded. "Uh, yeah. Haven't we been over this already?"
The headmaster pointedly clearing his throat cut their conversation short. The Twinkle seemed a little annoyed at them holding up the proceedings. Seeing it's menacing flash, the two men quietened immediately.
"Now. Luna, you are our Narrator. The Narrator must be dressed well. Why don't you come up here? I think I have something quite perfect."
Nervously, Luna stood up and joined the headmaster. He reaching into the box, and even though he was bending down and she couldn't see his face, she imagined that she could see the light of the Twinkle glowing at her.
Sirius, who felt that Dumbledore already had the outfits picked out in the first place and didn't care about audience participation, took a break from glaring at his own costume in order to lend Luna moral support by paying attention.
The first thing Harry noticed about Luna's costume is that it sparkled. "Ooh, pretty."
Luna actually grinned as Dumbledore passed her a silver, glittery jacket that would reach midway down her thigh. "Nice," she murmured.
Dumbledore beamed at her, as did the Twinkle. "I'm glad you like it. All I want you to do is wear it over a black top and black trousers. Oh, and you'll be needing these."
She gaped as he passed her a pair of boots; lace ups with an inch high heel that would reach half way up her calf. They were fake dragon hide, with black laces, but the part that thrilled Luna was that they were silver, and they were sparkling.
Harry stared at Luna's costume in undisguised jealousy. "I want," he murmured.
Both Draco and Blaise nodded fervently. Seamus gave a mournful sigh. "Why do I get the feeling that she's got the best costume out of the lot?"
"Probably because I undoubtedly have," Luna told him as she sat down, placing her jacket and boots on the table. "Oh, I do hope you're as lucky as me, and not as horribly embarrassed as Sirius."
Sirius was glaring at her. "I hate you."
She smiled at him. "No you don't, but if saying it makes you feel better, don't let me interfere."
In fear of the Twinkle, they fell silent after that, not daring to risk its menacing shine.
Dumbledore looked over his victims consideringly. Each one, other than Luna and Sirius, of course, watched him nervously.
"Padma, Parvati, Hannah, come and collect your costumes, please. As you're only on stage for a few seconds, you don't really need fancy costumes."
All three girls joined the headmaster at his box. He leaned down and rummaged for a few minutes, before rising and presenting each of them with an identical dress.
Hannah sighed in relief. It was a simple floor length cotton dress in a pale blue, with no sleeves. The three of them sat down, obviously pleased with the choice.
They earned themselves a death glare from Sirius, and after emitting a small squeak; they stood and moved a few chairs down the table to get further away from him.
"Justin! I'm afraid that your costume is also pre-chosen. There really wasn't much choice, given your role, so…"
Justin stood and took the robes from Dumbledore, unfolding them. They were yellow, bright yellow, and on both the back and the front the word 'Coach' was written in bold, black letters.
"You'll also need a broom, of course, but as a member of the Hufflepuff Quidditch team, I daresay you already own one."
"Uh, yeah. Sure." Justin carefully backed away and bypassed his previous seat, choosing to join Padma, Parvati and Hannah further away from the now-growling Sirius.
Harry reached out and gingerly patted his godfather on the shoulder. "It'll be okay, Siri. Really." At a sceptically raised eyebrow, Harry continued. "Look, think of it this way. Seamus and Dean will probably have it worse than you, and…well, just think of the rumours that will fly around the school about me and Draco when all this is over."
Sirius seemed to calm slightly. "I suppose you're right, Harry."
"Of course I am," Harry told him. "And after all, we can get Dumbledore back for this once the play is over." A certain Evil Glint made it's way into Harry's eyes. "Oh yes, the headmaster will pay…and his little Twinkle, too!"
Dumbledore's Twinkle Twinkled, and Harry fell silent before he was allowed to use his favourite Diabolically Evil Laugh to offset his comment. He frowned in disappointment, but didn't dare defy the Twinkle.
"Tonks, if you would be so good as to join me up here, we would all appreciate it very much."
Tonks glared at Dumbledore's unnecessarily jovial tone, but nevertheless stepped up to join him. "All right, so what exactly are you planning to do to me?"
The Headmaster's cheerful grin never faded. "Well, my dear, we're setting you up in some lovely robes." He pulled the robes, a sedate, plain black, out of the box. He shook them out and they all saw that AUROR was printed on the back in large white letters. "However, these really aren't a decent colour."
Taking a deep breath, Tonks looked at her fellow cast members pleadingly. Of course, they ignored her expression.
"Now, does anyone have a suggested colour for Tonks's robes?"
"Bright orange," Sirius replied, raising an eyebrow at her. "I think it's perfect for you, Tonksy. It'll match your eyebrows."
"And part of Ron," Dean added.
As they spoke, the robes did in fact change to the most vibrant orange any of them could imagine. Tonks felt a shudder of revulsion.
"Aw, but now we can't tell what her occupation is," said an innocent looking Blaise. "You'll need to change that, too. Purple?"
The word AUROR changed to a dark purple, true to Blaise's words.
Dumbledore beamed. "Wonderful! Simply wonderful!" He handed Tonks the robes, which she accepted with her thumb and forefinger and eyed with disdain. "And perhaps, Nymphadora, you could change your hair purple to match the words."
She stared at him. "Perhaps," she replied in a sarcastic tone.
The Headmaster either didn't notice or completely ignored the sarcasm, and merely began rummaging through his box as she sat down.
Sirius leaned over to Tonks as she sat down. "Personally, my suggestion is to change your hair to clash horribly with the rest of your outfit…and if you can, with everyone appearing in the scene with you, as well."
She eyed him. "Not a bad idea, actually. And I guess since I said glittery for your costume, I really can't massacre you for the orangeness of my robes."
"How can you massacre him when there's only the one of him?" asked a curious Neville.
"I'd begin by chopping him up into many mini-Sirius's," Tonks replied.
Neville paled. "I shouldn't have asked…"
"Probably not, no," McGonagall agreed sympathetically.
Dumbledore straightened up, and his eyes went straight to his Deputy Headmistress.
She immediately regretted opening her mouth, feeling as though she had drawn his attention to her.
"How about you next, Minerva?" he 'asked'.
Her costume, to her combined relief and horror, was a rather plain dark brown floor length dress. Her main problem with it was the lace at the ends of the sleeves.
As she moved to sit back down, Dumbledore caught her elbow. "Just a moment, my dear. You certainly can't attend the Prince's ball in such attire! You need a more fetching gown for the party."
"How about something in Gryffindor red?"
Minerva shot the innocently smiling Oliver a venomous glare, one that only intensified as Albus Twinkled in delight.
"Simply marvellous idea, Mr Wood!" The aged crackpot reached into his box of torture implements and pulled out a glittery red ball gown fit for a queen…or in this case, a Head of Gryffindor House.
Sighing, Minerva took her costumes and draped them over the back of her chair before sitting down again.
Dumbledore looked to where Oliver, Fred and George were sitting and pretending not to notice his gaze. He cleared his throat.
The three still refused to acknowledge him.
"Oliver, Fred, George…I feel that it will be acceptable to costume the three of you at once."
Unable to keep up the act any longer, the three young men stood and joined the Headmaster by the Box of Eternal Suffering.
"George, as the palace chef, you must wear black trousers, a white shirt, and a chef's hat."
George accepted the trousers and shirt, and immediately felt dread as the Headmaster refused to pass him the hat.
"Now," asked the senile Twinkler. "What colour should George's hat be?"
"Bright blue," contributed Luna, gaining herself a scowl from the twin in question. She shrugged apologetically. "What? I think it will match your hair perfectly."
"Oh, I agree!" exclaimed Dumbledore.
Harry privately began to wonder if perhaps Dumbledore kept illegal substances in his lemon drops. He then decided to share these thoughts with Draco, Seamus, Blaise and Dean. All four agreed with his conclusion, as did Sirius and Luna, who had overheard.
George took his lurid blue chefs hat and sat back down, eyes on his brother and ex-captain.
Eyes Twinkling brightly, Dumbledore turned his damning attentions to Oliver. "Now, Oliver, your outfit doesn't need any contribution, as I believe it is fine as it is."
Oliver shuddered in terror as Dumbledore pulled out a set of Quidditch robes…and blinked in surprise. They were not, as he'd expected, in some eye wateringly bright shade of pink. They were, in fact, a rather tame navy blue.
He took them, sighing in relief, and joined George at the table. They both watched Fred intently.
In a study of professional anti-climactic performance, Dumbledore handed the remaining twin a pair of black (admittedly leather) trousers, a black shirt, and a black (again, leather) jacket, and sent him on his way.
Fred blinked in shock.
"Well, we can't have the driver outshining the Ugly Stepsisters and our dear Auror, now, can we?"
Nearly fainting in his relief, Fred joined his brother and Oliver, though he made sure to sit on the opposite side of them to the twitching Sirius, Tonks, Seamus and Dean.
"Blaise, Neville, would you two be so kind as to be our next models?"
Exchanging a reluctant and somewhat desperate glance, they slowly joined the Headmaster, eyeing him in consternation.
"Now! Neville, I know you only have a small part," the crazed man began.
"Thank god," Neville muttered to Blaise. Dumbledore didn't notice.
"But nevertheless, your costume is in no way any less important."
Instead of being comforted, as Dumbledore doubtlessly intended, Neville just swallowed in fear. He was handed a pair of brown jeans and a brown shirt.
Unfortunately for Neville, the Headmaster kept hold of the white apron. "White, I'm afraid, is no colour for the protective apron of a gardener. What colour shall it be?"
"Lime green," replied Seamus. "And he really needs some gloves, Professor."
Dumbledore awarded him a wide smile. "Perfect, Seamus, and you're quite right. Luckily, I have a perfect pair right here with me." The apron turned green, and Neville was presented with it and a pair of florescent pink gardening gloves.
He sat back down to see what was planned for Blaise, eyeing his gloves in faint horror.
The Slytherin turned to the Headmaster. "So, what will I be wearing?"
"For one, Blaise, you will be wearing this," he replied, handing the boy a wooden sword.
"Cool," Blaise muttered, waving it around. Sitting closest to the front, Luna and Sirius had to duck.
"Along with these," continued Dumbledore. Blaise stopped playing with the sword long enough to accept the black leather pants and the white silk shirt, but he balked in horror at the plum coloured jacket with fluffy cuffs at the ends of the sleeves and the fluffy collar. The fluffy parts, he noted absently, were the same colour pink as Neville's gloves.
Of course, Dumbledore wouldn't take no for an answer, and Blaise was soon sitting back next to Draco with his outfit, jacket included. He occupied himself with scowling at the Headmaster with malice.
Dumbledore yet again set to ferreting through his box, allowing the remaining four cast members to exchange terrified stares.
"We're going to die," Seamus murmured somewhat dazedly. "We really, really are."
Dean smacked his best friend across the back of the head. "Snap outta it, man!" he ordered.
Seamus shook himself. "Sorry 'bout that," he said sheepishly. "I think Harry's insanity really is contagious."
The boy in question patted his friend on the shoulder sympathetically. "Heh, well, it's not like I meant it to be…"
"Don't worry about it," Seamus advised. "Just as long as I'm in good company."
Harry grinned at him. "Of course. And besides, both you and Dean have the same wonderful costuming to look forward to…and I don't doubt that you'll be next."
"What makes you say that?" Draco asked him. "Why not you or me?"
"If I know the way Dumbledore's Twinkle and mind work, and I think I do, then he's going to save Draco and I, the starring roles, to the very end. God knows why, I don't see how our costumes could be any worse than Sirius's."
Draco just shrugged.
"Seamus, Dean," said a suddenly upright Dumbledore. "I believe you are next."
They exchanged one last hopeless glance with Harry and Draco, before standing to receive their agonising attire.
"Now boys, who would like to go first?"
After a fast, furious and near silent argument, a rather putout looking Dean stepped forward. "I will."
"Fabulous! I think we'll begin with your regular dress, and then move on to your outfit for the ball."
Swallowing hard, Dean nodded.
"Ladies, gentlemen, colour suggestions?"
Draco and Tonks spoke at the same time, each wanting a different colour.
Dumbledore's Twinkle seemed to quiver in delight. "Good, good. I think we can cater to both your wishes!"
He reached into the box, and moments later re-emerged with a dress, that Dean immediately realised would only reach his calves. To the waist, it was a nice, dark, almost Slytherin green, barring the purple straps. The skirt of the dress was both green and purple, and ruffled.
Draco and Tonks both looked satisfied as Dean took the garment with barely disguised revulsion.
"And what about Dean's ball gown?"
There was silence, before an apologetic sounding Seamus said, "Mauve and fluffy, Headmaster."
Dumbledore provided.
Dean took the two dresses and retook his seat, sending his best friend a rather betrayed look. Seamus just shrugged before turning to face his own doom.
"Now, everyone, we need to choose a colour for Seamus's every day dress, don't we?"
Seamus gulped.
Harry, Luna and Sirius each called out their preferred colour.
This seemed to please Dumbledore even more. "Of course, of course. No need for the three of you to worry, I think I have something in here to suit each of your choices."
He did.
Seamus stared at the pink, blue and yellow calf length monstrosity that he was sure had Dumbledore under the mistaken impression that it was a dress.
"Any ideas for his ball gown, then?"
A vengeful Dean spoke up. "Aqua and sequined, Professor."
Again, Dumbledore had an ideal candidate to conform to Dean's suggestion.
Seamus took the gowns and sat down next to Dean. The two of them turned to Harry and Draco, who were looking increasingly pale.
Dumbledore decided against a pause. "Draco, would you join me, please?"
The blond did so, nervously eyeing the Box of Doom.
It seemed that the Headmaster needed no assistance in costuming the Slytherin. He began immediately by handing him a pair of white leather pants and a white silk shirt.
Draco eyed them worriedly. Despite appearances, there was no way that his outfit could be anything but disastrous…was there?
The next item he received was a gold, glittery waistcoat, followed by an equally gold and glittery jacket. Draco's eyes were wide in shock, especially when Dumbledore concluded his item bequeathing with a pair of boots identical to Luna's, but in gold.
He carried the lot of it back to the table, where Sirius glared at him.
Harry, on the other hand, was far too busy worrying about what he was about to be costumed in to even think about being jealous of Draco's costume, which in Harry's eyes, was nearly as good as Luna's (but not silver).
Dumbledore sifted through his box once more, and then looked up. "Harry? As I'm sure you've guessed, it's your turn."
In order to calm his nerves, Harry conjured a glitter-filled balloon and popped it above his head. Draco, Luna, Sirius, Blaise, Dean and Seamus all examined the gold glitter they had suddenly gained before turning back to watch the well-glittered Harry move to Dumbledore's side.
"To begin with Harry, as Cinderella you of course wont be wearing anything spectacular," Dumbledore began, pulling out what looked like a grey sack.
Harry blinked as he accepted it and realised that it was actually a knee length dress, but it might as well have been a knee length grey sack for all the shape it had. He wasn't sure whether to be grateful for that or not.
Dumbledore continued. "And you need a simply stunning ball gown, of course. And the one I have here will match your eyes quite nicely, I believe."
Eyebrows shooting up, Harry watched as the Headmaster extracted what would be his next costume…and then he gasped.
Oh, if only it hadn't been a dress…
It was as green as Slytherin House colours, and it glittered. In the part of his mind that wasn't drooling over the fabric, Harry noted that were it actually on a female, it would probably be a gorgeous gown.
But Dumbledore wasn't finished. He handed Harry a glittery silver tiara, and an equally glittery silk shawl of the same silvery colour.
Harry didn't even mind that he was going to be dressed in Slytherin colours. It was as though Dumbledore knew that giving Harry a glittery costume would at the very least postpone his gory, violent death.
Regrettably, Dumbledore did not, in fact, possess this trait of self-preservation. He merely liked the colours and the glittery effect. However, he also seemed to have a death wish.
For Dumbledore was not yet finished. He handed Harry a final accessory, and effectively signed his own death warrant.
The Headmaster of Hogwarts had presented Harry with a pair of bright pink stiletto heeled shoes.
Somehow, Harry managed to suppress any and all homicidal urges towards the man and Twinkle, and seated himself beside Draco once more.
Dumbledore looked at his watch, smiled, and lifted his now empty box. "Well, that has seen us to dinner! I'll give you the rest of the night off, and I'll expect you all here bright and early tomorrow morning with costumes and scripts."
There were seventeen sighs of collective relief.
"Oh! And just before I go, there is one more costume accessory that I believe Harry, Sirius, Seamus and Dean will be needing."
With that, Dumbledore threw the bag of balloons that Remus had mentioned seeing onto the table, and exited the Great Hall, completely unaware that while Sirius, Seamus and Dean were staring after him in horror, Draco was holding Harry back from ending the Twinkle right then and there.
Whoops, I didn't mean for this fic to drop off the face of the earth, but I got half way through writing this chapter and hit a major roadblock. But I managed to get past it! Yay!
Tipsy190 – Thank you, thank you.
Silverone3 – Glitter is Good, and Siri was winged. And poor Hermione, she'd have been scarred for life if she'd been late.
ReginaLucifer – You could be right, but I'm fairly sure that the Twinkle and Dumbledore are just working together to create a world of garish colours and suffering for all. Ack, you poor thing. Insanity should be accepted and embraced by all. And I hope you enjoyed the costumes.
Kaaera – Thank you! And there were costumes, and of course, more glitter.
PotterChick958 – Yep, poor CinderHarry.
XxLullaby Of Lightxx – The Twinkle must die indeed. Yes, Dumbledore is cracked, and Ron can't be awoken this chapter. But in the next one…perhaps. And ah, balloons…(smirks)
KittenRebecca – Ah, well, Sevvie just can't help but get along with Harry on occasion…and yes, he and Nott get along brilliantly…heh heh. Oh dear, I didn't mean to have Dumbledore creeping you out…
Wren Truesong – Glad you like my insane Harry, but I don't get the top hat with the card thing….
bitterchoco – Why thank you, and Siri suffered in pink. I thought green and silver for Harry was perfect, and as I hadn't picked when I got your review…Draco only got half the red and gold suit, but I didn't want him to be matching Minnie at the ball. As for wearing the costumes daily…that's not a bad idea….hm….
Ranma Higurashi – Oh, thanks!
LoonyLoopyLisa – Meh, don't worry about it. And thanks, I'm glad it makes you laugh.
mlovektowsing – Thanks! Don't worry, I'll definitely finish this one. I agree, Harry should be more insane. That's why when I write him, he always is. Although, that might just be my own showing though, hee hee. Always good to know there are other insane people out there…glad you're enjoying this!
DeppDRACOmaniac – No, it mustn't! Okay, updating I am. Twinkle should suffer alongside writers block….
Thanks so much for the reviews, and I'm sorry it took a while for an update.
Please review!
S. Wolf